Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

GP says I have no entitlement to have anything 'extra'

228 replies

lockedonyou · 22/08/2022 16:03

I've had so much going on it's just been so hard, I know it's no excuse.

I went to my Gp today to discuss a dietician referral. I have Asperger's (unknown to anyone apart from my mum), and I'm not great with making food, I struggle - plus I am a picky eater.

Anyway, I was hoping to see a dietician for advice and maybe ways I hadn't thought of for healthier eating

In 7 months, I've gone from a Size 10 to a Size 16. I look so big. I looked in the mirror last week, and saw I have no waist anymore Sad I felt fine really until that moment. I knew I put on quite a bit but didn't think it was that bad

GP listened to me and then said 'you know Polly, you aren't entitled to extras. I know that's hard to hear. It must be very difficult caring full time on no sleep. And I suppose that makes you feel like you deserve something else'

He told me to come back in 6 weeks if his suggestions of simple meal prep etc don't work. I didn't know what to say, I felt so sad

I lost my baby son recently, coupled with caring for my disabled DC 24/7 and providing all the care. It's so tough. I know it's no excuse but was it really necessary to phrase it like this?

OP posts:
ShaneTwane · 22/08/2022 16:08

Im so sorry thats a despicable way to talk to a patient. Is there another gp you can speak to?

Original poster
lockedonyou · 22/08/2022 16:10

ShaneTwane · 22/08/2022 16:08

Im so sorry thats a despicable way to talk to a patient. Is there another gp you can speak to?

Yes. Thankfully he was a locum so not usually there

OP posts:
PeachPRC · 22/08/2022 16:11

well he’s not wrong. information that GPs were the gatekeepers of decades ago is now easily available from reputable sources online

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 22/08/2022 16:11

Did you feel he was being unkind? because as I read it it doesn't come across as especially harsh, just a bit clumsy. And to be honest NHS advice on modern healthy eating isn't always the best.

There is so much good advice out there about healthy eating, meal preparation and so forth - my favourite is The Doctor's Kitchen which is very holistic and has excellent simple recipes to follow. Or look at Michael Pollin who said "eat food, mostly plants, and not too much" which I think is a great mantra (by "food" he just meant whole foods that your grandmother would recognise, so not 'carbs' and not 'ultra processed' foods).

HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 22/08/2022 16:11

Rebook with someone else.

He sounds positively peculiar? What did he even mean?

Antarcticant · 22/08/2022 16:11

What does he even mean, 'extras'? I would go back and try to see a different GP.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 22/08/2022 16:12

what do you think he meant by extras? The referral or more food because life is difficult ?

HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 22/08/2022 16:12

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 22/08/2022 16:11

Did you feel he was being unkind? because as I read it it doesn't come across as especially harsh, just a bit clumsy. And to be honest NHS advice on modern healthy eating isn't always the best.

There is so much good advice out there about healthy eating, meal preparation and so forth - my favourite is The Doctor's Kitchen which is very holistic and has excellent simple recipes to follow. Or look at Michael Pollin who said "eat food, mostly plants, and not too much" which I think is a great mantra (by "food" he just meant whole foods that your grandmother would recognise, so not 'carbs' and not 'ultra processed' foods).

None of which is autism-tailored or autism-specific.

It is incredibly common for autistic people to require a dietitian’s input one way or another.

Antarcticant · 22/08/2022 16:12

x-post with Hinchcliffe there!

Original poster
lockedonyou · 22/08/2022 16:13

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 22/08/2022 16:12

what do you think he meant by extras? The referral or more food because life is difficult ?

He meant food

OP posts:
HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 22/08/2022 16:13

Antarcticant · 22/08/2022 16:12

x-post with Hinchcliffe there!

😁

Well what DID he mean? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
lockedonyou · 22/08/2022 16:14

@HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd he meant food

He did a little scuffle to his mouth with his fingers when he said it.

I was quite shocked

OP posts:
HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 22/08/2022 16:14

lockedonyou · 22/08/2022 16:13

He meant food

Show quote history

Ah brilliant. How constructive. Strange man.

