“I love you both, I just love Daddy a bit more as he’s the best”

[StarDolphins]

I know I Abu.

the title is what my 6yo DD said to me at bedtime & i just wanted to cry. I didn’t show it of course but I was like really? He hardly does anything with you.

Fun Bobby has her x2 per week - tea 1 night if he finishes work early & then Sat from 9-4. She always wants to come home rather than having a sleepover at Daddy’s but I literally do EVERYTHING for her.

i am calmer, I’m a better role model, I am her constant playmate, I literally plan every day so it’s fun. Me & my DD are loving & we both have a good, shared SOH together.

my ex does no parenting whatsoever at all but because he’s coco the clown part-time, she loves him more☹️

I know I’m being pathetic & ridiculous. I know I am. I am sensible & stable & level headed bit I just want to say to her (never would, I always agree with her how wonderful Daddy is) “he does f all apart from walking round clapping & singing “there’s only 1 <his name>“. & she thinks this is amazing.

Please can anyone tell me that at some point I might be flavour of the month?! Or just a bit of recognition for all the donkey work & dedication?

I was actually thinking this. She of course loves your more but what is rare is wonderful and she probably misses her father and translates that into loving him more.

I agree with the general sentiment that it's not worth taking stuff like that to heart. As long as they are happy and content then you know that you are being a great parent regardless of an 'off the cuff' comment that they don't really mean. I wouldn't say that there is a need for competition though. It's rather bemusing to read posts that talk about "winning in the end" coming from adults.

Her father will reap what he sows. When she’s old enough to realise, she’ll see what a rubbish parent he is.

You sound like a wonderful mother.

Totally normal to assume fun parent is the funniest at 6 years old.

My two definitely think their Dad is more fun than me through whenever they're finding life hard or upset they know I am their comfort zone and daily support.

If it was a life or death choice I think they'd pick me the boring practical one who helps them function and supports them emotionally.
DS would pick me, DD not so sure?

This ^

Congratulations on raising your DD with such a secure attachment to you, that she can share everything she is experiencing with you.

It's not personal. It's not a competition for you. You are her safe adult, enjoy her exploration of her world, knowing she is secure enough to explore it because of your efforts.

Well done.

@sassyclassyandsmartassy

if you laid down and made a baby together, at one point you thought that he was 1) pretty great 2) someone who would be a good parent.

It's very sad, but an absolute fact of life, that your premise is not correct.

Babies are convinced when the physical conditions are right, and it can easily be nothing to do with parenting skills, mores the pity.

I totally understand how you feel. She may just be too young to understand it all right now, daddy is fun, but as she gets older it will be more obvious who the better parent is!

Me and my ex husband split up when our children were 5, 3 and 1. Going to daddy's house was always an adventure and they'd always tell me they wish they didn't have to come home. It was like a knife to the heart everytime, but I never showed it.
He's a typical disney dad, he has them every other weekend which is filled with trampoline parks, Mcdonalds and as much screen time as they want.
They are now 11, 9 and 7 and all three would rather be home with me and tell me how much they miss me when they're away from me.
They love us both but they know that I'm the one who is on duty 24/7. That I'd drop anything and be with them in a moments notice if they need me, I'm the one up all night if they're ill, I go to every hospital appointment, plan fun things to do, teach them to ride their bikes, help with homework, take them and pick them up from school everyday, cook them their favourite meals (he probably doesn't know what they are), know what books they need to complete a set they're reading, know what clothes and shoe sizes and can be trusted to choose what they'd pick for themselves, talk them through any issues they have, know friends names, arrange said friends birthday presents, keeper of secrets and all the other things we do that we feel get overlooked. But trust me, they see and appreciate more than we will ever know xx

Love is a very elastic and ambiguous word at that stage. She 'loves' the cat, her teacher, the lollipop lady, the girl she played with in the park yesterday.
She probably means daddy is more exciting to be with because he gets to do all the good stuff. I bet if she was ill in hospital it would be you she'd want.

She doesn’t have to though, and there’s no guarantee that she will at all.

Her relationship with her father may not depend on how much he did practically during her childhood. Relationships are rarely that transactional. It’s not a competition, and shouldn’t be. I don’t think it’s a fair expectation to put on kids either: “you have to love me more because I did x, y and z’. What if they don’t? Do you just write them off as arseholes?

