AIBU to expect my daughter to finish eating her meal on time.

[A12326]

AIBU?

My daughter is 5 years old. And lately my patience with her is running low since I am pregnant and she just started school.

Today, she just got back from school and I served her meal, chicken and pasta and sat her on her little table to eat food. The food has been cut for her to eat it easily so it is not on big chunks and pieces. She sits down. But proceeds to do ANYTHING but eat. She's watching cartoons (fine with me as long as she eats) playing with her toys and standing up to talk to us instead of eating. The thing is she ASKED for her food. She came and asked me for cookies but I told her not until after dinner so I know she was hungry. I served her at 4:30 it is now 5:55 and she still is eating.

Her dad is now mad at me because I told her finish eating in an angry tone, and pulled her table in front of me to make sure she is eating. In the process her food slipped and fell all over the floor which I cleaned. My husband is now acting as if I'm the AH for doing that. When he was the one in charge of watching her eat her meal while I took a nap. Now, I did ask after waking up if she had finished her meal. He said she was eating, turns out she was not but as usual he was not paying attention.

So. Am I being unreasonable?

When have you sat together around a table to eat? When does she sit and est with her parents altogether?
How can she learn if you dont show her?
Snack after school
Then sll sit at main tableto eat together no toys or tv

I don’t think I could eat with someone creating such a hostile and unpleasant atmosphere, and dragging the table I was eating at around.

Why not set a good example, and eat dinner together at the table, and talk about your days etc.

You might be pregnant and tired, but you sound really unpleasant and I feel so sorry for your little girl. She’s only 5. That’s still so young 😕

Your poor little girl.

She has come home from school and her parents have mostly ignored her.

Give her a snack and then all sit down together, no TV, no phones, just food and conversation.

If she is still messing around then take the food after 30 mins or so.

Pleased others have said it. You come in from school and have a snack and tv/wind down. Main meal is later!

Turn tv off

You mention that you or your DH watch her eat - it all sounds unnecessarily stressful and pressured. Turn off the tv, sit together and just keep the atmosphere as light as you can.

She's not a baby. Snack after school. Family tea / dinner later and chat

Thank you all for your insight. I appreciate all of your advices.

1. I do not sit her in front of the TV. The house I live in is an open area and while her father was watching TV she was watching it as well, so we turned it off.

1. We eat at seperate dinner times because I eat much earlier with my husband while she is at school. I then eat a lighter version of dinner. I am not from the UK so my lunch at around 12 PM is my heavy meal of the day. Then I probably eat a heavy snack and at night maybe a sandwich. She does not eat dinner with us because of school. And we both are working from home so we eat earlier.

1. That is the reason of the post, how me and my husband can't seem to agree with her not having toys or distractions while eating. Which can be frustrating since I feel I am fighting a battle alone which frustrates me even more. He is more of an ask her for her opinion about what she wants to do, while I am more of a believer that kids need rules like no toys at the table etc. Especially now that she is older. She was raised by both me and mother in law so she is heavily spoiled and was given food in front of the TV or playing games while being fed at thesame time by them. I am trying to take this habit away but it is proving difficult.

1. I appreciate the comments that are understanding. Thanks! The ones that are more judgemental I do get your point though. And yes, she does sing loudly while she poos, thankfully she is quick at doing that.

1. Based on what I have read I might start eating dinner time with her. Perhaps a later dinner where she eats her heavy meal and I eat my late night snack or something with her will work best.

You're expecting her to eat well whilst a) not actually teaching her how, and b) surrounding her with distractions.

Both of these things are well known to cause issues with eating.

Children learn by example.

Ditch the small table, turn off the tv, and teach by example.

YABU to expect her to do better when you're literally causing the situation. To make it worse you then dragged the table around like she is in the wrong? Wow.

Poor kid. Step up and participate, it'll work wonders.

You need to eat dinner as a family. Or at least one of you sitting with her chatting. No phones or tv or toys. You can’t get annoyed at her being distracted when you’ve surrounded her with distractions.

What age is she?

