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Original poster

“I love you both, I just love Daddy a bit more as he’s the best”

149 replies

StarDolphins · 28/08/2022 21:20

I know I Abu.

the title is what my 6yo DD said to me at bedtime & i just wanted to cry. I didn’t show it of course but I was like really? He hardly does anything with you.

Fun Bobby has her x2 per week - tea 1 night if he finishes work early & then Sat from 9-4. She always wants to come home rather than having a sleepover at Daddy’s but I literally do EVERYTHING for her.

i am calmer, I’m a better role model, I am her constant playmate, I literally plan every day so it’s fun. Me & my DD are loving & we both have a good, shared SOH together.

my ex does no parenting whatsoever at all but because he’s coco the clown part-time, she loves him more☹️

I know I’m being pathetic & ridiculous. I know I am. I am sensible & stable & level headed bit I just want to say to her (never would, I always agree with her how wonderful Daddy is) “he does f all apart from walking round clapping & singing “there’s only 1 <his name>“. & she thinks this is amazing.

Please can anyone tell me that at some point I might be flavour of the month?! Or just a bit of recognition for all the donkey work & dedication?

OP posts:
Heatherjayne1972 · 29/08/2022 00:18

You are her world tho Op you’re her security and safe place
Small children don’t see the nuances that adults see - they just see fun dad as that’s what he presents with.

My dd was a teen when her father and I broke up
she insisted on living with him as he was ‘better’- ie fun dad/ no insisting on vegetables/ homework/ set bedtimes
I was devastated but decided to play the long game

but she saw through him and the fun veneer he presented

she’s 20 now and when she needs/ wants something or help it’s very telling that she asks me

Londonactive · 29/08/2022 00:23

My son says this lol, and his father goes months on end without seeing him. He said it today and hasn't heard a peep from his dad since early March.

Honestly, don't worry it's just that she sees 'fun daddy,' one day she will realise trust me x

martinsmoneysaver · 29/08/2022 00:30

oh you already win, lovely daughter wants to come home to you.
Safe mommy beats fun daddy every time.

CatOfTheLand · 29/08/2022 00:31

My 4-year-old DD regularly tells me that she loves her nursery teacher the same as me. At first I was a bit upset but then I realised that she never really sees us together so never has to consider her feelings for us side-by-side, if that makes sense. Some weeks she probably does prefer her nursery teacher to me because she's paid to play with her all day whereas I make her brush her teeth, go to bed and shout if she messes around and makes me late for work. It's easy to love a one dimensional character because they don't do the hard bits. Plus, if you're like me, I bet you accidentally show her that her saying it needles you, which will make her want to say it again

Melroses · 29/08/2022 00:46

They all say things like this at this age. I am sure I did it myself😳

It is probably some developmental stage. 🤷‍♀️

It is best to take the compliments as if they were meant, and smile and nod through the rest.

caringcarer · 29/08/2022 00:52

When I was 5 I asked my Mum if I could go to live with my Auntie who had no children and spoilt me a lot. My Mum said no I belonged with her and my Dad but I can clearly remember asking several times over that year. It must have hurt my Mum but I didn't know that then. As an adult I asked my Mum if she remembers me saying it and she told me it felt like I had ripped her heart out and she was careful to not let me spend as much time with my Aunty for a while. Your child loves you with all their 💓.

Minimalme · 29/08/2022 01:06

You have achieved parental gold standard op - made your dd feel so loved and secure, she doesn't ever question it.

Daddy on the other hand, makes her feel nervous and she is desperately trying to reinforce his love by magnifying hers.

If it makes you feel better, my learning disabled son is 12 and has always loved our pug dogs best. That is because he knows and understands what they want and need from him. Me and dh are just a little too complicated at times Grin

He still loves us though and we adore him.

MsTSwift · 29/08/2022 01:56

My sister had an entirely imaginary far superior other mother that she would often speak about to our lovely mum. It’s a stage.

DisneyMillie · 29/08/2022 02:56

My dd6 likes to recite her”love list” in order of importance. It’s always our cat, them grandad (my dad) then normally nana and some combination of her sister, dad and me but always grandad as top human. And it’s true - she’d rather spend time with him than me any day but I know she NEEDS me the most and I make her feel safe just as yours needs you and that’s more important.

Addicted2LuvIsland · 29/08/2022 13:40

A friend of mine has twins whose father very very rarely sees or contacts them. They made father's day cards at school and the DCs had written. HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO THE BEST DADDY. So, she asked them, "is he really the BEST daddy?". What does BEST mean do you know? She asked a few more questions, they answered and she just left it out there. The DCs were around 7 or 8 at the time, they honestly hadn't even thought it through.

