I hit DH

[Bnxybee]

I slapped DH on the arm.

For context, my 3-year-old DS is a terrible sleeper. We usually put him to bed at around 8 or 9 but he’s often awake by midnight screaming hysterically and wanting to go downstairs. We’ve tried the “cry it out” method to no avail and we’re both sleep deprived.

I came back from work tonight and DS was
asleep. When I started to drift off around midnight, he woke up and started screaming. At this point, I was irrationally annoyed with DH who was gaming with his online mates. I’ve been up since just before 6 am but I stayed up with DS the night before last (I think. I’m actually getting my days mixed up). I asked DH to help me settle him and he seemed so pissed off I interrupted his precious game. DS was screaming that he wanted to go downstairs but DH wanted to let him cry it out. His crying became more and more hysterical whilst DH told me I’m the cause of his behaviour for giving into him at bed time. Truthfully, I just can’t let him cry it out, especially when he starts thrashing and hyperventilating like he’s going to be sick and sometimes even head butting (suspected ASD).

I swore at DH and told him to go to bed because I would stay up with DS. He didn’t move and without a thought I slapped his arm and told him to get out. He turned around and told me that if I ever hit him again he would break my fingers. I know I shouldn’t have slapped him but it honestly wasn’t hard at all. DH even said so but said there was malice there. Again, I know I’m making excuses for myself but he has (playfully) slapped my bum twice as hard when I’ve stood up next to him. Still, if he’d have done that to me tonight I’d be shocked and angry.

I'm just incredibly frustrated. He doesn’t really do anything with DS when he finishes work. It would be nice if he took him to the park for half hour or even kicked a ball around with him (he’s such a busy, active child). Yesterday, he shouted and swore at me in front of DS and my MIL who actually pulled him up on it and texted me
today to see if I was okay.

I want to create a sensory room for DS to see if it helps his sleep but DH isn’t interested so I have to pay for all of it. Despite being on less than half his salary.

I still hit him though.

you hit him in anger.You are an abuser

She really isn't.

Did Sally Challen?

There are too many men and/or teenagers on this thread.

OP is not an abuser. Her husband sounds like he is, though.

All of you defending him and attacking OP should be ashamed of yourselves. Grow up, learn a bit of empathy, find out about the world. Stop making things worse.

Honestly this thread should be used in social work classes to demonstrate why male victims of DV find it so much harder to be taken seriously.

Oh please. She. Hit. Him. On two separate occasions. That isn’t ok.

This thread should actually be used to educate and illustrate how important it is that actual abusers - in this case the OP’s so called partner - doesn’t pull the wool over any one’s eyes and make himself out to be the abused.

As has been done for so long in family court with social services the police etc

some really ignorant blinkered and totally surface level posts here. This being one of them.

You (and I and some others ) are wasting our time
at least thankfully there are some people on this thread that have a clearer sense of what is actually unfolding here

Havent RTFT but sounds like your child’s sleep has been a major factor in creating a very challenging environment for all family members.
We also had a problem sleeper - also suspected ADHD- and things were very difficult for our family with each individual unhappy and angry because of sleep deprivation, relations all round deteriorated.
people say and do stupid things as a response to sleep deprivation and stress.

we tried Batelle sleep training and it has made a massive difference for us. it’s expensive but not comparable to divorce/therapy.
not cry it out at all - maybe all something to look at.
I hope things get better for you all

I find it incredible that anyone should be able to stand between a mother and her distressed child and expect to emerge unscathed.

He can stand between her and the child because he's bigger and stronger than her. He's already using his strength abusively and he doesn't need to lift a finger. Then the OP gets into trouble for doing whatever she can (without causing any pain) to reach her child. She's been reduced to a clawing, flailing desperate mother.

She needs a ride out of this situation and away from anyone who would dictate her movements or prevent access to her child.

There are too many men and/or teenagers on this thread.

Yeah, my thoughts too.

I don’t think we are wasting our time. I think these points need to be made repeatedly. People who want to understand will listen.

👏👏👏👏

you are mistaken. Only men are abusers, not women

I will say that both times I reacted in that way way, DH was a physical barrier between myself and DS who was hysterical.

So you were trying to get to your hysterical DS and CH (cunt husband) was stopping you? No wonder you hit him, you were protecting your baby.

If he moved in to your flat, why is the property in his name? In any case, you are entitled to half the property. Please see a solicitor and leave this piece of shit.

No it’s a masterclass in the undermining and disbelief of women in toxic relationships against a background of failure to take da against women seriously (leading to 2 women per week being killed by partner or ex partner).

Lots of hypocrites are making excuses to justify the woman's action though because she was pushed to it. We're in the realm of MN double standards.

No it’s just that some people are acquainted with the spectrum of abuse dynamics and some people have a very limited idea of it based either on a relationship or their own or what they’ve read in the media.

What disbelief? I fully believe OPs confession that she hits her husband when he doesn’t do as she tells him to.

That’s a case in point - you believe something of the OP she has never said based on your own agenda not on the facts of the case.

What complete nonsense. Of course women can be abusers.

Oh god OP it was so minor what you did, and your H sounds like a really nasty lazy piece of work. Sounds like he is breaking you, leaving you to do so much tough parenting, dealing with so much sleep deprivation while he sits on his arse gaming like a child all night, then threatens to break your fingers. And no doubt wants cry it out so he can sit on his arse more gaming. I'd leave him. He sounds horrendous.

? It’s plain as day. She did say it.

”I swore at DH and told him to go to bed because I would stay up with DS. He didn’t move and without a thought I slapped his arm and told him to get out.”

sadly, she’s deleted this post
Bnxybee · Today 03:54
This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

In which she confessed in some detail to slapping him another time over him not doing what she told him to over CIO.

However, later she refers back to this other post and incident:
Bnxybee · Today 08:53
”I know I was completely in the wrong and it’s unlike me to react with violence. I do feel ashamed. I will say that both times I reacted in that way…[cue excuses]”

So she has confessed to hitting him twice because he didn’t do what she told him to do. As it was more than once so I can truthfully use the plural “hits”

partner = patterns