Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect my daughter to finish eating her meal on time.

137 replies

A12326 · 25/08/2022 23:06

AIBU?

My daughter is 5 years old. And lately my patience with her is running low since I am pregnant and she just started school.

Today, she just got back from school and I served her meal, chicken and pasta and sat her on her little table to eat food. The food has been cut for her to eat it easily so it is not on big chunks and pieces. She sits down. But proceeds to do ANYTHING but eat. She's watching cartoons (fine with me as long as she eats) playing with her toys and standing up to talk to us instead of eating. The thing is she ASKED for her food. She came and asked me for cookies but I told her not until after dinner so I know she was hungry. I served her at 4:30 it is now 5:55 and she still is eating.

Her dad is now mad at me because I told her finish eating in an angry tone, and pulled her table in front of me to make sure she is eating. In the process her food slipped and fell all over the floor which I cleaned. My husband is now acting as if I'm the AH for doing that. When he was the one in charge of watching her eat her meal while I took a nap. Now, I did ask after waking up if she had finished her meal. He said she was eating, turns out she was not but as usual he was not paying attention.

So. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Zonder · 26/08/2022 05:58

Sorry I somehow missed your update. Well done OP. Hope you have a nice meal time together.

Caspianberg · 26/08/2022 06:05

She’s probably not hungry enough at 4.30pm for a full dinner after lunch. Just let her have a snack and then all sit together at 6.30pm for her dinner.

I know you say you eat main meal at lunchtime, but maybe it’s time to change that so she can see you all eating the same thing together now school age? Just swap so you eat lighter meal at lunch and main together in the evening

IScreamAtMichaelangelos · 26/08/2022 06:16

I grew up eating at separate times (or at the same time but in different rooms) to everyone else in my family, because that's just how it worked (they were all in different rooms too). So I get what you mean about it being normal for you OP. However I have my own family now and we do manage to sit together to eat dinner at least a few days a week, which is a decent compromise. One of my DC eats v slowly too but this has improved as he gets older :)

1AngelicFruitCake · 26/08/2022 06:28

Great update OP. I have a friend who used to let her child pick apart their meal, watch TV, go and play when she felt like it. I had her for tea a few times and she struggled because I asked her to sit at a table and eat with me and my child. When she started school she struggled at lunchtimes because she couldn’t get up and down as she always had.

I think it’s great you’re going to model good habits to her. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with putting the meal away after a set time if she hadn’t eaten it, with the understanding she won’t be eating after that (sure that is an unpopular opinion!)

Yerroblemom1923 · 26/08/2022 06:37

@OakAshBeech That was my concern too when I read that post....an hour in the toilet....rang alarm bells with me.

stayathomer · 26/08/2022 06:42

Agree with people saying eat together and no screens but also I don’t love that you think shouting and pulling her table wasn’t just a bit out of order? Yes we lose our tempers sometimes but that doesn’t mean it’s fine. Also, she’s 5. It’s so young. And I get being pregnant you’re tired etc but still

JRsandCoffee · 26/08/2022 07:01

Loving all the “just eat together” responses, not possible for every family. I feel your pain OP. My DD was on the slow train when it came to eating and my DH is rarely home before 7.30/ 8.00pm then in no shape to just sit down and eat straight away (cycles). When she was 5/6/7 I used to sit her at the table and kind do my things/ have a cup of tea with her/ around her. Sometimes we would play a game on the side (Granny’s attic/ would you rather etc to keep things moving/ entertaining), occasionally I would let her watch a programme if I was super busy but mostly not, made her too slow. We always do family supper on a Sunday, something we all like and aim to just have a nice chilled meal together. She eats at table with others at school and when we are out as well and can pull out the pretty manners fine. She’s older now and so long as she eats it I’m less picky about where she eats!

Softplayhooray · 26/08/2022 07:03

arethereanyleftatall · 25/08/2022 23:32

Doesn't sound like a very pleasant atmosphere.

This is fair...it might give your DD issues around food and your DH sounds like he'd rather lie about her eating than face your anger...why not just give her a little snack and food later, or just put the food away if she isn't hungry? After all as adults we eat when we're hungry not when someone tells us to!

38daystogo · 26/08/2022 07:09

You've made hard work whilst preggs. Just remove the plate next time and tell DD to ask for the food when she is ready to eat!

The food surely went cold from 04.30. Kids ask for snacks all the time it's just what kids do. Agree with others though you need a kitchen table and TV off.

Nobetterthansheoughttobe · 26/08/2022 07:15

A12326 · 25/08/2022 23:06

AIBU?

My daughter is 5 years old. And lately my patience with her is running low since I am pregnant and she just started school.

Today, she just got back from school and I served her meal, chicken and pasta and sat her on her little table to eat food. The food has been cut for her to eat it easily so it is not on big chunks and pieces. She sits down. But proceeds to do ANYTHING but eat. She's watching cartoons (fine with me as long as she eats) playing with her toys and standing up to talk to us instead of eating. The thing is she ASKED for her food. She came and asked me for cookies but I told her not until after dinner so I know she was hungry. I served her at 4:30 it is now 5:55 and she still is eating.

