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AIBU?

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Original poster

Left on own after night out

127 replies

Youonlygetthismomentonce · 29/08/2022 09:55

On Friday, i went on a pre- arranged night out, to an event, with my friend of over 10 years and 1 other person that she had invited along but that I know also. (Her family member)

They live in the same town and my town is about a 10 minute drive from them.

We met in my town, went to a couple of pubs first then got the train into the city.

The pre- arranged plan was for us all to get back off the train at my town and share a taxi home. However, it turned out that the train was stopping at their town first (it sometimes goes right through that stop) so my friend arranged for her and the other girl to get off there and had arranged a lift for them from their family member.

The person does not give lifts to anyone outside of their own family. So me getting in the car was not an option.

I was now worried and pissed off incase I got stranded at a dark empty train station. On train home it was becoming apparent there was no taxis. When I was talking about this my friend completely brushed it off and said .. X cant take you home but you will be fine, you will get home. It was after 1am and it was looking like I was going to have to walk the 30 minutes walk home as I was struggeling to get a taxi. I also was abit scared of hanging about a dark train station on my own waiting for taxi to arrive. My family members do not stay close to where I live but they were a possible very last resort.

My friends parting comment was .. this guy will see you get home OK - the stranger she had been flirting with.

It worked out in the end as I luckily managed to get a taxi who was there waiting on me when I got off the train.

AIBU that you just dont do that. I would never arrange a lift for my friends leaving 1 out and leave that 1 to find her own way home at 1.30am. None of my family members would ever leave a friend of mine to make her own way home either at that time in the morning.

I am actually so pissed off that I got left on my own and not only that but she had already arranged their lift home and didn't even bother to tell me, it was the other girl who told me half way through the event. Makes me think I can't go out with her again.

OP posts:
Ottersmith · 29/08/2022 12:52

I don't know, I've lived in a few big Cities in the UK and have always made my own way home on public transport with no worries. I wouldn't be able to function if I couldn't. But maybe I don't understand about Towns. It's fucked to leave you with some random guy though. That is way more dangerous than anything else.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 29/08/2022 12:54

I always make my own way home.

I regularly walk home from the train station at 2-3am when I finish work, so I guess as I'm used to doing it, it wouldn't be a big deal to me.

Whiskeypowers · 29/08/2022 12:56

I would be reevaluating my relationship with this person.
this is not the way a true friend behaves. By reneging on late night travel arrangements she has been throwaway with your safety and prioritised something that’s more convenient for her. It implies she doesn’t actually care about you. I would never do this to one of my friends.

Whiskeypowers · 29/08/2022 12:57

The bit about leaving you with some strange bloke is just awful.

Original poster
Youonlygetthismomentonce · 29/08/2022 12:57

Ok, I haven't had a chance to read all the replies but just to clear up a few things.

Getting off at their stop and them waiting on me to get a taxi was not an option, they weren't waiting on me as their lift was there.

The area in which I live is a small family town. On the few occasions I have driven my car at 1.30am there's barely a car on the road never mind a person on the path. When their is a person it tends to be drunk men walking home from the 1 and only nightclub in town.

And just to confirm to the person who asked, I am an adult, I am over the age of 18, the roads and streets are deserted where I live in the early hours, there has been a couple of murders, rapes, sexual assaults where I live all in recent years and I am not comfortable walking 30 minutes on a dark, wooded path alone bumping into drunk men (and the odd women) by myself nor am I relieved that the stranger on the train was asked to walk me home.

I see alot of you are comfortable with walking 30 mins alone. I can only assume you live in a high populated area where people don't sleep or you are a black belt in karate.

OP posts:
Justanoldermum · 29/08/2022 12:59

I have to say I would never do this to one of my friends either. Its good you got a taxi. I would not be friends with them anymore OP as tough as it is sometimes you have to cut people out.

AlisonDonut · 29/08/2022 13:02

Why didn't you get into the taxi that you had planned to get in with them when you got to your station?

