Left on own after night out

[Youonlygetthismomentonce]

On Friday, i went on a pre- arranged night out, to an event, with my friend of over 10 years and 1 other person that she had invited along but that I know also. (Her family member)

They live in the same town and my town is about a 10 minute drive from them.

We met in my town, went to a couple of pubs first then got the train into the city.

The pre- arranged plan was for us all to get back off the train at my town and share a taxi home. However, it turned out that the train was stopping at their town first (it sometimes goes right through that stop) so my friend arranged for her and the other girl to get off there and had arranged a lift for them from their family member.

The person does not give lifts to anyone outside of their own family. So me getting in the car was not an option.

I was now worried and pissed off incase I got stranded at a dark empty train station. On train home it was becoming apparent there was no taxis. When I was talking about this my friend completely brushed it off and said .. X cant take you home but you will be fine, you will get home. It was after 1am and it was looking like I was going to have to walk the 30 minutes walk home as I was struggeling to get a taxi. I also was abit scared of hanging about a dark train station on my own waiting for taxi to arrive. My family members do not stay close to where I live but they were a possible very last resort.

My friends parting comment was .. this guy will see you get home OK - the stranger she had been flirting with.

It worked out in the end as I luckily managed to get a taxi who was there waiting on me when I got off the train.

AIBU that you just dont do that. I would never arrange a lift for my friends leaving 1 out and leave that 1 to find her own way home at 1.30am. None of my family members would ever leave a friend of mine to make her own way home either at that time in the morning.

I am actually so pissed off that I got left on my own and not only that but she had already arranged their lift home and didn't even bother to tell me, it was the other girl who told me half way through the event. Makes me think I can't go out with her again.

Did you reply?

You should have said 'Yes, I got home safely. Luckily. No thanks to you. I didn't appreciate you making other arrangements & not telling me so I could do the same! And don't EVER tell some fucking random I'm going home alone EVER again.

but I'd probably just replied 'yeah' & ignored any reply from her.

It’s not a friends responsibility, but it is something that friends should do for each other simply because they are friends and care about each other’s safety and well-being.

You're easily confused because your reading comprehension is Shite

HTH

Tbf, if the friends had gotten off at the OPs station and there was no taxi, they would have been stranded in a different town to where they lived whereas OP could walk home. They probably would have ended up calling the same relative to pick them up which would still leave OP in the same situation.

Your friend was badly behaved. But her relative is incredibly weird, 'doesn't give lifts to non family' - do ppl like this really exist?

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea so they could have asked their family member to pick them up from the OP’s house instead or stayed over at hers for the night. Both options are preferable to risking a friend’s safety. I would never live with myself if something happened to her. It’s shitty behaviour.

And not to mention there were two of them, whereas you were on your own, yet they still got a lift because they didn’t want to walk home in the dark but they expected you, a woman on her own, to do just that. It’s very selfish and indefensible in my opinion.

This is the reason I don’t bother with most people. True friends are like needles in haystacks.

It’s perfectly normal in my circle of friends to go our separate ways at the end of the night, leaving the group as geography dictates. I think your friend had no idea you’d feel unhappy about making your own way home, although I do see why you would be.

Possibly, but it's all speculation. Possibly the relative would have refused (seems odd to refuse to give OP a lift in the first place to me), or possibly the third lady wouldn't walk to OPs home or stay since they don't really know each other.

A lot of it does come down to the individual and the area they live in. I would have no problem walking 30 mins home, neither would some of my friends. Others really would have a problem. Clearly OP had a problem with it, maybe her friend didn't realise.

Yanbu, if one person is travelling on alone you make sure that they are safely in a taxi.
You definitely don't leave a lone woman at 1.30 in the morning.
My friends and I always say "3 rings" in the "olden" days you'd phone your friend and let the phone ring 3 times which mean you got home safely, we don't do 3 rings anymore as we have texts now😂 but we don't ever leave a friend to make their way home alone.
They've treated you poorly, I wouldn't want to be friends anymore

I’m confused because unless you are under 18 or physically disabled you are an adult and perfectly capable of finding a solution (texting or calling friends, family, taxi firms) or walking home.

