Stopping to chat with a neighbour on estate, got told to be quiet and leave.

[Stardust35]

Hi, I'm not sure why I'm posting this. Just feel like I've been a really annoying neighbour accidentally.
Just been for a walk after dinner with my partner and dog. We live on a lovely estate. We were just almost back to our house and another couple walking their dog were across the road. Both dogs were wagging their tails and wanted to meet so we crossed the road and the dogs were sniffing and saying hello. We briefly chatted with the couple about their dog and were giving him a fuss etc as we'd not come across them while out walking before. We'd only stopped for a few minutes when a woman whose house we were outside, opened the window and abruptly shouted "can you be quiet I'm trying to get my baby to sleep. Can you go now please". Obviously we apologised and left straight away, but now I feel like an asshole for disturbing her. It was about 7pm and we were having a normal conversation. I understand we were outside her house. Maybe our voices were carrying more than I thought. Maybe she was just exhausted and stressed. Were we being unreasonable?

OP asked if she HAD been in the wrong, not what she COULD have done differently to ensure she WAS in the wrong / to be as much of an arsehole as possible). 🤣

I live on a nature reserve, people are forever outside my house. It is annoying but unless it's really late (teenagers being teenagers and making noise after midnight) I wouldn't dream of saying anything.
She sounds like she was stressed, but you def didn't do anything wrong. She needs better glazing on her house!

She was probably at the end of her tether after a long day and weeks of awful sleep. Don’t give it another thought.

Nah this stresses me out too when I'm trying to get my baby to sleep. But you weren't doing anything wrong. You can't know what people are doing inside their homes.

I am with your neighbour. People do this on my street, right outside my window, and it drives me nuts. I live in a terrace, where the front door opens straight onto the pavement, so there is no driveway as a sound buffer from street noise.

Normally, me opening my front door is enough for the people in question to get the hint that their conversation is carrying into my house, and they look suitability embarrassed and move on.

The only time I felt the need to say something, was when an insanely noisy family spent most of an afternoon trying to affix a massive canoe to a roof rack of a car parked opposite my house, while constantly yelling at each other when coming back and forth from their own house, which was some way from where the car was parked.

I am guessing that you were pretty loud if she was driven to say something.

Nah this stresses me out too when I'm trying to get my baby to sleep. But you weren't doing anything wrong. You can't know what people are doing inside their homes.

It was 7pm FFS. Get a grip people! Go live on the moon if you can't stand the sound of peoples voices in the EARLY EVENING!

Maybe her baby has silent reflux - like mine - he barely slept and when he did I was an anxious mess.

You didn’t do anything wrong

We live on a noisy estate with lots of young families. A family opposite us has a dog that goes loudly mental when anyone walks past or they get home. It all irritates me when it's my little one's nap or bed time. But I let most of it go as it is just regular noise and we chose to live here.

However, when next doors kids are still yelling and whinging at full volume in the garden at 9pm I do ask them to keep it down. And the other night I did call out of the window to ask some kids to be quiet when my baby was going to sleep as they were yelling right outside our house, to their parent about an argument they'd just had with another kid. I endure endless scooters, swearing during gaming, yelling, footballs, whistles, paddling pools but yelling outside my house (no one else's) at 9pm was enough for me.

So, in a long winded way, what I'm saying is, context is key. 7pm as a one off, ordinary conversation in the street I wouldn't say anything if it was outside my house. Don't worry about it (and I say this as the grumpiest neighbour going!)

When I was growing up every house on the street had several children. There was never a time when kids weren't running around making a racket. Everybody's baby brothers and sisters just learned to deal with it, our moms would try to find a spot to put them where they wouldn't get trampled or carry them around while they did the housework and visited the neighbors. That's just they way it was.

This thread really proves that when you have been through something yourself you can be kinder or more empathetic to others in the same situation.
As I said upthread, if this had been an older person complaining posters would have been highly indignant and saying she should wind her neck in, go and live in a detached house in the middle if nowhere etc

Very few would have been saying 'she's probably in chronic pain and exhausted', 'she could be coping with a husband with alzheimers and getting no sleep' 'her hearing aid probably magnifies peripheral noise' 'she's old and tired, cut her sone slack'

Yanbu but having had a non sleeping one for two years you aren’t entirely rational. She’s probably sleep deprived and miserable. Absolutely do not take it personally!

Why should OP go apologise even further when she didn't actually do anything wrong in the first place?

Totally agree, I wouldn't have moved on either!

I used to work nights and my next door neighbour and her mum were talking for about an hour outside my window. It was hot and I had to have the window open. It was incredibly annoying. I'm sure the mum was getting desperate trying to get her baby to sleep. You have little tolerance in those days

You weren’t doing anything wrong and she was rude to shout at you, but perhaps your voices carried more than you realised? There’s a lady who stops near my house to chat with a neighbour fairly often who sounds like she’s bellowing even though to her, I’m sure she thinks she’s talking at normal volume - it’s just the timbre of her voice really makes the sound travel. It is really annoying although I’d never say anything as she’s not doing anything wrong, she just has a booming voice 😆

@Arnaquer people did complain about the noise (before moving) but it was a difficult situation because these neighbours saw themselves as special and entitled and anyone speaking out was accused of bullying them because of their 'specialness' rather than because they were inconsiderate noisy arseholes 🙄

I think that too. It was a bit of an over reaction but sometimes people nerves are frazzled.

If you have to chat to people while out on a walk, best not to do it outside someone's house where they can hear you.

Sounds like it was just someone potentially a bit stressed or tired lashing out without thinking. I wouldn't give it a seconds thought.

I hear you, I felt massive resentment at emergency services with the temerity to put their sirens on. I knew I was being VU and just simmered inside but the stress was awful.

I'd cut her some slack for actually saying something, I wouldn't have but I wouldn't think of any more of it. OP wasn't doing anything wrong (and neither were ambulance crew )

She was exhausted and stressed, I can vouch for this as a mum of 4 week old twins!

If you live in Alverstoke and this was a few weeks ago…it was me. Hi!

The situation (for us) was that a dog had been left out front, on and off for a few hours! Every passing dog led to barking, and it woke my fractious baby numerous times. When people stopped to chat I went out to ask them to sort the dog. Everyone’s windows being open in summer doesn’t help.

That night was particularly awful and I couldn’t get her back to sleep for hours.

So yeah— I totally sympathise with the person who asked you to be quiet (and genuinely wonder if it was me). I’m sure you weren’t deliberately annoying though!

You weren’t doing anything wrong but we’ve all been there when you’re trying to put a baby down and every little noise is an irritation. It’s just one of those things. She will no doubt look back in a few years and cringe

Actually I should add to mine that I actually came down and asked all “I’m so sorry but”. And it was my actual neighbours not passers by.

But yeah, you’d be surprised how loud voices and dogs are outside in the summer!