Trying20 · 29/08/2022 13:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

Christmasiscominghohoho · 29/08/2022 13:10

I don’t see why your friend should go past her stop and not get off. It makes sense for her to get off at her stop.

You are an adult. Worst case you have to walk half hour after the train. It’s not a big deal.

namechangedembarrassing · 29/08/2022 13:13

Unacceptable of your friend. Doesn’t matter age, circumstances or anything. You all look out for each other and help each other get home safe.

people saying you’re and adult yes you are you are an adult who arranged their journey home as expected it was your friend who the. Changed the plan which left you unsafe so no still on her. I would never leave a friend in a situation like that and I honestly can’t see one of my friends doing the same.
My husband (then boyfriend) once had to do a lap of our whole city to get a bunch of my friends home as the wait for taxis was over 2 hours after a night out.

Readaboutyourself · 29/08/2022 13:14

So crap of your friends. I’d never consider leaving a friend alone if they didn’t have a taxi waiting at their stop.

Pinkdelight3 · 29/08/2022 13:19

I don't understand how the plan was for the three of you to get a taxi from your stop, then the big problem is that there's no taxis from your stop. This would have been a problem if it was all three of you or just you. Although, in fact, it wasn't a problem at all as you did get a taxi, so... what's the problem?

Also I agree that if you were worried about getting off alone at your stop, you should've got off at your friend's stop and asked them to wait with you if there wasn't a taxi there either.

BogOffTraceyBeaker · 29/08/2022 13:32

As an adult you should be capable of getting yourself home without an escort. Pre plan how you get home, pre book taxis etc

2bazookas · 29/08/2022 13:32

Grow up. Healthy independent adults are fully responsible for themselves.

PixieLaLa · 29/08/2022 13:34

Your friend doesn’t sound much of a friend but not for ‘leaving’ you, for changing the plan and not letting you know and her attitude towards you in general. I wouldn’t be going on another night out with her if I were you!

However, the reality is plans can change (especially when public transport is involved) and it’s not her responsibility to make sure you get home, I think you should of had a back up plan.

dottiedodah · 29/08/2022 13:49

I would not be going out with her again Im afraid! How would she have felt if this random guy she was flirting with had dishonarable intentions towards you? Or if you hadnt been lucky enough to find a Taxi? Cut and run I think!

maddy68 · 29/08/2022 13:52

Why did t you get off at their stop and get the taxi the other way? They would have waited with you that way?

MrsR87 · 29/08/2022 13:52

maddy68 · 29/08/2022 10:13

I'm on the fence. As it makes sense for them to get off in the town where the train is stopping. And taxis always hang around train stations when trains are due in. Plus. She had met someone and asked them to see you got home ok.

You are being a bit over sensitive I think

Ps I regularly go home by myself

But the person she met was a random man who could have been anyone! Plus, the friend gave him the little nugget of information that she was on her own and would be walking home alone. Not okay!

ThreePotatoFloor · 29/08/2022 13:54

so…you want her to get off the train at your stop and then pay to have to get a taxi back again? Is that right?

It seems a bit…much, to be honest. I wouldn’t expect that of anyone.

Womencanlift · 29/08/2022 13:59

I would be pissed that my friend made it known to a random man that I would be walking home alone. Not ok. She might have been flirting with him but how was any of you to know that he was ok. Terrible that we think that way about guys but unfortunately that’s how the world is now

And also shit that you were not offered a lift but I have came across selfish drivers like that before. However the least they could have done was waited with you while you got a taxi

I wouldn’t be rushing to go out with her again

justfiveminutes · 29/08/2022 14:00

But it doesn't make sense for her to pass her stop, only to pay for a taxi all the way back.

Perhaps she sounds surprisingly relaxed to us because, knowing the area, she knew you would be able to get off the train and straight into a taxi - which indeed you did.

Brefugee · 29/08/2022 14:03

It's not impossible to believe that 3 people waiting together at a station for a taxi at 1am is far better than 1 woman waiting alone?

