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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask do you see your DC as an achievement?

106 replies

cadburyegg · 01/09/2022 12:33

One of my friends said she didn't consider people having babies as an achievement because most people can do it and it's an insult to those who can't have children.

I'm not sure I consider having DC as an "achievement" as such but I have put work in and made sacrifices to raise them of course. So I wasn't sure what to think about this statement.

What do you think?

OP posts:
HangOnToYourself · 01/09/2022 12:37

No I dont see them as an achievement as such because they are people in their own right but I am still proud of them and the reflection of me as a parent. I would say being a good parent is an achievement.

Anothernamechangeplease · 01/09/2022 12:39

No.

I love my dc and I'm hugely proud of her, but I don't regard her as "an achievement" and would find it a bit odd if people thought that.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 01/09/2022 12:39

Their existence - no. I just had sex.

Their general fabulousness - yes - I think I had a bit too do with that. Mainly down to them though so I can only claim a small amount of credit.

OneSecond · 01/09/2022 12:40

I see them more as a blessing and being their parent as a privilege. (I temporarily forget this when they drive me round the bend Grin)

Chdjdn · 01/09/2022 12:40

The fact I made a baby isn’t an achievement in itself.
the fact that my child is wonderful I do see as a bit of an achievement alongside all the other things that have made her wonderful

VintageVest · 01/09/2022 12:41

From a biological point of view its not much of an achievement I suppose, but we put a lit of time, effort and care into raising children so I think its ok to give yourself a bit of a pat on the back when they develop into capable, smart and

VintageVest · 01/09/2022 12:41

W

georgarina · 01/09/2022 12:41

Yes, I grew up in bad circumstances so giving them all they need materially and emotionally is a huge achievement

Besides the childlessness argument makes no sense - it's like saying winning a race isn't an achievement because that's offensive to people in wheelchairs

Testina · 01/09/2022 12:42

Actually having them? No.
Raising them? Yes.

Anothernamechangeplease · 01/09/2022 12:42

Mumoftwoinprimary · 01/09/2022 12:39

Their existence - no. I just had sex.

Their general fabulousness - yes - I think I had a bit too do with that. Mainly down to them though so I can only claim a small amount of credit.

I think that's it for me, really - how much of dd's fabulousness is because of my parenting and how much is in spite of my parenting. Impossible to say, really.

DD is a person in her own right. Her achievements and her fantastic personal qualities are her own.

Do you regard yourself as an achievement on the part of your parents? I certainly don't...

VintageVest · 01/09/2022 12:43

Haha phones going a bit crazy there.

I think it is an achievement to have them develop well and as the previous poster said to have felt you have parented them well.

Heyjoewhatdoyouknow · 01/09/2022 12:45

Before I had a child, I used to roll my eyes at people who said their children were their greatest achievement.

Now, I understand it differently. Being a 'good' parent is an achievement in lots of ways. I still don't think I'd use the phrase as it's a bit twee for me but I understand the sentiment behind it.

Sunnyqueen · 01/09/2022 12:45

I'm proud of them but not sure I see them as an achievement? They are people in their own right. Plus I'm majorly aware of the fact that people can have the exact same upbringing, treated the same from parents but turn out totally different, different personalities, massively differening levels of success in life. So I'm wary of the whole 'it's all down to parenting thing' I don't really feel it is actually.

PainsandAches · 01/09/2022 12:46

No

Because it's not difficult to have a child

Raising a good one is an achievement imo

Countingdowntodecember · 01/09/2022 12:47

I don’t see having my dc as an achievement in itself. I was lucky to get pregnant easily.

I am proud of how I parent though, I think I’m doing a fairly good job so far and that feels like an achievement (though I’m only in the toddler stage so plenty of time to make mistakes!).

It’s the same as a job, surely? It’s relatively easy to get a job, millions of people have jobs that they go to every day… but you still feel proud when you do well at work 🤷‍♀️

abovedecknotbelow · 01/09/2022 12:50

No

A above I am very proud of the people they are becoming but they're their own people.

I have identical twins and I find it fascinating how different they are even though they have been raised exactly the same at the same time. parenting plays a part but it really isn't everything.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 01/09/2022 12:50

For me actually getting pregnant was an achievement. For a woman the whole process of pregnancy and giving birth is an achievement, raising a child to be a valuable member of society is on another level. Why shouldn't my children be my greatest achievement?

yonce · 01/09/2022 12:53

I'm 3 years into TTC, if I ever get there, then yes they will definitely be an achievement.

Ineedtoletgo83 · 01/09/2022 12:54

I think it’s more of an achievement I’m able to give them the things I lacked as a child. A non abusive, no addicts, emotionally secure household . I can’t say materially they have more than me as materially I was well provided for. They certainly have more holidays and hobbies than I had access to.

so the achievement is what I can do for them.

SlagathaChristie · 01/09/2022 12:57

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 01/09/2022 12:50

For me actually getting pregnant was an achievement. For a woman the whole process of pregnancy and giving birth is an achievement, raising a child to be a valuable member of society is on another level. Why shouldn't my children be my greatest achievement?

I completely agree with this.

Musti · 01/09/2022 12:57

Children are a labour of love. The hard work, sacrifice and nurture needed to raise them is all consuming. They are definitely my achievements. I didn’t value nor respect the work involved in raising children until I had them. I respected my dad’s work more than I did my mum’s.

When I had my kids I realise that my mum having 3 under 3 and keeping an immaculate house and cooking us nutritious dinners and everything else was a massive achievement!

Catmuffin · 01/09/2022 13:01

I consider it an achievement that I've given them a happier home life than I had and that I've got a much better relationship with them than i had with my mum, who was a bully. I don't broadcast it but I think it

girlmom21 · 01/09/2022 13:05

I'm proud of my body for growing and birthing my children.

I'm proud of my children for being fab and I'm proud of myself for the way I'm raising them.

The definition of an achievement (I just checked) is a thing done successfully with effort, skill, or courage.

I think for a lot of people choosing to have a family does take courage, actually.

PainsandAches · 01/09/2022 13:06

This reply has been deleted

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Ponderingwindow · 01/09/2022 13:08

having a child is not an achievement.

raising a child well is an achievement.