DH has no time for our dog

[PokeInTheBum]

A few years ago DH said he wanted a dog, a German shepherd. I said no as I didn’t want the hair or a large animal to have to look after. He kept on about wanting a dog and assured me that he’d be 100% responsible for it. I said if he was that desperate for a dog he could get a little one like a French bulldog. He reluctantly agreed and we got a frenchie puppy. At first he adored him and was with him all the time. He took him to a basic obedience 6 week course and would come home frustrated saying the dog wouldn’t do anything and he was a laughing stock at the class. He was working on stuff with him inbetween classes (daily) but would always come back furious from the class saying it was pointless. I started going with him for support but to be fair it was embarrassing, ours was the only dog that wasn’t progressing and we couldn’t get him to do anything other than “sit” and even that was only 50/50. Didn’t help that the instructor made jokes about it and drew everyone’s attention to it. At the end of the course everyone was presented with their certificates whilst we were “gently told” to book onto a repeat course.

DH decided against it and whilst he continued walking the dog etc it was obvious that he was losing interest. We couldn’t get him house trained, he was incredibly destructive and wrecked everything in sight. We had a behaviourist in as well as a trainer but neither have been any help.

Then 3 years ago DH told me he needed a proper dog and was buying a German shepherd puppy. I agreed because I saw how much it was getting him down not having this dog. He was going to all sorts of shows, displays and meet ups etc for 2 years prior.

we got the German shepherd. DH finally has the dog he wanted. It excelled at the basic obedience class and then went on to pass the advanced obedience class and all the kennel club awards. DH’s office is full of certificates and rosettes from him activities with the dog and to be fair he does 100% of the work with her.

Trouble is his tolerance for the frenchie is now rock bottom, he gets annoyed just hearing him wander around the house. He refuses to clean up its piss and shit saying he’s not “doing it anymore” with a 6 year old dog. To be honest I think he actively dislikes the dog.

I have taken on responsibility of the frenchie but the way DH makes it so obvious he doesn’t want him around upsets me. He’ll literally make the frenchie move off the sofa so the German shepherd can sit there.

We ended up arguing about it last night and he said it’s my fault as I pressured him to get a dog he didn’t want and if I’d just agreed to the shepherd in the first place none of this would have happened.

So, is it all my fault??

OP, did neither of you do any research? Surely during the discussion about getting a dog you discussed why he liked GSDs? So how on earth did you end up with a French bulldog? This is why I think you are both unreasonable. You could have found a dog that was smaller and less likely to shed but had the personality traits he likes. You said you grew up with labs: they are highly trainable and great at agility work. Why not one of them?

You could have the dog another 4 years, though, so your DH needs to sort himself out and accept his own part in this decision. He could have suggested an alternative.

Much as I hate to say this- Rehome the Frenchie. That way he'll have a loving home with someone who wants him.

Like you say, any dog can get health issues.

I don't think he's irresponsible at all - he's just pissed off that his wife picked a breed that he didn't want and now he's stuck dealing with the consequences (wee and poo all over his house, destroyed carpets and furniture). I'd be bloody annoyed if I was in his shoes to.

Lots of people want certain breeds - it doesn't mean they see their dogs as "a certain type of new toy" there are lots of breeds I wouldn't want to own - there's really nothing wrong with not wanting to own a certain breed.

@AldiLidlDeeDee
When you buy/foster/adopt a dog, it is a commitment and whilst you can make informed decisions, there are no guarantees where behaviour and health are concerned.

I can only speak from experience and I adopted a dog who had 5 homes before me. He was labelled a problem dog and was an absolute horror to be fair. Lots of hard work, time, patience and love later, he’s a brilliant allrounder and not destructive in the slightest.

What do you suggest? That the Frenchie stays in this miserable house and progresses no further?! It’s clear that the Gs is staying put.

What a daft comment.

OP you clearly have tried. But your husband isn’t treating it right at all and the Frenchie will pick up on this. I’ve seen behavioural issues stem from treating dogs differently and these issues cease or improve when things have been balanced.

I doubt this particular dog would pick up on anything by all accounts

I didn’t choose a frenchie, I said a small dog “like” a frenchie. In the end frenchie was chosen because it was short haired, good with kids, low prey drive and lower energy.

I read that they were difficult to train but as DH is experienced in dog training I assumed he’d be able to do it and he said he would be able to.

Obviously we were wrong.

So he had experience of German Shepherds, knew what he was letting himself in for, but you still decided your opinion was more important? You went ahead and picked a totally inappropriate breed (having apparently done no research) and you're now annoyed because your DH doesn't enjoy living with an untrained dog who pisses and shits all over the house?

I'm not surprised he's annoyed and resentful. I would hate to share my house with a dog I didn't want, and that used my home as a toilet. Surely you can see where he's coming from? He didn't want this dog and has to deal with it anyway.

He is not food OR toy motivated which is why the professional trainers struggled as their methods were positive reinforcement with treats/toys. Our frenchie doesn’t give a shit about either of those.

