DH has no time for our dog

[PokeInTheBum]

A few years ago DH said he wanted a dog, a German shepherd. I said no as I didn’t want the hair or a large animal to have to look after. He kept on about wanting a dog and assured me that he’d be 100% responsible for it. I said if he was that desperate for a dog he could get a little one like a French bulldog. He reluctantly agreed and we got a frenchie puppy. At first he adored him and was with him all the time. He took him to a basic obedience 6 week course and would come home frustrated saying the dog wouldn’t do anything and he was a laughing stock at the class. He was working on stuff with him inbetween classes (daily) but would always come back furious from the class saying it was pointless. I started going with him for support but to be fair it was embarrassing, ours was the only dog that wasn’t progressing and we couldn’t get him to do anything other than “sit” and even that was only 50/50. Didn’t help that the instructor made jokes about it and drew everyone’s attention to it. At the end of the course everyone was presented with their certificates whilst we were “gently told” to book onto a repeat course.

DH decided against it and whilst he continued walking the dog etc it was obvious that he was losing interest. We couldn’t get him house trained, he was incredibly destructive and wrecked everything in sight. We had a behaviourist in as well as a trainer but neither have been any help.

Then 3 years ago DH told me he needed a proper dog and was buying a German shepherd puppy. I agreed because I saw how much it was getting him down not having this dog. He was going to all sorts of shows, displays and meet ups etc for 2 years prior.

we got the German shepherd. DH finally has the dog he wanted. It excelled at the basic obedience class and then went on to pass the advanced obedience class and all the kennel club awards. DH’s office is full of certificates and rosettes from him activities with the dog and to be fair he does 100% of the work with her.

Trouble is his tolerance for the frenchie is now rock bottom, he gets annoyed just hearing him wander around the house. He refuses to clean up its piss and shit saying he’s not “doing it anymore” with a 6 year old dog. To be honest I think he actively dislikes the dog.

I have taken on responsibility of the frenchie but the way DH makes it so obvious he doesn’t want him around upsets me. He’ll literally make the frenchie move off the sofa so the German shepherd can sit there.

We ended up arguing about it last night and he said it’s my fault as I pressured him to get a dog he didn’t want and if I’d just agreed to the shepherd in the first place none of this would have happened.

So, is it all my fault??

What, you mean owners who put a, great deal of training, time and effort into a pet?

I don't really blame him for not really bonding with the Frenchie. He was pretty clear from the start that it was a GSD that he wanted.

And when the GS gets old /deaf/ arthriticy/ incontinent I expect he'll want to rehome that too.

It’s not guaranteed that the GS won’t get health issues, these are very common health issues amongst the breed. I know lots of GS that have had health issues no matter how great the owner or their selection of the dog. Also, I chose my dog (neither Frenchie nor GS) from what appeared to be an excellent breeder and guess what? There were issues (and no I’d never get a puppy again).

They are completely comparable. They are both common and serious health issues that can cost a lot of money to support. Nothing about OPs reporting if her DH makes it sound as though he’s a responsible dog owner. He sounds like a man who wanted a certain type of new toy and threw the rest out of the pram when he didn’t get it.

Not all dogs are capable of or interested in learning commands or tricks. There isn't really any "need" for the Frenchie to be able to sit or lie on command, similarly there is no need for recall if you keep him on the lead while out (which I assume you do). There definitely isn't any need for him to be able to do things like catching treats. The only thing really needs to be addressed here is the toilet training as that's affecting your ability to live together peacefully. For everything else, I think it's time to let it go and accept it's never going to happen and just love the dog for what it is. Personally my dog is a sighthound and couldn't care less about 'performing' for the sake of it, but we knew that when we got him. He is clean and calm in the house and walks nicely on the lead, so all good.

Re-home the Frenchie?

@CG1991 They had the Frenchie for 3 yrs before the DH bought the GS and despite spending time and money on trying to train it, he still isn’t housetrained. It had nothing to do with getting the GS. The French bulldog is clearly untrainable.

