GP says I have no entitlement to have anything 'extra'

[lockedonyou]

I've had so much going on it's just been so hard, I know it's no excuse.

I went to my Gp today to discuss a dietician referral. I have Asperger's (unknown to anyone apart from my mum), and I'm not great with making food, I struggle - plus I am a picky eater.

Anyway, I was hoping to see a dietician for advice and maybe ways I hadn't thought of for healthier eating

In 7 months, I've gone from a Size 10 to a Size 16. I look so big. I looked in the mirror last week, and saw I have no waist anymore I felt fine really until that moment. I knew I put on quite a bit but didn't think it was that bad

GP listened to me and then said 'you know Polly, you aren't entitled to extras. I know that's hard to hear. It must be very difficult caring full time on no sleep. And I suppose that makes you feel like you deserve something else'

He told me to come back in 6 weeks if his suggestions of simple meal prep etc don't work. I didn't know what to say, I felt so sad

I lost my baby son recently, coupled with caring for my disabled DC 24/7 and providing all the care. It's so tough. I know it's no excuse but was it really necessary to phrase it like this?

Hi, I haven't read the whole thread I'm afraid but I have read all of your posts. If you use Instagram have you considered following some food accounts on there? Ones aimed at families with young children are probably most suitable. I have found Rebecca Wilson to be my favourite (I have two of her cookbooks and another on pre-order!) and all of her meals are suitable for all ages, really easy for follow and don't need three thousand extra ingredients. I also like one called Eating With The Kids - I have a set of her recipe cards which are specifically for slow cooker meals and again they are easy to follow, include a lot of veg, protein, etc.
Sorry if I've missed the mark and that would be unsuitable for you, but hopefully it might help. I think the Eating With The Kids lady also does a Picky Eaters Course online which is suitable for people of all ages. If it's not that account then it's Kids Eat in Colour or similar (I spend more time following these accounts than I do actually cooking but it's a start!).

The trouble is even if you got the referral you'll be waiting months, if not years to be seen. Those with gastric issues would be given higher priority. Plus once you do get seen it's not something that will happen regularly, you will get seen a couple of times and then discharged. I feel for you but I really don't think you will get what you are looking for with an NHS referral.

My mum has heart failure and is hugely overweight. She’s 80, and obviously as you get older, your weight is a big factor in how your aging organs cope with the extra pounds you carry. So obviously being heavy affects your heart. I’ve always struggled with my weight, yo-yoing between a size 12 to a size 16, and i feel a lot worse health wise when I’m at a size 16. I always think too that you don’t see many obese over 80’s around. Because they don’t make it into old age.

I have spoken to my GP today as I am borderline high blood pressure. We have decided that I will try to lose weight before using medication. I am obese. I live in Leeds and she recommended a site called "oneyouleeds" that runs a course to help you lose weight or get more active, I'm hoping it will be less structured than slimming world. Maybe you have something like that in your area. I would see another gp the one you've seen was just nasty. It's one thing being straight quite another to be rude especially to someone struggling.
All the best to you op.

This.

Very condescending GP. I'm sorry.

I suspect he was actually trying to be a bit psychologically clever in a nice way, but he needs to stay in his lane if he's going to do it like that.

I don't know the criteria for a referral so I can't comment on whether he should have referred you. It definitely seems like you deserve it and it's in the NHS's interests to keep you well.

I'm really sorry for your loss.

The thing is that not all calories are equal - calories alone is a very reductive way of looking at nutrition.
Fat makes you feel fuller, so you snack less. There is some scientific debate about the complex ways fat is converted in the body into, or using, various hormones, it is not as simple as fat = calories = bad. Fat is essential.

Sugar causes spikes in your insulin so you 'crash' an hour or two later and crave another sugary snack. Sugar is addictive.

We evolved eating meat, including all the fatty bits, and later on many of us evolved to eat dairy, including cheese.
We evolved to eat unrefined grains, i.e. whole-wheat. Not white flour. A bit of wholemeal bread or brown rice is fine. White pasta or bread is not fine.

We did not evolve to eat sugar - there is almost no concentrated sugar in nature, except for the odd wild bees nest full of honey. (Honey was not an everyday part of our diets - too rare).

OP - if you puree or blend your vegetables you are destroying the benefits of the fibre they contain. A low-fibre diet will give you lots of trouble! You can blend your veg into a soup or whatever, but make sure you get fibre elsewhere, even in a supplement from the chemist.

