“I love you both, I just love Daddy a bit more as he’s the best”

[StarDolphins]

I know I Abu.

the title is what my 6yo DD said to me at bedtime & i just wanted to cry. I didn’t show it of course but I was like really? He hardly does anything with you.

Fun Bobby has her x2 per week - tea 1 night if he finishes work early & then Sat from 9-4. She always wants to come home rather than having a sleepover at Daddy’s but I literally do EVERYTHING for her.

i am calmer, I’m a better role model, I am her constant playmate, I literally plan every day so it’s fun. Me & my DD are loving & we both have a good, shared SOH together.

my ex does no parenting whatsoever at all but because he’s coco the clown part-time, she loves him more☹️

I know I’m being pathetic & ridiculous. I know I am. I am sensible & stable & level headed bit I just want to say to her (never would, I always agree with her how wonderful Daddy is) “he does f all apart from walking round clapping & singing “there’s only 1 <his name>“. & she thinks this is amazing.

Please can anyone tell me that at some point I might be flavour of the month?! Or just a bit of recognition for all the donkey work & dedication?

It’s a credit to you that she doesn’t recognise all the planning, organising day to day stuff. And to a certain extent all of the rest. It means in her head that these things are an absolute given and so are not recognised. Kids are terrible at feedback! In contrast her dad singing and joking is recognised as his presence or joy is not as solid. As an adult I see how much I took my parents for granted - totally how it should be but I bet I hurt them with similar comments.

My grandson prefers his grandad over me it hurts a bit but that's life

I think it’s normal... dd 9 used to be the same when she was that age, DP does act like my 3 rd child so understandably. Although I’m a lot more laid back than him. She’s started to realise now that I do more for her than daddy.

There may be a different dynamic but it doesn't only happen with separated parents. My eldest DC was always a complete Daddy's girl. It could feel quite hurtful when she was younger and clearly preferred his company. He has generally been more fun than me and that's what 6 year olds notice. IME as they get older they do start to realise some of the things you do for them (and I point it out too!). DD is 13 now and over the last couple of years the relationships have adjusted a bit. Trips to the park and rough and tumble games with Dad have lost their appeal and she'd rather go shopping, or for coffee, or to the theatre with me. We actively now have to find ways of things to do with her Dad that she enjoys.

I remember as a child matter of factory telling my mum that I preferred one of my grandmothers over the other. I went on and on about how much better she was, kinder and more fun. I said I didn't really like the other one at all.
What I hadn't grasped was that the favourite one was my dad's mum and the one I was gleefully slating was my mum's mum! I just hadn't realised they were related to my parents rather than just being my grandparents.
My mum very graciously nodded and smiled and didn't say too much but I know it hurt her.

I can promise you she’s told him she loves you more at some point.

my DC’s do it all the time. Me and DH are together but the kids jump between their favourite based on what mood they are in, who has told them off or who has let them
do what they want.

If it’s any consolation, this morning my 6 year old DD told me I am no longer her mummy because I couldn’t find the toy she had mislaid. We also have a very good relationship normally!

Awwh, OP 🤗 She has probably already forgotten she’s said it. I’m sure your daughter loves you very much.

You are her safe place. You are also the disciplinarian, the sensible, the brush your teeth and brush your hair one. Fun dad is just fun dad, but when the chips are down, you are the one she will want.

Currently living it and a bit of me dies everytime but I know I’m the pole star in this little persons life.

keep clinging to that. Though it hurts like hell.

DS once said when he was about 6 'I love you all, but I love DD best because she is my favourite.'
I reminded him of this recently, he couldn't even remember but thought it was really funny.

The children cant express exactly what they feel as they are still learning that. She doesnt love you less, in fact she loves you more.

Daddy or chips, though.....that's the clincher 🤔

Don't take it personally. My BIL is a shit dad and for years my niece said he was her favourite /daddy was the best etc.
She's a teenager now and has no relationship with her dad (despite living with both her parents). She has realised he doesn't care so why should she?
She does have a brilliant relationship with my sister though.
Your DD will realise who is really there for her and who isn't. She feels safe and secure with you that's why she was able to say it.
I think it actually shows what a good mum you are.

The very fact that she felt safe enough to say that to you means you are her world ... it's literally the best compliment in the world! You must be an amazing mum for her to feel ok to say this to you

😀don't take it personally! Actually, I think the person the child is most secure with is the one who gets second best.

I have two boys. I am incredibly close to DS1. I 'get' him. We connect well. We r really similar. I find him v easy to be around. But he'd probably say he prefers DH (even though DH is stricter with him, finds him harder and doesn't 'get' him).

My DS2 always says he prefers me, I'm the 'best' etc... I obviously love it, but in reality I find him much harder work. I don't 'get' him so easily. I obviously love him the same as I love dS1, and with all my heart. But i have to work much harder with him and I don't play with him as much as my DH does. It upsets DH that ds2 says he prefers me (espwcially because I know he finds ds2 easy to be around, 'gets' him etc.... But I always take it as a sign that DS2 just feels more secure with DH than with me (which is sad :() and wants a closer connection with me.

The day that DS2 says he prefers DH to me, will be the day I feel I have finally managed to form a good bond with him and connect with him as I do with DS1. I want that so much as I love him dearly.

Basically - take the rejection as a compliment

I think your DD is perhaps confusing loving with missing. She is 6 she doesn't have the ability to communicate complicated feelings/emotions yet.

And like a PP said she will probably love her teacher best next week.

If she always wants to come home etc then take that as a win OP. At the end of the day she will grow up and appreciate everything you have done don't worry.

She said he's the best, that sounds like she's just repeating things she's heard from one of his songs, if he sang Baby Shark enough she'd probably love sharks the most!

Mine all loved random family members, teachers, friends more than me at different times. I was particularly impressed to come second on one occasion to a cartoon character on tv.

When ill or in trouble or worried they all knew and still know who to come to. I'd rather be their rock than their "fun bobby" even if its less exciting.

YABU because of course she loves you most!

Maybe she needs to express the love for her dad because she sees him less.

My dad said at 3, can you move out so I can just live with daddy! That child 18 and loves me loads. So try not to worry.

DD loves her little brother the most. Next are both sets of grandparents and then dh and me. Sometimes there are others before dh and me. She loves ranking us all on her love scale and loves telling me about it.

I suppose it rankles if the current number one is actually a tosser but it doesn't mean much. Kids love lists and they love ranks and giving structure to their world and I think maybe they are also partly testing our reaction. I take this as my opportunity to teach DD what non possessive, non jealous and healthy love looks like (by basically not reacting much to it and being fine)

What she's articulating isn't that she loves him more, but the excitement of spending time with him because its so little and its only fun playtime. She doesn't understand at that age the difference between that and her love for her dad and her love for you.

My DD not dad! .... said at 3,

At this age I loved my pet cat most of all.

One of my DC when young used to say she loved the cat most and wished the cat was her mummy.
Do not take all this too seriously.

I feel for you, it's hard to swallow, although apparently its a back-handed compliment. TBH I have never got past struggling with this and my boys are 15 and 12. I sometimes think it must be much better to be a Dad than a Mum.