I wouldn’t put up with a dog that can’t be housetrained in 6 months, let alone 6 years so I think your DH has been pretty tolerant to put up with it for that long.

This is on you OP so you’ll have to decide how to proceed. DH was clear at the outset about wanting a GS and you wanted the French Bulldog so you persuaded him to agree to your choice. Unfortunately, it sounds like you were either clueless about the breed or wilfully ignored all the advice available and assumed you could work miracles, but you’re now stuck with a daft incontinent dog.

I don't know why so many people are insisting a Frenchie's life span is only around 5 years - it's generally held to be 10-13 years by the Kennel Club. The two I know myself are 10 and 12.

@Loopyloopy so? It’s a dog, not a new car. Just because it didn’t turn out the way he wanted he’s allowed to treat it like shit in favour of his new dig? OP has put the effort in, not her husband. Her husband gets angry with hearing it, he wants it off the sofa in favour of his new toy dog. What a shame you support him in his terrible attitude.

A dog is a lifetime commitment. You don’t just get to say ‘Well this isn’t the one I wanted so I’ll just treat it badly and get a new one until I get what I want’. No wonder rescues are full of this is the attitude that people have. It’s disgusting.

You’re both to blame. Your husband wanted a racehorse and you together bought a deformed donkey. Of course that wasn’t going to work. A miniature, low shedding version of a GSD would be something like a Papillon: highly intelligent, trainable little dogs that excel at both agility and obedience work. But that would have required some breed research and probably going on a waiting list for a puppy: instead you picked up a fashion accessory from the local puppy farm.

Are you really going to put up with another 6 years of this? If not, please consider rehoming the Frenchie.

How often are you taking the French bulldog out for a wee. I'd go back to basics and take him out every 30 minutes. Better than having to clean up wee all the time.

I very much doubt it, the last German shepherd he had got hip dysplasia and he ended up sleeping on a mattress in the living room for a year so he’d never have to leave the dog alone.

Not the point, I know, but I just don’t ‘get’ French bulldogs. I love dogs but I can’t see the attraction - except that they’re ‘fashionable’ - heaven help the poor little buggers.

It’s not @InsertPunHere Recent studies showed the breed average is 5. That takes into account the huge amount that die young though.

I wouldn’t have a frenchie, I’m not sure they have any dog traits left. They are deformed, barely trainable and the vast majority of them are miserable little things. How on Earth do you go from a GSD to that! Having a dog is meant to bring enjoyment to your life, clearly the GSD fulfils that purpose.

I wouldn’t put up with a dog that can’t be housetrained in 6 months, let alone 6 years so I think your DH has been pretty tolerant to put up with it for that long.

So what would you do with the dog you’d agreed to get? Kill it? Abandon it? Put it up for sale on gumtree? Leave it at a shelter? How does ‘not putting up with’ your dog not being house trained after 6 months look?

I voted YABU because you got a breed that DH didn't want and, by the sounds of it, you didn't do much research about the breed you got.

When you said you 'tried' a training technique, how long did you actually do it for? It doesn't just happen overnight or a week or 2, it can take months - did you persevere?

It's probably already been mentioned, but there must be French Bulldog groups out there that could help. All the Frenchies I know are very motivated by food and that's how they have been trained.

I wouldn't say that telling a dog to get off the couch is treating it like shit.

Dogs are not interchangeable. Owning a GS is very different to owning a FB.

Having a dog is like having a housemate. Would you want to share a house with a random person that someone else picked for you? Or would you like to choose someone who matched you in personality?

So why is it ok to swear and storm off when the dog chokes on a treat? Or move it from where it is lying to allow your better and new dog to lie there? It’s weird and mean and petty to come into a room and move your least favourite dog to make space for your favourite dog. Telling it to get off the couch isn’t what he was doing, if it was no pets on the furniture that’s a different situation.

Yabu to have got a Frenchie in the first place, they are not a very healthy breed and as you e discovered hard work to train. There are so many other breeds that would have made a better compromise.

I personally couldn't cope with a dog pissing and crapping in my house for 6 years so I'd rehome.