Apart from suggesting you read OP's updates, are you suggesting that it would be fine for a lone woman to walk 30 mins home on her own in the early hours of the morning? Because that's never gone horribly wrong has it?

No you aren’t confused in the slightest, I hate it when people pretend to be confused to excuse being an arse.

Am I missing something here? If your friend ended up getting off a stop earlier, why not get off at the same stop and wait with her while you called a taxi?

The cost of the taxi would have been more, but you were expecting her to spend that getting herself home from your stop.

Seriously, have you not access to the news and the attacks on women and girls walking home at night??
This was 30 minutes at night . 1.30 am.
I always, and my friends, check each other are safe getting home even if that makes one of our journeys longer . We have each others backs. Men and women.

And now only did the friend not care about her not being able to book a cab at the train station, she let a random man know her friend was alone, putting her at serious risk.

And the train station would have been unstaffed, many are even early evening.

It also doesn't sound like this is a busy place with people still about at that time.

The friend could see she couldn't book a cab . Yes she got one, but even hanging around a quiet station for a few minutes at that time is risky.

And as for the family member who wouldn't help, how nasty. How would they have all felt if the random man had attacked her or worse. Got scare mongering, this is the reality for women .

I think it depends what kind of people you are. In your shoes I’d have absolutely told them to get off and sorted myself out - so if you think they’d have been perfectly happy in your shoes, then they aren’t being unreasonable, but if they’d have been as horrified as you then they are.

I’d take this as a note to become more independent. You knew you needed a taxi so the sensible thing would be to book one, If you’re the sort of person who isn’t comfortable walking home alone, or if your town is genuinely unsafe.

@MoriaRoseForever

People are different though. The reality is, attacks are really rare, it’s just when they do happen they are handy news fodder.

I wouldn’t worry about walking home in the slightest, and don’t make a habit of checking on friends or v v.

Neither attitude is right or wrong.

Might be rare, but I wouldn't want to take chances with my friends.
And its not attacks. Can be men hassling as you walk home etc . Yeah they might not attack but you don't know.

I walk at times but I live in a busy part of London, know where not to walk and always people around. I sometimes though get cabs. Depends on how late, what night of the week etc.

But I have sat at an empty train station at night feeling vulnerable. It was only 9pm, but no staff and no passengers and then one lone man. Behind was all waste ground and then houses. So very vulnerable. Stations should have staff.

It was a rule of our friendship group that no one was left to go home on their own. Taxi drivers in our area were creeps who would hit on women who were going home alone after a few drinks. We made sure there was always at least 2 of us going home together in the taxi, train or walking. We would arrange it so that the one living the furthest either stayed over at one of our houses or had someone meet her the other end. If all else failed we had a rule to phone the lone traveller within 10 minutes of the home arrival time to check they got home safe, although that scenario never arose in reality. I’m stunned by your friends behaviour especially not checking that you got home safe! I would definitely think twice about doing that again unless you have a fail safe plan to get home safely.

I wouldn’t do this to a lone woman traveller let alone a supposed friend! I’d be rethinking the friendship

I think what compounds this, is that they called a relative to come & get them but the driver wouldn't give you a lift. That's horrendous. And really shitty of your friends. Sory, but I'd be looking for new friends.

This is exactly what I thought- if you got off at their stop they could have waited with you until you got a taxi!

Can't help but agree with this! I would have probably just replied that you found it more shocking that people you had thought were your friends changed their plans without warning you and then abandoned you. Worse they told a stranger that you were alone and then it took them 2 days to even care enough to contact you. Or, I wouldn't have replied at all and just let her stew.

I've never let someone go home alone like that especially if they'd had several drinks. She's not much of a friend and I'd be very wary of going anywhere with her ever again. If you do, just have a taxi booked in advance for you only so you can be sure you will get home safely and don't worry about her.

One thing, you now know where you stand with your friend. She took the convenience of getting home sooner over your safety.

It sounds like you’re going to keep being friends with her?

It's not your friend's responsibility to take you home.
Ok, it was pre arranged thing but people are free to change their minds.
I'd never bank on anyone doing anything for me. As a pp said, always have a back up for yourself. Depend on nobody but yourself