GP says I have no entitlement to have anything 'extra'

[lockedonyou]

I've had so much going on it's just been so hard, I know it's no excuse.

I went to my Gp today to discuss a dietician referral. I have Asperger's (unknown to anyone apart from my mum), and I'm not great with making food, I struggle - plus I am a picky eater.

Anyway, I was hoping to see a dietician for advice and maybe ways I hadn't thought of for healthier eating

In 7 months, I've gone from a Size 10 to a Size 16. I look so big. I looked in the mirror last week, and saw I have no waist anymore I felt fine really until that moment. I knew I put on quite a bit but didn't think it was that bad

GP listened to me and then said 'you know Polly, you aren't entitled to extras. I know that's hard to hear. It must be very difficult caring full time on no sleep. And I suppose that makes you feel like you deserve something else'

He told me to come back in 6 weeks if his suggestions of simple meal prep etc don't work. I didn't know what to say, I felt so sad

I lost my baby son recently, coupled with caring for my disabled DC 24/7 and providing all the care. It's so tough. I know it's no excuse but was it really necessary to phrase it like this?

Asperger's was the correct diagnostic term in 2009 when OP was diagnosed. DSM5 didn't come in until 2013 when the change was made to Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Plenty of people still use Aspergers as a term, and understand what it means.

Your post and its assumption that the OP is self-diganosed is incredibly disablist. I hope you think about that.

In this case though the OP has maintained a good weight for a while, she says she was a size 10, now she has gone up to a size 16

So its not dietary advice she needs, she knows what to do, simply go back to what she was doing before and not have the extras. I think thats probably what he meant but he could have spelled it out better for her.

Did he mean extras in regard to seeing a dietician on the NHS?

I'm autistic

Sorry to hear of your experience, the GP sounds cold and unhelpful. I have a sister who has autism but also coeliac disease..she gained weight over lock downs, and was referred to a dietitian, who has given her autism specific advice. Maybe try another GP as other posters have suggested. Good luck and I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

Why would he be telling her she isn't entitled to extra food?

OP, could you clarify what he meant?

Can you afford something like Hello Fresh?

I find having everything there, portioned and the clear recipe really helpful. Means I don't wander around the supermarket buying random crap.

What exactly did you want the GP to do ?
you wanted a referal to the dietician to give you advice which is basic common sense and widely available in public domain.
Dieticians can barely see the patients who have genuine nutritional and food related issues...my DSD who has severe anorexia doesnt get dietician input on the nhs....we had to pay for private dietician.
Its all well and good for MNetters to bash GPs...but frankly we cannot fix everything for everybody and NO not every one needs specialist input for everything they think they do.
It is harsh for the OP but she has to take personal responsibility for her weight gain and food intake.

Hi OP
i really feel for you. I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby.
I too have lost a baby (stillborn at full term) and only have one living DD who is seriously disabled.
I don’t get respite or assistance of any kind (except if DH is around) so I understand the exhaustion (my DD is doubly incontinent, can’t walk or talk, can’t eat, rarely sleeps and squeals through the night).
So.. I understand entirely how suggestions like going to a gym are utterly pointless right now.
I’m going to suggest that you speak to a bereavement counsellor first. That helped me cope after the death of my DD.

in my view the GP was, at the least, extraordinarily unhelpful and unnecessarily so.

best of luck OP

Seems a weird thing to say in regard to food…you are not entitled to extra’s? I would have read that as in extra free help on NHS to see a dietician to give you food ideas.

It must be very difficult caring full time on no sleep.

Lack of sleep and weight gain and know to go hand in hand - it's affect hormones including appetite regulation one and possible how fat laid down. So did he offer any suggestion there?

Otherwise - www.myfitnesspal.com/.

Is something like gusto or a book diet plan - something so you don't have to think just do?

I have family and friend who've had NHS dietitians appointments- extremely limited in what they can offer and frankly none were terrible impressed and all had found what little advice they were given from books/internet groups based around their conditions.

The GP wasn't helpful or appropriate in his remarks.

So sorry about your loss op. He sounds an absolute unfit gp especially making those hand gestures. I would rebook with another gp but have a clear discussion about why you feel you need the dietician.

@Theredjellybean
A classic response from a doctor- so compassionate. Have you actually heard the OP’s circumstances?
Christ almighty- what an attitude

'Simply' go back to what she was doing before?!!!!! She's just lost her baby and she's caring 24-7 for another disabled child and to make it that bit (and some) harder she has Asperger's which makes life difficult in coping terms even without her extra issues. It's not simple at all. I don't have a disabled child to care for but I really struggle to make proper meals, not because I'm not physically or mentally capable but just because I get overwhelmed with everything else that I have to do. Add in sensory issues with food and eating for comfort....
OP just wanted some help. And a bit of compassion. But it seems that the doctor, and a fair few morons on here, have had empathy bypasses.
Hope you manage to find some help somehow OP. And I'm really sorry about your baby son.

