Re children in restaurant

[Arbesque]

Four of us booked a table in an expensive restaurant last night for 7.30.
About 10 minutes after we'd sat down a couple came in pushing a buggy and with 2 other children in tow. They were seated at the table beside us.
One child kept bashing his spoon off the table, another kept crawling along the wide windowsill so that he was right behind my head, and the baby was kept amused by the father playing peek a boo while she screamed excitedly. This went on and on.

We asked to be moved to another table. There were none available.Then the baby started crying loudly and the toddler got tired and cranky and joined the wailing.

We left without dessert and complained on the way out. They knocked the price of a bottle of wine off our bill.

AIBU to think expensive restaurants, charging a fortune, should have a policy for dealing with situations like this?

We paid a lot of money for a meal we couldn't enjoy.

Don't be disingenuous. There are meals out and meals out. You can go to a pub garden and have lunch.

If your kids can't behave, you don't go to an expensive restaurant at night.

It's true that groups of adults are generally louder though. Hen parties, yuck. Not that it needs to be a hen party for people to feel the need to shout at the tops of their voices.

I don't think small children need to be in restaurants after 7pm. It's past their bedtime, they're almost guaranteed to be bored/tired and if I'm paying good money for good food, I don't want to hear it whining kids.

Next time you book somewhere OP, I'd ask when booking if young kids are allowed in for evening service.

Just because you considered the resturant expensive, doesn’t mean it was such a treat for them. For everyone saying why take them to an expensive restaurant; maybe this is just a normal place to go out for food for them.

But a lot the italian and spanish family friendly restaurants are outdoors and this makes such a difference. I would never really go out to eat at night when DS younger - lunch much better option with a toddler, young kid. DS is well behaved in restaurants because we've always taken stuff to occupy him - not screens. Colouring, puzzle books, sticker books, small bag of lego. It's not hard

I much prefer the culture Italy, etc and strongly believe that it is much better for children's development to socialise as a family in this way. They learn to behave in these situations by actually doing it. I also very much dislike the culture we have of feeding the dc at 5ish and then having a separate, adult meal after they have gone to bed - so much better for their development to eat as a family from the very start. I find that it is actually drunk groups of adults who cause more noise and disruption. I also think it is daft to go out expecting peace and quiet - if you go out there will be other people.

Only two responses in and we’ve already got a ‘Why can’t we be more like Italy?’ response. That must be a new record!

The UK isn’t like Italy or Spain or Azerbaijan because it isn’t any of those countries. Why is it acceptable to bash UK culture in a way no one ever would when it comes to other countries?

There must be ways to entertain a baby without making them scream.

Those saying “but Italy/Spain/Med etc” In my experience of dining there parents do keep an eye out and don’t generally let them cause irritation to other diners.

I hate that restaurant staff are so reluctant to deal with disruptive diners but I can understand why to an extent as some can become so aggressive and of course now there's social media to write about it.

Yup, damned if you do and damned if you don't, slated for accepting kids and blamed for other people's entitled behaviour, slated if you don't accept kids for not being inclusive. Ask someone to keep their children under control - get hassle, don't ask someone to keep their children under control, get hassle - and 9/10 the children still do exactly what they want because no one listens to serving staff anyway, they're not respected at all and no one pays them the slightest bit of heed.

I find it quite amusing really when people expect that we'll be listened to if we ask someone to change their behaviour, for the most part it's a completely pointless exercise as nothing will change, and then you've got two complaints or it'll escalate into an argument that'll further ruin the evening - that will then be complained about.

And as with this restaurant, they're the ones who've lost out because of someone else's behaviour.

We've fostered this society of individuals being entitled to whatever they want, and banging on about what they deserve and what their rights are, this is the downside of that. We've seen it on here that parents deserve to eat an expensive meal with their children but people also deserve to have a meal undisturbed by other people's children - and remember, the customer is always right, no matter what, they're both customers therefore both right , even when polar opposite.

OP that would drive me insane too. Yes children learn how to behave in restaurants by being taken to them. Behaving in a restaurant doesn't include playing loudly to the point that you're disturbing other diners and crawling around peoples heads in windowsills!

I would have told the child nicely but firmly to go back to mummy and daddy I'm afraid, and if that didn't work I'd have gone and politely asked the parents to take him back as he was disturbing our meal. 'Teacher' voice on! (Am not a teacher)

There's a big difference between informal dinner at a family friendly place and formal dining somewhere not aimed at families and people should be mindful of that. It's totally selfish to go out and ruin other peoples evenings with your or your dependants behaviour, whoever you are and whatever age you are.

