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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ditch staying at ILs and book a hotel

337 replies

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 24/08/2022 21:39

At the ILs at the moment, arrived today, staying in their spare rooms at their insistence- we wanted to get a hotel for these 2 nights like we usually do. But ILs were quite offended at the thought of us doing that yet again and made a bit of a deal about us staying at theirs this time. So we agreed.

We have 2 DC, 5 & 9, and this house is so not a child-friendly environment. MIL is always freaking out about the kids touching the walls, fretting about them knocking over the 5,271 trinkets she has on each of the million sideboards they own, not letting us play UNO at any of the tables in case we scratch the varnished surfaces etc.

i can cope with all of that just about. But what’s really pissed me off is the fact that Ive just spent over an hour trying to get a terrified 5yo to sleep because of a stupid ‘rule’, and have just raised the white flag.

So ILs went to bed at 8pm. They don’t usually sleep so early but I suspect it’s a PA way of telling us we’ve knackered them out.

Anyway this was the same time as DS’s bedtime. Being a 5yo boy he’s terrified of the dark and at home we leave the landing light on when he’s in bed and the door ajar. Did this tonight and (Step)FIL came out and knocked the landing light off then stomped back into the bedroom. DS screamed for me, so I raced back in and comforted him. Thought SFIL probably didn’t realise that DS would be scared, so I turned it back on then realised that Thier bedroom door was open a good 2 feet. SFIL came out and said “actually the landing light has to stay off. We leave our bedroom door open in case the cat wants to come in, and the light being on is disturbing us trying to sleep.” I said oh right it’s just DS is really frightened of total dark and he said “Oh well never mind. good night” and went back to bed.

Cue an hour of me going between trying to get DS to put up with it being dark, to putting on the bedroom lamp (that has no shade, because why would it, they have 3 fucking candle extinguishers in the room but no lampshade) and that was too bright, to trying to bring in other (shaded) lamps from other rooms, which just distracted him.

After an hour of trying to calm DS down/find the right lamp that’s not too bright and not too dim, like some sort of middle aged Goldilocks, I gave up and tag teamed with DH to take over.

He’s still up there now. Can hear ILs snoring like a pair of water buffalos (so pleased they have their door open). Can’t hear DS and DH so hoping they’ve fallen asleep too.

Why the fuck did the ILs ask us so desperately to come and stay at their home if they don’t want to make any adjustments for us being here? I know it’s their house but does that mean they should make a unnecessarily unpleasant environment for your 5yo grandson, because it might otherwise upset the bloody cat?

WIBU to book a hotel room for tomorrow? Even if I just take DS - it’s been years since I’ve had a struggle to get a child to sleep like that and I really CBA to do it all over again tomorrow.

To be clear: The ILs will be extremely offended if I do this and will likely moan about the time I left them to stay in a hotel, from now until the end of time.

OP posts:
Festoonlights · 25/08/2022 12:08

I dont think I could get past that comment though… about her own grandchild.

bringbackveronicamars · 25/08/2022 12:12

We had to do something similar once; we packed up and left on the evening. Things did eventually calm down and return to normal, but at the time, it was the best option.

Enjoy your hotel. Send your husband in to collect the suitcases if you expect high drama.

Mummyratbag · 25/08/2022 12:17

I quite often feel sorry for the in laws in posts. Not this time, geez I couldn't forget that comment about hurting children. I feel for your DH and wonder what his childhood was like. Nasty woman.

BuildersTeaMaker · 25/08/2022 12:26

I’d have thought getting a plug in nightlight to pop in sons room is a far cheaper option than staying in hotel because of this reason . A quick trip to Argos or whatever

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 25/08/2022 12:28

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 24/08/2022 21:44

In your case I would badly want to, but wouldn't as I wouldn't want to make waves, despite them being rude and inhospitable.

Can you buy a plug in nightlight tomorrow? I'd also put the landing light back on

I'd do this.

or as @Mum2jenny says get a sensor activated light.

ancientgran · 25/08/2022 12:35

I'm 70 next year, DH is 75 and they sound more like 90 year olds. As a family we all always stay in hotels when visiting, well not quite true my younger kids who don't have children yet will sometimes stay with siblings but we always stayed in hotels when visiting our parents and now do it when visiting our kids or when they visit us. Sometimes we have the GC stay with us while the parents have nice days with the children and then go off for a meal, early night and lie in. I wouldn't suggest that in your situation though.

I do think being able to make a getaway when you've had enough is important and everyone gets a bit of space. Enjoy your Premier Inn.

Farmmum77 · 25/08/2022 12:35

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 25/08/2022 10:23

The deed has been done, and we are now seeking sanctuary in a skate park!

DH agreed its the best way forwards. Telling them came at the right time as DS (who is an a foul mood after a struggling to get to sleep) had a sulk about how he didn’t like his top and he wanted to wear one we’d left at home. Not his finest hour but he’s a tired 5yo who’s been on summer holidays for too long.

MIL piped up and said “You can understand why people want to hurt children can’t you”.

No you vile cow I can’t. At that point DH said that we’ve booked a hotel as DS really needs a light on and he thinks the kids are a bit much for them both anyway.

It wasn’t a shouting match but the cats bum mouths said it all. “Well thats a silly idea….we are absolutely fine with the children…I’m sure we have a nightlight somewhere…really what an overreaction…and such a waste of money! Why pay when you get free bed and board”

DH just said kept repeating that it’s much easier for us to be out from under their feet etc as the children are a lot to handle.

