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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Left on own after night out

127 replies

Youonlygetthismomentonce · 29/08/2022 09:55

On Friday, i went on a pre- arranged night out, to an event, with my friend of over 10 years and 1 other person that she had invited along but that I know also. (Her family member)

They live in the same town and my town is about a 10 minute drive from them.

We met in my town, went to a couple of pubs first then got the train into the city.

The pre- arranged plan was for us all to get back off the train at my town and share a taxi home. However, it turned out that the train was stopping at their town first (it sometimes goes right through that stop) so my friend arranged for her and the other girl to get off there and had arranged a lift for them from their family member.

The person does not give lifts to anyone outside of their own family. So me getting in the car was not an option.

I was now worried and pissed off incase I got stranded at a dark empty train station. On train home it was becoming apparent there was no taxis. When I was talking about this my friend completely brushed it off and said .. X cant take you home but you will be fine, you will get home. It was after 1am and it was looking like I was going to have to walk the 30 minutes walk home as I was struggeling to get a taxi. I also was abit scared of hanging about a dark train station on my own waiting for taxi to arrive. My family members do not stay close to where I live but they were a possible very last resort.

My friends parting comment was .. this guy will see you get home OK - the stranger she had been flirting with.

It worked out in the end as I luckily managed to get a taxi who was there waiting on me when I got off the train.

AIBU that you just dont do that. I would never arrange a lift for my friends leaving 1 out and leave that 1 to find her own way home at 1.30am. None of my family members would ever leave a friend of mine to make her own way home either at that time in the morning.

I am actually so pissed off that I got left on my own and not only that but she had already arranged their lift home and didn't even bother to tell me, it was the other girl who told me half way through the event. Makes me think I can't go out with her again.

OP posts:
Itloggedmeoutagain · 29/08/2022 15:10

I'm stunned at the relative not giving you a lift.
I cannot imagine going out to pick someone up knowing full well someone was left on their own.

FacebookPhotos · 29/08/2022 15:13

I don't understand why you didn't have a taxi booked already? The plan was always to get a taxi from that station.

That said, I wouldn't leave a friend unable to get home because that's really shitty. I'd not think twice about changing plans normally, but if I knew that no taxis were available I couldn't just walk off. Equally, everyone I know would give a lift to my friend rather than "only lifts for family" nonsense because of course you don't leave a lone person in the middle of the night. The risk is bigger for women, but I wouldn't leave men either unless they absolutely insisted.

Original poster
Youonlygetthismomentonce · 29/08/2022 15:19

@FacebookPhotos I suppose it is because I have never booked a taxi hours in advance but then again I have also never struggled to get a taxi before either so thats why i never booked it hours in advance. The taxi driver did tell me that the reason i struggled to get one is because most taxi drivers left the job during covid and they are now very limited. I didn't know that as it is the first taxi I have been in since covid.

OP posts:
Trying20 · 29/08/2022 15:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

unbreakbroken · 29/08/2022 15:59

I assumed it was an extremely socially awkward and/or deeply religious nut of a relative. In any case, the relative wasn't the cause of the problem. They were asked by their family members to pick them up as a favour, and they obliged.

The problem is the friend who left the OP to find her way home in the dark in what the OP has later elaborated was a very quiet rural area where many women would feel uncomfortable on their own.

Yes, some people make bad decisions after a drink. But the message two days later does not suggest that the OP's friend realises it was a stupid and/or unkind thing to do - she's made a breezy comment that shows zero self-awareness or empathy.

I can't get over telling a random bloke that the OP was alone and therefore vulnerable and not checking in to make sure the OP wasn't dead in a ditch. It takes very little effort at all to share live locations on WhatsApp for an hour and to call/text at appropriate points to make sure everyone's got back safely.

In the circumstances that the OP describes, it's what any reasonable group of friends would do.

Antarcticant · 29/08/2022 16:08

The really unreasonable person here is the person who will “only give lifts to relatives”.

No, they aren't - that's ridiculous. They are doing a favour - they are entitled to dictate the terms. The OP isn't saying the lift-giver drove off leaving her stranded at midnight, which might be less reasonable - they agreed in advance to give the lift to their relative, but not her friend, and presumably drove them off while the OP was still on the train to her station.

iklboo · 29/08/2022 16:33

Sarah Everard not Everest. I'm sorry.

OriginalUsername2 · 29/08/2022 16:36

It does matter what anyone says on here. Your friends ditched you. Actions speak louder than words.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 29/08/2022 16:36

Being street smart does not stop you getting murdered on the way home unfortunately. I know friends of this lady and she worked in The Worlds End in Camden. There is no tougher area. To check in with your friend to make sure they get home is the very least a friend would do.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-48996327.amp

PatchworkElmer · 29/08/2022 16:47

She’s an awful friend.

Hopefullysoon2022 · 29/08/2022 17:21

OriginalUsername2 · 29/08/2022 16:36

It does matter what anyone says on here. Your friends ditched you. Actions speak louder than words.

This with bells on.
Also I wonder if the friend rang the relative for a lift.
If she did that makes it 10 times worse in my opinion.

ladygugu · 29/08/2022 17:40

I completely get it, i was on a hen do years ago and out of the girls i knew one had arranged for her boyfriend to pick her up and filled up the rest of the seats with the only other ones I knew, the others all lived in the opposite direction, I couldn't get a taxi and one i was closest too didn't even tell me or ask how i was getting home. In the end i had to ring my boyfriend who had already had a beer, he wouldn't usually drive if he had drank at all but came and got me. I was really upset that she didn't give a shit how i got home

Meraas · 29/08/2022 17:44

@ladygugu but had you discussed travel home arrangements in advance? Or did yiu assume you would be given a lift home?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 29/08/2022 18:15

YANBU and I can only assume the reading comprehensive-challenged of Mumsnet who are apparently out in force to tell you that you shouldn't have been even the slightest bit bothered have no imagination, as even if I would personally be ok with walking home, I can recognise it's not unreasonable for you to be upset about it.