I'm not an ogre - my own children are 6 and 4. They generally behave nicely in restaurants because we've taken them and taught them how but that means actually teaching them what is expected! In a family friendly place chain place it's more relaxed but if they were actually misbehaving then I would take them out. If it continued, we'd go home. I don't take them to smart restaurants - yet - but you can damn sure they won't be squealing and disturbing people when I do.

They don't sound 'cute' they sound entitled and a pain in the arse!

I actually seek out restaurants that don't allow children at night, I don't get childcare for mine to be surrounded by other peoples especially when they don't actually make them behave themselves appropriately!

I don't think you're unreasonable OP. If you're in a really expensive restaurant, you don't want crying babies and toddlers in there. I've always taken my kids out to restaurants and they've learned "restaurant rules" , but wouldn't take them to nice restaurants when they were toddlers.

I walked them out of a restaurant once when they couldn't stop bickering.

I can't believe all the posters on here saying YABU. you're not.

We were away for the weekend with extended family, and one night had a celebration dinner at 7pm that we took our 4 and 2 yos to. Christ but it was hard work. They were up and down constantly going for walks until the food came. I got my main and DD2's main with the starters so we could leave asap. Hardly tasted my food as so busy dealing with 2yo. The 4yo settled and was allowed to stay up late as she was behaving herself, the 2yo was whisked away shortly after 8.

Basically, aside from a very occasional family celebration I don't know why anyone would do that!

We actively avoid anywhere with children if we can. And generally succeed.

Funny thread. Posts are overwhelmingly "won't someone think of the poor children/parents" but the poll is clearly YANBU.

I have something to counterbalance this vague notion that people love kids more in the Mediterranean countries... We were in Greece one year. A Greek chap came in with about a dozen kids - aged about 2-12. He sat them all down, spoke to the waiters and LEFT THE RESTAURANT. He and the other parents were eating elsewhere and the staff were expected to look after the kids and feed them for a few hours!

This all day long. Italy always gets mentioned on these threads and it’s always a version of the country I’ve lived in and still have family in that I don’t recognise. Yes, kids are included more, but they’re expected to behave themselves. Other than in the most casual restaurants parents will take out very young kids when they get too noisy. I remember seeing two little girls running around a restaurant once - they got a stern telling off from a priest sitting at another table!

Either you have an Italian approach, where kids eat out late but they fit in more with the adults, or you have the UK style where we’re all supposed to make concessions for children’s behaviour - but that means that it’s reasonable for them not to be taken to ‘nice’ restaurants. I don’t think anyone in either country wants to spend a lot of money to have kids screaming and running around.

Desperate to enjoy a meal in peace but having to deal with the children/ worrying about disturbing other diners.

Um, it’s called “responsible parenting.” And not eating at fine dining restaurants might be part of that responsibility.

I agree with this. YANBU O.P

A lot of aggressive responses from parents that clearly believe other people should just put up with their crying, annoying and misbehaving children. Hmmm.

Children who cannot behave don't belong in fine dining/expensive restaurants. If you want to 'teach' them how to behave, plenty of family friendly ones around. No need to inflict then on people who choose to NOT go family friendly. It is entitled and selfish behaviour.

If kids are going to be in those spaces they need to behave. If they can't, the parents need to take them out or not bring them in the first place. And yes in other countries you do see children out later at night. And they are friendly happy family affairs. But the children are also disciplined if they step out of line and they are generally behaving themselves. That is the difference.

It's not children that's the problem, it's lazy parenting.

YANBU.

I think they sound like incredibly selfish parents who think other people should put up with their kids irritating behaviour. I’m all for taking kids out to eat, did so with mine but taught them how to behave and not annoy other people.

Really? Are there any in London that you could name? Though I guess they will be out of my price range?

it's awful OP. I don't go out often but my sister took me somewhere nice for a birthday and this happened. The staff were mortified and halved the bill but they aren't allowed to do anything.

@TigerRag so you think parents should only go to shit places to eat?

How else do you teach children how to behave and act in specific establishments.

You start out in family friendly establishments, not Le Gavroche.

YANBU - there are plenty of family friendly restaurants around and more family friendly times to go.

Last two meals out I had with DH have been marred by over-tired children/babies crying or excited young children making a massive amount of noise/running past tables (with collisions - one kid slapped his hand on our table on the way past and ran it along it, knocking over a glass). Didn't enjoy it until they left.

I felt a bit sorry for the kids who would clearly rather be somewhere else and I was tense as DH was getting increasingly annoyed.

I did take my DC to nice restaurants but not until they were of an age where they could be relied upon not be inconsiderate to other people - and would go for a 6 pm booking when still primary age. Even when younger, at family friendly places, they would be taken outside if crying/screaming.