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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP and his car

127 replies

Deliverooaddict · 26/08/2022 17:33

We went out in his car last night and his driving was making me uncomfortable and when I asked him to slow down he wouldn’t because he was doing 70 so not doing anything wrong, then he got pissed off with me all night because I apparently don’t trust him. He’s been driving 10 years, 6 points on his licence, waiting to get done for drink driving and has had 3 accidents in the past year as well as a section 59. I’m not even exaggerating. He’s always getting posted on the local fb group.
It’s not the speed that scares me he’s just so reckless, brakes too late for my liking. He speeds everywhere and goes in between cars. He’s 39 so not a young driver and there’s no excuse for it, and it doesn’t help his car is falling apart from the accidents he’s had. The worst thing is his brother died from driving dangerously. I drive also.

So AIBU for refusing to go in the car with him again? This was the first time in nearly a month and if he won’t even slow down when I ask then I don’t know what to do. Now I’m getting the silent treatment. I am secretly hoping he loses his licence for the drink driving so I don’t have to feel anxious every time he steps foot in his car.

OP posts:
Agrudge · 27/08/2022 13:33

How do you plead not guilty to drink driving?

Either your below the limit or above

BronwenFrideswide · 27/08/2022 13:39

Deliverooaddict · 26/08/2022 17:49

I am hoping he loses his licence as that’s the best possible outcome but sadly I’m not sure that would even stop him driving. He works an hours drive away. His brother literally died and he doesn’t take this stuff seriously still.

If he gets in a car and drives after losing his licence (which hopefully he does) and you do not report him as Driving whilst Disqualified then you are as bad as him and as culpable should he injure or kill someone in my opinion.

QueSyrahSyrah · 27/08/2022 13:40

I'd never have got in the car with him again after the drink driving, and I've have dumped him.

Nanny0gg · 27/08/2022 14:01

Deliverooaddict · 26/08/2022 17:38

@AnnaFri on the odd occasion yes because what can I do? It’s his child as well. I do drive and have a car, we don’t often go in the car together as we work in opposite directions. So it’s maybe once a month

Report him for dangerous driving?

I'd stop him, I wouldn't care what it took

Original poster
Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 14:31

@WhereYouLeftIt he does have Mh issues and already has counselling through NHS and very strong anti depressants

OP posts:
Ffsmakeitstop · 27/08/2022 14:34

How many excuses are you going to make for him? He's a danger to you, your dd and everybody else on the road. I can't believe he's not a twat in other ways.
As pp has said if you leave there are legal ways to prevent him driving your dd.

Original poster
Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 14:47

I’m not making excuses I even said he’s at fault even when his insurance doesn’t think he is.
just think it’s crazy people expect me to report my own partner. Odd

OP posts:
giveovernate · 27/08/2022 14:47

@Deliverooaddict how far was the pub from your home? Why didn't he want to get a taxi?

giveovernate · 27/08/2022 14:50

Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 10:14

2 of the accidents he’s had in the past year he was not at fault in insurance eyes. But he wound the people up by shouting abuse and driving very close to the back of them. So I would say it’s his fault. None of the accidents required medical attention

How very odd, he's a dreadful driver, had three accidents in a year, I've had three in 37 years of driving, but two not his fault?

Original poster
Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 14:52

@giveovernate half a mile so 10 minute walk Because he was lazy and didn’t see the point when he had a car sitting in the car park

ive had 2 accidents in the past 18 months I’ve started driving

OP posts:
Thehop · 27/08/2022 14:52

pastaandpesto · 26/08/2022 18:18

In all honesty I couldn't possibly be with someone so contemptuous of other people's safety. People like him utterly disgust me, and I am generally pretty live-and-let-live.

Could not agree with this more.

Shoopshoopshoopshoopshoop · 27/08/2022 14:54

I hope this isn’t real, who willingly lets their child in a car with an aggressive drunk driver?!

giveovernate · 27/08/2022 14:58

Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 14:52

@giveovernate half a mile so 10 minute walk Because he was lazy and didn’t see the point when he had a car sitting in the car park

ive had 2 accidents in the past 18 months I’ve started driving

So you're telling me that in the half a mile he was driving home from the north by, someone managed to call the police and they got a car in place to catch him driving?

A probably 3 minute drive?

Nah, more went on than that.

It takes that long to give details on a 999 call.

giveovernate · 27/08/2022 15:00

To be clear, he shouldn't have got in the car after a drink, I'm not saying it was in anyway ok to drive three minutes. He could've got caught by chance, but I don't hold with "someone called the police when he left"

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 27/08/2022 15:17

YelloCar · 26/08/2022 17:53

I just couldn’t be with a drink driver, it would completely change the way I saw them.

And the fact he puts you and your child at risk as well as himself and the general public. I just can’t imagine being with someone who has that little respect for both humans as a whole and the people he’s supposed to love and care for specifically.

I would give him an ultimatum.

’He’s always getting posted on the local fb group.’
^And to top it all off, this is embarrassing and would give me the complete ick. What a let down.

This and screenshot the FB posts, they may come in handy if you separate as proof it's too dangerous for her to be in the car with him.

Cautiouselectric · 27/08/2022 15:20

I split up from my boyfriend because of his dangerous driving. I would not allow him to take my child in his car and it escalated.
I think you are very foolish to allow it. One second misstep is all it takes to destroy a life.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 27/08/2022 15:23

Has he got insurance? I'd think he would struggle with all those accidents and a pending drink driving charge.

LimboLass · 27/08/2022 15:35

I would dump him if he cannot see his actions are reckless and selfish.

Original poster
Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 15:46

@Deliverooaddict half a mile doesn’t take 3 minutes to drive in east london

OP posts:
Original poster
Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 15:48

@DrinkFeckArseBrick
he’s never declared any of it even the points!!! I don’t have points on my licence so don’t know how it works

OP posts:
newbiename · 27/08/2022 15:49

Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 15:48

@DrinkFeckArseBrick
he’s never declared any of it even the points!!! I don’t have points on my licence so don’t know how it works

He's not insured then and committing insurance fraud

QueSyrahSyrah · 27/08/2022 15:50

If he hasn't declared accidents or points to his insurers then he's not insured.

newbiename · 27/08/2022 15:52

Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 14:47

I’m not making excuses I even said he’s at fault even when his insurance doesn’t think he is.
just think it’s crazy people expect me to report my own partner. Odd

I'd report for drink driving especially with a child involved yes. He needs to be banned although by the sounds of him he'd carry on driving.

Frazzled2207 · 27/08/2022 15:54

“Waiting to get done for drunk driving”. That’s it. Don’t get into a car with him ever again and def don’t let you child either.

dump him and get a solicitor to sort the visitation

Frazzled2207 · 27/08/2022 15:59

The trial may be a way off but he will lose his licence. And If he carries on and you don’t report him that makes you entirely complicit.