So when did DH have his last GS before this one?

The fact that DH had had GS dogs previously, he said he wanted another one, why the hell did you insist on getting a French Bulldog?

Sometimes I think people just like to give the OPs a hard time regardless. If the DP had started the thread from his perspective would you really all be saying that it's her fault?

"I wanted a big GS however my DW didn't want a dog at all. After much cajoling she finally agreed that I could get a small short haired dog so I got a frenchie even though I don't like them that much. However I messed up the training and now my DW is upset that she's left clearing up its wee and poo every day as I don't want to do it. She's also having to leave work during the day sometimes to look after it. She's upset but am I right in thinking this is actually all her fault? I did eventually go ahead and get a large GS anyway (I know I said DW didn't want one but I like him so much more than the frenchie so it was worth it!)."

@PokeInTheBum sometimes people and dogs make mistakes or don’t turn out to be what we had hoped. It’s not the biggest mistake in the world, but it was a mistake.

I only know what you have posted here, so what I am about to say may not really apply or be appropriate but- if it was me I would take full responsibility for this. I would apologise once, thoroughly with no “but you agreed…” or “you could be more…” and no self pitty- just honest vulnerability. I would acknowledge I was the one to push for the frenchie when he resisted, I would acknowledge that because I did that we have had 6 years of disruption, expense and living with urine and faeces in the home (this fact might send a lot of people over the edge tbh). I would acknowledge the the fact that his desire for a GS clearly indicated that a dog that was trainable was a priority to him and that I had failed to sufficiently research whether or not a frenchie would be a good alternative to a GS. I would possibly apologise for not really fully taking ownership for this earlier, I would ask what it can do to make up for it, and have an honest discussion of what should happen next.

You can only take responsibility for your part, and doing so may or may not lead your husband to see he probably isn’t handling the situation optimally. The key is take honest responsibility with no caveats but just do it once, don’t keep repeating yourself. You may feel that you have done this already but there’s a good chance you didn’t manage it without a bit of sharing out of the blame thrown in. An unadulterated apology is a powerful thing.

Just want to add that I think people are getting the wrong impression here. DH doesn’t Lord it around with a big mean dog, he’s in a number of clubs including agility, sniff and rescue (or whatever it’s called) and advanced obedience. These clubs do not attract the penis extender types, infact a lot of the members are in their 50s/60s.

His last German shepherd got hip dysplasia and he moved a mattress into the living room and slept there for a year so the dog would never be left alone. His last dog also stopped doing the clubs etc a couple of years before it died but he still doted on it the same.

I do feel responsible for this mess. I’m trying with the frenchie. I grew up with labs and stupidly thought I’d be able to train a frenchie as it was “all about how you brought them up” which of course I now realise I was wrong. I’m NOT giving up on the frenchie, I spend every day with him and we cuddle all night every night. I just want DH to stop resenting him so much.

Jesus wept
So he had a GS before .
He knew he wanted a GS again
And you insisted he get a rat on a string

This kind of makes it worse on your part- it's not his first rodeo with a dog and he knows his breed. I'm the same as your husband, I only want a German shepherd. We gel. People get silly and stuck on their breed preferences!

What was your thought process for choosing a french bulldog? What were the breed characteristics did you think would suit your family?

Your husband is a selfish, cruel fucker. That Frenchie is a living, breathing creature it didn't ask to be born or be brought to your house, and he gets annoyed at it for just walking round the house? Poor wee thing.

No @Loopyloopy. a dog is an innocent creature who was brought into this home. They cannot simply discarded it because it hasn’t ‘matched their personality’. It isn’t the same as a housemate at all, it’s the same as a child. This dog looks to the owners to care for its needs They are responsible for this dog and they must treat it appropriately and kindly. The DH isn’t not doing this. He is kicking the dog off the sofa so his new dog can just there. If you think dogs don’t pick up on this sort of thing, you’re wrong. That Frenchie knows it’s bottom of the pack and that will not help it’s behaviour. The OP and her DH are not behaving like responsible dog owners.