“I love you both, I just love Daddy a bit more as he’s the best”

[StarDolphins]

I know I Abu.

the title is what my 6yo DD said to me at bedtime & i just wanted to cry. I didn’t show it of course but I was like really? He hardly does anything with you.

Fun Bobby has her x2 per week - tea 1 night if he finishes work early & then Sat from 9-4. She always wants to come home rather than having a sleepover at Daddy’s but I literally do EVERYTHING for her.

i am calmer, I’m a better role model, I am her constant playmate, I literally plan every day so it’s fun. Me & my DD are loving & we both have a good, shared SOH together.

my ex does no parenting whatsoever at all but because he’s coco the clown part-time, she loves him more☹️

I know I’m being pathetic & ridiculous. I know I am. I am sensible & stable & level headed bit I just want to say to her (never would, I always agree with her how wonderful Daddy is) “he does f all apart from walking round clapping & singing “there’s only 1 <his name>“. & she thinks this is amazing.

Please can anyone tell me that at some point I might be flavour of the month?! Or just a bit of recognition for all the donkey work & dedication?

Kids are just dicks sometimes, don't take it to heart.

My firstborn eldest son, right from the get go ADORED his dad. Even though I was the primary caregiver, had a lovely relationship with him etc, he was Daddy's Boy. It used to kill me when he was Ill/ off colour and wanted daddy first. It wasn't that I felt he didn't love me, I just knew that I was a very close second best

I split up with his dad when DS was only six, and he continued to love spending time with my ex, and enjoying the same hobbies and stuff. I was totally resigned to the fact than when he was old enough to decide for himself, he would live with his dad.

Except now, he's 23 and still living with me

He's got a good job and a lovely girlfriend- he still adores his dad, but we've just got a lot in common and have ended up being as close as mum and son should be.

Honestly, everything you do as her primary carer will always be remembered.
My daughter had a little friend next door growing up and one day told me that she wanted her friends mummy to be her mummy but she would visit me sometime...
I was heartbroken.. truly ! Long time before internet and I had no family or friends to ask if this was normal..
it then turned out that apparently the friends mum let them have their tea in front of TV on the floor .. the height of sophistication to my daughter 🤦‍♀️
Just grit teeth and nod .. kids are fickle but she'll know she feels loved

Exactly this for me. I once happily told my mother that I loved daddy soooo much more and it makes me cringe to this day. He was, and is, a bit of an arse. But I didn’t see him all the time so I missed him but couldn’t work that out in my head when I was little.

Yep yep yep. I used to go on and on about really insignificant things my dad did when my poor mum worked her fingers to the bone to take me on holidays, pay for music lessons, etc. It wasn't because I loved him more but because he did so fucking little that I leapt on anything he did do. I feel sad for childhood me and for my mum then, but it definitely wasn't about love.

Not really relevant, but this thread takes me back to when I was 6, and was put on the spot by one of two lovely middle-aged widowed neighbours of ours, who were friends and sometimes took me on outings to the zoo etc.
She actually asked me, in front of the other one, which one I liked the best! I remember now, both the horror of not knowing what to say, and the relief when I managed to dredge up from somewhere ‘I like you both the same’, little diplomat that I was!

'DD, I love you so much, I'm doing your washing.'
'DD, I love you so much. I'm showing it now by making your supper.'
'DD, I love you. I planned this walk because I know we'll enjoy it and it's good for our health. That's how I show I love you.'

And so on.

Thanks everyone, read all your replies & the sensible me gets totally what you’re all saying. Honestly I do.

I never asked her & never would (ignorance is bliss!) she just came out with it as she saw him for a few hours today.

I know you’re all right, she’s more comfortable with me, I know this. She’s said similar things before like ‘I hope you die before daddy’ she did retract this without me saying anything but still🤣

I am funnier & nicer than him though, why doesn’t she see this!🤣

but because he sings songs about how wonderful he is, he wins!

I know I am ridiculous- I just want to reiterate this & i would never let her see I am bothered.

it’s so hard being a parent. At least I am my dog’s favourite person!

