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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Left on own after night out

127 replies

Youonlygetthismomentonce · 29/08/2022 09:55

On Friday, i went on a pre- arranged night out, to an event, with my friend of over 10 years and 1 other person that she had invited along but that I know also. (Her family member)

They live in the same town and my town is about a 10 minute drive from them.

We met in my town, went to a couple of pubs first then got the train into the city.

The pre- arranged plan was for us all to get back off the train at my town and share a taxi home. However, it turned out that the train was stopping at their town first (it sometimes goes right through that stop) so my friend arranged for her and the other girl to get off there and had arranged a lift for them from their family member.

The person does not give lifts to anyone outside of their own family. So me getting in the car was not an option.

I was now worried and pissed off incase I got stranded at a dark empty train station. On train home it was becoming apparent there was no taxis. When I was talking about this my friend completely brushed it off and said .. X cant take you home but you will be fine, you will get home. It was after 1am and it was looking like I was going to have to walk the 30 minutes walk home as I was struggeling to get a taxi. I also was abit scared of hanging about a dark train station on my own waiting for taxi to arrive. My family members do not stay close to where I live but they were a possible very last resort.

My friends parting comment was .. this guy will see you get home OK - the stranger she had been flirting with.

It worked out in the end as I luckily managed to get a taxi who was there waiting on me when I got off the train.

AIBU that you just dont do that. I would never arrange a lift for my friends leaving 1 out and leave that 1 to find her own way home at 1.30am. None of my family members would ever leave a friend of mine to make her own way home either at that time in the morning.

I am actually so pissed off that I got left on my own and not only that but she had already arranged their lift home and didn't even bother to tell me, it was the other girl who told me half way through the event. Makes me think I can't go out with her again.

OP posts:
Salamamca · 29/08/2022 09:58

YANBU, I’m as unsociable as they come but even if make sure nobody was left on their own at the end of a night out. Very selfish and mean of your “friends”

SommerTen · 29/08/2022 09:59

That's awful. Not what a real friend should do!! Glad you got home safely in the end.
I wouldn't trust this friend's arrangements again.

Antarcticant · 29/08/2022 09:59

Abandoning the pre-arranged plan like that would upset me, although I can see why it wouldn't make sense for them to go an extra stop on the train and then go back. Planning is the key here - always have a 'plan B' to get home under your own steam when you go out at night - you never know what might happen.

ZekeZeke · 29/08/2022 10:01

She is not a real friend

Original poster
Youonlygetthismomentonce · 29/08/2022 10:01

Antarcticant · 29/08/2022 09:59

Abandoning the pre-arranged plan like that would upset me, although I can see why it wouldn't make sense for them to go an extra stop on the train and then go back. Planning is the key here - always have a 'plan B' to get home under your own steam when you go out at night - you never know what might happen.

@Antarcticant this is good advice, thank you. I will always have a plan B from now on.

OP posts:
Lullabies2Paralyze · 29/08/2022 10:03

not being unreasonable. It sucks when that happens. My mate used to ditch me to go meet her boyfriend. Sometimes there were people out in club or town that I knew and could share taxi with. Often I either got taxi by myself or with strangers at taxi rank who were heading in general direction.

glad I rarely go out now and when I do it’s with nice people and we all make sure we can get home or stay at friends house till we can drive home the next day.

freeandfierce · 29/08/2022 10:04

Has your friend contacted you this morning to check you got home ok?
I would never do that to a friend, whatever the circumstances. I'm glad you found a taxi, I'm sure you were feeling very anxious.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 29/08/2022 10:06

That is awful and what makes it worse is your friend’s dismissal of your fears. She isn’t a friend and I wouldn’t be trusting her again.

I absolutely agree about the plan B but I’ve learned not to rely on being able to call a cab on the spot nowadays - tried to do that recently and got caught out as all the cab firms were short of drivers. Found others with whom I could walk but from now on I’m pre-booking my taxis.

GreenManalishi · 29/08/2022 10:08

You're not unreasonable to feel left out of the plans, at the very least they could have offered to stay on the phone to you until you were safe in a cab. It was selfish of them to sort themselves out and leave you to yourself. Line up a back up next time, now you know.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 29/08/2022 10:08

My sister in laws are exactly the same, I remember one night going out with them I was the only one left alone, them and 10 others went off and left me as i was going a different way.

One of them text my DP the next morning saying “we got home ok, thanks for checking”. No one had checked if I was in and ok….

Original poster
Youonlygetthismomentonce · 29/08/2022 10:08

@freeandfierce I heard from her 2 days later (yesterday) asking if I got home OK and how she found it shocking that the guy she was flirting with didn't offer to walk me home. Unbelievable.

OP posts:
Thornethorn · 29/08/2022 10:10

I wouldn't dream of treating a friend like this.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 29/08/2022 10:10

Youonlygetthismomentonce · 29/08/2022 10:08

@freeandfierce I heard from her 2 days later (yesterday) asking if I got home OK and how she found it shocking that the guy she was flirting with didn't offer to walk me home. Unbelievable.

