Re children in restaurant

[Arbesque]

Four of us booked a table in an expensive restaurant last night for 7.30.
About 10 minutes after we'd sat down a couple came in pushing a buggy and with 2 other children in tow. They were seated at the table beside us.
One child kept bashing his spoon off the table, another kept crawling along the wide windowsill so that he was right behind my head, and the baby was kept amused by the father playing peek a boo while she screamed excitedly. This went on and on.

We asked to be moved to another table. There were none available.Then the baby started crying loudly and the toddler got tired and cranky and joined the wailing.

We left without dessert and complained on the way out. They knocked the price of a bottle of wine off our bill.

AIBU to think expensive restaurants, charging a fortune, should have a policy for dealing with situations like this?

We paid a lot of money for a meal we couldn't enjoy.

To be clear she wasn't toddling all around the restaurant - she was around our table always within view and reach. I wouldn't have allowed her if I thought she was in any danger or in the way of the restaurant staff. She was neither.

BabyDreamers
Yanbu. It's annoying having to endure other people's loud children. My brother was saying they are taking their 3 young children on a plane and said the 7 year old would love it, baby will hopefully sleep but said the 2 year old will likely cry the whole time and want to run around the plane. He thought I was unreasonable for saying he can't put other people through 4 hours of screaming and said they'd have to deal with it.

Don't get me started on parents that don't give a crap about their kids annoying other passengers. I was on a flight once with my toddler. She had a toy and the child in front kept trying to take the toy off her. The childs Mother had her head buried in a book. I told her to take her head out of her book and control her kid as he was annoying the shit out of my child. She had a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp. I hate entitled parents that think their children can do whatever they want. Kids kicking the back of your seat is another thing. It's not difficult to tell your child to stop kicking the seat.

My partner is from the South of Europe. When we go out he will try to allow the DC to run around, crawl under the table etc. I clamp down on this and will simply not permit it. I don’t give a shiny shit what happens back in his family friendly country. It’s a different culture and way of life there where kids eat late and go to bed at all hours.

I can’t bear it when parents let their children run riot in restaurants. He thinks I’m a killjoy but I don’t care. We are currently on holiday (in the U.K.) and sat down to eat at 6.30pm. By 7.30 the restaurant was filling up and our kids were getting restless and tired. I quickly paid the bill and left as I don’t think people who have come out for a quiet meal should be subjected to their tantrums.

Some parents are very entitled and think everyone will be charmed by their annoying delightful offspring wandering around.

YANBU. Not at all. The restaurant was not appropriate fir children. The parents were very selfish - get a babysitter for goodness sake! I am sorry that your evening was spoiled.

I experienced the same annoyance at the same situation once. There was not a peep out of the baby the whole time. I needn't have worried.

I also remember the time that DH and I went out for a last couple's meal before our first baby was born. I deliberately booked a restaurant that was not in a family area, for 8.00 or 8.30pm (can't remember now) so it was after the time that you normally get kids out in restaurants. I was so looking forward to it, I really was. It was mid week so I knew it would be a lovely quiet and relaxed atmosphere. I knew that was the last chance we'd have to enjoy a nice time out on our own for a very long time. Then 2 women came in with a baby of around 1 and stuck it in a high chair where it was unhappy and crying the whole time we were there. It went on for an hour, and made me more and more tense. They made no attempt to take it outside for a bit or even to pay much attention to it, let alone decide to skip a dessert or leave early for the baby's sake. The baby was clearly very overtired and would have been much happier at home in bed.

Having brought up 2 children since then, what they did baffles me. Why on earth didn't they have their evening catch up over a takeway at home and put the baby]s needs first? If they specifically wanted a meal out WITH the baby why didnt' they meet up earlier when the baby was less tired? Or visit a family-friendly restaurant with other children around?

I think people should tailor meals our to their own children, who are all different, as well as thinking of the impact on other diners from their poor decision-making. eg My first was fine in restaurants as a newborn, just slept. My second was a bloody nightmare, so we didn't take him to them till he was about 3. They were both fussy eaters as toddlers, and also not great at sitting still for long (same with most toddlers), so we chose not to take them out usually if we had the choice as it was stressful for everyone. As they've got older we have gradually gone from choosing earlier times at family-friendly restaurants with children's menus, to eating at fancier places at a later hour where they were the only children. They are impeccably behaved and it pisses me off to see people inflicting spoilt brats on others at inappropriate times of the day.

If you know your young baby is very unsettled after a certain hour go out earlier.
If your toddler can't sit still happily (and let's face it most can't) just go for a main course and make sure they have lots of snacks and toys to entertain them. Take them for a walk outside if they start whingeing. If your 9 year old is a very fussy eater don't take them to a high end restaurant of your choice where you know there is nothing on the menu that your child would like and who is going to moan and moan about not liking stuff.