Trust me, she loves you more and will respect you a whole lot more when she grows up, has her own children and realises which parent put in all the hard work. I'm pretty sure I'm not my eldest daughters favorite either (seperated from her dad) but I am the one who does all the things that you mentioned you do for your daughter, and he's the fun weekend parent x

Ah tell DD that the DOG is your favourite child!!!

revenge is sweet 🤗

just kidding but it's tempting isn't it!

everything that needs saying has been said.

you're her world, just she doesn't know how to say it yet! !

At 6, I told my mum I loved Olivia Newton John more than her and wished she was my mum instead. Honestly, do not be upset or read too much into it. It would hurt me too but you know in your heart that it's not true. But it's good that she has a great time when she's with him isn't it.

Hehe that made me chuckle

She doesn’t really know what she means or what she’s saying at this age.

Guaranteed that in all actual, real senses she loves you more. She just doesn’t know it.

Kids are quite brutal like that but you just can’t take it to heart. As a pp has said, next week it’ll be her teacher or Auntie Maeve or whoever that she “loves” best.

Is it acceptable to pull a sad face when she says things
Iike this so that she knows it makes you sad? I think children need to understand that other people feel upset and hurt but wouldn't want to make a child feel insecure. What do others think?

Ah I know, DD told me she doesn’t love me and she loves her dad (but not as much as her teacher) that hurt a bit. She’s small, she’s hanging onto her dad as much as she can. Ofcourse she loves you. She probably wouldn’t be able to say that to her dad would she, “I love mum more” because she can trust you to be around and you are safe.

Ok here the thing,the day to day labour and getting things done isn’t fun or wahey but it’s necessary
however the dad is the performance parent, he swings in all ooh and ahh with not so much responsibility
but you know what,it’s the day to day routine that keeps her safe and grounded and it often goes overlooked because it just works

I would've said this and did say it (privately) well into my teens.

I think my mum did so much for me practically while my dad used to take me on lots of fun experiences. For me, we built an emotional connection in this way which was important for children.

I think this was in a way the consequence of divorce for her - her doing the washing, cooking my dinner etc we're all important - I needed her to survive. But my love grew out of the time I spent with my dad. And my mum was often busy with domestic drudgery.

Now aged 30 I can see exactly what she did for me all those years ago. Until about 25 I was a self described daddy's girl. I still have that bond with him but it has equalled out now.

It's telling that she doesn't want to stay overnight with him! It's you she feels safe and secure with and by the time she's a teenager she will understand and show appreciation for you I'm sure👍💐

I think this might be it. I think she misses him. When we were together, she was totally attached to me but maybe she doesn’t see him enough. Not mine or her choice, I will facilitate her seeing him whenever he is available.

I am loving the stories of what you’ve/your children have said🤣 makes me feel a whole lot better!

Every reply has made me feel so much better & brought me back down to my logical self!

I will continue to smile sweetly at the daddy appreciation!

Oh I’m sorry op. Please know it’s a variety of things - her thinking she has to ‘show’ her love for daddy more since you’re always there anyway and she doesn’t need to reassure you, you being that eversafe presence that she doesn’t have to worry about etc. I guarantee when she’s a bit older she’ll see who the real parent is, and she’ll know who was there for her, protected her, loved her unselfishly and wholly.

My theory is children always attach themselves a little bit more to the opposite sex parent. I adored my mum but was always extra excited when my dad attended things. I was desperately trying to be Daddy’s little girl. My boys adore their dad but m his they’re ferocious in their love and ownership over me.

@StarDolphins 😂 she’s six! I have vivid memories of being this age, I remember “preferring” my dad, mainly because he was rarer than my mum and therefore more precious somehow. What’s rare is beautiful, but once the stable love (ie you) is under any threat at all, this is where the panic kicks in. I adored my grandmother at that age, couldn’t wait to spend time with her, but a week alone with grandma would have stressed me out, I would have missed my parents too much! Don’t read into it OP, the more she feels she can safely take you for granted, the more you know you’re doing your job right.

*but my god

Absolutely this. 1000%
That she feels safe enough with you to say this proves it. Don’t doubt it for one second; he’s in her life. You ARE her life.

Although if she really loved him more why would she never ever want to sleepover with him? Why does she always want to come home to you?

You said "She always wants to come home rather than having a sleepover at Daddy’s" actions speak louder than words.