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Original poster

Should you leave flowers in the church after wedding ceremony!

340 replies

confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 10:41

Hi all,

So I'm getting married In 2 weeks, got the florist organised and al bouquets paid for.

We have asked for x1 pedestal arrangement and 8x little posy-jar arrangements to decorate the church. These, along with some buttonholes, bridesmaids posy's and my bridal bouquet have come to almost £900.

We had arranged for the florist to aid in moving the arrangements from the church to our reception venue after the ceremony, so we can continue to enjoy them.

I had a message from a family member today to say how hurt they are, and how rude and mean it seems to be - to 'swipe' the flowers from the church straight after the ceremony not leaving any behind.

I didn't realise that this was a thing. Maybe I'm in the wrong? Can anybody please explain?

OP posts:
SVRT19674 · 29/08/2022 12:42

The thing is to leave them. We went halves on the cost with the couple getting married the day after and the flowers decorate the church for the week. I had other bouquets and centres for the reception. I think moving them around is so cheap stake. But it takes all sorts.

dressupinyou · 29/08/2022 12:43

I didn't get married in church but I'm really surprised this is the tradition. Fair enough if you've paid cost for the church florist to do a display but not if you've paid hundreds of pounds yourself for the flowers.

If this was the expectation you should have been told beforehand and clearly it's common to move the flowers or your florist would have given you the heads up.

Hidingawaytoday · 29/08/2022 12:43

confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 11:46

No I've not had the wedding yet.
My MIL to be is paying for the flowers for us. They're costing a lot of money. We fly on our honeymoon the following day and so she was going to take them home after the reception to enjoy.

I've been told by my family member this morning that you leave them in the church.

For £900 I'd want to enjoy them too! If MIL is paying wants to take them to the reception then home with her then - assuming you're happy with that arrangement - that's what you should do.

GabriellaMontez · 29/08/2022 12:44

UWhatNow · 29/08/2022 12:36

Compared to how many thousands for the reception venue?

Show quote history

Is this really a good comparison!? The church seats people for less than an hour. The venue feeds and waters them for the rest of the day!!

babyjellyfish · 29/08/2022 12:45

They're your flowers, you've paid for them, you can do what you like with them.

Why is your relative hurt, what's it got to do with them, and how do they even know what you're planning?

We left our flower arrangements in the church, but they came to around 100€ in total so it wasn't worth the hassle moving them.

Also, how on earth does the amount of flowers you have described cost 900 quid? Is that normal??

HannahSternDefoe · 29/08/2022 12:46

Their your flowers (or your MIL to be) so take them to the reception and then let MIL decide who to give them to/which to keep for herself if she chooses.

Have a wonderful wedding day and don't let your relative upset you.

mondaytosunday · 29/08/2022 12:49

I'd leave the pedestal but take the rest.

Bananarama21 · 29/08/2022 12:50

Can you order another set for the reception. I got married in my local church where I grew up in. The ladies at the church did my flower arrangement free of charge but they knew me from being a little girl and were good friends of my mam.

user1496146479 · 29/08/2022 12:50

TheOriginalClownfish · 29/08/2022 12:19

In Ireland it's customary to bring your flowers with you to the venue - you pay for the flowers and you also pay for the church hire and the priest. The priest directed our younger guests to bring them to the venue and the staff there used them on the tables.

Not everywhere. Any church wedding I've been to in Ireland, church flowers are left at the church, to be enjoyed by the parishioners

DobbyTheHouseElk · 29/08/2022 12:51

I can see why your relative is hurt. It’s not very Christian to take all the flowers. Assuming you are marrying on a sat. The church will be bare for the Sunday service.

I think the compromise would be to leave something for the church. Pedestals and a small arrangement.

The Church community do like to see the flowers after a wedding if they weren’t invited. It’s part of the Church family and sometimes you have to suck it up. I’d ask the vicar for the best thing to do.

Usually the church flower ladies like to help with wedding flowers. So the fact you are having a florist and then not leaving the flowers means they will be having to go in after your wedding and do the weekly flowers.

Scoobyblue · 29/08/2022 12:52

I'd leave them. It's the done thing and expected.

LIZS · 29/08/2022 12:52

It is usual to leave the main pedestal and decorations. Is the florist providing all the arrangements or the team at the church.

ThirtyThreeTrees · 29/08/2022 12:56

I'm Irish, lapsed Catholic so UK may be different.

Most brides and grooms I know take the flowers with them or at least some of them and put them on the grave of parents, siblings etc. that they wished could have been there.

Always thought it was a nice tradition.

Your wedding, your choice.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 29/08/2022 12:59

Yeah it is odd to go around whipping all the flowers down, and everyone who has had a wedding in my village Church always leaves them. I'm sure they take a small handful, but mostly they seem to be left. I think it has fuck-all to do with your relative though @confuseddoesntcutit Is he/she normally this nosey, intrusive, and opinionated?

Also, £900 for the flowers sounds a lot to some (and it is!) but I know several couples who have paid £700 to £1000 purely for the flowers at their wedding, just this past few months. I know. BATSHIT!

WeAreTheHeroes · 29/08/2022 12:59

I think paying the fee asked by the church shows enough respect @Goldunicorn - you're implying it is only respectful to leave your flowers when this is definitely not the case and hasn't been for many years.

