Re children in restaurant

[Arbesque]

Four of us booked a table in an expensive restaurant last night for 7.30.
About 10 minutes after we'd sat down a couple came in pushing a buggy and with 2 other children in tow. They were seated at the table beside us.
One child kept bashing his spoon off the table, another kept crawling along the wide windowsill so that he was right behind my head, and the baby was kept amused by the father playing peek a boo while she screamed excitedly. This went on and on.

We asked to be moved to another table. There were none available.Then the baby started crying loudly and the toddler got tired and cranky and joined the wailing.

We left without dessert and complained on the way out. They knocked the price of a bottle of wine off our bill.

AIBU to think expensive restaurants, charging a fortune, should have a policy for dealing with situations like this?

We paid a lot of money for a meal we couldn't enjoy.

No, children shouldn't be crawling around peoples heads for starters.

It isn't an either or.

Also, a really nice expensive restaurant wouldn’t allow children in the first place so perhaps it’s not as high end as you think.
@Glitteratitar The nicest and most expensive "high end" restaurant I have been to is Le Manor aux Quat Saisons and they have a policy which says "We do not tolerate children in our restaurant. We welcone them."

Having said that if I was eating there and an unruly toddler was screaming and charging around I would be a bit miffed so I assume they must have some super skilful and diplomatic way of dealing with that sort of situation.

Children should be seen and not heard!

No one expects them to be silent but excessive and persistent noise and allowing your kids to bother other diners isn't ok. General kid noise is fine. Screeching at the top of their lungs isn't. Being a parent doesn't exempt you from showing consideration to others.

Likewise the hen party that was mentioned earlier in the thread should have kept the noise down and really shouldn't be sitting in a family friendly restaurant full of kids, covered in penis related paraphernalia.

YANBU

There are restaurants suitable for families and some that aren't. Sounds like you went to the latter and had your evening ruined by some pretty unruly behaviour. Banging cutlery and crawling along a windowsill, getting in the way or other diners is not ok. It wouldn't be ok in an expensive restaurant in Europe either, as opposed to a relaxed trattoria, so those posts are bloody nonsense.

We recently went to a 2 Michelin restaurant and when a family arrived next to us with 2 youngsters I must admit I was a little dismayed however once the kids were settled they were absolutely good as gold. The parents chatted to them but didn't play about and the kids were very content: the little girl who was about 6 or 7 tried everything and the little lad, about 3 looked at his books then fell asleep! It IS possible to control your kids in a restaurant without making a racket.

Well if you want to wind the clock back a bit, my parents would leave me (6 months), and two brothers (2.5 and 5) at home by ourselves well they went out to a posh meal apparently. And if on holiday, mum said they'd leave us in the hotel room when I was a tiny baby, to go down to dinner for the evening.

Personally I'd rather the kids were with the parents and not being neglected. Though I get it wasn't that fun for you. Still, you got some money off the wine, so all good there. Next time ask for a seat away from families.

My experience of Mediterranean countries is that the families are bigger and they include the children in the conversation rather than trying to entertain them. They have smaller portions of the adult meal instead of chicken nuggets and fish fingers. I love to see this but going to a nice restaurant for the evening having kids climbing on the window sill is totally different ball game.
Yes, take the kids out, take them to family places earlier on, get them used to knowing the world does not revolve around them demanding attention, then when they can sit still for a bit longer, take them out in the evening.
OP I would have been annoyed too.

I don't have a problem with young children and babies in restaurants. But I wouldn't allow my 3 year old to bang cutlery or climb around on windowsills. In my opinion that is too much of an impact on other people's enjoyment of their meal.

PP talking about Mediterranean culture are missing that the children, whilst sometimes noisy, are not badly behaved, at least not in my experience. In the UK there will often be badly behaved children in restaurants.

I would have left when they were unable to move you.

What could the restaurant really have done, unless you mean that they should have a child-free (or just baby-free) policy overall or in the evenings specifically? it's one thing with somewhat older children running around disturbing people: parents should not allow this. But babies do cry, and parents can't usually prevent this. I'm sorry your meal was messed up by the noise; but disturbance by noisy guests is a risk when one eats out. I've experienced it more often with adult parties at nearby tables, fuelled by alcohol, where people ended up being incredibly loud. Never thought of asking for them to be removed, or asking for my money back.