Where i live you'd be walking for over an hour down unlit country roads if you were left like that, and blimey, I'd be furious (and is why i don't drink and i drive to the station, because i've been caught out like this before)

My friends and I always say "3 rings" in the "olden" days you'd phone your friend and let the phone ring 3 times which mean you got home safely, we don't do 3 rings anymore as we have texts now

You do know that the "rings" you hear in your ear aren't the actual rings on the phone at the other end of the line, right? and never were

MrsR87 · 29/08/2022 14:05

LampLighter414 · 29/08/2022 11:13

I’m confused because unless you are under 18 or physically disabled you are an adult and perfectly capable of finding a solution (texting or calling friends, family, taxi firms) or walking home.

Because an over 18 year old never got attacked when walking home on their own did they?

That’s seriously your response?

To the OP, your friend’s behaviour was not acceptable if you had pre arranged plans! I would never leave a friend to find their own way home at that time in the morning and I would certainly never divulge to a stranger that said friend was alone and was going to be heading home alone.

As for whether it’s a city, town or rural, walking home alone at night can be dangerous. It reminds me of an incident when I was 18. I used to help out and the youth club on a Friday night in the vicarage in the town centre. It was a 10 min walk home. One Friday, I left to go home as usual at 10pm…and although not that late, it was super quiet but I did clock a guy hanging around. I started my way home and noticed that the loitering guy started to head in the same direction a little behind me. I felt uneasy and slightly sped up, so did he. I sped up again, so did he, maintaining the pace behind me. We were approaching a particularly quiet part of my journey with no houses or businesses and I was a little worried so I loudly called my dad and asked him if he was already at our usually meeting point at the end of the path (he never met me usually so knew something was wrong). Luckily it’s close To my house so he was there within a couple of mins. The guy behind me fell back a few paces when I called my dad and totally disappeared (must have gone into the field or hedge as there was nowhere else to go) when he saw another man heading in our direction. I’ll never know his intentions but it was enough of an experience to never let myself walk home alone like that again, or allow my friends to!

Pinkdelight3 · 29/08/2022 14:08

It's not impossible to believe that 3 people waiting together at a station for a taxi at 1am is far better than 1 woman waiting alone?

Still not much of a Plan A though, is it? And not preferable to the Plan B that arose i.e. getting off at your own station and getting a lift home. I still think the OP's Plan B should have been getting off at friend's station and getting a taxi from there (with or without insisting on friend waiting/giving a lift to her house). But in fact she got a taxi fine from her own station as it turned out.

The friend still sounds a dick and shouldn't have involved the random guy, but such are the risks with late night piss-up jaunts to the city when you live in the sticks and planning needs to be much better. Pre-booked taxis, staying at each other's houses, or hotels in the city. The plan was bad to start with if it relied on a ad hoc taxi at a station where taxis cannot be relied on ad hoc. That's on the OP.

Original poster
Youonlygetthismomentonce · 29/08/2022 14:16

To the people telling me I'm an adult and I am to grow up and I am a 'needy' friend (I'm not btw) lol

I have got off at her stop before and I have got in a taxi with her so we BOTH got home safely. Costing me more money!

I have never arranged a lift for myself, and left the other friend stranded.

On the way home she knew I had no other way of getting home other than walking because all taxis were full. Its not hard to understand that 3 people waiting at a deserted train station for a taxi to become available is better than 1 person waiting at a deserted train station waiting for a taxi to become available.

When she left the train the verdict was - all taxis are full, i might need to walk, you'll be fine, random man will make sure you get home OK.

Thankfully, between my stop and her stop (where she had already left the train) I had a stroke of luck that a taxi became available. If that taxi had not of became available it would of been me and random man standing at the train station.

It is not something i would ever do to a friend, ever! I would never change the plan and arrange a lift for myself leaving my friend on their own in a deserted dark train station especially when they were telling me they had no way home. I have before, and I would again, get off before or after my stop, pay that bit extra on a taxi, and make sure we BOTH got home Ok rather than leave 1 person on their own at 1.30am.

OP posts:
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