A lesson learned or AIBU

[powerofalexa]

Suggested that my child and four friends meet up to do an activity before return to school recently.
They are early teens and we are all quite rural so they didn't see one another over the holidays.
All mothers agreeable. I sent the link to them with details of activity and said I'd drive. It was an hour away.
All children turned up.
Had a wonderful morning. Each of them
Ravenous afterwards so I suggested drive through for fast food as we were time
poor.
And here's my AIBU ... not ONE of them had any money for lunch or the activity itself.
Perhaps I should have been more explicit or direct but I'm absolutely shocked especially at three of mothers( other mother is a multi millionaire and is notoriously tight with money)
So more fool me or AIBU to be fuming and shocked?
Did I really need to ask for the money directly and explicitly?

FWIW my child is the youngest of four and down through the years there has never been anything but everyone paying their way when any of the children went or were brought on an activity.
Two thank yous by text, that's been it!
I wouldnt expect anything from multi m mother.she has form for rudeness and lack of manners. Her son is following her footsteps.. ordering the biggest and most expensive meal and sulking when refused a dessert.
My son and he are great friends however so had to keep quiet but today is the very last time he will be invited to anything .

Whole day cost me £30 per child.

If I arrange, I pay. I think it wasn’t crystal clear and you’ll have to chalk it up to experience.

Those who are saying that they expect the inviter to pay, would you think the same for an adult get-together? If my friend sent me a message asking if I wanted to do an activity, sent a link, and offered me a lift, there's no way I'd take that as an offer to pay for me to do it and buy me lunch afterwards.

Even if they did think the OP was suggesting it was her treat (which I wouldn't have taken from that message at all) the polite thing to do would be to offer their child's share and let her refuse if she was keen to treat. Why is it only on the OP to clarify the arrangements? Two of them didn't even say thank you ffs.

I think your message reads as a "proposed" outing and you offering to drive, but suspect as you knew at least one parent to be a tightwad, you needed to specifically make reference to the costs. I see absolutely nothing wrong with the message suggested by MagneticRubberDucks, it's polite and to the point. I can't imagine sending a teenager out with another family and no money, but I think when people don't have to worry about money, then they don't. I honestly think that they all need a reality check and you'll be saving them from reading about themselves in a "serious CFers" post later on.

Get texting, get your money back, and do the World a favour. You can do this and have learned a lesson too.

I would send a casual text: the kids had a great day! Here are a few pics I took on the day. I have summed up the tickets and meal and in total it was x per child.
Then give your bank details and hopefully they’ll just send the money.

This. However - haven't RTFT so not sure if anyone has already suggested this - once or twice in the past I have found out after similiar situations that parents had indeed given DC the cash for the activity and the little sods had kept it and kept quiet!

They're taking the piss op!

I took ds and 4 pals swimming last week. I invited and said I'd pay (it's cheap and I'd had a low spend month) and make a picnic

Every single one of them turned up with enough money to pay their way and buy lunch.

I sent them home with it but your situation is completely different and they've taken the piss. You offering to drive was treat enough!

As for the absence of appreciation shown, well that's just rude. Jeez, they should thank you just for the driving / freedom you gave them from taxi duties, let alone anything else. The expectation is astounding all round, please help bring it to an end.

I'm with you OP, I have a teenager and if I'd have got your message I would have sent money for activity and food and probably a bit more to boot.
Only time I didn't was during Primary if a mum invited ds out for the day and it was made clear 'my treat'.... even then I would have sent money for ice creams/treats

I think because you suggested it, sent the link and said you'd drive the parents may have thought that you were offering a treat?

It's going to be awkward now trying to get the money

That doesn't mean you had to buy them lunch.

And I hate to point this out, but it looks like they took you for a mug.

Do you honestly think not a single one of them had a penny in the bank? They could've tapped their phones and paid for themselves or pinged it to your bank account.

Me too. I don't think YABU. The parents sound like spongers. My mum would never have sent me out without money regardless.

Ask for the money lovely. I wouldn't hesitate to transfer it over straight away. I think it's disgusting the boys turned up with no money tbh. Even in my poorest days I'd never send my kids anywhere without cash to cover their outings.

Cannot believe people took the OP's text message to suggest that she was paying ! Surely this is not the norm with teens, or even primary age kids?
No way I would send my child without money .
Such an expensive avtivity would only be paid for by the organiser for a birthday surely.
I think the other parents discussed it among themselves . They are CFs in my opinion. I would definitely send a nice text explaining and have them Revolut you.
They should be embarrased when you were good enough to drive and organise . I would have sent you a token gift as well as paying for my child.
Shocked that so many would interpret this as a day paid for by the OP.
I don't think 'you invite,you pay' applies here. It's different .

I think: it was clear that you were offering to take the kids. Not clear that you were paying for entry.And lunch wasn’t mentioned.

my conclusion : is that the parents of the kids you took were taking a chance that you were paying for the activity and royally taking the piss about not making sure the kids had money for lunch.

The fact that none of them called you to clarify leads me to think they colluded in the no money situation. Tight bastards. I think you should ask for entry , lunch and petrol money . And possibly child minding fees as well.🙂

Yes that's the norm in my group too! I have often made these sorts of arrangements with kids' parents and one of two things happens - either there;s an awkward moment at pick up where the mother tries to give you far more money than is reasonable, or the child loudly announces in the car that mum/dad has given them £20 or whatever.

I wouldn't DREAM of sending my child without money.

It cost £30 per child ?
my god why didn’t you tell them how much it would be ?
the lunch I could probably let go but ffs they should of sent money for the activity seriously why would anyone expect someone else to pay for their own children.
lesson learned op next time message ‘hi activity is £22 + plus £5 or so for lunch unless they want to bring a packed lunch’ communication as always is the key never assume .

The parents are piss takers, I would never expect anyone to pay that kind of money for my child and would always offer to pay.

Those posters saying they always pay for the kids they invite - do you expect others to do that for your kids? Do you assume everyone is in the same financial situation as you, and should therefore pay if they arrange a meet up? If so that's shocking.

OP I would message the parents and clearly state how much it was per child and that overall you forked out X amount for the day so please can they transfer the money for their kids.

Op, have you asked your child if they told their pals you’d be paying?

No harm in sending a "glad x had a good time, it cost £30 per child, scatterbrain me forgot to ask for £ please send to xx bank details". Hopefully at least a couple of your friends will pay up.

My kids friends are at either end of this. I know with the youngest friendship group all parents would sent their kids with enough money for the activity & food. I’d send it back with them likewise they would with mine.

My older ones pal constantly comes with no money and that’s usually for something they have organised together. It used to piss me off but now I just do the same back.

Now you know how this group works you’ll know to be much clearer next time!

I have preschoolers so I don't really know the convention but I have to say I'm shocked so many think it's normal for the "host" to pay for everything!

If someone said, "hey would you like me to take Sam to the zoo on Saturday", be always respond with something like "thank you so much, he'd love that! I'll send £X with him, do you think that will cover everything?"

Similarly, I don't have the excess money to spend on others children on top of my own. But does that mean they can't have friends join us?

Surely it helps the parents out for you to take their kids to fun activities, that should be enough of a gift, not the entrance and lunch too!

I'm another who would always send DC with money or ask beforehand if it was easier to transfer it over.

I agree!

Even if I hadn't sent money and then child mentioned had been for lunch, I would then apologise and insist I paid for child!

I would have added on the cost per child.

Sorry op does look like an invite and I would assume you were paying if you hadnt mentioned money or booking children in.
Though I'm not a total cf and would have offered money anyway