To ask do you see your DC as an achievement?

[cadburyegg]

One of my friends said she didn't consider people having babies as an achievement because most people can do it and it's an insult to those who can't have children.

I'm not sure I consider having DC as an "achievement" as such but I have put work in and made sacrifices to raise them of course. So I wasn't sure what to think about this statement.

What do you think?

Of course you were just unlucky, @KimberleyClark. Nothing to do with not trying hard enough. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.

@KimberleyClark of course it means you were unlucky and I'm sorry for everything you've been through and that you've haven't got the outcome you desired. That doesn't mean you're a failure or didn't try hard enough.

If you and I were both training for a marathon and did the same training for a year and I fell and broke my leg after 12 miles and you completed the marathon, that wouldn't mean I was a failure and it wouldn't mean you didn't achieve something.

Yes and no. I do not see the fact they exist as an acheivement, that was luck.

I think raising well rounded, kind, hard working, considerate adults is an achievement to an extent, but it’s also down to luck and fortunate circumstances I agree with this though.

I think not losing my mind in the tough bits is a big achievement too

The achievement is all on my kids themselves. I’m just here to facilitate.

I don't see them as an achievement but I do see my relationship with them as an achievement. I'm very proud of the fact that they actually seem to want to spend time with me.

That is a lovely thing

Rather than the birth, I am proud of how ds has turned out so far.

I'm from a chaotic, pretty unpleasant background. Growing up wasn't fun. By the time I left home I was a nervous wreck.

Ds in contrast is calm, happy, polite, sensible, resourceful and generally well-behaved. Lots of that is down to him, but I've provided a safe, consistent, happy environment for him to grow in and that's the bit I see as an achievement.

I kind of do as I am very proud of their (mostly) good behaviour and their kind natures as I think they are values that we have really instilled in them both.

After 2 stillborns and 2 LTm's having a healthy, living baby was, I suppose, an achievement of sorts, but I don't view it as such.

I see my parenting as an achievement.

I had neglectful and abusive parents. One of my earliest memories is my father asking which was my favourite Christmas present and then as punishment for being too loud he broke the doll into pieces and chucked it on the fire. I was 3.

I then lived with my GP’s from 7. They were lovely, but they were old and struggled a lot.

parenting terrified me. I went to the clinic four times to abort on the basis that I felt my background would make me a shit parent. I also had to deal with social services as my midwife was, understandably, concerned about my background.I had a lot of counselling when pregnant and I worked really, really hard to be a good parent.

That I overcame my fears and have been, according to my older kids, a good Mum is an achievement.

Actually having them was just multiple contraception failures, but being a good parent is.

I took two microscopic amounts of genetic material and created an actual living breathing being. I think it says a lot about how we have allowed society to disregard women that we don’t think that is an inherent achievement

It doesn’t matter how many females can do it, that we can do it is something to be celebrated. If men could do it, no one would ever suggest it wasn’t an incredible thing. It just physically is something very special to be able to do.

Based on their behaviour today; not in the slightest 🤦‍♀️😢

Of course it's an achievement and bloody hard work.

I don't see simply having children as an achievement, but seeing them grow to be decent, caring, honest, hard-working adults IS. My sons are 41 and 38, both quite different, but they're good, honest men with great morals. I'm immensely proud of both.

I don't like it at all. If having children is an 'achievement' then what about the childless and the childfree? Are they underachievers?

A job done well is definitely an achievement though and that includes the job of parenting.

Absofuckinglutely yes. The physical, mental & emotional effort in growing them and raising is immense, far harder work than anything else I've 'achieved' by a country mile.

Absolutely this.

I don't see conception as an achievement. That of course is down to an element of luck.

I maybe would though if I'd needed IVF or similar.

But I do see raising such lovely DC as an achievement as that takes hard work.

@girlmom21 and @Anothernamechangeplease thank you for your kind comments. I’m not normally like this but have just finished a novel that was slightly triggering!

But you had no conscious input into that process other than having sex. It’s like congratulating yourself that your heart never stops beating.

No, not at all.

Actually having them was easy enough. Raising them is something I need to do now they're here. I honestly think that they'll pretty much turn out to be who they were meant to be no matter what I do (within the parameters of being a decent involved parent obviously).

Hmm, I dunno. I think it is more than that, because of course you can fuck your heart up by doing no exercise, smoking, overeating or you can have a healthy heart by doing positive things. So I do not think the growing of the baby is completely passive, although luck plays a big part in how it works out too - you can do everything 'right' and still have problems, you can do everything 'wrong' and have no problems, but in general across the population level what a person chooses does have an impact on outcomes.

But the fact the sperm met the egg and on that occasion it worked I think is basically luck.

No - what a weird way to look at it. I'm quite private about my feelings for my kids and the relationship I have with them - I'm lucky to have them in my life, I'm glad to know them and that they know me and that we have some shared memories and that's all that matters. Being a parent helped me develop as a person so we grew, in many ways, together. I also dislike the expression or idea of the "proud parent" - I don't relate to that either.

I see it as a privilege personally and one that shouldn’t be afforded to everyone.

it’s really just a biological drive though isn’t it.

Pressed send too soon. I have a colleague who has four adoptive children who came from a less than ideal birth family. He should feel proud.