GP says I have no entitlement to have anything 'extra'

[lockedonyou]

I've had so much going on it's just been so hard, I know it's no excuse.

I went to my Gp today to discuss a dietician referral. I have Asperger's (unknown to anyone apart from my mum), and I'm not great with making food, I struggle - plus I am a picky eater.

Anyway, I was hoping to see a dietician for advice and maybe ways I hadn't thought of for healthier eating

In 7 months, I've gone from a Size 10 to a Size 16. I look so big. I looked in the mirror last week, and saw I have no waist anymore I felt fine really until that moment. I knew I put on quite a bit but didn't think it was that bad

GP listened to me and then said 'you know Polly, you aren't entitled to extras. I know that's hard to hear. It must be very difficult caring full time on no sleep. And I suppose that makes you feel like you deserve something else'

He told me to come back in 6 weeks if his suggestions of simple meal prep etc don't work. I didn't know what to say, I felt so sad

I lost my baby son recently, coupled with caring for my disabled DC 24/7 and providing all the care. It's so tough. I know it's no excuse but was it really necessary to phrase it like this?

That’s a good call.

Er, ‘carbs’ definitely does not mean something isn’t real food and carbs form the majority of staple crops around the world throughout history. Pretty sure bread,
potatoes and root veg sustained my ancestors.

Have they ruled out medical reasons for gaining a significant amount of weight in a short period of time? I'm sorry you have to deal with so many food restrictions. It makes life really hard, especially when you have to add caregiving on top of it! Having to make everything you eat yourself, from raw ingredients, can really wear down your resistance.

He was very unhelpful.

Would it be worth starting a different thread, perhaps in the Neurodiverse Mumsnetters board a PP has linked, explaining what you find hard? People can make suggestions.

DH likes routines. He has the same thing for breakfast and lunch everyday. He tweaks it according to what he fancies- 1 weetabix with a sprinkle of muesli/rice crispiest/honeynut cornflakes.
Lunch is the same sandwich, with a slice of a toaster product.

I like snacking. I have various things in the fridge I can eat as much as I like of, so I can snack whenever I want.

There may be little tweaks or systems that would suit you, that we can help with.

There are medications that can help too, depending on your BMI.
I've moved from morbidly obese to borderline obese/overweight. I know how hard it feels.

Odd that some ppl are making excuses for this doctor. I think that was completely out of order, OP. You were asking for help keeping yourself healthy after a really traumatic time and he comes along with 'don't demand extras'???

Try a different GP, keep asking for help until you get it. All the best.

He's sadly right they don't have resources to refer everyone to a dietician. Only people who are really morbidly obese or are malnourished or at risk of being underweight get referred. A size 16 isn't either of these.

Fucking hell! The OP lost her baby son recently and is knocking herself into the ground caring for her disabled child, and people are agreeing that the GP isn't wrong? She's been incredibly brave to recognise she needs help and to ask for it then she's been kicked in the teeth. I'm very sorry for your loss, OP, and I hope you can get the help that you need. Wishing you all the very best.

Really sorry for your loss OP. I’d go back and see if you can see one of the practice doctors. I don’t know if they are still doing it but some GP’s were funding six weeks of SlimmingWorld before the pandemic.

I did well on SW, I found staying to group really helpful too, picked up lots of tips and the I really liked the recipes and simple hacks. One I love is to pull the middle out of a whole meal bread roll till it weights the right amount and then fill the missing bread hole with lots of salad etc, and then add the usual filling.

wishing you all the best for the future.

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time, OP. Sadly, the GP may be right, but I've found this, if it's of any use to you. I hope you manage to get the help and support you need.

www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/eating/all-audiences

It sounds like he didn’t even order bloods, though. Or signpost anywhere more helpful.

Sudden weight gain and he’s ignored the other factors and leapt straight to a very specific conclusion, not even run bloods and then been as patronising as hell with miming.

WHAT the GP said, that you should not be using food as treats or comfort when you are feeling bad/tired/stressed is totally right, but the WAY he said it is really unprofessional. He could have got the same message across with a lot more tact.

Speak to another gp? Could you complain?

I can resonate with you. I too have autism, I have struggled with food all my life and hate cooking, very fussy too. I also have disabled dc. I am sorry to hear about your baby son 💗

don't be so hard on yourself. Totally get where you are coming from though.

I am an all or nothing person so if I'm not hundred percent committed to a plan, I just worn do it. If I diet and have on treat, I think I've blown the whole thing. It's the way I am sadly.

I find the only thing that works for me is nutracheck calorie counter. I find I can have a little of everything I want as long as I'm in a deficit. Don't starve yourself, you need energy for yourself and kids! If you are anything like me, you have little time to yourself to cook health meals and exercise - it's bloody hard.

Slimming world is pants. I did it and lost weight but it's not long term imo. I found some of the suggested food weird and awful.

Lifestyle changes are better.

What an arsehole. You poor thing, you have been through so much and then this dick makes out that you're stuffing your face for fun. Does he even understand how exhaustion and grief works?? Ugh I'm so angry on your behalf. He isn't entitled to speak to you like that.

I’m so sorry you lost your baby son x

Thank you I posted there now

Yes, he just sounds weird more than anything. Rebook.

I'm so sorry you walked away feeling worse.

The way he worded things was dreadful imo.

My ds is autistic. He fins it so hard to do cooking because it's not a set rule in the day iyswim? He will eat when he feels hungry and he doesn't always feel hunger the same way an nt person would.

Cooking meals when hungry and having to switch between activities and devote time to cooking is overwhelming.

Hunger = immediate need for food.

Can you write down what your feeling and what it is you struggle with and what help you need and then return to a different GP and try afresh to get your point across?

This post is so ignorant I don't even know where to start.

Cooking isn't just a skill that requires standing in the kitchen.

Many people on the autistic spectrum streusel with executive function and so the whole process is very difficult without taking into consideration cooking and eating often doesn't fit into a strict routine

Sweetheart, I know it’s a horrible way of putting it, but you know he’s right.

“extras” is making you unhappy you are entitled to better than this, you and only you can help yourself

be kind to yourself and be brave and don’t use food to make yourself feel better

saying This as someone who is very much the same and I know that it’ll be far easier for you to get The Old You back than it will be for me.

so use this upset as a low point and prove it to yourself that you don’t need the extras, you need to look good to feel better about yourself, take care of you. You’re the one holding this altogether.

you’re worth this love and care, you really are

I agree the GP was insensitive but it sounds like he wasn't aware that the OP had Asperger's. He may have acted differently had he known.

This, with bells on. I’m so sorry to read you lost your baby. That you’re still standing is amazing. And caring for a disabled child is stressful and difficult, especially while dealing with grief and loss. You deserved to be heard, and helped, the GP sounds lacking in empathy.

How is it ok to tell anyone they aren’t entitled to free food, when they haven’t asked for free food?

The GP did sound insensitive though and should have at least taken bloods. You need to get a referral for a formal diagnosis of ASD then you might be eligible for some psychotherapy about your eating. They will do diddly squat until you get that diagnosis.

OP so so sorry for everything you are going through.

Just to show you solidarity - I’m also ND and have tried explaining my food issues to the GP. She happens to be lovely but she does not understand because she doesn’t experience the sensory/executive dysfunction issues that I do (it’s more the latter for me but it’s both as well). NT people - doctors or otherwise - sometimes really struggle to get it.

However there are people who do as you know with the dietician. My DH got dietician support recently through the NHS. It would help you. You deserve it.

Hope to see you on the ND Mumsnetters board.