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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP and his car

127 replies

Deliverooaddict · 26/08/2022 17:33

We went out in his car last night and his driving was making me uncomfortable and when I asked him to slow down he wouldn’t because he was doing 70 so not doing anything wrong, then he got pissed off with me all night because I apparently don’t trust him. He’s been driving 10 years, 6 points on his licence, waiting to get done for drink driving and has had 3 accidents in the past year as well as a section 59. I’m not even exaggerating. He’s always getting posted on the local fb group.
It’s not the speed that scares me he’s just so reckless, brakes too late for my liking. He speeds everywhere and goes in between cars. He’s 39 so not a young driver and there’s no excuse for it, and it doesn’t help his car is falling apart from the accidents he’s had. The worst thing is his brother died from driving dangerously. I drive also.

So AIBU for refusing to go in the car with him again? This was the first time in nearly a month and if he won’t even slow down when I ask then I don’t know what to do. Now I’m getting the silent treatment. I am secretly hoping he loses his licence for the drink driving so I don’t have to feel anxious every time he steps foot in his car.

OP posts:
FourChimneys · 27/08/2022 16:04

This is the second thread I've read today and been saddened by the feeble attitude of some women.

Sorry OP but you are making excuse after excuse for someone who is likely to kill another person, possibly your little daughter.

Sit quietly when you get a chance, shut your eyes, and imagine yourself defending him in court. Saying to the judge that you knew his driving might kill your daughter but that you didn't have the guts to do anything about it. Saying that he was "a good dad" while being a grieving mother yourself. Not a good scenario is it?

Why have YOU not reported him for drink driving? Why leave it to others?

Gottoomuchgoingon · 27/08/2022 16:11

Should I pay? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4620610-should-i-pay

Just to cross reference this bollocks

giveovernate · 27/08/2022 16:18

Gottoomuchgoingon · 27/08/2022 16:11

Should I pay? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4620610-should-i-pay

Just to cross reference this bollocks

👏 👏

Wimpeyspread · 27/08/2022 16:22

QueSyrahSyrah · 27/08/2022 15:50

If he hasn't declared accidents or points to his insurers then he's not insured.

This - his insurance is invalid, so he’s breaking the law driving

Pixiedust1234 · 27/08/2022 16:28

Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 14:52

@giveovernate half a mile so 10 minute walk Because he was lazy and didn’t see the point when he had a car sitting in the car park

ive had 2 accidents in the past 18 months I’ve started driving

You are not painting him any better. Lazy f7cker as well as selfish, arrogant and downright dangerous.

I've had zero accidents in 40 years of driving. Zero. Yet you and your partner have had 5 in two years? I hope he didn't teach you. And no, its not odd to report your partner for drink driving at all.

BlueRidge · 27/08/2022 16:29

Is your partner Katie Price?

Original poster
Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 16:45

@Pixiedust1234 over 20% of people have an accident in their first year of driving, and it was my first year. I live in London, it’s not easy driving around here

OP posts:
averageavocado · 27/08/2022 16:47

Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 14:47

I’m not making excuses I even said he’s at fault even when his insurance doesn’t think he is.
just think it’s crazy people expect me to report my own partner. Odd

If he's a cunt driving round dangerously then yes, we do expect you to report him. How is that hard to understand?

PlanetNormal · 27/08/2022 16:50

OP, the man you have described sounds like a selfish, irresponsible, arrogant abusive prick. You have far bigger problems to worry about than just his bad driving.

WifeMotherWorker · 27/08/2022 16:53

So you’ve told him how his driving scares you, he’s had multiple accidents, received 6 points, has a drink driving conviction and his brother died in a car accident and he hasn’t got the intelligence to change his ways!

He sounds like a fucking idiot!!
REPORT HIM.

NumberTheory · 27/08/2022 17:10

Not sure what people think you should report him for. Police aren’t going to sit up on him and watch to see if he continues to drive too close to people.

YANBU to stay with him if you want to, or leave him if you don’t. YANBU to refuse to get in the car with him driving. YANBU to tell him he’s correct that you don’t trust his driving. And YANBU to tell him he shouldn’t be driving DD and make it as difficult as possible for him to do so (though, as you say, without a court order you don’t have the authority to actually stop him).

Sounds like he’s had a difficult time adjusting to his brother’s death. It must be heartbreaking to see the man you love and father of your child become so self destructive and risk you and his daughter. You are in a horrible position. I hope he finds a way to deal with his grief before he actually hurts someone and you either refind the man you knew or move on to something else.

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 27/08/2022 17:14

Jesus you both sound like a right pair of knob jockeys

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 27/08/2022 17:26

Dangerous driving would be a deal breaker for me and if it were my partner that drove like that I'd be telling them that I'm not tolerating it.
If he wanted to drive you and your child for a day out I'd be saying 'no' and refusing to put my child in a car with them.