OP by cooking any veg you will be losing some vitamins and antioxidants eg some of the vitamin C , but some will be less affected eg vitamin A, most of the vitamin E. Puréing will transform the fibre structure to an extent, from insoluble to soluble, but it will still be useful eg in helping regulate blood sugars, keeping you feeling full and preventing constipation. In summary, puréed beg is better than no veg!

I'm sorry for the hard time you're having.

In the past I barely got to eat or sleep when caring for my disabled DC. I became very underweight and was prescribed disgusting drinks, the NHS dietician simply told me to eat junk food. That was it. I doubt they'd be much more helpful for being overweight. I paid £75 for private advice and it was totally different.

I'm also ND and more recently struggled with weight gain after loss and due to physical disabilities. I've managed to lose weight and help some of my gastro issues by going back to not eating as often as I relied on takeaway foods which i've stopped buying. I've tried to take the good parts of how I used to manage and make it healthier. I've lost half of what I'd gained.

• When I want to comfort eat I do one of a number of other things instead to create an effortless habit that won't make me gain weight and feel shit.


• I only drink water the first 2 hours after waking, this is convenient when you are a carer with no time to eat too. (Intermittent fasting). It took a few weeks to feel good doing this but I feel a lot better for it.


• I have a list of things I can eat and buy prepared foods.


• Breakfasts - yoghurt with walnuts, hazelnuts, toasted oats and honey. Prepared fruit. Dried apricots with deli meats or salami and nuts. Toast and nut butter or honey. Eggs, potato scone and mushrooms (quick fry in 1 tbsp. oil). Ready made pancakes. Warm bircher (easier than porridge but tastes about the same).


• Lunch - half a bag of prepared salad with a protein. Examples - cheese and tomatoes, egg mayo, tin of no-drain tuna with sweetcorn and avocado mayo, cooked chicken or turkey slices with pine nuts and a drizzle of nut butter, steamed salmon with sesame and flax seed and sweet chilli sauce. All already cooked. Takes seconds to prepare. All the proteins are on a shelf together so I just pick one. All the sauces are lined up so I just pick one. All the dry ingreds/seeds/nuts together so I just pick one. One meal with simple variations so I don't have to think but i'm not bored, i'm still getting nutrients and it stops cravings. I used to do a sandwich version and alternate between pita bread/panini/ciabatta/naan/wrap/baguette, but I feel better on salad.


• Tea - steam bags of microwave veg/rice/potato with something in the air fryer or one of the proteins above. My 5 minute 'roast dinner' is heating carved roast beef slices from the deli, ready made gravy and mash with steam veg. Good as they automatically switch off. I have one simple soup recipe, one pasta recipe and one curry recipe, all approx 5 ingredients and quick. Actual quick and easy, not NT "quick and easy". I alternate between them and make double each time to reheat.

I think of getting a range of macros over the course of a day rather than per meal, it's more manageable and much better than not eating, living on sugar, or getting take away/deliveries. Even with nice prepared bits from Waitrose and M&S (deli deal especially), it works out cheap and easy. Not the best, but being ND and disabled, i'm in a healthy weight range and feel better on this. I like enough variety to be satisfied and not bored, but easy enough to not be overwhelmed.

Some really great recent advice. Thank you for taking the time to respond with so many suggestions

He means she’s not ‘entitled’ to bigger portions/second helpings/pudding etc. He was implying that she was emotional/stress eating, but that she shouldn’t.

I know this has been discussed but I really don’t think he could have meant you are not entitled to extra food, it just doesn’t make sense in that context. Having said that, I agree he wasn’t very compassionate.

He prob meant snacks and sweet stuff as fillers 'on the go' but I'm sure he meant no harm. The only way to lose weight is to keep to 3 meals a day and cut out all the sweet and processed stuff, fast food, snacks etc. You have to be strict with yourself. It's no good saying 'I can't eat this or that' or ' I don't have time to ..blah blah'. You are already putting obstacles up at the beginning of the journey. Think of what you DO like to eat which is healthy. Write a list then see what three meals you can make each day from that list.
Try foods such as lentils, kale, spinach, spices, different kinds of fish and veg you haven't tried. Mushing up veg is for babies and people with dental problems, not adults. Try small pieces raw or shredded in a salad with a tasty dressing.
There are millions of recipes on YouTube. Tweak them to suit your taste. Porridge with fruit is a good breakfast and maybe omelette with spinach and baked potato for dinner with soup or a wrap with shredded veg and tinned tuna for lunch. No puddings or crisps.
Nobody says it's easy but there is only one person who can choose to change their eating habits and it's you. All the advice in the world is no good if you fall off the wagon and give excuses.
Good luck.

