AIBU to expect my daughter to finish eating her meal on time.

[A12326]

AIBU?

My daughter is 5 years old. And lately my patience with her is running low since I am pregnant and she just started school.

Today, she just got back from school and I served her meal, chicken and pasta and sat her on her little table to eat food. The food has been cut for her to eat it easily so it is not on big chunks and pieces. She sits down. But proceeds to do ANYTHING but eat. She's watching cartoons (fine with me as long as she eats) playing with her toys and standing up to talk to us instead of eating. The thing is she ASKED for her food. She came and asked me for cookies but I told her not until after dinner so I know she was hungry. I served her at 4:30 it is now 5:55 and she still is eating.

Her dad is now mad at me because I told her finish eating in an angry tone, and pulled her table in front of me to make sure she is eating. In the process her food slipped and fell all over the floor which I cleaned. My husband is now acting as if I'm the AH for doing that. When he was the one in charge of watching her eat her meal while I took a nap. Now, I did ask after waking up if she had finished her meal. He said she was eating, turns out she was not but as usual he was not paying attention.

So. Am I being unreasonable?

Screen time while eating is not ok.

Turn the TV off and stop with the "finish your plate and you can have a cookie" rubbish. I have a 4 and 6 year old, they eat away from the TV and stop when they decide they are full. I don't make them finish their food (hello childhood obesity). They take about half an hour at the very max, we ask are you finished and they say yes or no. Some days they eat more than other days, much like I do as an adult. Why do you make meal times seem like an ordeal?

Take the blooming screens away so she can concentrate.

OP, what works for us is that my DC has a substantial snack when home from school (peanut butter toast and apple, cheese and crackers etc). Then we eat at 6-6.30 together (DH is usually working late so just DC and I) and then it's straight upstairs into the bath (I run it before we eat) and then stories and bed.

Stop the screen time at meals. Preferably never let it back, but if you do, not until several weeks of prioritising eating at meal times and finishing in a reasonable time.

When my kids were that age and super hungry but super tired after school, I gave them fruit and veg snacks so even if they didn’t eat much of a ‘dinner’, I knew they’d had something healthy.

it is tricky at that age as they are starving after school but also so tired. Some people have a really early dinner and a snack later and some the opposite. Try different things and you’ll find something that works.

I agree with OPs that sitting at the table with her, setting an example should help. But, all kids are different and don’t be hard on yourself. It won’t change overnight, but if you stick to the routine, she’ll know what to expect. I’ve always eaten dinner at the table with my kids, since they were babies, they’re pretty good, but not perfect.

good luck :)

Dinner at 4.30pm alone in front of tv? Poor child

There is no way my children would have wanted a large meal at 4.30!

We eat at 6! Sometimes 7 or later.
In our house for one DC we have to use distraction to get her to eat because sitting around a silent table eating wasn't working.

I think people need to be flexible and apply different things at different times. My two have good table manners and can sit at a table however, we don't sit at a table together for every single meal at home.

Part of your problem here is your desire to eat at lunch no longer fits your family lifestyle and life in the uk.

Whilst you might want to stick to the habits of your culture, it's not really working and the one who is taking the brunt of this is your 5 year old daughter.

You need to organise your life around work and her day. Not your desire to maintain a habit that doesn't fit with your family life.

Great update OP. You are right in that none of us are perfect parents, and just when we think we have one thing sussed, the kids change and we have to figure it all out again. Good luck.

we've got a new contender for 'cancel the cheque', folks

'all eat together'

I don't understand why a family wouldn't all eat together. I don't banish DH off to another table, so why would I do that to DD?

Forewarn her that this is hiw mesl times will be from now on.

She will have her meal and be given say 30mins to eat it. Then she can go play/watch tv etc. Tell her whatever she hasnt eaten will be popped in the fridge. If she is hungry and asks for her meal, leave it at least an hour before she can have it.

Good luck.

She needs to be cutting up her own food at that age.

@ChagSameachDoreen Lots of families can't eat together as it would be too late. My husband doesn't get home until 6.30 at the earliest and doesn't want to eat as soon as he's in the door. My son goes to bed at 7, it just doesn't work. So the children eat earlier and we eat once they're in bed.
Not everyone finishes work at 5 and is home in 20 minutes.

And at a baby table?! It's unsurprising she's not eating.

Sit her at the proper table with a proper meal and once she's done she's done. no screens, as others have said that's total madness. And I don't believe you saying it was your husband watching kids cartoons 🙄

My children eat together at about 4.30, later when it's school holidays but in term time they come home starving and snacks ruin their appetite for later. I don't think there's a big problem with the timing necessarily.

Only 2-3x a week we eat all together with them, depends on work etc. when I had 1 dc I would sit and have my cup on tea at the table at dinner time.

Since my DSD9 was two we have always ate all together. She’s a pretty good eater but even now she might yack for ten mins at table before she starts eating unless completely starving. Drives me a little crazy sometimes (stop talking, start eating child!!!) but I have to accept that kids don’t act like us!

Please dont make her wait an hour when she’s hungry to eat.

Turn the tv off

Good to see your update OP.

I would recommend hiding this thread now as people will keep continuing to post 'eat together' posts despite you saying that's what you plan to now do

Lovely update OP. I hope eating together goes well.

This. Meal times are an important training time for your child. Food is supposed to be a pleasure, a time to chat about the day. You need to try to relax a bit

Maybe sit with her and engage with her she will eat. Keep her away from electronic devices while eating. You can not use being pregnant as an excuse not to sit and engage with your current child (before you say anything I have 3 children all very hard complicated pregnancies). Ask her about her day and have a conversation at the table together. It's so boring to eat alone......think about that.

Jesus OP

Of course she’s distracted with the TV on and her toys around her. Take them away so she can focus on eating.

Also sit down with her when she eats, have a cup of tea and chat to her. Sit her at the dining room table so you can see each other. Humans need company - and it’s vital to child development.

It’s rare I say this but you aren’t doing a good job here.

Sometimes eating together doesn't work dd ate alone for a year because eating together distracted her and she wouldn't fucking eat despite being hungry my family were outraged at me for sending her to eat on the stairs when she had faffed about for three bloody hours on a meal THREE HOURS ffs I insisted she go sit on the stairs and within ten minutes food was eaten they still feel I'm cruel to insist a hungry child eat