Fucking hate this term

[MolliciousIntent]

Conversation today with an acquaintance, who is a SAHP, has oddly kinda upset me. I've just gone back to work after 6m mat leave and mentioned that I'll be going into London for work now and then - she said "oh it's been ages since I went to London, but then again I am a full time mum."

I'm probably just tired and stressed, but it felt like a bit of a guy punch. I'm a full time mum too. I just work as well. I've seen SAHMs described as full time mums before, now I think about it, and it makes me feel weird.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

The Govt Is never going to fund parents to stay at home to look after their kids. It would put thousands of low paid childcare staff out of work. By offering free nursery places society is keeping people (mainly women) employed in childcare situations.

those posters saying it was financially beneficial to sah rather than pay for childcare are missing the point about pensions and promotions/payawards/skills/keeping a career. I agree the cost of childcare will eat up a FT salary. But eventually children will go to school and then what? How will you recover the missed pensions etc. I’m 10 years from retirement and am only now really understanding the impact working part time for many years has had on my pension. Sadly my divorce didn’t financially cover this loss.

@sjxoxo any sensible person can see the role should be valued, as every person should be valued.

To start devaluing the unemployed is a disgrace, every person has value wether that be a monetary value or not is irrelevant.

And yes it is imortant that these threads and more so other women with attitudes like this do not scare women off having children together and the judgment, bile and ignorance around it.

Despite the same goady person, sorry people, on here, desperate for to be otherwise. Thankfully most people in the real world are decent people with well balanced views so these are not common discussions out there.

This is first thread where I’ve seen the phrase ‘mumming’. It should be against talk guidelines!

Me too!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

I was looking forward to a thread about the Autumn term!

Anyway OP YANBU and fuck knows why she can’t take her kids to London with her - she has the time!

@Pinkpeony2

I didnt say solely

That is not something I'd ever want.

Its not an ideal.

And unless you and your child never go out, you're not achieving it either.

However. We still had over all and the biggest responsibility. As their parents.

You dont need to be a sahm to be a good parent.

You're kidding yourself if that's what you think

And none of that addresses why sah mum

Good grief

'Full time Mums' are not taking anything away from mums in paid work

'Working mums' are not implying that looking after one's toddlers all day isn't work

The only accurate terms for each would be incredibly wordy and cumbersome, so we use a shorthand. Everyone knows what these terms are meant to describe, and nit picking at them is pointless and used as a way of getting at each other, which is unhealthy and sometimes spiteful

All of us make our own choice (if we're lucky enough to have one, and many 'working mums' aren't) and we need to get a grip on our own situations and stop looking for trouble where there is none

Oh, this is a great post.

I hate this term too. We're all mums, some just have to, or choose to work as well. Some friends who are stay at home mums say that they are a volunteer at xyz, some say they are a housewife, some just say oh I gave up work to stay with the kids. But full time mum is just cringe.

No I think the WP is funding both of their choices to have a SAHP in their family.

And no, raising your own child(ren) by SAH isn't a job.

People make their choices in life and if they are financially able to do so, that's on them. I was a SAHM through choice and funded it myself as my OH couldn't.

As to not being able to 'go to London' that was the choice they both made when making their decisions.

The choice about childcare and having to SAH due to costs should have been considered before having children.

It's all strange, I mean a mum who is attending to their child from morning till night is what? A full time hands on mum?

Of course they are doingmore by being there for the child all day.

Of course a mum who is at work is also a mother! And doesn't stop being one just because they are sat at a desk?

*Because looking after children all day 7 days a week is a difficult and responsible job. It’s extremely important and shapes future society. There is a whole wealth of research to show that the first 5 years of a child’s life if the most important in terms of child development and shaping the person they will become.
I always find it strange how a childminder is valued but a mother of father caring for their child all day is not.
*
But my child is also shaping future society as well? Are you suggesting that your child is more valuable to future society than mine because you've stayed at home?

