Mums know and understand their children better than anyone else

[Asaturdayinthe90s]

This is true, isn’t it?

It sometimes bugs me, the advice or way of parenting Dh does or the way my mum or sil advises/approaches things

Aibu to think the mother knows and understands her child more than anyone else and knows what they need/what’s best for them?

Nope, not me. I can be totally clueless!

You’ve never met my mother, then…

My mother certainly didn’t understand or know me when I was growing up and still doesn’t, Maybe that’s why I always encouraged my DC to have good relationships with other adults - grand parents, aunts, parents of their friends - so they could always find someone to turn to.

@BrownTableMat Well, yeah, that’s a fair point tbh. When I think of *My mum, perhaps not…but now I’m a mum, I feel it

Not always no

On the whole that's been true of almost every family I know. The exceptions have been when the mother but not the father has MH difficulties, the father is a sahp or if the mother is in the forces and is away a lot.

Compared to a paediatrician?

Aibu to think the mother knows and understands her child more than anyone else and knows what they need/what’s best for them?

And that's why in few years you will be moaning on here that DH does no parenting at all. Enjoy

Sometimes. Sometimes DH does. It depends.

Nope. Can think of plenty of times DH was more on the ball than me.

Depends on the age of the DC maybe? DH knows our DC really well and sometimes sees / understands things that I don't. We all have our agendas/ projections that can colour what we think we 'know'. Grandparents and other close adults can be the same. Although when they were babies I was definitely more in tune with basic feeding/ sleeping needs than anyone else. But they're teens now, different ball game.

I’m not 100% sure. My LO is still a toddler and I definitely have ‘instincts’ that I wouldn’t have believed before. I can smell illness on him before he starts with symptoms and I react differently to his cries that DH think sound the same.

All together I think I’m best placed to decide some things, whether he needs to see a doctor/needs a nap/needs some quiet time etc.

But some of that is probably because I spend the most time with him. I know some dad’s who are the primary caregiver to their children and I imagine they know their children best too?

And here lies the problem. I'm sure your mum thought she knew best and refused to listen to anyone else.

No I don't think I know best, I'm quick to apologise when I get it wrong and try to listen hard to others. MN has allowed me to discuss things and find new ways of approaching things when I thought I knew best but didn't.

No one is an island.

@Mooda Dd has just turned 4, perhaps it’s when they’re younger 🤷🏻‍♀️

Having worked in a school I’d say definitely no. It’s amazing how many parents massively underestimate or overestimate their children’s abilities and how many mums completely have the wool pulled over their own eyes by their own kids.
I’ve been guilty of it myself - there are things I would have thought DS can’t do independently but turns out he does them perfectly fine at nursery 😂

I think that there are people other than DH and me who have better parenting skills/approaches than us overall. But I think that we know our child better than these people and so in some circumstances are much better placed to manage a specific situation.

I say DH and me because I think we are equal parents and the idea that Mums are somehow naturally better parents than Dads is outdated in my view.

My DS1 is very similar in personality to my DH. So DH just "gets" him, whereas I have to switch my perspective a bit to understand where he's coming from (in terms of the choices he makes etc). DS1 is a teen, not a small child, but it's always been a bit like this.

Of course it's not true

Plenty of mothers want it to be though therefore continue the myth

Really? I haven't got a clue what I'm doing. I'm just winging it.

I hope the doctor who stitched DDs face back together last month knows more than me. I can barely sew a button back on.

@SpongeBob2022 I'm not really saying better parents specifically…as in what @Countingdowntodecember instinctively knowing what our child needs

I get that you would obviously know your kids better than your mum or SIL probably, but this idea that mums instinctively know better than dads is a load of arrogant crap, sorry. It makes me cringe when other mums talk about their partners that way.

Oh great! Another "mums are the most important parents and their way is the One True Way" post! Hope that doesn't come back to bite you in a few years when you've pushed your DH out to the edges of the family and then complain he's disengaged.

Of course it's not true

Plenty of mothers want it to be though therefore continue the myth

Indeed. I think it stems from other insecurities. It’s a bit of an ego boost the think you have these superior magical instincts in comparison to your other half.

As a teacher, I can emphatically say that's not true. I was standing in front of a student last year when he made a horrible, racist gesture very deliberately towards a black boy. He faced immediate consequences but his parents completely refused to believe he'd done it because 'he wouldn't do that'. Implying I was lying, I suppose. There's no talking to some people.

I’ll give examples…we’ve had my parents to stay this summer and sil on Dh’s side. Dd has an ongoing health problem which causes her to have disruptive behaviour when she’s in pain etc. I’ve said this countless times to everyone and still when she’s *Playing up, they think she’s being naughty until it then materialises she’s in pain. Also just routines, knowing when she’s getting overwhelmed/things are too much and rather than pushing it, knowing she needs to go home and rest etc etc..there’s so much less recognition and detail to how she’s acting/feeling