PugInTheHouse · 29/08/2022 15:22

@Minimalme I understand that though, pug dogs are the best dogs, just beautiful little personalities, I like mine more than many humans. We have another puppy and he is basically my dog really and I adore him but there is something super special about pugs.

audweb · 29/08/2022 15:25

its a stage, but also if ex is not consistent or there for her like you are, she’s trying to make sense of what it means to love him.

my daughter went through the same stage and now even just four years on, she sometimes says I love him more because I don’t see him much, so I miss him, to then, I love you more because you’re always there for me. They are so little and trying to understand what is going on.

all you can do is take a deep breath, and remind them that you love them too. They know we are their safe places.

Softplayhooray · 29/08/2022 15:26

eldora · 28/08/2022 21:25

She loves you more. Guaranteed.

Yeah, this. I remember saying this to my mum when I was a bit younger than your daughter basically because he was never around so I loved the idea of seeing him more. I never actually loved him more. I can't quite explain the difference, but I remember the feeling of saying it, and honestly, she doesn't love him more.

Somethingsnappy · 29/08/2022 15:41

I clearly remember saying something very similar to my own mother at exactly the same age. I remember it well because I felt so guilty afterwards when she looked sad. The stupid thing was, I didn't mean it and I knew I didn't mean it, but I was just trying to express how much I loved my often grumpy father on the occasions he wasn't being grumpy, and was fun and lovely! I just couldn't find the right words. I actually brought it up with her recently (I'm over 40 now), and told her even as I said it, I knew it wasn't true. She didn't remember!

My dd(4) told me she loves her gran best of all yesterday. She doesn't see her often and was just excited to see her. I took it with a pinch of salt!

Minimalme · 29/08/2022 20:50

@PugInTheHouse I totally agree! My soul mate is a little black pug who we rescued three years ago.

We are hardly apart and both terribly needy of each other Grin

PugInTheHouse · 29/08/2022 21:22

@Minimalme I swear they are more human than dog haha. Ours is very needy, it has taken us 2 years to be able to leave him at home as he was so distraught if we moved away from him let alone leave the room. Our walker/trainer still can't leave him at all as he is so attached to her. When she dog sits she is very tied to the house or she takes him in a carrier when she takes other dogs for walks Grin

Sweep3 · 30/08/2022 23:27

My DS is the same. His Dad messages him on his iPad for the time he gets back with me showing him photos of some big expensive gift he’s bought him so DS is constant wanting to know when he’s going back to Daddy’s so he can open this gift he has.
basically buying him which clearly seems to work.
I hope live in hope that he will realise when he’s older that it’s not all about money and gifts!

Banana2079 · 31/08/2022 00:21

She doesn’t want a sleep over at his
says it all

you are her favourite lol

willieversleep · 31/08/2022 06:51

She looks for you - actions speak louder than words ime. Not to mention she's 6 and so pizza might be her favourite today 😁

thewrongcolourcup · 31/08/2022 07:08

Promise it gets better as they get older. My two have worked out dad buys them anything and takes them out on huge expensive trips for the day. He’s unable to parent long term, so does short bursts of ‘amazing dad’ performance.
I’m their world and I’ve raised them alone for many years while their dad had vaporised or in rehab.
kids aren’t stupid and know who provides a good time and who provides a stable home.

keep doing what you are doing for your daughter.
They love the excitement of their dad but always want to have their mum and own home and own bed.

MsTSwift · 31/08/2022 07:39

Unfortunately for me Dh genuinely is a brilliant dad 😁 and our teens have definitely realised that!

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/08/2022 07:44

Daddy is the fun bit

You do the hard work and proper parenting and there for her at all times

to me it’s very telling that that doesn’t stay at dads

does she not want to

or he doesn’t want the hard bed time /overnight responsibly @StarDolphins

also means you never get a whole evening /night off if you wanted to meet up with friends or new partner in time

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 31/08/2022 07:46

I get it, I truly do, it must hurt like hell.

But, sorry, this isn’t a competition…

She loves you both, it’s just that she’s six right now.

I just bloody hate that in blended families this competition about who the child loves best is a thing, and whose ‘in charge’ of the situation or whose the ‘best parent’ I really do - please stop it -speaking as a member of a blended family you have a lot of years that you will be in each other’s lives and, quite honestly, if you laid down and made a baby together, at one point you thought that he was 1) pretty great 2) someone who would be a good parent.

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 31/08/2022 07:58

My DD at aged 7-8 told me regularly for about a year that I was her 5th favourite person in the world - behind her aunt, her cousin, her daddy, her favourite soft toy - then me, oh actually sometimes I came behind the dog too. It's just not true. I'm not a novelty for her and I'm there for the ups and downs - the boring stuff and the exciting stuff. I'm happy she's so used to me she doesn't need to think about it - she knows I'll be there for her no matter what and she comes to me if she's upset or needs reassurance. It's stopped now and we are still incredibly close. It's important not to take it personally- kids talk a load of nonsense. Give her a hug and say, "well mummy loves you more than anything in the world" and try not to worry about it.

MsTSwift · 31/08/2022 08:08

What’s that quote? “Men love women women love children children love hamsters”