This thread has gone a bit bonkers, as dog threads always seem to.

He’s clearly treating the dog like he hates it. How you think that’s acceptable is beyond me. It doesn’t matter whether he wanted a different breed, he got the dog!!! He accepted the dog!!! Therefore he is partly responsible.

it’s a dog ffs.

I think this.

It’s not great to dump pets but this isn’t working out.

I guess you are both at fault. I can understand you wanting a smaller dog, but even basic research would have told you that French bulldogs are difficult. He’s obviously at fault for being mean to the dog.

I would be wary of having kids with him..

Ahhh that is a tad harsh but it made me laugh .
Yes this dog doesn't sound like he's the sharpest knife in the drawer ..poor lamb

Is he castrated (the dog )

I think some pp are being unkind. I do think you are both responsible here, for the reasons others have explained, but OP didn't want a dog in the first place, and yet she is the one looking after him, and continuing to show him love and affection. She was very silly pushing a Frenchie in the first place, and getting one with no research, but she's learned her lesson the hard way, and is taking responsibility for it, unlike her partner.

I've had dogs for years, and have clever, easily trainable breeds. Certain breeds, like Frenchies, are so different, as to be almost not like a dog (for me). I couldn't stand having a dog like op has described. I'm not surprised her dh, who wanted a GS, has lost interest. However, as pp have said, he is very unreasonable to show this. It's a big shame all round.

He sounds a twat and it's not about the dog (GS or FB) it's about him swinging his dick around saying look at me aren't I clever getting all these rosettes.

I'm not getting it either. I had Lakeland terriers, notorious for being "independent", ie wilful and disobedient, and challenging to train, but they were housetrained and would respond to all the basic commands pretty quickly.

I don't think it's ever too late to housetrain a dog unless it's actually elderly, I think the first thing to do is to learn the signs it needs to pee/poo and make sure you get it outside when you spot them, then reward in the way that a PP suggested.

But that isn't really the issue here imo. OP's DH was on board with getting the Frenchie and has a duty to play a part in its care for the rest of its life. I'd be seriously pissed off with him.

Sorry, this made me laugh a bit. Your husband wanted a strong, vibrant and attractive dog that he could show and take out properly/enjoy, and he ended up being pressured into buying a snorting, deformed fashion accessory.

He sounds unkind towards the bulldog tbh but lol...

I never said it was acceptable, did I?

I'm just saying I'm not surprised he's pissed off and resentful over the situation. If my DH disagreed with me over what breed to get, but then decided to get a breed that's notorious for being difficult to toilet train and just expected me to live in a house covered in wee and poo, I would be bloody resentful too.

@PokeInTheBum sorry, really confused- did your husband choose the dog in the end? Who actually found the pup?
As I say, I would take responsibility for my part in it (whatever that was) these things can take on a life of their own and seriously damage an otherwise good relationship. At the very least you get to have a clear conscience, knowing you’ve taken responsibility- that’s all you can really do. You don’t want to give away the frenchie which is understandable but you may have to tolerate your husband’s resentment if moving the dog out is not an option.

you know i read that if a dog messes in the house, you hit yourself with a rolled up newspaper!
it is down to you to train, to be aware of their needs

FFS it's not dick swinging
I don't even bloody like dogs (except greyhounds) and I lived next door to a pug cross for years who drove me barmy even though I didn't live with it . Then they got a FB so two noisy little bored dogs to drive me mad .

But he wants a Dog/Owner relationship/partnership with a fit large clever animal .
That takes skill and consistancy and understanding how the GS mind works and making it work with him and for him.

I now wonder if the Frenchie has a neurological issue of some kind. OP had had a few specialist trainers out.

Do you rub you own nose in it too for good measure

Clearly you and your husband have different ideas and priorities about what makes a good family dog.

You say he has a lovely temperament and is great with kids which is so important. Just because he doesn't excel at sit, stay, roll over - so what?!

Whereas your husband seems way more focussed on the dog training side, getting certificates and praise.

I can understand him being annoyed at the constant accidents in the house though.

The Kennel Club's last breed specific health survey lists median age of death as 5.9 years. There's a lot of problems with collecting data on morbidity due to the astronomical rise in popularity of the breed (it's likely to be artifically skewed young at present due to a young population) but it is clear that these are not likely to be long lived dogs.

I still can't quite square the decision to get a French bulldog instead of any one of a dozen breeds which would have been far more likely to fulfil the criteria of small and non hairy and DH's desire for a trainable, driven and obedient dog. A bulldog is absolutely the least suitable choice you could have made. It wasn't a compromise, it was a dog neither of you wanted.

Ultimately, that choice was yours and IMO you need to step up and care for the dog to the best of your ability for the time he has left. Having had a stab at training it and being understandably disappointed with the outcome DH also needs to leave you to it and not be actively hostile to the poor dog, who didn't ask for any of this.