To ask do you see your DC as an achievement?

[cadburyegg]

One of my friends said she didn't consider people having babies as an achievement because most people can do it and it's an insult to those who can't have children.

I'm not sure I consider having DC as an "achievement" as such but I have put work in and made sacrifices to raise them of course. So I wasn't sure what to think about this statement.

What do you think?

@PainsandAches yes I am. Yes lots of us can do it, that doesn't mean it isn't bloody impressive

I can understand people feeling that certain aspects of the way they have managed to parent are an achievement, especially for those who have overcome difficult childhoods themselves. That's about something that you personally have managed to do.

But surely the kids themselves are not your achievements? You have only been in control of your inputs. What comes out the other end is down to them?

^This. If I manage to bring up 2 kind, responsible, well adjusted and productive members of society then hell yes, that's an achievement. We're not snails that just bury their eggs in damp mud then wander off.

I'm proud of them. I'm proud of myself for (some aspects of) having raised them. But I wouldn't describe them as my achievement- they are their own people.

I think that's unnecessarily mean tbh.

@Anothernamechangeplease

But accurate

I often find those who seek pride in the banal are those with little else in their lives

I often find those who choose to be nasty to random strangers on the internet for sharing a completely inoffensive opinion are those with little else in their lives

I feel like giving birth was an achievement because that was knackering, even if I did have a relatively easy ride of it.

I don't think of my kids as an achievement. My mum used to say we were hers and imply that she'd entirely formed us without us being independent people. The good stuff we did was entirely down to her, the bad stuff wasn't though!

Your post history proves my point nicely

But do carry on

Whether it's accurate or not is irrelevant. It was quite a cruel thing to say.

Perhaps rather than judging other people for what they might see as their achievements, you might want to reflect on why you would deliberately try to make a stranger on the Internet feel crap about herself. What does that say about your life, I wonder?

I never managed to conceive. So going by some of the comments here I am a failure in that regard.

I love having a family, it has given me opportunities that I wouldn't otherwise have had, and it has put me into positions where the judgemental side of myself is infinitely challenged. I could have chosen to do something else that was rewarding but I chose this as a priority.

I don't see it as an achievement. I think of parenthood as a series of achievements (and failures), that you should take note of, because why not?

All paths in life that take the type of dedication and single-minded focus being a (decent) parent requires would be classed as achievements wouldn't they? For better or worse as long as you learned along the way?

@PainsandAches I wasn't aware my Mumsnet posting history gives such a deep insight into my life 🤣

I think my DC is his own achievement primarily. However yes, I do feel a sense of achievement over his existence and my unborn baby too. I have had a lot of IVF. At times I have had to shimmy my partner along when he was not sure about trying again. I made these children happen and it was bloody hard work.

We have also had massive health problems to contend with (it was recommended I abort) but we fought on and rightly so as we are over all that with no ill effects.

I have had countless arguments about my child's care and am so glad now that it all paid off and I don't have to do the constant pushing anymore. However I know the entire picture would be different if I hadn't put that work in.

So yes, our family is an achievement and I am quite pleased with myself for making it happen.

I think you're quoting the wrong person. I have never trivialised a termination. There's a user with a similar name to me I've been mistaken for before.

OK, I am not familiar with @girlmom21's posting history and was basing my comments on what I have seen on this thread. Sounds like @girlmom21 has posted some pretty shitty comments on other threads then, but nevertheless, two wrongs still don't make a right.

Sorry, x post.

If someone grows up into a selfish, nasty person or a criminal or a cad, people are quick enough to blame poor parenting. So surely that means that if with good parenting, your offspring are considerate, kind, curious and keen to bring joy to others, then surely you can be proud of that and take credit for it as an achievement? A friend of mine in the USA recently posted about their child's first week at University - they weren't boasting at all, just sharig a few details of the experience, but reading it made me feel I wanted to congratulate my friend at an amazing achievement of having given the next generation such a brilliant constituent member.

As others have said, I don’t think giving birth is necessarily an achievement - in our case it was down to the achievements of medical science. I’m proud of my body for being able to squeeze them out though, esp DC1 and his ginormous head (fuck me, that hurt).

I think raising well rounded, kind, hard working, considerate adults is an achievement to an extent, but it’s also down to luck and fortunate circumstances.

I’m not sure i agree that achievement is quite the right term for it, but I’m genuinely amazed at what the human body goes through to grow a human.

Having them = no
Raising them = yes

also i completely object to the "its unfair to people who cant have them". Someone else's situation shouldnt affect how someone views their own.

Nope. I think it would be an insult to the child to see them as an achievement. Like someone else has said I see them as a blessing and a privilege and I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to raise them as best as I can.

I have had a lot of IVF. At times I have had to shimmy my partner along when he was not sure about trying again. I made these children happen and it was bloody hard work.

I also tried very hard to have children including multiple IVF. Didn’t happen. Did aI not try hard enough, or was I just unlucky?

Say you have two couples couple A and couple B. Couple A were successful on their 6th IVF attempt. Couple B also had six attempts without success. The only difference between the two couples is that couple A got lucky on their sixth attempt and couple B did not.

Bringing up a child to be a caring, compassionate and responsible adult is an achievement certainly.