“I love you both, I just love Daddy a bit more as he’s the best”

[StarDolphins]

I know I Abu.

the title is what my 6yo DD said to me at bedtime & i just wanted to cry. I didn’t show it of course but I was like really? He hardly does anything with you.

Fun Bobby has her x2 per week - tea 1 night if he finishes work early & then Sat from 9-4. She always wants to come home rather than having a sleepover at Daddy’s but I literally do EVERYTHING for her.

i am calmer, I’m a better role model, I am her constant playmate, I literally plan every day so it’s fun. Me & my DD are loving & we both have a good, shared SOH together.

my ex does no parenting whatsoever at all but because he’s coco the clown part-time, she loves him more☹️

I know I’m being pathetic & ridiculous. I know I am. I am sensible & stable & level headed bit I just want to say to her (never would, I always agree with her how wonderful Daddy is) “he does f all apart from walking round clapping & singing “there’s only 1 <his name>“. & she thinks this is amazing.

Please can anyone tell me that at some point I might be flavour of the month?! Or just a bit of recognition for all the donkey work & dedication?

Please can anyone tell me that at some point I might be flavour of the month?! Or just a bit of recognition for all the donkey work & dedication?

Nope.

Sorry - she's 6 years old. She does not have the understanding, experience or maturity to quantify what you do for her. She cannot see the full complexities of adult relationships yet. That kind of statement may not have such a deep meaning to her as it does for you. She sees you both in a very 2D fashion right now, and she may have picked up this phrase 'he's the best' from somewhere else

However, some children are incredibly perceptive - toddlers can lie, and kids can manipulate. Be careful that she's not picking up the dynamic between you two.....for all you know.....she could be telling him the same thing.

Do you have a bad relationship still with your ex? Could he be coaching her to say something like this to other people?

It's a marathon, not a race. Don't worry, you'll win in the long run.

My kids have all been absolute daddy’s boys, daddy is run after all and mum says if we don’t start cooking now they won’t eat till 7:30… but last week my 7yo said he loved me a bit more because I borned him. So that’s progress!! I’m sure this week daddy is again the coolest ever.

I know my DD is closer to me than her dad. My DS despises us both equally.

You are her safety op.that’s partly why she believes she can even tell you this.
you are her rules,her walls,her boundaries.at this age she might not see this in a good light on the surface.but I bet you inside her heart beats steadier with you.her fight fight responses turned off,knowing how to be a good human,who she can run to,learn from,reach morals and right from wrong.one day she will love you for that.for keeping her stable and for being someone she can rely on to come to.you are her port. And please trust me this is the best person to be. It’s a love like no other. And it doesn’t always go said.it’s one she is able to give every part of herself over to you and you will handlevit.don’t underestimate the stable role.
she will take it for granted for approximately 20 years though😛but that because she can.because she knows your her safety and always will be.

Yes he definitely tells her he’s the best - I’ve heard him say ‘my daddy, my hero’ & ‘she loves her Daddy’ to her! So maybe she’s copying it as it does happen straight after she’s seen him! Also, she’s spent all the holidays with me so maybe ages just a but bored of me!

You’re all very wise & I am just going to be grateful she’s secure enough to say it.

tge end of year book she brought home from school where they had to draw their family & write about the people she loves is ALWAYs just a drawing of our dog & his name!🤣 with just the occasional ‘mummy’ written somewhere at the top of the page!

I know she loves me, I know she loves our life & home, it just hurt because I wasn’t expecting it but I have given myself a telling off & I will be ready next time with all your replies in my mind!

At some point, the penny will drop and she will realise who is the dick.

Trust me, girls more so. Coco the Clown will not be able to keep up the pretence for long.

You are doing great. I know you are doing the best by her by a country mile

Yes. When I separated son danced for his father (who treated him like shit) and was a
monster to me. Therapist explained I am the “safe”
parent—no questioning my love or the soundness of our relationship. It has passed and no doubt my son and I are close and he has figured out what’s what. But parenting (the right way) is insanely hard and rewards are deferred. Hang in there and know Itnis only her security with you that allows her to say something so silly.

My grandson is like this his daddy and grandpa are his heroes. His mum and I, we just fix food etc for him 😂😂

When my DH goes away for work, my 5 and 7 year olds draw him endless pictures and save any sweets or treats they are given so that they can give him presents when he comes home.

DH is just about to go away again and they promised to save him things. DH pointed out that they might like to save some for me, as I will be looking after them all week. They were mortified. Just hadn’t thought it from this angle.

Kids! I didn’t get it until I was 28 and had my own.

It’s been said already no doubt but your child is trying to convince herself (subconsciously) he’s amazing and you’re the one she trusts to say that out loud

@EarthSight We have a good relationship currently a year on but I expect this to change when he accepts we won’t be getting back together. For now, very civil, amicable & friendly - although I do know he finds it tough to keep this up! But she will only see from me that I am nice & respectful of him.

be does tell her excessively how wonderful he is. He always has done. He admits himself that he needs ‘to be on a pedestal’ - not just from our DD but work, friends, gf etc’ he just says it’s what he needs!

maybe she’s picking up on it.