If I'm honest, I'd have walked away a long time ago.

Unanananana · 27/08/2022 17:41

Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 16:45

@Pixiedust1234 over 20% of people have an accident in their first year of driving, and it was my first year. I live in London, it’s not easy driving around here

No excuse. He is going to kill someone, perhaps even your own child with his behaviour.

Making excuses for him is awful. You are just as bad as he is if you refuse to protect your child from him. Shame on you.

Frazzled2207 · 27/08/2022 17:49

Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 16:45

@Pixiedust1234 over 20% of people have an accident in their first year of driving, and it was my first year. I live in London, it’s not easy driving around here

80% don’t and 99.5% don’t drive dangerously

you don’t have to drive dangerously to have a bump.

your partner is one of the .5%.

bloodyunicorns · 27/08/2022 18:13

Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 15:48

@DrinkFeckArseBrick
he’s never declared any of it even the points!!! I don’t have points on my licence so don’t know how it works

Bloody hell. So... anger issues, an absolute tool, lethal in a car, and now dishonest too. What a prince.

And you sound just as bad. You are enabling him and making excuses for him.

Five accidents in two years? You must both be poor drivers.

viques · 27/08/2022 18:23

Oh bloody Nora, sounds as though the mysteriously accident prone OP and her drunken aggressive driver husband live in my neck of the woods. Bus for me for the foreseeable I think!

DixonD · 27/08/2022 18:37

Deliverooaddict · 26/08/2022 17:36

weve been together for 3 years and have a child together it’s just his driving that’s the issue

It’s not though, is it?

He doesn’t listen to you.

He’s irresponsible.

He drinks and drives.

What a catch. 🙄

DixonD · 27/08/2022 18:45

Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 16:45

@Pixiedust1234 over 20% of people have an accident in their first year of driving, and it was my first year. I live in London, it’s not easy driving around here

Two accidents in 18 months? I’ve been driving nearly three years and not even had a scrape.

It sounds like neither you nor your “DP” are safe drivers. You should both be retaking some lessons, and definitely not driving your child around.

HyggeandTea · 27/08/2022 18:55

I mean, you could go along with it for a peaceful life, although it sounds like it might be quite a short one.
Or.
You can value yourself and tell him that you (or your child) are not prepared to be in the car with him currently, and he can have his big tantrums and give you the silent treatment, and you can not engage in negotiation or arguments and get on with your life until he realises that the problem will not be going away.
Set an example to your child. Good luck.

HyggeandTea · 27/08/2022 18:56

And I do realise it is very difficult to be this assertive and rational, but I have my fingers crossed you can.

OnAWobblyFence · 27/08/2022 20:10

You can’t just dump someone every time they do something you don’t like

Are you serious? He didn’t burn the toast or wash the white sheets with a red sock and make them go pink. He broke the law. He could have injured or killed multiple people. He’s just lucky he hasn’t killed someone yet. But he will if he continues like this. And that “someone” could be your child. If you really had lost a family member to a drunk driver (I have, by the way) then you’d see it for what it is.

If this isn’t enough for you to leave him then you need your head testing. Do you have hybristophilia? You have a serious problem if you want to stay with someone who thinks it’s ok to behave in a way that could kill people.

He’s not a partner. He’s not even a boyfriend. Nobody would do this to people they care about. Stop your bad boy fantasy whilst you and your child are still alive.

hettie · 27/08/2022 20:21

Oh lovely, I'm not sure what you've grown up with as 'normal' but aggressive drink driving isn't normal or ok. He's going to hurt someone, you your child, himself or some poor random.The behaviour driving like an idiot is the result of his attitude. And tbh it's not an attitude many of us would want to be around or have our kids around. So all the Mumsnet posters piling in are trying to wake you up to how unacceptable this is....Sorry

OnAWobblyFence · 27/08/2022 20:34

I’ve been driving 31 years and never had a speeding ticket, a parking ticket or caused an accident. And due to where I live and the job I do I’m willing to bet I drive more miles in a month than OP and her child’s father have driven in their combined lifetimes.

BronwenFrideswide · 27/08/2022 22:28

Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 14:47

I’m not making excuses I even said he’s at fault even when his insurance doesn’t think he is.
just think it’s crazy people expect me to report my own partner. Odd

Really? The Law applies to everyone including you and your tosser of a partner. If you continue to turn a blind eye to him driving whilst uninsured due to failing to report to the insurance company his already accrued points and then turn a blind eye to him driving whilst disqualified if he, as expected, gets a ban then you are as bad as he is, you could prevent an accident and you won't. He's a shit driver on top of all that who seems to be incapable of driving without the red mist descending and you think it's fine and dandy for others to share the road with him? Have you the remotest idea what it is like to be involved in an accident with an uninsured driver or a disqualified driver someone who shouldn't be on the road in the first fucking place?

Your standards are so low they are in the gutter.

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