I hit DH

[Bnxybee]

I slapped DH on the arm.

For context, my 3-year-old DS is a terrible sleeper. We usually put him to bed at around 8 or 9 but he’s often awake by midnight screaming hysterically and wanting to go downstairs. We’ve tried the “cry it out” method to no avail and we’re both sleep deprived.

I came back from work tonight and DS was
asleep. When I started to drift off around midnight, he woke up and started screaming. At this point, I was irrationally annoyed with DH who was gaming with his online mates. I’ve been up since just before 6 am but I stayed up with DS the night before last (I think. I’m actually getting my days mixed up). I asked DH to help me settle him and he seemed so pissed off I interrupted his precious game. DS was screaming that he wanted to go downstairs but DH wanted to let him cry it out. His crying became more and more hysterical whilst DH told me I’m the cause of his behaviour for giving into him at bed time. Truthfully, I just can’t let him cry it out, especially when he starts thrashing and hyperventilating like he’s going to be sick and sometimes even head butting (suspected ASD).

I swore at DH and told him to go to bed because I would stay up with DS. He didn’t move and without a thought I slapped his arm and told him to get out. He turned around and told me that if I ever hit him again he would break my fingers. I know I shouldn’t have slapped him but it honestly wasn’t hard at all. DH even said so but said there was malice there. Again, I know I’m making excuses for myself but he has (playfully) slapped my bum twice as hard when I’ve stood up next to him. Still, if he’d have done that to me tonight I’d be shocked and angry.

I'm just incredibly frustrated. He doesn’t really do anything with DS when he finishes work. It would be nice if he took him to the park for half hour or even kicked a ball around with him (he’s such a busy, active child). Yesterday, he shouted and swore at me in front of DS and my MIL who actually pulled him up on it and texted me
today to see if I was okay.

I want to create a sensory room for DS to see if it helps his sleep but DH isn’t interested so I have to pay for all of it. Despite being on less than half his salary.

I still hit him though.

Yep.

The dh was blocking the op getting to his child because the op wanted to take him downstairs ,feed him and and allow him to throw toys about at a time when the child was supposed to be sleeping

@spirit20 @Discovereads @user29 @SunnyD44
if you look at OP’s posting history you can clearly see that her husband is emotionally abusive towards her and that he treats her appallingly, including groping and sexually harassing her regularly. He sounds awful.

It doesn’t mean what OP did was right (she knows it was wrong) but it paints a clearer picture that the husband isn’t an ongoing victim with OP as his ongoing abuser.

@SunnyD44 it sounds like a very different situation to yours as you were the victim not a victim and also an abuser like OP’s husband.

I feel for you OP. You know it was of course wrong to hit your partner. He is horrible to you and sounds like a nasty piece of work. The situation with little sleep sounds stressful for you both. Lack of sleep makes us act in ways we wouldn't normally and anyone posting on this thread who hasn't suffered prolonged sleep deprivation/ dealing with a child who won't stop screaming in the middle of the night might not really understand how unbearable it can feel.

I think speaking to your MIL might be a good idea tbh.

@LaFemmeNicola @Discovereads
if you look at OP’s posting history you can clearly see that her husband is emotionally abusive towards her and that he treats her appallingly, including groping and sexually harassing her regularly. He sounds awful.

It doesn’t mean what OP did was right (she knows it was wrong) but it paints a clearer picture that the husband isn’t an ongoing victim with OP as his ongoing abuser.

She didn't say this either.
She did, I was up when she posted it, so I saw it before it was withdrawn.

Nice bit of obfuscation there, I didn’t say “the OP said I hit my husband when he doesn’t do what I tell him to” I said I fully believe OP’s confession that she hits her husband when he doesn’t do what she tells him to do.

It’s a summary of what she has confessed to doing on two separate occasions. Not a quote, that’s why I didn’t put it in quotes or say OP said.

No different from reading a confession in one post saying “I robbed a bank because I needed money” and then another confession “I robbed this other bank, because I had run out of money” and then summarising these two separate accounts as:

I fully believe X’s confession that they rob banks when they need money.

It’s an accurate summary.

For fuck’s sake is this still going?!
Well done OP.

Sounds like a great and healthy relationship. Not!