I wouldn’t have answered. Let her wonder. I doubt she was genuinely worried.

maddy68 · 29/08/2022 10:13

I'm on the fence. As it makes sense for them to get off in the town where the train is stopping. And taxis always hang around train stations when trains are due in. Plus. She had met someone and asked them to see you got home ok.

You are being a bit over sensitive I think

Ps I regularly go home by myself

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 29/08/2022 10:14

Did you voice that you weren't happy with the plan change and that you were struggling to book a taxi and ask them to help you? If she had a few drinks she possibly didn't 'read the room'.

In future try and pre-book taxis wherever possible. Even if plans then change then you can rearrange.

Sittingonabench · 29/08/2022 10:30

I understand why you are upset and agree it is not on to change plans (although I can see why that happened). But I also don’t think it is your friends responsibility to get you home. It’s her responsibility to get herself home and if other friends fit in with that then she may offer.

BadGranny · 29/08/2022 10:34

Why not keep the phone number of a local taxi service saved on your phone? That way, you can always phone for a taxi if there isn’t one waiting at the station.

Original poster
Youonlygetthismomentonce · 29/08/2022 10:42

Just in reply to some messages. I called all the local taxi numbers on way home. They either rang out or had none available.

Normally we get off the train as a group and then call a taxi or call one 10 mins prior to arrival which was the original plan

OP posts:
SunnyD44 · 29/08/2022 10:45

Her attitude was absolutely awful but it makes sense for them to get off at their own stop as 10 miles in a taxi would have cost a lot and you were able to get a taxi from your stop fine, so there was no issue.

If your friend isn’t usually so selfish then I’d just forget it and move on.
If she has form for this sort of behaviour then I’d end the friendship.

Glitteratitar · 29/08/2022 10:53

Hmm, I can see why the change of plan would be frustrating, but it made complete sense for them to get off at their home town rather than make an unnecessarily longer and more expensive journey home.

The issue with the taxi would have happened whether or not they were there. What do you usually do when you go home on your own from a night out?

QueSyrahSyrah · 29/08/2022 10:57

If the original plan had been a taxi from your train station why was it an issue to get one when it was just you?

If you hadn't pre-booked one then you'd all have been potentially stranded? Safety in numbers obviously but still doesn't help any of you get home, especially the two that live in the other town.

Scurryfunge12 · 29/08/2022 10:57

Your friend acted absolutely appallingly. I know you got a taxi in the end but I think PP are totally missing the point here, your thought there would be no taxis and informed your friend and she suggested you walk home in the dark on your own or walk home with a stranger? That’s not a good friend.

If it was me and there was no other option I would go out of my way to ensure my friend was safe. The fact that some pp are defending this behaviour is shocking, you must be shit friends! I would have to say something to her OP, I’d be fuming.

unbreakbroken · 29/08/2022 10:59

I see why it made sense for the others to get home without you, but if you were anxious about being on your own, they should have been respectful of that. I'm not sure about the timeline of when they realised the train would go via theirs first and when they begged a lift off a relative, but they should have told you ASAP so you could try to make similar arrangements (beg a lift or pre-book a taxi).

You never leave a mate on their own in the dark (especially if female) unless they've reassured you repeatedly they're comfortable with it, and you know they're sober enough and street smart enough to take care of themself.

What gets me the most about your account is your friend seemingly telling a random bloke to get you home safely - that's telling a random bloke you're on your own with no plan as to how to get back. It wasn't a friend she knew and trusted, it was a random bloke who could have been on the prowl for someone to attack. That I think was awful. I'd never outsource a female friend's safety to any man who I didn't know well and trust 100%.

If my friends and I don't travel all the way home together, we do things like share locations on WhatsApp and message each other to make sure we're home safe. It's just basic human decency. Doesn't sound like your friend even checked in.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 29/08/2022 11:10

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

In future try and pre-book taxis wherever possible. Even if plans then change then you can rearrange

yeah cos taxi drivers just love to wait up for a £5 booking at 1am for the person to then change it it not show up.

it costs my mate to do these station to home jobs, He does them because he's nice & wants people to get home safely, but often his previous job can be hours earlier, but he stays up to go & pick them up, and often gets drunk abuse, he's fed up of it.

there are fewer taxis since covid, many got other jobs & prefer it as they don't get the constant abuse.

if he says he's fully booked he gets told to 'fuck iff then you cunt' on a regular basis, a lot of the general public are vile.

I wish he had enjoyed the two other jobs he had during covid but he hated them, he's now wondering if they weren't so bad after all 🤦🏻‍♀️

bit if a rant sorry, but people just don't realise how hard things are currently for taxi drivers.

LampLighter414 · 29/08/2022 11:13

I’m confused because unless you are under 18 or physically disabled you are an adult and perfectly capable of finding a solution (texting or calling friends, family, taxi firms) or walking home.