FIL expects me to serve his son

[Daisypowers]

Because I don't wait around on DP hand and foot like a 1950s housewife, FIL (69) thinks I'm lazy and a bad girlfriend. Whenever I'm there (this weekend for example) he will make little comments now and then. This weekend DP wanted to clean his walking boots in the garden, and FIL said 'oh maybe Daisypowers can do that for you' and gestured to me. Another time DP said he was going to make himself a sandwich after playing tennis and FIL said 'Daisypowers can do that for you, have a rest.' At the time I'd just sat down in the garden with a cup of tea to read my book after doing the food shop for everyone and deheading MIL's rose bushes because she's got a bad shoulder.

Me and DP are 35, both working full time, no kids, and do an equal share of everything domestically at home. DP perfectly capable of making a sandwich for himself. Both MIL and FIL quite old fashioned and MIL does absolutely everything for FIL - all the cooking, cleaning, puts out clothes for him to wear every morning, packs his suitcase for him when he goes on holiday etc. Should I say something? Really annoys me.

My FIL would be 91 had he lived until today. And whenever my PILs came to visit, he would do my ironing and bake a cake.

It really isn't an age thing. He is 69 not 169. Few people his age have the attitude that women should slave around their husbands but even if they do they still wouldn't tell other woman what they should and shouldn't be doing.

@Pinkpeony2

this man retired probably this decade.

are you honestly saying he should have kept the attitudes that were prevalent in society in the 1970s?

it’s a really odd outlook.

sexism and racism were more prevalent yes. Dreadful.

but society has changed considerably in the last 50 years thank god.

a man in his late sixties will have noticed women now run companies - he may have even had a female boss and a male secretary.

he knows rightly that women aren’t expected to take the same roles as they were in the 1950s, 1960s and 1970s.

How wonderful, he sounds like a lovely person.

The next time you're partner father makes his usual smart comment I would say the following to him

Tell him that you think it terrible that at the age of 69 that he is unable to do anything for himself and that it nothing to be proud off. Tell him as well that most children can do more for themselves than he can.
Say to him as well at least your son can cook and and look after himself and if anything happens to you he mind you both but meanwhile if anything happens to his wife he have to go into a nursing home and lose his house and all his money paying for this.

I also tell his wife that it time she stopped being his servant because long term she might not be able to mind him or need minding herself. I seen men like him and if their wives get sick or unable to do things the wife are left struggling, getting worse and eventually end up in a nursing home. Men like him expect adult children or their kids wives to drop all and take over the wives duties. Then any help he gets he just complains about it.

Generational it is not. The FIL would have been in his 20s in the 80s.

My poor DM has put up with crap her whole marriage. DF just sits and clicks his fingers and she does whatever it is he wants. It makes me so angry and I've rowed with him about it more than once. I flatly refuse do anything to assist him and lo and behold he then manages to see to himself. They are much older generation and I'm sure it was probably the norm then but it's not something I would tolerate and this sort of behaviour belongs in the dark ages

Tell him that you think it a sad situation that at the age of 69 that he is unable to look after himself and that an that the average 99 year-old is capable of doing more.

I never expected someone else to fight my battles! MIL was a bit like this, it's a generation thing, though I'm older now than the FIL, she once told the children not to pester Daddy as he'd been working and needed a rest! My response was Yes he does, because you know Mummy sits on her arse all day. MIL was a bit shocked but never said it again.

Why, does the little woman need a Man to fight her battles? Tackle him yourself, you don't need a Champion.

I would stand up to him. He is testing you. Chances are he will stop. As most people do when challenged.

Exactly! This idea that people's views are somehow frozen in time and that they might not even notice how certain ideas had become socially unacceptable. Unless someone has been living in a vacuum for the last 50 years or so, they really have no excuse for this kind of shit.

What a silly post.

It has nothing to do with needing a champion or with a woman not feeling confident enough to fight her own battles, and everything to do with the fact that these are the partner's parents.

If my mum and dad made racist comments to my non-white DH, then I would absolutely consider it my responsibility to speak to them about it. Of course, DH could speak to them as well if he so chose, but I would not just sit there quietly while my family insulted him.

Absolutely not a generation thing ffs, just a very weird family dynamic that you fil is getting away with being a twat with your mil.

My dad was a lazy bastard and would expect everyone to run around after him. He was worse than a child, he’d leave everything at his arse then have a tantrum when he couldn’t find his keys, work pass etc. i remember him screaming at me one morning when I was trying to go to an exam. I told him I couldn’t help as I had to leave and got screamed at ‘MY FUCKING JOB IS MORE IMPORTANT…’ aye well maybe you should put your things where you can find them again like the rest of us. If we ever lost anything he’d yell and bawl about taking care of our stuff (even though I could find my medication because he took it even though it wasn’t his).

My mum did everything, all housework, meals, laundry, holiday packing etc whilst he sat in his arse. My mum is actually surprised that DH does housework. I remember when I was young she would tell me I was doing housework that day with her and I’d say ‘okay and is ‘brother’ going to help too? Or Is he just going to sit at his computer like usual? ‘ she’d tell me men don’t do housework and in her day her brother never did housework. I’d remind her it was the 90’s and if he wasn’t doing anything neither was I. She just didn’t understand it.

Completely agree, just incidentally, my previous username was VicarishAllsorts, are we related? 😂

A twat thing, not an age thing.

For people saying it’s not a generational thing, why do many people respond with ‘we are not in the 1950s’ or similar when calling out on a partner who doesn’t do housework etc.

Not saying the FIL is excused for saying what he does, but he has obviously lived in a household where he doesn’t do the chores. As do many men of his generation and older

As I said in a previous post my DM still finds it odd to see men of her generation doing cooking and washing if their partner is still alive. She has accepted that DH does things like that (or maybe she thinks we are an odd couple but is too polite to say anything!)

You shouldn’t say anything. Your DP however should

Absolutely as above.

My exh is 86 and although not the most up to date person in regard to a lot of things about modern life would never in a million years come out with the sort of misogynistic crap the OP's FIL is spouting.

In fact I can't think of anyone I know of my generation who would.

I would not be rude because it reflects badly on you .
I'm.surprised your partner hasn't said anything to his dad. It might be better coming from him. Has your partner said anything about this to you?
I would be seething . I would probably be more inclined to say something if he said it at my hime as opposed to their home

My FIL is nearly 90, I'm mid 50s and FIL has never suggested I wait on DH. If he did, he knows we'd just laugh at him.

Its a sexist thing. Nothing to do with age.
Tell him its 2021 and men can manage perfectly well to do these sorts of things without supervision.

I know a couple where the woman waits on her DP. They are in their 30s! It makes me a bit uncomfortable. Has anyone else experienced this with younger people?

FGS..the comments about age on here..really???...those in their 50s, 60s 70s and above are those who were the rockers, punks, mods, hippies through to new romantic era etc They were the ones challenging political views, they demonstrated, they had the guts to stand up and say their piece. They were student activists. They were challenging stereotypes before that went backwards

The OPs FIL is a dickhead no more, no less.

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