Re children in restaurant

[Arbesque]

Four of us booked a table in an expensive restaurant last night for 7.30.
About 10 minutes after we'd sat down a couple came in pushing a buggy and with 2 other children in tow. They were seated at the table beside us.
One child kept bashing his spoon off the table, another kept crawling along the wide windowsill so that he was right behind my head, and the baby was kept amused by the father playing peek a boo while she screamed excitedly. This went on and on.

We asked to be moved to another table. There were none available.Then the baby started crying loudly and the toddler got tired and cranky and joined the wailing.

We left without dessert and complained on the way out. They knocked the price of a bottle of wine off our bill.

AIBU to think expensive restaurants, charging a fortune, should have a policy for dealing with situations like this?

We paid a lot of money for a meal we couldn't enjoy.

You sounds incredibly bitter. As though only you have the right to go to expensive restaurants.

They were also paying customers and should be allowed to spend their money whereever.

Are you deliberately missing the point? If you and your kids can behave themselves when dining out in an adult environment then crack on. If your children cant get through a meal without banging cutlery, climbing furniture, crawling across windowsills or screaming then perhaps choose another more child appropriate venue. You adjust your (and your kids) behaviour to the prevalent atmosphere of the restaurant and show consideration to others who have specifically visited the place to enjoy said atmosphere. Just because you can afford to eat out at nice venues does not mean you have zero obligations on your part.

I think the fact that so many people here seem to think that you are unreasonable, (someone actually said the behaviour sounded cute!) shows how many people think the world should revolve around their kids and anyone saying otherwise is a mean nasty person. There are all kinds of restaurants and of course, there should be nice restaurants where well behaved kids are welcome, they should not be relegated to pizza and McDonalds, but there are also restaurants where people can go to have an adult focused experience and are understandably upset when the evening is ruined by people who assume their kids are welcome everywhere. My favourites are places where kids are welcome at the earlier sitting, adults only after a certain time. Win win.

Agree with all of this

There’s no policy that adults aren’t allowed to play in my local playground, nor that alcohol is prohibited - but I bet all the parents would have something to say if my friends and I jollied down there with cans of premixed cocktails on a Saturday afternoon to hog all the equipment and boisterously run around in a tipsy state upsetting the children. Places shouldn’t need to have a policy stating what sort of behaviour is acceptable in what sort of environment: sensible adults know that they shouldn’t cause havoc in the playground just as sensible adults should know they shouldn’t let their children run around, interrupt other tables, bash cutlery around or throw food in a nice restaurant.

Cute?

Well said.

People whose kids can't sit at the table and get through a meal at home without squealing, crying, running around and devices should not be taking them to upscale restaurants.

"If your kids can't marry their behaviour to the prevailing ambience of the venue then perhaps it is wise not to take them there??"

This is actually laughable"

"Oh Tarquin darling, please marry your behavior to the prevailing ambiance of this venue"

Ridiculous.

Speaking as a parent of two, there is a fine line between irritating children and chatty children.

Toddlers crawling on window ledges- totally unacceptable.

Babies laughing & squealing out of happiness- the joyful noise should be bottled and sold.

I’ve always taken my children out to restaurants and kept them amused with colouring/thumb wars/rock, paper scissors/top trumps etc. There are no spilt drinks, they have manners and are always encouraged to use “indoor voices” but there will always be some old misery out there that still doesn’t think this is enough. As far as I am concerned they should eat at home.

Yes we did. We asked the parents once, but he came back a few minutes later. We asked again, but they just said 'Arlo do you want to come back here' and he ignored them.

I would have fixed Arlo with an icy stare and said "Arlo, go back to your parents and annoy them instead of me. Do not come back."

Spoon banging? Ask once. Reach over and remove the spoon. Noise? Ask them to keep it down.

The fact that in other countries this kind of intrusive noise and behaviour is ok, doesn't mean it is ok everywhere. I would leave a review for the restaurant saying food lovely but too noisy if they let noisy children in.

Oh come on. The OP wanted a nice evening out. It was spoiled. Surely you can see that?

The comment was clearly saying that if your children haven't yet learned how to behave appropriately in a quiet venue, then practice on more family-orientated places until they have. They weren't suggesting parenting using that precise language, ffs.

This website is mad, honestly.

