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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect my daughter to finish eating her meal on time.

137 replies

A12326 · 25/08/2022 23:06

AIBU?

My daughter is 5 years old. And lately my patience with her is running low since I am pregnant and she just started school.

Today, she just got back from school and I served her meal, chicken and pasta and sat her on her little table to eat food. The food has been cut for her to eat it easily so it is not on big chunks and pieces. She sits down. But proceeds to do ANYTHING but eat. She's watching cartoons (fine with me as long as she eats) playing with her toys and standing up to talk to us instead of eating. The thing is she ASKED for her food. She came and asked me for cookies but I told her not until after dinner so I know she was hungry. I served her at 4:30 it is now 5:55 and she still is eating.

Her dad is now mad at me because I told her finish eating in an angry tone, and pulled her table in front of me to make sure she is eating. In the process her food slipped and fell all over the floor which I cleaned. My husband is now acting as if I'm the AH for doing that. When he was the one in charge of watching her eat her meal while I took a nap. Now, I did ask after waking up if she had finished her meal. He said she was eating, turns out she was not but as usual he was not paying attention.

So. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Haggisfish3 · 25/08/2022 23:06

I can take hours to eat a meal.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 25/08/2022 23:09

Maybe she needs to sit at a table away from toys/TV for her meal.

my kids take forever to eat their food and do all manner of messing about. We’ll over an hour seem excessive though. Is she just watching TV at the table with the food in front of her?

SoftSheen · 25/08/2022 23:09

I think it would be better for her to have her meal time at the dining table, without TV or other distractions. Ideally you would sit and eat dinner with her, but if that is not possible at least sit with her and have a cup of tea and a chat.

Stickmansmum · 25/08/2022 23:09

At 5 it would probably be best if you all are together? She needs to learn what proper mealtime behaviour is and that’s the best way to teach it. Also tv/screens off. And no getting up and down. But as I said much harder if she’s expected to eat alone rather than as a family.

Happycow · 25/08/2022 23:10

YANBU for getting annoyed - mine are exactly the same. BUT if they are that slow at eating then i turn the tv / tablet off so they concentrate. If they still dont want to eat then thats the end of mealtime. It might take 45mins to get to that point but i figure if they are hungry, have no distraction, and food in front of them then they will eat. Otherwise they arent actually that hungry.

(Or in the case of my 6yr old, faff around at tea for ages, not eat, then 10mins later do a massive poo and declare they are starving 🙄)

lickenchugget · 25/08/2022 23:10

Eat together and away from the tv.

sofap · 25/08/2022 23:10

As above, why can't you all eat together? Putting her on her own maybe she thinks it's okay to take her time? Like a snack? Dinner time is more formal and if you're all sat eating together with no toys/cartoons she might learn to eat properly

SudocremOnEverything · 25/08/2022 23:10

i think it’s fair enough to give her 30 minutes and then remove the food left and send her away to do something else. No need for any fuss.

You can use an egg timer to give a visual reminder of the time passing and when she’s going to run out.

Stickmansmum · 25/08/2022 23:10

Haggisfish3 · 25/08/2022 23:06

I can take hours to eat a meal.

Where on earth do you find hours to sit eating a meal!

angelikacpickles · 25/08/2022 23:11

Why is she sitting at a separate table to you? Can't one of you sit with her while she is eating so that she isn't leaving the table to talk to you? I think if she's not actively eating, I'd take the plate away after a while and she can ask for it back when she wants it.

Discovereads · 25/08/2022 23:12

I agree with pp. You need to all eat dinner together at a table with no TV, no toys, no screens. If that means a snack after school to tide her over until a 6pm or later dinner, do it.

Chattycathydoll · 25/08/2022 23:12

Happycow · 25/08/2022 23:10

YANBU for getting annoyed - mine are exactly the same. BUT if they are that slow at eating then i turn the tv / tablet off so they concentrate. If they still dont want to eat then thats the end of mealtime. It might take 45mins to get to that point but i figure if they are hungry, have no distraction, and food in front of them then they will eat. Otherwise they arent actually that hungry.