And of course a childminder is valued more by wider society. A childminder provides a service that enables people to go to work and contributes taxes as well, so yes, in my opinion they have greater societal value 🤷🏼‍♀️

Why does any role inside the family home need to be valued? At the end of the day it's a choice for a lot of people so they shouldn't bemoan the outcome.

Nothing wrong with making a choice but others shouldn't always praise you for it.

Its pretty much always the woman’s job that’s dispensable too. Can’t expect the husband to drop to 4 days a week so only 3 days childcare is needed. Nope - the mum hands in her notice, screws her career over and buggers her pension up.

It’s my belief that children feel more secure and form a more stable and secure environment when cared for the majority of the time by a main caregiver. So by that I mean the same person is with them when they wake, during the day and when they go to sleep, at weekends and weekdays.
Obviously that’s not possible (or desirable) for many families so everyone must work it the best they can or see fit.
What really annoys me is when looking after your child is seen as lesser. Lesser than earning money. Seen as lazy. I’m not saying it should be more valued than any other job. Only valued as much as any other job and not looked down on or sneered at. If you were using a childminder for example, you would be looking very carefully at what they do with the kids, learning and play opportunities. Their discipline and rewards policy. How they encourage and instill confidence in your child. You would value their job as they are taking care of the most precious thing- your child.
Yes Sarah down the road who looks after her own child all day is lazy and doesn’t work.

@sjxoxo but perfectly possible to have those ‘new people’ and still go to work!

ALL the time.

Wonder why eh?

It's a very long time since I chose to stay at home whilst my children were little, and then go out to work when they were bigger. These arguments about terminology - SAHM, working Mum, Full time Mummy etc have always been there, with everyone defending their chosen path, and there are no conclusions.

But I do think that 'Choosing to stay at home with your children is choosing not to work' is rather insulting - many (maybe most?) SAHMs do the vast majority of household jobs, both physical and mental, and often are responsible for elderly care, or do voluntary or community tasks. They are present so available, and that's what they have chosen - no problem with that, but they are certainly not 'not working' - they just aren't being paid!

It is a clumsy term and probably wasn't meant to offend you. But rest assured if it was meant to offend you then it would be due to their own insecurities in their choices not actually against you.

I said ‘pretty much always’. You’ve said ‘all the time’ which is rather more definitive.

Why is it. You tell me.

I understand why it upset you - I’m also working full time with toddler in nursery full time; but honestly, I read it as a comment about how she doesn’t have time rather than a dig at you. Working and being a mum is great if it suits; but one size doesn’t fit all. I wouldn’t give it another thought.

Unemployed is when you're not working but actively looking for work.

So no, a person who is a 'homemaker' and/or looking after their home and family is not 'unemployed'

Why is it insulting?

I chose to SAH with our child because she was (and really is) likely the only child we will ever have. That was my choice and I funded it because I didn't want to work and have her in childcare.

@Pinkpeony2

Being a SAHP is extremely important and rewarding for you and your family and that is an absolute fact.

But I disagree that children who have had a SAHP are more rounded in any way. My daughter has been to a childminder since she was 9 months. She's now 5 and is confident, clever, very articulate and excelling.

My niece on the other hand (who never saw childcare until reception) is very timid, doesn't share, not well socialised. I'm not saying this is the case for all children but I don't agree that the future of society is balanced on the role of SAHPs.

Staying at home is a lifestyle choice. Of course it's valuable to those families who choose this but it makes no difference to me.

I don't see my own job as being valuable to wider society either 🤷🏼‍♀️. I don't see why being a SAHP should be placed on a pedestal. It's this attitude that makes working parents feel like shit.

Because women being the PCG is the go to... is it not? How many SAHDs are there? Percentage wise; not many.

Well I class myself as a full time mum because it doesn’t matter wether I’m at work or at home I’m still a mum, still worry about the kids, think about them etc... I work part time. But im a mum 24/7... that’s how I class myself. People won’t agree but I don’t care because that’s my opinion.