He was implying that she was emotional/stress eating, but that she shouldn’t.

So why didn't he just say that in a kind way I wonder?

Honey is a major source of calories among modern hunter-gatherers in hot places. People hang off very scary cliffs & climb crazy high trees to get wild honey.

Right so why say it so patronisingly to me then? After everything? His tone and approach was careless

Trying new foods is incredibly difficult for me. And I don't like most veg because of the texture. I just can't eat it

'A tasty dressing' sends shivers down my spine. I couldn't eat it

But there are a few healthy foods I like, such as chicken, fish, avocado. Nothing crunchy or hard to chew

As am ex medic I'm not surprised by this GP's response. I'm so sorry you experienced this. Our nhs/docs are generally crap at anything other than fixing you up (superficially and enough to get you put the door) and off you pop...

The amount of ableism on this thread is absolutely disgusting!
and I have to say @LoisLane66 you seem to have absolutely no idea about sensory aversions for people with autism. How dare you say that puréed food is for babies and old people with dentures! I suggest you do some research.
the OP is willing to purée some veg in an effort to actually eat something healthy, and you accuse her of making excuses. Also, did you not see that OP eats on the go and is existing on virtually no sleep? Dunno about you, but not sure I’d be up to making 3 meals a day for myself and the. Also any food that my disabled DC will eat.
Go and give your head a bloody wobble!

OP, I am so so sorry for your loss and that you are struggling. The GP should have been more understanding. I’m sorry I have no practical advice I can offer you, but I was hating seeing those posters being so ignorant.
As above, list what you like, and have them stocked in the fridge. Chicken snacks, cucumber and carrot sticks, etc. 💐

Eh it’s v well acknowledged that being overweight is a huge risk to one’s cardiovascular health.

evidence.nihr.ac.uk/alert/being-overweight-or-obese-is-linked-with-heart-disease-even-without-other-metabolic-risk-factors/

@Tunnocksmallow
I don't recall typing 'old people with dentures'. I typed 'people with dental problems'. I think that covers a multitude of oral situations and it was you who introduced ageism, not I.
There are many individuals who, for their own reasons, put up barriers as to why they can't do this or that. It's not unknown. The OP knows full well what she can and can't eat and will and won't eat, as do you and I, however, whatever anyone else; nutritionist, dietitian etc suggests, there are bound to be things she can't or doesn't want to eat. It could be a laborious meeting.
Then there is the amount of spare time the OP has to purchase, prepare and digest food. Something has to give. I'm being realistic. If a dietitian/nutritionist were to give a couple of hours to the OP and help her plan easy healthy meals that she likes, not the on-the-go snacks you suggest, then I could safely bet that there would be a reason as to why it didn't 'work out'. There has to be the will to make it work and that can only come from one person.
Sympathy does not produce results.

I don't quite know what you expected a medical professional to do or say to you really.

People complain there are no GP appointments. This is why.

Why not do a Google search, look on an aspergers forum and ask what helps others with meal planning/prep/healthy eating.

The myth of the 'healthy' fat person has done a lot of damage to society. I fell for it too when I was younger but Im afraid that the risks of just being overweight itself, the fat on your body and around your organs in and of itself is a huge risk factor.

don't quite know what you expected a medical professional to do or say to you really.

Well you're clearly not a medical professional because this is exactly the kind of thing they do.

Sympathy does not produce results

Fucking hell, why write this on someone's post who's lost their baby? Give over will you. And you're not even wrong in what you've said - it's probably right. But it's so tactless and cruel

@lockedonyou Jesus I'm so sorry certain pp's have only one dimensional thinking skills and can't muster sympathy towards a struggling DM with sensory issues.

YouTube will help with a sensory diet.

If you can set yourself a small amount of exercise daily, not to lose weight but it will help you feel better even if you feel foolish working out to begin with.

My MH declined once I stopped getting out for a long walk.