DH has no time for our dog

[PokeInTheBum]

A few years ago DH said he wanted a dog, a German shepherd. I said no as I didn’t want the hair or a large animal to have to look after. He kept on about wanting a dog and assured me that he’d be 100% responsible for it. I said if he was that desperate for a dog he could get a little one like a French bulldog. He reluctantly agreed and we got a frenchie puppy. At first he adored him and was with him all the time. He took him to a basic obedience 6 week course and would come home frustrated saying the dog wouldn’t do anything and he was a laughing stock at the class. He was working on stuff with him inbetween classes (daily) but would always come back furious from the class saying it was pointless. I started going with him for support but to be fair it was embarrassing, ours was the only dog that wasn’t progressing and we couldn’t get him to do anything other than “sit” and even that was only 50/50. Didn’t help that the instructor made jokes about it and drew everyone’s attention to it. At the end of the course everyone was presented with their certificates whilst we were “gently told” to book onto a repeat course.

DH decided against it and whilst he continued walking the dog etc it was obvious that he was losing interest. We couldn’t get him house trained, he was incredibly destructive and wrecked everything in sight. We had a behaviourist in as well as a trainer but neither have been any help.

Then 3 years ago DH told me he needed a proper dog and was buying a German shepherd puppy. I agreed because I saw how much it was getting him down not having this dog. He was going to all sorts of shows, displays and meet ups etc for 2 years prior.

we got the German shepherd. DH finally has the dog he wanted. It excelled at the basic obedience class and then went on to pass the advanced obedience class and all the kennel club awards. DH’s office is full of certificates and rosettes from him activities with the dog and to be fair he does 100% of the work with her.

Trouble is his tolerance for the frenchie is now rock bottom, he gets annoyed just hearing him wander around the house. He refuses to clean up its piss and shit saying he’s not “doing it anymore” with a 6 year old dog. To be honest I think he actively dislikes the dog.

I have taken on responsibility of the frenchie but the way DH makes it so obvious he doesn’t want him around upsets me. He’ll literally make the frenchie move off the sofa so the German shepherd can sit there.

We ended up arguing about it last night and he said it’s my fault as I pressured him to get a dog he didn’t want and if I’d just agreed to the shepherd in the first place none of this would have happened.

So, is it all my fault??

But he chose the dog too. She didn’t choose the dog on her own. He agreed to the dog. He accepted the dog. He doesn’t get to change his mind now. And you can be resentful, but you don’t take it out on the dog who is an innocent in all of this. It’s indefensible.

I mean that’s even worse with the updates. You knew he was a good gsd owner and it was a good fit but basically it being too hairy was the issue so pushed for a small breed. Ended up with the worlds stupidest frenchie and that’s a low bar anyway. I agree I doubt the dog knows it’s disliked it doesn’t seem to be very aware it’s a dog at all just a something pissing and shitting where it wants and too stupid to jump back down from a kitchen counter it jumped up onto.

Your husband sounds like a complete knob.

I really hope you don't have kids with him.

I would rehome the frenchie but ONLY because it would be in the dog's best interests. Imagine knowing you're a disappointment to everyone in the house. Poor poor dog. That dog deserves MUCH better than either of you.

Yes, it was your fault - but then neither of you should have got a dog you didn't agree to. They're not toys.

@70isaLimitNotaTarget Disagree with you he a just a twat, plain and simple.

That's disgusting. Belly bands are vile and leaving a dog in a wet belly band for so long that his skin is affected is cruel and neglectful.

Anyone who'd do that shouldn't be allowed to have a damn dog and I feel really sorry for them both.

It doesn’t just not sit or stay it can’t even not piss or shit in the house. That’s the main issue a dog that just goes where it wants. You want to live in a kiss and shit covered house for six years? That’s going to stink no matter how much it’s cleaned and day in day out cleaning up mess for a dog you didn’t want?

You bought a disabled dog against the wishes of your husband and for trend reasons. Put it in nappies and look after it.

I would rehome the FB. I've always had gundogs and would not be happy if DH had gone all flaky and bought a Pekinese. Can't understand why the FB isn't housetrained though.

Yes it is.

Did you do any research in to frenchies before suggesting he get one? Seems utterly ridiculous to suggest a french bulldog when he wanted a GSD, they're total opposites!

If I'm honest, I think you should speak to the breeder and ask them to take it back.

With a house that won't be ruined.

I agree with this. I'd be pissed of if you made me get a Frenchie instead of a GSD too! YABU for suggesting such an awful breed and he is BU for agreeing!

I would have hoped the vet would have spotted any neuro issues.

You can have as many specialist trainers out as you like, but unless you're prepared to put in the hard yards training the dog, it won't make any difference.

I housetrained a friend's Romanian street dog, approx 5YOA, rescue in 5 days when I looked after him, exlained to the friend what signs to look out for and how I did it and he's perfectly clean in the house now.