(Or in the case of my 6yr old, faff around at tea for ages, not eat, then 10mins later do a massive poo and declare they are starving 🙄)

Omg; we have the same child. She also sings dramatically on the loo.

Gingersay · 25/08/2022 23:12

My youngest sits at the table for an hour and a half eating her dinner and the goes to the toilet for an hour after she's finished. We just leave her to it now, once the rest of us are finished she's allowed her phone. Only her dinner right enough she's quicker with breakfast and lunch.

elizabethdraper · 25/08/2022 23:12

What

Why isn't she having dinner at the kitchen table with everyone else?

Away from tv and toys, chatting about her day.

LittleOwl153 · 25/08/2022 23:18

Is this a new thing with the slow eating? As I recall my dc were all knackered after school for that first term or more.

But yes remove the distractions.

Try not to get angry with her as you don't want to give her any food issues...

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 25/08/2022 23:20

My youngest daughter was the slowest eater (still can be at times and she's 10 now!)

I found smaller portions, sat at the table away from distractions and I always sat with them. I don't always eat dinner but I have a cup of tea or a small snack with them. Then I could supervise and hurry her along. Sometimes the excitement of chatter makes her slower but lots of come on now or there won't be time for (TV, pudding, playing that game you want to play, go to the park etc)

I tried timers but these just caused dd more stress and she went slower but could work for yours.

I do clear it away if she's not going to eat, so 45 mins is maximum dinner table time. I give a warning and tell her I want to wash up and sit down at a reasonable time too. but it's very rare these days I need to do this. Shes now learnt that once everyone has finished she doesn't have much time left so she cracks on! She hates missing out on pudding!

TiredzzZZ · 25/08/2022 23:23

Can't you all eat together at the table? Why does she need to be sat in front of a TV?

On another note - I have two DC. One has already eaten every meal before I've even finished serving it out more or less, and the other takes FOREVER!! They take after DH and I (I'm the speedy one, DH the slow eater!!)

We are all different! Some people like to take their time to eat. Other rush. Still others are in between somewhere.

Our recent family holiday was lovely for DS2 because we all sat and chatted at lunch for hours after we'd finished the meal. dS1 was colouring and chatting, DH and I had a few coffees. It meant that DS2 got to eat at his own pace and felt relaxed and not rushed, and we could all enjoy time together, without him being left alone (when at home, he often ends up alone finishing his food as we all need to drift off away from the table to get back to our busy lives)

Maybe have a day when you take her out. Let her eat with you at her own pace. When you and DH have finished your meal, buy some coffees, chat with her. Really make an afternoon of it so she fully gets to enjoy her meal knowing her parents are with her, chatting to her and not rushing her.

dreamingbohemian · 25/08/2022 23:28

I'm not from the UK so this thread really confuses me

In most places kids have a small snack after school and then everyone eats together at 6 or whatever. Can you try that?

mountainsunsets · 25/08/2022 23:31

Why is she eating in front of the TV with access to all her toys?

She's five. She should be eating at the table with her family and no distractions.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/08/2022 23:32

Doesn't sound like a very pleasant atmosphere.

TiredzzZZ · 25/08/2022 23:33

arethereanyleftatall · 25/08/2022 23:32

Doesn't sound like a very pleasant atmosphere.

That's what I was thinking.

TiredzzZZ · 25/08/2022 23:34

dreamingbohemian · 25/08/2022 23:28

I'm not from the UK so this thread really confuses me

In most places kids have a small snack after school and then everyone eats together at 6 or whatever. Can you try that?

That's also what happens in a lot of homes across the UK ..

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 25/08/2022 23:35

Yep, eat together, away from a screen.
To the pp that says they take hours to eat a meal ... 🙄

PickAChew · 25/08/2022 23:35

Eating alone with a critical audience sounds pretty stressful.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 25/08/2022 23:37

In Reception through to Year 2 I always found DD ate better in the morning and by evening she was just too tired to really put the effort in or feel like she wanted to eat, even if she had dinner early around 5pm.

As such we do big breakfasts and small dinners which works well. She's 8yo and eats at about 5.30pm generally.

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