This is definitely normal for kids, I always used to say one of my uncles was my favourite. He lived miles away and we saw him a few times a year, it always was a big deal when he visited as he is larger than life and he always bought gifts. As I got older I realised it was all very superficial, don't get me wrong I love him however I realised how much Ioved those relatives that were here for me all the time and gave their love and time to me.

Big hugs because even though your rational head tells you it’s nonsense it still hurts! And I can categorically tell you that she doesn’t love him more and especially when she’s older and you’re her constant, she will see everything for herself and you’ll always be there

@Mammajay i just think if I had a sad face that she might not come to me in future with her feelings incase she upsets me?

@EllieRosesMammy @eldora @Hugasauras @NameChangeLifeChange Understand & agree & feel so much better, just hurt at the time but totally agree!

Everybody loves butterflies, flowers, and rainbows. No one says, "I love the air I breathe," even though we all need to breathe air more than we need to see butterflies and rainbows! She probably won't appreciate you the way you deserve until she's an adult, maybe until she has her own children, and maybe not even then. However, someone should appreciate you and understand how important you are to her, how much she needs you, and how much you love her. You know who appreciates you and understands everything you do? We do. We other mothers see you and appreciate you and we respect and honor everything you are doing and all the sacrifices you're making for her. Virtual hug!

DD used to say similar and any gifts he bought her were the best things ever, no matter how cheap they were or about things/characters she had previously shown no interest in.
Its because they are less secure in their bond with the other parent and they are a novelty to them. They also dont do all the hard graft which young children are oblivious to.

When DD was 12 she turned around and said to me that she enjoyed visiting her Dad and new little sister, but he wasnt a parent, it was like visiting an Uncle and Cousin instead. Im glad she has a good relationship with him but she knows who provides for her.

Fun Bobby though 😂

Totally normal behaviour from a 6yo whose dad has left. A lot of it is
about wanting to please him to keep his affection and it sounds like he is reinforcing the “daddy is best” stuff. She knows you will always love her so she doesn’t need to try as hard. Still sucks though!

Give it 20 years, she'll know how much you did for her and how shit he actually was.
Seriously though, the fact she won't sleep there says it all. Actions speak louder and all that!
My DS loooves my DH (fun, silly daddy who never tells him off and always gives in 😒!) but if he hurts himself or wakes in the night, he only ever wants his mama, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
The cat might be her favourite next week so I wouldn't worry about it too much!

Don’t forgot OP that part of her ability to love her dadddy comes from you. You make it safe for her to have an attachment to him. That’s a great thing.
My kids dad is nicknamed FunTime Frankie by me. I’m divorced a good while now and while it used to weigh heavily, they can see clearly that their dad is seriously limited in his parenting abilities/attitude.
Keep facilitating the relationship safe in the knowledge that you are front and centre the most important person in her life. I didn’t believe it of myself or when others told me the same but it’s true.
I love the warm, content, respectful and appreciative family life I have built with my children. Yes it’s tiring thankless and sometimes maddening but I get to be their guide, their safe place, their cheerleader from the sidelines and their dad is a fool for not doing more.
I sound so big headed however this has been such a hard slog and I’m proud of myself. Hang in there!

This.

Kids take parents for granted. He's not a parent, he's a baby sitter.

My five year old says he loves his Nana more than anyone in the world. But it's me he cries for in the night.

You're doing an incredible job, don't let this undermine how amazing you are.

My late father whom I adored, was probably fairly similar, no rules at his house, could eat what I liked etc, but I also didn’t like staying the night at his place. I was scared of the dark and suspect I felt safer sleeping with mummy under the same roof.

as a teen/adult, without my mum needing to say a thing, I realised that my dad was a bit of a Disney dad and poor mum was doing all the grunt work.

don’t worry, there is a reason she prefers to stay at yours and she will eventually work out for herself that mum is the one who does more.

My DS said pretty much exactly that at a similar age. My exH and I were still happily married at that point, but it still hurt. We divorced when he was 13 and DS has very little time for his dad now he’s in his 20s. Children have no idea how hurtful they’ve been and they can be very much influenced by minor differences in parenting. So long as she has a stable and consistent relationship with you, she’ll do well and will always love you.

I was like your daughter. My father lived in another country and was, frankly, a bit useless at looking after children. He left all the hard bits to my Mum.

Someone upthread said that you could try to have more fun at home. Please do not do this, it isn’t necessary. Having two parents who are constantly making an effort to be extra, mega fun all the time is also very bad for a child. I often see someone on here saying that they want their child to learn X and cringe when it is suggested that the poster could “make it into a game!”. Not everything can be a game, sometimes you just do the thing.

Having a child say she likes you best isn’t going to be your ultimate reward. Being a good parent is often doing the dull, unshowy thing - making sure that she has clean socks and a sensible bedtime, getting her to read to you and brush her teeth. The effort you put in to this will be rewarded much later.