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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not say hello to mum's friend when she visits

140 replies

pieami · 01/09/2022 14:55

I'm an adult currently living with my mum in order to save and buy a house. My mum's friend is currently downstairs and I've told my mum (respectfully) I won't say hi. I'm working from home and honestly could spare the time.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
pieami · 01/09/2022 15:07

So are you just bored and felt like posting a tedious question?

I'm just curious what the expectation would be in other households? Most of my friends' siblings, for example, probably wouldn't go out of their way to greet me in a similar scenario.

OP posts:
LarryTrotter · 01/09/2022 15:08

pieami · 01/09/2022 15:03

This may seem superficial. But I had a shower during lunch and put on my pyjamas - would have to change. And my hair is looking very unkept as I have applied a rosemary oil mask. I would have to put in some time to groom myself which I just cannot be bothered to do.

I'm also just not in the mood for small talk.

Lol why do you need to "groom" yourself in your own home?

I mean, if you don't want to say hi to your mums friend then don't. I don't actually think it's that a big deal.

But using the excuse you are in your pjs with a hair mask on is strange. Who cares what you look like/ what you're wearing?

Original poster
pieami · 01/09/2022 15:12

I am overly concerned with my appearance and how people perceive me.

(seeing a psychologist)

I've posted what I know is a mundane question because a similar issue arose over summer where I was expected to constantly be in the company of my brother and his girlfriend.

OP posts:
saraclara · 01/09/2022 15:12

I'd just shout down the stairs then. "Hi Sue! Sorry, I'm working at the moment. Hope you and the family are well. Enjoy your coffee and chat!"

NoSquirrels · 01/09/2022 15:13

Does your mum mind?

I don’t think there’s a particular expectation on this.

It only matters if your mum thinks it matters.

AlisonDonut · 01/09/2022 15:14

You don't appear to be that busy. Just about down the stairs hello and that you are in your pyjamas so won't come down.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/09/2022 15:15

pieami · 01/09/2022 15:12

I am overly concerned with my appearance and how people perceive me.

(seeing a psychologist)

I've posted what I know is a mundane question because a similar issue arose over summer where I was expected to constantly be in the company of my brother and his girlfriend.

Well that's a massive drip feed.

However anxiety about many things is made worse by avoidance so could you see it as therapeutic?

NoSquirrels · 01/09/2022 15:15

a similar issue arose over summer where I was expected to constantly be in the company of my brother and his girlfriend.

Were they staying as guests? Were you working then too?

I mean, it’s almost impossible to say on the info you’ve given.

Justcallmebebes · 01/09/2022 15:15

Blimey. Are you 12?

Sugarplumfairy65 · 01/09/2022 15:17

pieami · 01/09/2022 14:58

It's not an issue about having time. I also have no problem with the person

So just a lack of good manners then?

Comedycook · 01/09/2022 15:17

How weird...I'd pop my head round the door.

"Hi xxxxx, how are you? Sorry can't chat for long as haven't got dressed and working from home!"

What a fuss over nothing.

Sux2buthen · 01/09/2022 15:17

Wouldn't even worry about it OP. Just do your work and relax

xogossipgirlxo · 01/09/2022 15:18

pieami · 01/09/2022 15:03

This may seem superficial. But I had a shower during lunch and put on my pyjamas - would have to change. And my hair is looking very unkept as I have applied a rosemary oil mask. I would have to put in some time to groom myself which I just cannot be bothered to do.

I'm also just not in the mood for small talk.

Just don't do it. I wouldn't feel comfortable in this situation, so I get it. If you go downstairs to make a coffee or something, just say hello and that's it.

PinkButtercups · 01/09/2022 15:18

It all sounds very immature tbh.

columbo83 · 01/09/2022 15:19

Such a non issue
Just carry on working, showering or whatever

TiaraBoo · 01/09/2022 15:25

If it was me, if I wasn’t in meetings I’d make a cup of tea and say hi/do small talk and then be clear I was working and go back upstairs.
But I like saying hi to people and just scrape my hair up and don’t care too much about my appearance. But if i was in my pjs/hair mask then not sure.

mountainsunsets · 01/09/2022 15:29

You're over-analysing it.

Why can't you pop down, make a coffee, say hi, and go back up to work?

SimonaRazowska · 01/09/2022 15:35

Just say hi in whatever you are wearing

She won't care. And if she does, again, not a problem

declutteringmymind · 01/09/2022 15:42

Just tell your mum that if her friend asks after you to say you said hi but won't make it down today.

Mossygreenchypre · 01/09/2022 15:44

pieami · 01/09/2022 15:07

So are you just bored and felt like posting a tedious question?

I'm just curious what the expectation would be in other households? Most of my friends' siblings, for example, probably wouldn't go out of their way to greet me in a similar scenario.

OK
Well if I had the time I would go and say a quick hello, which is more to do with my personality than other people's expectations of how I should behave.

Fink · 01/09/2022 15:57

pieami · 01/09/2022 15:07

So are you just bored and felt like posting a tedious question?

I'm just curious what the expectation would be in other households? Most of my friends' siblings, for example, probably wouldn't go out of their way to greet me in a similar scenario.

I also live with extended family and we frequently have guests in and out. I wouldn't necessarily go down immediately, if I were very busy with work. But when I went to the loo or made a coffee or whatever then I would make a point of popping in and saying hello. Otherwise I'd feel like I was in hiding and couldn't use the loo or whatever until they left!

maddiemookins16mum · 01/09/2022 15:58

Drip…drip….drip

10HailMarys · 01/09/2022 16:00

YANBU not to want to go and say hello if you're at work. I wouldn't want to either, and although I don't live with my mum I don't think she'd expect me to stop work to come and say hello to one of her friends if I did. Does your mum think YABU?

SnowyPetals · 01/09/2022 16:03

Unless you live on a sprawling country estate and are at the far end of the west wing while they are downstairs in the east wing kitchen, then it's very rude not to acknowledge visitors in some way. Even just popping your head round the door with a breezy smile and a sentence about being busy upstairs is fine.

Arbesque · 01/09/2022 16:05

LarryTrotter · 01/09/2022 15:08

Lol why do you need to "groom" yourself in your own home?

I mean, if you don't want to say hi to your mums friend then don't. I don't actually think it's that a big deal.

But using the excuse you are in your pjs with a hair mask on is strange. Who cares what you look like/ what you're wearing?

Show quote history

I wouldn't want people to see me in my pyjamas and with a hair mask. YANBU.