I have debated on writing this as I feel like an awful person.
And this is long, sorry.
Firstly, we are not in the UK. We live in a country that has no real social housing/help.
Friend's son is 17. He is ADHD, ASD and has various other issues, dyspraxia, dyslexia, dyscalculia, and so on. He plays PC games all day while his mum works. He's a very sweet boy and will do some chores around the house if he is reminded, but is mentally around 7-9, I would say.
They live in a cottage on our property. We barely charge them rent, and despite having a good job, Friend is struggling financially. Son also has to have a fully cooked meal, meat and veg, every night.
I love him, have known him since he was 3 years old, but I don't want to be legally responsible for him if something happens to Friend. Friend has struggled with depression and self harming her whole life and drinks a lot (I do too, so no judgement, just background). She will go through periods where she seriously considers suicide. This is why they now live on our property, so that there is someone around in case things go bad.
She separated from his dad when he was around 6 I think. His dad was in the picture, but never really learned how to deal with the meltdowns and as Son got older and bigger and more aggressive, his dad became aggressive too, until he headbutted Son and gave him a bloody nose. So now they have a restraining order against him. She has no family that can help. Actually, she has a brother and sister but isn't close to either and neither of them is financially well off.
She has not put any money aside for his future. He will not be able to hold a job down. He can't tell time or set an alarm clock.
I know I am a horrible person, but I do judge her a little bit for her choices. I can't help it. She was in a relationship with a very wealthy man for about 5 years. He paid for her to be a SAHM and she didn't put a penny away for the future, just lived it up in the moment. Didn't have a care in the world. And now she's stuck.
I look forward to when my own DC are grown up and leading their own independent lives. We are coming out of a terrible 6 years, where I am now physically disabled and my own son is paralyzed due to a car accident we were in. We are not a high income household, because I can't do the job I did previously, but we are putting money aside for our retirements. We did get a compensation payout since the accident was 100% not my fault, but this money is for our own son to be able to live independently one day. We live frugally and go without luxuries.
I know we are lucky to have only physical disabilities, although that makes life hard enough.
I lie awake at night and worry that we will have to look after her Son for the rest of our lives and we will have to fund it too. I have mentioned this to her and she just said that there is no-one else, so we are it. I think she thinks that since we have 'extra' money, this will not be a problem for us.
Am I horrible for feeling this way?