You need to break up. For both of your sakes and ds's. You are toxic to eachother

And start with some ground rules and structure for ds bedtime

Ps realistically would he really want a 50/50 custody? No. He wouldnt. Because if you have him 90% of the time? He has more time for gaming 🤣

The dh was blocking the op getting to his child because the op wanted to take him downstairs ,feed him and and allow him to throw toys about at a time when the child was supposed to be sleeping

And? So what? WTF are you actually suggesting?

Do we need permits to access our children now? Are people allowed to force mothers to do cry it out?

Disgraceful post. You should be ashamed.

Hope you had fun reporting the posts rebutting your lies.

None of what you said was said. And you know it.

I didn’t report them. Why would I write a huge response if I had reported them?
It was said. Many other posters have acknowledged it was said in their posts.

Really? Quote other posters them. Pics or it didn’t happen.

You can RTFT. Here are a few from the early pages of the thread of posters referencing the fact she hit her DH twice:

GiltEdges · Today 06:35
“I’m sorry but Mumsnet is just ridiculous for double standards at times. OP:

Admits to being “irrationally” annoyed at finding her DH gaming
The DH ends up on the DCs room, but OP then decides that she wants him to leave
When the DH doesn’t move, OP lashes out physically and smacks him, not for the first time
Her behaviour is completely unacceptable and there are no “but” this or “but” that’s to justify it.”

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL · Today 07:03
“Secondly, as you know you've crossed a line, twice now.”
”You can only ask your DH to try to forgive and move forward together, it is of course jus prerogative if he wishes to do this or not. I think that both the incidents in wish you've lashed out are due to your being highly stressed and tired due to DS, whilst your instinct is to protect and nurture, you can't let this manifest into being physical. I'm not condoning any violence ever, but if by getting some help or a plan in place for your DS, avoids these situations, then it may be that the slapping is also avoided.”

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · Today 08:42
“Why you hit him doesn't matter, you've hit him twice and even if you won't consider his right to not be hit in a relationship, think about your child, because next time you hit him they might witness this.”

Perhaps you’ll RTFT before accusing a poster of lying next time?

As has been explained to you before you went mad with the report button:

Your post:

I fully believe OPs confession that she hits her husband when he doesn’t do as she tells him to.

Implies a. That she slapped her DH because he disobeyed, rather than was actually the case, out of stress and frustration, and b. This is a habitual repeated pattern rather than an upshot of fraught circumstance, against a backdrop of appalling behaviour from him.

It’s six of one and half a dozen of the other.

Point is, it’s a really toxic relationship. They both need to sort themselves out for the sake of their child.

It does sound as though OP has more self awareness and self reflection than her H though.

It's not the same thing unless there is a similar situation going on.

@IrisVersicolor
I’ve only reported one post by another poster- the DeWinter one which was just 3 words.

“Implies a. That she slapped her DH because he disobeyed, rather than was actually the case, out of stress and frustration”

It was because he disobeyed her. Reflect on her account: “I swore at DH and told him to go to bed because I would stay up with DS. He didn’t move and without a thought I slapped his arm and told him to get out.”

She swore at her DH.

She told him to go to bed.

He didn’t move.

She slapped his arm and told him to get out.

Stress, frustration, those are emotions that she doesn’t even mention until talking about other issues. In fact the only emotion the OP reports feeling a few minutes before she slapped her DH was that she was “irrationally annoyed” at him.

“b. This is a habitual repeated pattern rather than an upshot of fraught circumstance, against a backdrop of appalling behaviour from him.”

Twice slapped is a repeat, it’s not a one off. And there is a pattern, in this case a long running parenting disagreement to CIO or not CIO in which one partner has slapped the other more than once to get their way.

She explained that her DH was acting as a physical barrier between her and her hysterical child.

Whst mother can bear that?

"She explained that her DH was acting as a physical barrier between her and her hysterical child.

Whst mother can bear that?"

You mean their child, surely. I don't doubt it would not be excused for slap a mum who was acting as a physical barrier to his child, would it?

Are you high? She's the one who came on here to assuage her guilt about hitting her partner in anger... not him.

How do you know he isn't posting his woes on an equivalent forum?

And why on earth do you feel confident enough to declare it's six of one and half a dozen of the other when you've only heard one side of the story? Is that how things work around here? You can really see why males victims of DV have such a hard time being believed.