Her dad is now mad at me because I told her finish eating in an angry tone, and pulled her table in front of me to make sure she is eating. In the process her food slipped and fell all over the floor which I cleaned. My husband is now acting as if I'm the AH for doing that. When he was the one in charge of watching her eat her meal while I took a nap. Now, I did ask after waking up if she had finished her meal. He said she was eating, turns out she was not but as usual he was not paying attention.

So. Am I being unreasonable?

Why are you letting her eat with so many distractions? She is playing you. Take away the distractions, make her concentrate on the food. Talk to her about the meal while she is eating to interest her in the food.
She is probably acting up because you are pregnant; she is attention seeking

ChronicOverthinkr · 26/08/2022 07:18

Toys and TV during meal times? Sitting on her own at a solo table to eat? And you are surprised she doesn’t choose to eat quickly?! 😂😂😂😂

WoodlandMummy · 26/08/2022 07:19

dreamingbohemian · 25/08/2022 23:28

I'm not from the UK so this thread really confuses me

In most places kids have a small snack after school and then everyone eats together at 6 or whatever. Can you try that?

What has this thread got to do with the UK Confused

WoodlandMummy · 26/08/2022 07:20

ChronicOverthinkr · 26/08/2022 07:18

Toys and TV during meal times? Sitting on her own at a solo table to eat? And you are surprised she doesn’t choose to eat quickly?! 😂😂😂😂

It sounds fun, doesn’t it Confused

Dumle · 26/08/2022 07:35

Why don't you all eat together at the same table? She shouldn't have to eat alone. She will be more encouraged to eat if you are together.

MassiveSalad22 · 26/08/2022 07:40

Just chill out. If she’s sleeping and growing and learning then just chill out. She’s fine. Maybe she is eating enough at school. Maybe she’s ‘hungry’ but actually bored/tired/lonely/thirsty. Who knows but just relax, it will help.

Fivemoreminutes1 · 26/08/2022 07:46

4.30 is quite early for a 5yo. Maybe she’s not that hungry then. Why don’t you give her a snack at about 3.30 and then serve her tea at about 6?

ItsRainingPens · 26/08/2022 07:49

Meals all sat down together, with no tv, phone, etc for anyone

sheepdogdelight · 26/08/2022 07:52

Glad you've decided to change your meal times/routines about.

Not the point of the thread I know - but why are you cutting up her food still at 5? Fine if it's something particularly tricky/hard to cut, but in general a 5 year old should be getting used to using cutlery. They won't be cutting her food up for her at school. If she had to focus a bit more on her eating, that will also help stop her getting distracted by other things.

ItsRainingPens · 26/08/2022 07:52

WoodlandMummy · 26/08/2022 07:19

What has this thread got to do with the UK Confused

Show quote history

The extremely early eating maybe? As the poster says, in other countries this doesn't happen.
In France, for example, you would have "goûter" after school at about 4:30, then dinner at 7pm-ish, later if the kids are older

ShandaLear · 26/08/2022 07:57

The other thing you could think about is whether she needs a lot of dinner. When my kids were at school they had school dinners and that, along with their after school snack, meant they weren’t that hungry in the evening, so they were easily distracted and took ages. I started giving them smaller portion sizes or eggs on toast or similar, with the proviso that if they were still hungry they could have more.

Abraxan · 26/08/2022 07:57

Is she sat eating on her own?

She may eat better if sat at a table, without the distractions, but with you and/or your dh eating together with her. Would this be possible?

Demonstrate good dining etiquette as a family. Sit and eat, chat about the day, etc.

If she can't wait until a later time then you could have some healthy snacks prepared for straight after school, such as fruit, a slice of toast, etc.

On the odd occasion I eat alone I can very disinterested and distracted. It's not a nice experience to eat alone tbh.

Abraxan · 26/08/2022 08:00

dreamingbohemian · 25/08/2022 23:28

I'm not from the UK so this thread really confuses me

In most places kids have a small snack after school and then everyone eats together at 6 or whatever. Can you try that?

That is, and was always, the norm for us with dd. Though dinner was nearer 6:30pm when dh got home from work, which shifted back to 7pm as she got older and could wait a bit longer.

We always ate as a family growing up to and it was something that was very important to me when I had a child.

Abraxan · 26/08/2022 08:05

Oops, I missed your update.

Well done for reconsidering the family eating times. I hope the new plan works out for you. It may not work immediately today. It could take a little time to adjust. You could perhaps engage your dd into helping set the table, a bit of simple food prep, etc. and get her involved and on board.

But it's a good thing to do anyway - all together, no distractions, just time to eat and chat together about what you've all enjoyed about your day, your plans for tomorrow/weekend, etc.

Hbhhhh193948484848 · 26/08/2022 08:08

Just act like you don’t care just play it cool don’t make a thing of food that’s how eating disorders start. Turn tv off sit with her away from toys have a snack with her if your not eating and talk about the day. If she doesn’t want it just save it for later ? Are you sure she likes the food ? Serve her something you know she loves and then offer it again later if she doesn’t want it. Otherwise just do some toast or porridge later on before bed. She will grow out of it. Just don’t make a thing of it and don’t let her see your frustrated.

Pipsquiggle · 26/08/2022 08:13

My DS2 can take bloody ages to eat. After say 30 mins, when everyone else has finished eating by at least 15 minutes earlier, we give him a time frame of when his plate will be taken away and if he hasn't 'qualified' for dessert, his plate will be taken away and he won't have any food until his next meal