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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A lesson learned or AIBU

145 replies

powerofalexa · 22/08/2022 17:23

Suggested that my child and four friends meet up to do an activity before return to school recently.
They are early teens and we are all quite rural so they didn't see one another over the holidays.
All mothers agreeable. I sent the link to them with details of activity and said I'd drive. It was an hour away.
All children turned up.
Had a wonderful morning. Each of them
Ravenous afterwards so I suggested drive through for fast food as we were time
poor.
And here's my AIBU ... not ONE of them had any money for lunch or the activity itself.
Perhaps I should have been more explicit or direct but I'm absolutely shocked especially at three of mothers( other mother is a multi millionaire and is notoriously tight with money)
So more fool me or AIBU to be fuming and shocked?
Did I really need to ask for the money directly and explicitly?

FWIW my child is the youngest of four and down through the years there has never been anything but everyone paying their way when any of the children went or were brought on an activity.
Two thank yous by text, that's been it!
I wouldnt expect anything from multi m mother.she has form for rudeness and lack of manners. Her son is following her footsteps.. ordering the biggest and most expensive meal and sulking when refused a dessert.
My son and he are great friends however so had to keep quiet but today is the very last time he will be invited to anything .

Whole day cost me £30 per child.

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 22/08/2022 17:27

Depends on what way you phrased the invite?

powerofalexa · 22/08/2022 17:28

It was a suggestion that they all meet up before return To school to do an activity and that I would drive.
Then I sent the link.

OP posts:
Creepymanonagoatfarm · 22/08/2022 17:29

Send messages asking what they are organising for their turn?

Cosycover · 22/08/2022 17:29

That's not the norm round my way. If I invite the child I pay. Some people may send £10 along with their child but I would always refuse this.

ZekeZeke · 22/08/2022 17:30

Send a message to the group and ask them to Revolut you £30 each

powerofalexa · 22/08/2022 17:30

I didn't invite the children specifically. I suggested they meet up, do an activity nd that I would do the driving.

OP posts:
TeapotTitties · 22/08/2022 17:31

They should've paid for the activity of course.

But if this millionaire mother is as bad as you say she is, why o earth didn't you explicitly state that the kids will need to bring money?

powerofalexa · 22/08/2022 17:31

I'm cross as they know that I am
Not well off.

OP posts:
Bikeybikeface · 22/08/2022 17:32

YABU, If I invited my child’s friends to an activity, I would expect to pay for their food and if they offered to pay I’d say no.

Whatwherehowwhenwho · 22/08/2022 17:32

Did I really need to ask for the money directly and explicitly?

It depends how you worded the invite, what exactly did you say?

to avoid any confusion ”Hi sons friends, do you fancy meeting up and doing X? It will be £x plus lunch if you fancy it” or similar would have made it clear.

powerofalexa · 22/08/2022 17:32

I really didn't Feel I needed to specifically state that. I thought sending the link would be enough to inform them of the cost.

OP posts:
TeapotTitties · 22/08/2022 17:32

But also there's something I don't get about this.

If you knew they had no money for the activity, what on earth made you think they had lunch money?

That's weird. You should've just taken them home.

powerofalexa · 22/08/2022 17:34

The activity was just before lunchtime. It would have been obvious that they would be very hungry as rule, at this time especially after an activity.

OP posts:
Isausernameavailable · 22/08/2022 17:34

It wouldn't occur to me to expect them to pay, I'd see it as my invitation so I'm the host.

GiantCheeseMonster · 22/08/2022 17:35

YABU. If my DC are invited on an activity I assume the parents are paying. Same in return - if I invite a child along to something I pay for them.

Brigante9 · 22/08/2022 17:36

You should have said ‘It’s this much, please ensure Jack has the right money and we will swing by McDonalds en route home, so he’ll need enough for a meal’. I’d have had no qualms about saying ‘I’m just the driver, not paying’.

IDontDrinkTea · 22/08/2022 17:36

This is easily remedied

“Hi, X appears to have forgotten the money for the activity today, don’t worry I covered his ticket, but here’s my bank details so you can transfer it across. He also got lunch if you can include that too”

RedHelenB · 22/08/2022 17:37

powerofalexa · 22/08/2022 17:32

I really didn't Feel I needed to specifically state that. I thought sending the link would be enough to inform them of the cost.

That's your error I'm afraid. Yabu, but having said that I'd have expected them to have some money

dribblewibble · 22/08/2022 17:38

I'd expect to pay in that case if I was inviting them out.

KyaClark · 22/08/2022 17:38

Clearly it's your error as none of the parents sent their kids with any money. If one hadn't then fair enough but you obviously weren't clear enough.

yonce · 22/08/2022 17:39

You suggested the activity, sent a link and said you'd take them, and didn't pre arrange getting them lunch. YABU - if you wanted cash for it, you need to say that in the invite, they're not psychic.

Sprogonthetyne · 22/08/2022 17:41

The unwritten rule our way I'd if the parent invites then they pay, but if the kids organise it between themselves then everyone pays there own. So next time ask DC to text there friends, ask if they want to go to and say they can blag a lift for everyone.

I'd probably test this at a cheap/free activity first time though, in case the rules are different where you live.

powerofalexa · 22/08/2022 17:43

So to be clear the text read ...

It would be lovely for the boys to meet after the summer holiday.. would anyone be interested in them Going to x activity to catch up ? I'll
Drive.

OP posts:
DuckonaBike · 22/08/2022 17:44

I think the issue is that you suggested it, so that implies you are inviting them (and paying).

If the teenagers had organised it themselves and a parent agreed to drive then that’s different; I’d expect all the parents to pay or the kids to pay for themselves out of their allowance.

powerofalexa · 22/08/2022 17:46

I see where everyone is coming from. My own fault as always on the past , all of children always paid their own way.
This group is different.
Lesson learned

OP posts:
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