My DS is 11 and freely admits that he loves the cat better than any of us!

I agree. We have to parent because we want to.

Remember it's not a competition. She is too young to see the bigger picture at the moment, but as she grows up, she will see the difference and understand who does more of the 'parenting'.

This is a common story - the parent who isn't doing the difficult bits, like getting ready for school, bathing, chores like supermarket shopping, doing the homework, bedtime routine, etc, is always going to be seen as the fun one. Her Dad won't be getting as much kick-back from her, because he's not doing as many of those necessary child-care tasks that are more boring for her or often involve battles.

In the future, you will be seen as the real parent and the one she turns to in times of difficulty.

When my son was 19 he randomly came into my bedroom and stood in the doorway and listed all of the things that I have done for him and his sister as a single parent over the years. 'You always made sure we went to activities, made sure we had everything we needed, worked hard to support us, checked my sisters hair for nits (😂) And so on and so forth....this long list of things that you do naturally as a parent but don't think they notice or appreciate.....but they do, eventually. My son just walked off and didn't think any more of it but to me, that 2 minute conversation meant absolutely everything

Made me cry.

She doesn’t have to though, and there’s no guarantee that she will at all.

Her relationship with her father may not depend on how much he did practically during her childhood.

Well all I can speak about is what I’ve observed in my own family - adult children do remember time, attention, thought and care. As well as realising the truth about material provision.

I hoe your DD will come to realise the difference in her parents’ care for her @StarDolphins . It won’t necessarily mean she’ll love one or the other parent more or less, but it’s possible she’ll have a clearer more realistic assessment of each parent’s commitment.

Ahh how lovely of your son. i have spent today & last weds combing nits out of her hair for over an hour! Yes! Never did I think I would appreciate doing this!🤣

thank you everyone- I’ve taken something from each & every reply & I have laughed at lots too!

She adores me, I know that & I offer something that Daddy doesn’t (I AM funnier too, she just doesn’t see that yet😜) I will walk by her side loving her (without expectation) for as long as I live.

he just doesn’t guide/parent her - to be kind, To save a bit/spend a bit, how to treat people etc, things that will help her in her future - he’s still calling people fat heffers/little shits etc & speaks to her like she’s 25 but I do think it’s because ge’s not got a new gf yet.

so for now, I will just agree with how wonderful daddy is….but secretly growl!😇

My almost 6 year old really means that she loves her dad more than me. To the point she moved out and in with him and he won't let her come back to us.
I'm just desperately trying to save the money to enforce our court order to have her returned.

@Freegal i’ve just come back here to read replies & noticed yours.

Sorry I missed it & hope you get your DD back. Wishing you all the best💐

I’m a single parent too and it’s hard. I think a lot of single parenting is about managing your emotions and being the bigger person.

My DSs’ dad does next to nothing for them but does take my three year old out for cake and a trip somewhere every couple of weeks. DS now shouts “I want my daddy / miss my daddy” whenever I do anything to upset him like stopping him throwing food / putting him in car seat / changing nappy etc. It’s probably clearer to see at this age than at 6 but he has to fight for his dad’s love and attention in a way he doesn’t with me. If he starts getting difficult or grumpy his dad just brings him home whereas I’m obviously there whatever . And I’m the one making him do all the stuff he doesn’t want to do and feeding healthy food, tidying up after him rather than just constantly playing etc. I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s better that he wants to see his dad and has a relationship with him than not.

It must be so hard. As a parent I sometimes ask DC to do a tasc he does not want to do, take out his plate cup to kitchen. A parent only seeing their child occasionally might let that slide but a parent who parents every day can't really as you'd be failing to raise them properly. Just sending strength to OP, and wishing the father would just take child home to Mum as per court order.

I know that one of my children prefers DH to me. It's hard sometimes, but I try not to take it too personally.

Honestly, it was only somewhere in my 20s, after I left home, that I had this realisation of how amazing my mum was and how much she did for me. Kids are naturally self centered and they need to grow up to figure it out. You do what you're doing and over time she'll realize it.

Disney dad. She’s 6. When she’s more emotionally mature, she will see through his nonsense. I can imagine it’s hurtful, but he isn’t there for her much so has rarity value too. She doesn’t mean it.