The GP was rude to you and wrong. You are entitled to seek a referral to a dietician as an Autistic person because there could be intolerance and sensory issues around your earring patterns that are effecting the choices you make. It is also possoble that your choices are influenced by stress. Go back and ask to see your regular GP. They will be able to.make the referral.

@lockedonyou Yeah fair point that was a bit of an oversight on my part, apologies. I meant more for the help they could give with meal plans etc xxx

If you were losing weight or were morbidly obese GP would be more concerned. Try slimming world healthy meals plus when you reach your target weight they’ll put you on a maintenance programme, problem solved. If you can’t follow the recipes just ask their advice on that. See if it helps.

This was a few years ago but my doctor referred me to a dietitian who helped me to lose weight I lost 2.5 stone. I later found she was actually a nutritionist but that was ok. I have type two diabetes and the weight loss definitely helped with my bloods

@Blue4YOU
but what exactly should the GP do ?
in the 10 mins ?
she went about her weight gain and asking for a dietician referral this would not fit the criteria for a dietician referral in most ICNs around the country .
The question from the OP was about a dietician referral which i presume the GP meant when he said 'extras' as in the OP is not entitled to NHS extras such as dietetics.
If she had said she went to discuss how she is overwhelmed , she needs more support with her DS etc then she may have got a different answer, even then unfortunately GPs are not social workers or social services who should be helping this poor mum.
but she might have got sign posted to appropriate places, and bereavement counselling etc.

the thing is you are right most of us are suffering compassion fatigue because we are overwhelmed with the public wanting us to fix all of life's problems for them.

Your GP sounds unhelpful and not grasping the lack of food preparation time, along with your restricted diet.

You need things that are plain and very easy to prepare. The trouble with a lot of healthy eating advice and recipes is that they are not realistic for busy women with DC.

For snacking: Do you eat almonds? They are very filling and studies have shown that they can aid weight loss (I'll try to find a link in a mo). A low calorie fortified breakfast cereal would be good.

Do you eat baked potatoes? They can make a low effort, filling meal with various toppings.

Apologies if you were not after actual food suggestions 😁. It is something that I struggle with too and I want healthy short cuts.

Do you have a partner or DH?
Can they do the cooking?

If you can't really cook and don't like to, you don't have to do it.

Make a list of foods you like and will eat.

If there are sandwiches you like, make one and a bowl of soup. Not much cooking there other than tipping a tin of soup in a pan and heating. Or putting your sandwich in the microwave for 30 seconds.

Let's see what else?

Yogurt. An easy meal with some muesli or fruit.

Cereal is easy

sliced pepperoni and cheese on crackers

Do you like pasta at all?
Spaghetti is easy.
pasta casserole is easy. Throw the stuff in a baking dish and heat until bubbly.

I have food aversions and don't like to touch raw meat.

Meatloaf is easy except for touching the raw mince.

mince, beaten egg, toasted bread crumbled up, tomato sauce on top, bake

I can literally eat the same thing every day and it doesn't bother me a bit.
I take a multivitamin and some green powder in water.

I say don't worry about cooking or making complicated food.

Would it help to chat more specifically on here?

We got great advice about DS when he was small. His autism caused him not to eat at all. It was incredibly tricky. Then we managed to get him to eat but the worng things and it was difficult to help him transfer to healthier food. Now he is a healthy weight and likes a very wide range of food.

What flavours do you like and hate?
What textures can you not tolerate?
Are there any textures you specifically enjoy?
Are there any foods that trigger binges for you? If so, do you know what it is about them that makes you binge?
Are there any stresses that habitually make you turn to food to destress? Would it be possible to start to notice these and have a pl;an in place to do something else to destress?
Are you getting enough water? Thirst

Oh you have a lot to deal with OP
I wonder if something g like 5:2 might work well for you as it's something you only have to think about 2 (or 3 depending how you do it) days a week.
The basics of it are:
2days a week you eat around 600 calories. The rest of the week you eat a normal diet
There is a bit more to it and also different versions of it you can adapt to but the boards on here would help you.
I am a bit flabbergasted by your GP as what they are supposed to be working towards preventing people developing health problems due to weight gain.

No need for the faux outrage, its clear what Im talking about, she has maintained healthy eating habits for longer than she has been overweight, so therefore she has the knowledge and skills and habits within her, she has done it before.

What has changed is that she is eating differently, the dietician cant help her deal with her loss or her caring responsbilities.

I dont think the GP or anyone here has had an empathy bypass, he was using very practical language to say 'you dont need any extras', Ive already pointed out I have to have the same conversation in my head to myself all the time, I completely understand eating for trauma. But the extras wont and dont fix that, so you dont need them

Perhaps read what people are saying rather than jump on people and make an issue where there isnt. OP needs reassurance about the advice given to her.

You think an ASD diagnosis gets you better access to psychological treatment? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