So we’ve come to a skate park just the 4 of us. I don’t think I can bear to go back but we need to for the suitcases.

Where was this mysterious nightlight last night? Would it have been too much to have dieted it then?!

TheCutter · 25/08/2022 12:36

That sounds dreadful. Your poor DS coming second to their own preferences. They could have managed a light on for two nights. Go to the hotel.

Arenanewbie · 25/08/2022 12:38

Her comment was unbelievable. Your DH handled it really well, arguing with them or explaining anything would be pointless exercise.
Enjoy the hotel break, hopefully DS will fall asleep early today and you will have some free time.

VickyEadieofThigh · 25/08/2022 12:39

newbiename · 25/08/2022 10:36

Enjoy the hotel. Although I think I'd have just gone home.

Yes, me too! I can't believe they went to bed at 8.30pm and then got up at 5.30am!

Hosting gets harder as you get older, as does being a guest; however, if you insist that people stay with you, the onus is on you as the host to make guests as comfortable as possible - even if that means discomfort for you as the hosts for a couple of days.

Blossomtoes · 25/08/2022 12:40

MIL piped up and said “You can understand why people want to hurt children can’t you”.

Bloody hell. Fuck the hotel, go home.

Onlyhuman123 · 25/08/2022 12:40

"MIL piped up and said “You can understand why people want to hurt children can’t you”." Jesus that's awful!! and with the 'nancy boy' comment which is bloody offensive.

She sounds like my MiL...has no bloody filter and always saying disrespectable things to everyone but it's always 'oh that's just Mum', 'oh she's stuck her size 10s in again has she?'...NO!! she's being bloody rude and offensive!!! pisses me right off.

VickyEadieofThigh · 25/08/2022 12:40

BuildersTeaMaker · 25/08/2022 12:26

I’d have thought getting a plug in nightlight to pop in sons room is a far cheaper option than staying in hotel because of this reason . A quick trip to Argos or whatever

Have you read the rest of the thread? It's been awful all round, it's not just the nightlight issue.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 25/08/2022 12:41

mamabear715 · 25/08/2022 11:54

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet
Have you started looking at care homes for them yet? That's what I would have been doing while the water buffaloes snored.. :-) Ooh I am NASTY!!
Enjoy the hotel & peace, perfect PEACE..

Well funnily enough I think another reason for their PA 8pm bedtime was that DH jokingly said “I’ll take you shopping tomorrow mum” and she said “Oh how lovely” and he said “Yeah shopping for care homes” 🙊

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 25/08/2022 12:41

I second getting your husband to go back for the suitcases. And I'm glad you'd already booked it. What sort of person thinks that let alone says it out loud?

blinder · 25/08/2022 12:43

Big lol at the care homes comment. Your husband sounds excellent.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 25/08/2022 12:43

Anyway 15 mins til check in Grin haven’t been back as we went for lunch, DH going back for cases at some point but we are taking them for a meal tonight as a thank you for hosting (lol!!)

OP posts:
newbiename · 25/08/2022 12:44

BuildersTeaMaker · 25/08/2022 12:26

I’d have thought getting a plug in nightlight to pop in sons room is a far cheaper option than staying in hotel because of this reason . A quick trip to Argos or whatever

Have you read the bit where MIL
called her son a Nancy boy and all the rest of it ?

Spohn · 25/08/2022 12:45

Why are people wittering on about nightlights? Not bother to read OPs updates? The grandmother wants to abuse the child, read what she said.

CuriousMama · 25/08/2022 12:45

That sounds like a total nightmare. So glad you're escaping.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 25/08/2022 12:45

Enjoy your lovely night in a hotel!

GelatoQueen · 25/08/2022 12:46

OP I'm proud of you because I rarely win at the 'I want to stay in an AirBnB not at your mother's' argument we have every sodding time we go to visit. We stayed elsewhere twice (Covid restrictions / concerns about her health being the reason). But she gets horribly upset and offended if we don't stay with her and DH finds this extremely difficult to deal with.

As MIL has got older she has started bringing in more and more rules. she says she loves children but gets fed up with DS if he doesn't want to do what she thinks he should be doing, it's not child friendly (and we are not allowed to move anything), gets stressed about us being there (and won't admit it) and is extremely controlling about food.

Me and DS ended up making a list of all the rules she imposed on us during our summer visit

  • couldn't use the washing machine independently. Had to ask if she could accommodate any of our washing in with her loads
  • no baths / shower (because she needed to save water because of the drought). To be fair DS loved this as he's a bit of a soap-dodger!
  • No playing on the front lawn
  • DS not allowed in the kitchen when she is in there
  • Allowed to use only a tiny portion of the fridge (marked off and complained about frequently as we were taking up room she needed)
  • Lights constantly turned off (even when we were in the rooms in question)

After the planned visit in October half-term I won't be staying with her again. It's far to stressful.

Pollydon · 25/08/2022 12:47

Why on earth did they offer to have you all..........., oh , now I remember, it's to show the world what fantastic grandparents they are.
And dont put it on their age - my MIL and Step FIL were similar ages when our DC were young and we would stay for a week at a time. They really adored our kids, the ( beautiful) house would be baby proofed, the kids room was like Hamleys, the garden ( SFil's pride and joy) would be strewn with play equipment and toys , he even bought them new wellies every year.
Fil and Step Mil however ............🙄

Spohn · 25/08/2022 12:48

Eugh, taking them for dinner? Your poor kids, being made to be around a woman who wants to hurt them.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 25/08/2022 12:50

A trip to mcdonald's at the most op....