This could have been us 🤦. Last month we got stuck on the motorway on the way to holiday and had to pull off and find somewhere to eat. Came across a nice looking pub, some how managed to get a table and then realised it was a fancy restaurant, we had two tired and fed up young children and for some reason I was wearing jogging bottoms. Staff didn't bat an eyelid, few looks from the other diners, probably at my choice of pant, and we tipped heavily. We probably made more noise than the average diner but you know, these things happen.

I've been sat next to the PDA couple, the golf bores, the very important job bores, the hens, the Huns.....it's often more pleasant not to go out I find.

Depends on the place. Most restaurants I think are fine for DC (although I'd avoid with my own, cos let's face it, it's not fun) but the parents should try to keep the noise down. My FIL is fond of saying "no one minds hearing a baby cry, people love to hear toddlers squealing". Hahahaha, no.

But, some places just aren't child suitable, and that's ok. We went to a local fine dining place recently - ten tables, seven course tasting menu the only option, wine pairings available. Wouldn't occur to me to bring our young DC there, even for lunch. So we were paying £10 an hour for a babysitter. And then in walked a couple with a teething 6 month old. Doh. I was raging tbh.

Which is why I don’t eat in places that have a children menu.

There’s a difference between resorts/tourist areas that tolerate far more so as to ensure repeat custom/recommendations, and normal standards.

There’s also a difference between formal and informal dining, as there is between lively chatter and screeching.

YANBU, OP.

I agree with you. I come from an Italian family. I took my kids out to dinner from when they were toddlers, and they always behaved, and not sitting glued at screens. I did not assume other people would think kids running by were cut. If the babies/ kids screamed and cried, for whatever reasons, I went out side with the babies. hearing other peoples babies cry is a truly dreadful noise.

Yabu, stay home if you don’t like noise or socialise in a nightclub if you don’t like children

Interesting responses.
I’ve no doubt they would have been different if you’d started a reverse thread stating “Aibu to let my toddler climb behind a couple eating a meal”
I don’t think yabu.
Nothing wrong with children in any public place, nothing wrong with a bit of typical childlike noise like a squeal or cry or laughing.
My dts we’re always with us in restaurants and we’ve never let them scream, bash things on the table or climb behind other customers.
Neither have many of the people in Spain, Italy etc.

Eh? No-one is entitled to a meal out. Doesn't matter if you're parents or the Pope.

YANBU & I bet 99% of the pp telling you they wouldn't mind at ALL would be the first to complain.
We've had other people's kids doing cartwheels next to our table before while parents sit there oblivious, family friendly chain but wtf?
Glad you got free wine at least OP.

They let their toddler climb all over the furniture? The parents weren’t even trying. How lazy and inconsiderate. I would have asked for a full refund and walked out.

I agree that the parents should have stopped the toddler from crawling on the windowsill behind other guests; but it seems that the crying baby was the main problem for you, and I don't think that the parents could have done much about that- other than go home, and you can't really expect that.

I agree with you, OP.

We took our 7-year-old to an expensive restaurant recently. We outlined expectations before we went and said anything but good behaviour would result in us leaving. We booked for 5.30pm.

I saw diners glance at us as we walked in and knew what they were likely thinking. Our daughter was the only child in there and behaved impeccably.

I would never have taken her under age 6 and would never let her annoy other diners.

Such a lazy arguement.

We had to speak to our neighbours yesterday as their children and their friends are outside literally screaming their heads off at 11.30 at night every day for the past fortnight.

It doesn't mean we don't like children, in fact the absolute opposite.

Everything doesn't have to just be sucked up because they are children.

Why shouldn't people deserve an expensive meal in peace?

Because the parents are also paying customers. The noise might be a bit jarring but she got a free wine fgs

We are told in the U.K. (and the US I believe) that children should be in bed by 7pm but in lots of Europe children go to bed much later and they love having them out in places.
My DD is 12 months and goes to bed between 9/10pm because it works for us. But we get so many funny looks and "why isn't she in bed by 7pm" when I mention her bedtime but that doesn't work for our family.
We don't take her out for meals late though but that's more cause we know it would annoy other people and we're in the U.K.

I'm surprised that young children were in a restaurant at that time in the evening - most babies and toddlers are having bedtime routines by half past seven.
I know continental restaurants are more family friendly, but the children would have had a long afternoon nap.
I would have been irritated too.