I’m actually with you OP despite being one of those parents who took toddlers and babies to Michelin starred restaurants! We’d take them out but always expected them to behave and wouldn’t have allowed them to bother the table next to us.

It’s not unreasonable to not let your children treat a high end restaurant like a play date.

I, ve got no issue with kids in restaurants if they are well behaved. But you have to teach kids from a young age. You start by expecting good table manners at Mcdonalds then work up to places where they have to wait longer for their meal.

If they've only ever been allowed to run riot at Mcdonalds and KFC then how do you expect them to have the skills to behave at Chez Wankybollocks.
This is on the parents, Kids aren't born knowing what is and isn't acceptable when eating out. You teach them.

Totally agree op. We had a similar experience last week at an expensive restaurant. We were sat outside and 2 children who I can only describe as feral were running around, screaming their heads off, pulling up plants, getting soil all over other diners and throwing stones. Parents were too busy getting stuck into cocktails to offer anymore more than an occasional “now don’t do that Penelope” . When they decided to approach our table, pull out the empty chair and kick it over (still screaming at top volume) I drew the line. I very firmly told them to pick it up, stop the silly noise and go and sit down. And guess what? They did. Why should someone else’s experience be ruined because they can’t be arsed to parent? And yes, I ate out a lot as a child, as have my dsc, including in expensive restaurants. My DM would have speared me to the chair with a look if I had behaved like that! There are a plethora of restaurants that cater for children if that’s how you are going to let them behave.

😯

It depends what kind of meal , I've just been to Greece and children are more welcome but meals out are cheaper there. If I went to a Michelin star say the fat duck and there was toddlers and babies I wouldn't be happy. A meal at one of those places might be a once in a life time thing for some people. I'm sure many wouldn't appreciate having their meal interrupted by screaming and crying.

The comment is ridiculously worded but very appropriately "married to" the tone of the OP and those who think that unless your children behave as though they are nannied by Mary Poppins herself then they should just hang out in McDonald's.....

I’ve been on both sides. I’d prefer not to eat family style if I’m out without mine (as it’s almost unheard of) but I’ve also taken a quiet, impeccably behaved 7 year old to a restaurant that was posher than expected and had a fuss made by the couple next to me. (I’ve no idea why, she didn’t do anything even remotely childlike. Just chatted and played quest games like hangman with me. The restaurant said it was the couple’s problem not mine when I asked and gave my kid free dessert, so I’m sure she wasn’t disruptive at all)

Check on the restaurants websites when they have a "no kids" time. My 2yo threw the mother of all strops at a Spanish restaurant and I was really embarrassed and left before the food even arrived. He was seriously screeching and throwing things. After that we said no meals out until he was much older!

When I go out on an evening without kids, I go out for adult time. Check websites and time slots.

There are a plethora of restaurants that cater for children if that’s how you are going to let them behave.

I don't think that behaviour would be acceptable in McDonalds either. Even in very family friendly restaurants I think there's still a certain standard of behaviour that should be expected even if it's somewhat lower than in an expensive restaurant and more noise is to be expected.

This isn’t true. I had a 9pm booking at a relatively expensive restaurant recently and was really surprised that at least half the tables near us had young children at them, some very small. Not one was a bother or noisy.

It’s perfectly normal to expect that most children are capable of enjoying a meal out without disturbing others and that if they aren’t ready for it, their parents wait or go without them. This idea that it’s unreasonable to expect kids to behave or that maybe parents have to make compromises if they can’t is something pushed by a selfish minority.

The parent or parents who does not make efforts to get their children to behave when young such as the OP witnessed are going to have their lack of time investment repaid several times over. Show me the child until they are seven and I will show you the adult (to amend an old Jesuit expression).

Unfortunately because of things such as TripAdvisor reviews, or simply that restaurant staff get too much abuse from entitled or just unpleasant people, mean that such behaviour will go unchallenged.

You should have been challenging their behaviour. Not up to restaurant staff. Taking the spoon away for example.

I'd be gutted if I'd been sat next to noisy kids at an expensive restaurant but I'd be equally gutted to have been sat next to a table of noisy adults. We went for a meal out recently where the next table of adults swore and complained about things their way through the whole meal.

The windowsill crawling would have been annoying at any time of day in any restaurant or cafe. Sometimes you can't avoid noise making but you can stop the moving about to other people's spaces.