Are you sure it's not bulimia or anything? (sorry)

Agree with lots of pp, eat together at the table instead of in front of the tv. Teach her through example, enjoying the same food together, instead of her being alone, sick in front of a telly and being cross with her.

stuck!

eat your lighter version of dinner with her

Kids take forever to eat and even more so when distracted. Turn off the tv. Sit at the table with them, even if you are not eating and it will go quicker. Palming them off for an easier time now always rears it’s head with a problem magnified later

I wanted to thank you all again for your insight. Me and my husband have agreed to sit down at the dinner table with her tomorrow. As many have commented I will give her a light snack and then give her dinner after unwinding.

I was not raised eating dinner at the table with my parents. We all ate a seperate dinner times so for me it is normal. It did work with her until now that she is in school and doesn't spend much time with us. Before, she would be all day with me or her grandma when I used to work at the office. Which may be why she is taking her sweet time because she needs attention. That being said, I think it is a good idea to start eating dinner now with our daughter since we work and when she gets home from school I am still working for like an hour. We all could use the added family time.

Wish me luck. Hopefully this works for our family too!

Again thanks. Especially to the people who were not judgemental. My daughter is being well taken care of at home, if she wasn't I wouldn't really have cared to ask strangers for ways to better our eating routines. Being a parent means making mistakes. In this household we do say sorry and cha ge habits that do not seem to be working. I doubt anyone here is a perfect parent. We all have failed one way or the other, that is the beautiful aspect of being human, learning from our mistakes and making them better.

You are being massively unreasonable.

You caused quite a scene by pulling the table so hard that the plate was knocked to the floor.

Being pregnant and tired isn't an excuse for behaving badly toward a child.

Your daughter should have a snack when she comes home from school and the family should eat together. Sitting a child down to eat on her own at a different time from others' mealtime is the opposite of what mealtime is supposed to be.

Five years olds have the attention span of a gnat at tbe best of times. Your child has come home from a long day of school knackered If she wasn't interested in eating a full dinner at 4.30 you should have gently asked her if she's full or if she'd like to come back later to finish. If she had said she was hungry you should have offered a snack instead.

If I've got it right she's been sitting in front of a plate of food she clearly isn't inrerested in for an hour and a half, getting no exercise, nothing creative or olayful, and watching tv.

I mean… basically everything you’re doing is not great for encouraging good eating habits… and easy to fix.

eat as a family. If she gets up, dinner is over. No TV or toys. Encouraging tv while eating encourages mindless eating.

Putting pressure on her, also not great.

also, most children will ask for cookies… I sure don’t eat them only when I’m hungry. I would offer a small healthy snack, ie an apple, celery and peanut butter, whatever. Then dinner at usual time.

My grandchildren are 14 and 11, when they eat at my house there are no screens, tv off, and sit at the dining table, otherwise they don't eat properly. Little ones need to learn from the start, how to eat at meal times.

Some great post here from both the OP and other people. I'd just like to add a small principle that helped me reduce the stress/annoyance.
Things I decide are how much food to offer, what food, how long it's available and where to offer it. And things my son can decide is whether to eat it, how much to eat of each thing, and when he is finished.
This is quite reassuring for him because he knows the rules, and the same for me, it's comforting to me too.
This means he can focus on eating rather than battling.
And it's a good boundary to divide the responsibility for things we ourselves have control, and not to try to take responsibility for things we can't control.
This is just to add to the excellent points from other posters.
Good luck and take care.

Glad you have decided to eat with her. It’s very sad for a young child to have to sit at a table alone to eat. Eating together in a loving family environment is key to general development.

Mealtime is for eating not for watching tv
Tell her she can watch tv when she is finished
And no toys obviously..

To the pp that said that dinner couldtake hours: 🤣 setting limits and rewards/punishments seem to be a better road. Aint nobody got time to sit with a kid for hours ...

This works for us too.

What does she have for lunch at school? If she's having a hot meal at lunchtime, maybe she just isn't hungry enough for a cooked meal at home, especially at 4.30. I'd try and hold the mealtime back a little until 5pm at the earliest. Just because she asked for cookies, doesn't necessarily mean she's ready for her tea! Most small children will eat something sweet, hungry or not.

This.