And IMO it really doesn't matter if they'd discussed how they were getting home - NO ONE should be making plans to get home that explicitly exclude one person.

Rowen32 · 29/08/2022 18:25

That is awful and inexcusable despite what other posters might say - you NEVER leave a friend alone on a night out EVER.. I have streams of examples of how I've been minded and have minded others on nights out - 20 years worth, it's something you do, it's appalling how they acting.
And thinking it's okay to say a perfect stranger will mind you, beyond appalling.
I'm glad you got home safe xx

Ofcourseshecan · 29/08/2022 18:29

I heard from her 2 days later (yesterday) asking if I got home OK and how she found it shocking that the guy she was flirting with didn't offer to walk me home. Unbelievable.

This!

You'd all agreed on a perfectly good plan for getting home, but she changed it during the train journey back and left you stranded. But at least a random strange man might have walked away with you!

I'm glad you got home safely. I wouldn't go out with her again, Youonly, even with a plan B.

Brefugee · 30/08/2022 07:35

I don't understand why you didn't have a taxi booked already? The plan was always to get a taxi from that station.

I live in a rural area. The last train arrives at just past 1am. There are never taxis there. Sometimes the occasional taxi will cruise past at about midnight for the train before but that's it. You can't book. Because the first person off the train will get in the taxi, the driver asks "did you book" and they say "yeah" and frankly, the driver doesn't care because they get a fare. And i get a 4 mile walk home along dark country roads with no footpath. And that is even if the taxi company let you book in advance/have cars available.

TBH it's a bit of a mess and depends when the change of plan was communicated, but i wouldn't ditch someone like this. And i wouldn't appreciate being ditched like this. At the very least we would probably have (if i were the friend) suggested she get off with us and we wait with her for a taxi. And if relative was pissy about that, I'd have waited with first friend and let relative drive the other one home. Then share a taxi. In OPs position i would have suggested this too.

Not possible of course if they suddenly jump up and say "we're getting off here, bye"

southlondonerhere · 30/08/2022 07:41

maddy68 · 29/08/2022 10:13

I'm on the fence. As it makes sense for them to get off in the town where the train is stopping. And taxis always hang around train stations when trains are due in. Plus. She had met someone and asked them to see you got home ok.

You are being a bit over sensitive I think

Ps I regularly go home by myself

She met some random man on a night out and then asked this random guy to make sure her friend go home ...

southlondonerhere · 30/08/2022 07:43

Why does her family member never allow anyone that isn't family into their car? Very bizarre?

iklboo · 30/08/2022 17:46

but had you discussed travel home arrangements in advance? Or did yiu assume you would be given a lift home?

It's literally all in the in the opening post.

The pre- arranged plan was for us all to get back off the train at my town and share a taxi home.

The person does not give lifts to anyone outside of their own family. So me getting in the car was not an option.

Meraas · 30/08/2022 20:31

iklboo · 30/08/2022 17:46

but had you discussed travel home arrangements in advance? Or did yiu assume you would be given a lift home?

It's literally all in the in the opening post.

The pre- arranged plan was for us all to get back off the train at my town and share a taxi home.

The person does not give lifts to anyone outside of their own family. So me getting in the car was not an option.

I was replying to @ladygugu , not the OP!

bellac11 · 30/08/2022 20:36

Youonlygetthismomentonce · 29/08/2022 10:42

Just in reply to some messages. I called all the local taxi numbers on way home. They either rang out or had none available.

Normally we get off the train as a group and then call a taxi or call one 10 mins prior to arrival which was the original plan

Im confused about this

The original plan was for you all to get the train to your station and call a cab

The plan ended with you getting the train to your station and calling a cab.

Whats the difference?

bellac11 · 30/08/2022 20:44

GameOfGroans · 29/08/2022 12:26

This is exactly what I thought- if you got off at their stop they could have waited with you until you got a taxi!

Show quote history

Yes that is the better plan B if someone is worried about walking home (or too lazy as I would be), get a cab and then your friends can wait with you if that is more comfortable, or wait in the taxi office or something.

unbreakbroken · 30/08/2022 21:52

bellac11 · 30/08/2022 20:36

Im confused about this

The original plan was for you all to get the train to your station and call a cab

The plan ended with you getting the train to your station and calling a cab.

Whats the difference?

Show quote history

The original plan was for three women to get off the train together and wait for a cab together. Safety in numbers.

The revised plan was for two women to get off the train together early and get a guaranteed lift pronto, whilst the other woman got off at a later stop by herself, uncertain if she could get a cab, and with some random guy standing near her who had been informed that the she was definitely on her own and no one might come to get her.

Honestly, the worst part is telling that guy that. No one knew if he was a normal bloke or a would-be rapist and murderer - he had been randomly met that night. No one knew him well enough to vouch for him.

Strawberrydelight78 · 01/05/2023 13:02

That's awful our town is a pretty safe area. But there's the odd time there is a rape or assault always in the early hours. Mostly a woman walking home alone to save on taxi fair. I wouldn't risk it especially if I've been drinking. Most the taxi drivers wait until we are in the house.