CupcakesK · 29/08/2022 12:59

I can't believe there are churches here that demand the flowers, paid for entirely by the wedding party, be left. So grabby - I just don't understand what makes a church so special that it must have donated flowers when the couple have already paid to use the church (or are perhaps regulars who pay towards its upkeep)? For reference a full service in a registry office cost me £280 last year, far less than the OP paid for use of their church.

Yes they look nice, but the cost to the church and environmental impact should have those of you who do buy and arrange weekly flower displays questioning their place nowadays. Fresh cut flowers are bad for the environment in terms of water usage and transportation (often flown to UK and need to be refrigerated en route). It is soon going to cost churches a heck of a lot of money to heat, plus many parishioners may struggle to heat/eat this winter. It's not really a good look to keep on arranging fresh flowers. There are more sustainable solutions.

(Yes, I know - not ALL churches)

babyjellyfish · 29/08/2022 13:00

I think a lot of the people saying "it's the done thing" seem to be coming at this from the point of view that you pay a token amount to use the church for your ceremony and a token amount for the ladies at the church to do your flowers.

That isn't the case here.

The OP has paid over 800 pounds to hire the church for a short period of time, and another 900 pounds for some very expensive flowers which she also intends to use at her reception venue.

I think that when you are charging people nearly a grand to get married in your church and you aren't offering a cheap flower arranging service as part of that, you have already made it more of a business relationship than it "traditionally" was in years gone by. You don't need almost the same amount again to be donated in the form of very expensive flowers for your congregation to enjoy for an hour the next morning, at the expense of the couple who have paid for them, who would like their invited guests to be able enjoy them at their reception, and who would otherwise have to spend more money on flowers for the reception venue.

OP, it doesn't matter what is "traditional", and you certainly don't need the church's permission to remove the flowers you have paid nearly a grand for. At most, you could give them a heads up that you will be reusing the flowers for your reception venue, so they don't expect the church to still be decorated the next day.

Your relative needs to mind her own business. It's not her money, not her wedding.

honeylulu · 29/08/2022 13:00

Although if there are several weddings in a row not sure what happens

My mum said when she got married there was another wedding at the church 2 hours before and the vicar told the couples to liaise and agree colours, suggesting white or cream if their colour schemes were very different, then the costs would be split. The other bride just said she didn't want flowers and wouldn't be contributing. Mum was fuming as the expectation was that flowers provided by church would be left so the stingy bride got the flowers for free. Mum had a pink colour scheme and hoped the mean bride hated pink!

I think when I got married in the Methodist church I wasn't asked about flowers at all. I think there were some though I'll have to check the photos! I did pay for flowers to decorate the reception venue and afterwards my parents took the top table arrangement to a family friend who hadn't been able to attend as he was in hospital.

CupcakesK · 29/08/2022 13:04

It’s not very Christian to take all the flowers.

It's not very Christian to demand flowers, paid for and arranged by someone else, be left to be enjoyed by people not connected to the wedding

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 29/08/2022 13:05

DobbyTheHouseElk · 29/08/2022 12:51

I can see why your relative is hurt. It’s not very Christian to take all the flowers. Assuming you are marrying on a sat. The church will be bare for the Sunday service.

I think the compromise would be to leave something for the church. Pedestals and a small arrangement.

The Church community do like to see the flowers after a wedding if they weren’t invited. It’s part of the Church family and sometimes you have to suck it up. I’d ask the vicar for the best thing to do.

Usually the church flower ladies like to help with wedding flowers. So the fact you are having a florist and then not leaving the flowers means they will be having to go in after your wedding and do the weekly flowers.

@DobbyTheHouseElk

I can see why your relative is hurt. It’s not very Christian to take all the flowers. Assuming you are marrying on a sat. The church will be bare for the Sunday service.

That's a pretty odd response. Confused Whilst I agree that it's common practice for the flowers to be mostly left, saying they should be left for the Church service on the Sunday is batshit. Some Saturdays in the year they have no wedding(s.) How on EARTH do the poor Churchgoers cope with no pretty flowers to look at then? Shock

FuzzyPuffling · 29/08/2022 13:06

Yes, you should.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 29/08/2022 13:06

CupcakesK · 29/08/2022 13:04

It’s not very Christian to take all the flowers.

It's not very Christian to demand flowers, paid for and arranged by someone else, be left to be enjoyed by people not connected to the wedding

This. ^

Hankunamatata · 29/08/2022 13:08

Yes its tradition. We took a couple of larger arrangements for top table and cake table but left the rest.

JaceLancs · 29/08/2022 13:10

We left the altar flowers
DGs DGF was in a nursing home so we took all the church window flowers and table decorations from reception to the home along with the top tier of our wedding cake for all the residents to enjoy

crabcakesalad · 29/08/2022 13:13

confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 11:26

We have paid £860 for the church ceremony, and didn't have the offer of a church based florist so didn't even know this was an option.
We went with a private florist for all floral bouquets and arrangements..

Crikey!

We had our flowers moved from the church to the reception venue. I think the wedding planner suggested it. But it was a small church with not a lot going on so no one would have seen them if we'd left them (aside from a 30min communion the next day for 5 people)