It's not rocket science, but it IS hard work, requires constant vigilance in the early days and regular reinforcement.

He sounds an awful man !! I would leave with the Frenchie !

In the best interests of the FB, I would consider re-homing as an option.

You have obviously tried but it hasn't worked. Maybe the FB would be better in a different environment, with people who specialise in this type of breed or special needs dogs. The not being house trained after 6 years is particularly problematic, I have never heard of it before TBH

They're stubborn but my Frenchie has been a doddle to house train. We got her at 8 weeks and by 14/15 weeks she was all sorted - I think she's had maybe 2 accidents in the house since then? Both when I wasn't paying attention so my fault not hers.

I don't really understand the need to teach dogs tricks. Basic commands yes and while they're stubborn, Frenchies are more than capable of sitting/waiting etc

OP I couldn't tolerate this situation. Your DH is being an arse and that poor dog is suffering. You either need to go right back to basics with the Frenchie or rehome where he can be happy and stress-free.

In OP's own words "I said if he was that desperate for a dog he could get a little one like a French bulldog. He reluctantly agreed."

In other words, it was a dog like a Frenchie or nothing. It was never going to work. It's not the kind of dog he wanted and he's now stuck living in a home covered in wee and poo, put there by a dog he never really wanted to begin with.

I think some posters on here must be absolute saints if they're genuinely saying they'd tolerate six years of living in a home covered in piss and shit, with destroyed carpets and destroyed furniture on top. This dog pisses up the walls and up the dining table, FGS.

He's not cruel to the dog. He doesn't hit it or lock it outdoors or starve it. He just doesn't enjoy living with a dog that isn't house-trained and that can't even master a basic "sit" command, and IMO that's completely fair enough. Most people would have re-homed it a long time ago.

Quite a few people have said to re home the French Bulldog. Would this even be possible? The dog is 6 years old and still front and back incontinent. If I were looking for a dog, I wouldn’t even consider this one. A decision to rehome may actually be more a decision to have the dog humanely destroyed.

Eww hving read the OP I really dislike the husband!

He wanted a dog so he would have something that he could completely dominate and control, which would instantly obey his commands without question, and to be an extension of his ego by winning rosettes which he could boast about.

You need to rehome the Frenchie, sorry x

I agree. Mine is a little treasure x

You're quite right that it would be almost impossible to re-home a 6yo incontinent dog. Why would anyone want to take on that kind of responsibility?! I certainly bloody wouldn't.

I think you should have researched all about the Frenchie breed before getting one they are known for being difficult to train and very stubborn and not the most intelligent of dogs. Obvs they'll be exceptions before anyone jumps on me. German shepards are more intelligent and easy to train that why the police etc use them.
The poor Frenchie though I think you just have to make Frenchie your dog and show him/her lots of love and affection that he/she does not get from your husband.

But @mountainsunsets he DID agree to the dog. And they got the dog. Therefore he’s fucking responsible for the bloody dog as well!!!! It doesn’t matter whether he got it reluctantly, he wanted a dog so he got one. So he has to be a responsible owner! You cannot just decide to change your mind with a dog. It’s twattish behaviour.
And no, I wouldn’t put up with piss and shit everywhere, I’d be doing something about it, engaging another trainer and trying different techniques till I found the solution. Or I’d try nappies and check and change them very frequently until we did find a solution.

OP has also said he kicks the dog off the sofa for his precious new dog, swears about it choking on treats and can’t stand hearing it walking. If you think that Frenchie hasn’t picked up on that then you don’t know much about dogs.

There are still many other options. It may take a little longer to find them but they are there.

Thanks to the PPs who corrected me on the life span.

The KK still list the 10+ lifespan on the breed information pages, I just popped to look.

I wonder if the new data is the result of irresponsible inbreeding as FB became so popular? They really are astonishingly unhealthy wee things, they sound perpetually unwell.

Personally I can’t see the appeal, but my two FB-owning friends worship the water they walk on.

It does sound like you have had some particularly unhelpful 'specialists' with regards to your Frenchies training and because they have deemed him untrainable then that's what he has been labelled as.

You say he doesn't respond to treats when training, but is there something he does like?

I think with the toilet training, you need to go right back to puppy basics. Take him out 20 mins after eating or drinking, on a lead and have a command word so he will eventually get what you are asking of him. Then when he does go use whatever reward he responds to, even if it's just lots of praise and attention.

I found this website which has some info regarding training Frenchies, it might have some suggestions you've not tried www.greatpetcare.com/training/how-to-train-a-french-bulldog/

Another thing I would do is if you haven't already, join a breed specific Facebook group and see if you can through there find a trainer who is more knowledgeable about the breed and especially older dogs. I don't believe your dog is untrainable, but I think it will take much more time now he is older and you need to be 100% consistent. Good luck op.