A dietitian is a perfectly reasonable request.

PeachPRC · 22/08/2022 16:15

lockedonyou · 22/08/2022 16:13

He meant food

Show quote history

ah I thought he meant extra NHS services. Again, he’s not wrong. If you think you’re eating too much to sustain a healthy weight you know you have to reduce that. Why would you need a dietician to tell you that?

Headshothelp · 22/08/2022 16:15

Tbh, I think he walked the line pretty well between being very clear about the help you were entitled to and acknowledging that it wasn't what you wanted to hear and that you are finding things hard right now.

His last sentence is a little clumsy, but true: the fact you are struggling makes you feel like there ought to be extra help.

Pemba · 22/08/2022 16:16

I assumed that he meant the referral would be an 'extra'. He doesn't communicate very clearly at all. What a strange approach.

Antarcticant · 22/08/2022 16:16

So he's telling you to eat less. Helpful, not. Surprised he didn't go the whole hog and tell you to 'move more' 🤔

ClocksGoingBackwards · 22/08/2022 16:16

We don’t know what he listened to you say or how you said it, so it’s impossible to tell. Maybe he thought you were coming across as if you believe you are entitled to extras.

You really don’t need a dietitian just because you’ve put on weight, there is an abundance of information and advice out there that you can find for yourself. We don’t need to be spoon fed everything by doctors and the NHS.

Original poster
lockedonyou · 22/08/2022 16:16

@PeachPRC I don't need a dietician to tell me that? Or anyone. I know that. I need a dieticians input for help with suggestions that are tailored to me

My DC (profoundly disabled by autism but anyway), had a lot of help from them and the dieticians were good at ideas for getting things in so he could have a better diet. Most didn't work. A few did though and they're priceless

OP posts:
VacayingInTheHamptons · 22/08/2022 16:16

Sorry for your loss. And sorry you’re struggling in general.

Honestly, a proportion of people are cunts and some of these will be doctors. I think it’s was an unnecessary comment, he could have just made the meal suggestions and said come back in 6 weeks if not working.

Have you actually been eating a lot differently over the last 7 months? Do you remember what you were eating before you gained weight? Are the doctors meals something you feel you can manage?

If you feel his suggestions don’t help, book and see another doctor. I think some people really don’t realise that autism can impact things like this, although it’s annoying to think that a doctor wouldn’t realise this but doesn’t shock me in the slightest.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 22/08/2022 16:17

Services are so poor that a dietician referral will be a last option.

He should have not spoken to you in that manner at all.

I'd ask him what made him assume that you expected extra special treatment.

He's an arsehole.

Whattodoaboutworknow · 22/08/2022 16:17

The GP worded it in a really crap and awful way.

I am so sorry about the truly awful time you’ve had, you’ve been in the worst situation so it’s not surprising you have not been putting yourself first.

BUT you could ask yourself truly, if you are eating extra to make yourself feel better? People joke about comfort eating but it’s a very real and very addictive thing.
You have to invest effort in yourself, what will make you feel better in the long run, the extra food that lasts minutes or the energy and feeling of losing the extra weight and feeling better. Take each day one step at a time and make a promise to yourself that today you will do the best thing for your future. Be kind to yourself x

Gonnagetacatwhenimovein · 22/08/2022 16:17

Extras as in extra portions?
or extras as in extra help from the NHS?

sadly he’s right - extra portions will put on weight. And probably a referral to slimming world would be better than a dietitian?

good luck OP

Original poster
lockedonyou · 22/08/2022 16:18

Gonnagetacatwhenimovein · 22/08/2022 16:17

Extras as in extra portions?
or extras as in extra help from the NHS?

sadly he’s right - extra portions will put on weight. And probably a referral to slimming world would be better than a dietitian?

good luck OP

I can't do slimming world. It's so overwhelming for me. And I can't follow those recipes, keep track, etc etc

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock1 · 22/08/2022 16:18

BTW YouTube might help with a sensory diet that could help you.