I am more than happy to go to a restaurant with children in when in Europe, and people do always put forward the European example. But let's face it, in the UK we seem to produce a particular type of spoilt, whinging brat, usually with the type of parent who either finds them an inconvenience and barely pays them attention, or who is the adoring, over lenient parent who just thinks the world revolves round their child and there should be no rules. Please don't come to the fancy, coupley high-end restaurant that I'm at for a special celebration with my hsuband if you're one of those parents.

European families include their children in conversation, they pay them attention and keep them engaged. They pass them round the adults for cuddles so that the children don't get bored. They would also take them for a wander if they started being really disruptive to other diners, or to get them off to sleep in a pushchair. They just do it better.

Don't be so entitled @Theblacksheepandme That other child had the right to be heard and not seen. He's a child and he and his mother can do what they like. Jeeze it's like you think you deserve consideration or something.

Attempting an evening meal with three very small kids and only two adults is nuts. As a Parent of multiple now big kids I got a babysitter or got parents to support when I wanted to go out for dinner. If you can afford a fancy meal you can afford a babysitter. If wider family asked us out in evening asked for 7pm slot and made sure kids had puzzle and sticker books plus always lots if additional adults to support.

Went out on Saturday for dinner with our adult kids as a family. There was a couple with two lovely kids I’d imagine 5 and 7. Very very well behaved and enjoying their meal even though sat down to start at 8.30pm

I’m with you OP ! @Arbesque Children that age should be in bed at 7.30/8pm certainly not in a restaurant.

my children are young teens now and were told in no uncertain terms last week that if they were going to behave like toddlers they’d be in bed at a toddler bedtime without any dinner …. Sudden marked improved behaviour! …. & that was walking to the restaurant. Not in it !

if I’d forked out for a meal that price I’d be mighty irritated too to have a spoilt by screaming kids! …… & I dare say the parents of the prawn eating 9 year old were (rightly) feel smug with their own children and irritated with the others. ….. if it were my (then) 9 year old she would probably have made a complaint similar to yours! 😂

we have served our time in harvesters and brewers fayres….. that’s where you take children!

I can understand very young children being in places like Pizza Express and other chains at 7.30 pm at night but I really have sympathy for you, an expensive restaurant should only allow well behaved older children at that time of night. The parents were selfish twats.

7.30 is really too late for kids to be honest we have a 4 year old 2 year old and 4 month old no way would I bring them out at 7.30 at night but I can see it from both sides

But you say the woman was at the table BESIDE you. It suggests that your toddler was wandering round very close to her. You don't say exactly how your todder was behaving while out of her seat, but did you stop to think that the woman eating her food might not want to feel like she was in the Fun Factory instead of a restaurant, with small children wandering up and down. Perhaps you should have taken your toddler outside away from other diners if you wanted to walk her up and down?

Don't agree with this at all, ill manored children and adults exist. There is no inevitability of children being noisy and disruptive, your own post speaks of well behaved children in countries outside of Ireland and the UK.

My daughters are part of our family therefore they have attended every event and travelled everywhere with us once they were able to communicate with us.

In my experience children's behaviour responds to the atmosphere set by parents and other attendees. It's absolutely antiquated to talk of excluding children.

Sorry I didn’t see this as I wasn’t sitting on Mumsnet 😘

Some parents feel it’s ok for their children to be noisy and for the parents to be noisy too.
When I was a child all our family were taught manners and how to behave in public. Some parents don’t know how to behave and pass this on to their children. (The I’m entitled brigade)
The standard of decent manners has fallen so much it’s sad. If parents don’t understand how to behave, they’ll not teach the children.

I know some here will not get my comments. Sad.

In my experience children's behaviour responds to the atmosphere set by parents and other attendees. It's absolutely antiquated to talk of excluding children.

Sometimes children behave better than the adults around them. DH and I ate at a Michelin starred restaurant one evening last week and were seated next to a family of three generations. The children were immaculately behaved. Granny on the other hand was loud, spent the meal complaining about the food and was quite “difficult” with the waiting staff.

I’ve had a loud conversation about blow jobs or what sex toy to use that night. Hopefully would’ve had them parenting them and carrying the toddler off sharpish

Nor do I see a child crawling as misbehaving

It is in a restaurant which is an entirely inappropriate place to allow a child to crawl around. A crawling child at home is a different matter.

The OP is just snobby and entitled

No she isn’t @FlissyPaps. You sound very socially unaware and completely unable to read the room or understand what is appropriate.
Every time you post you sound more and more like “that” parent who doesn’t care if your child(ren) annoy other diners.

I'm amazed anyone thinks it's appropriate for toddlers to be crawling in any restaurant, regardless of price. It's an accident waiting to happen with wait staff carrying hot food and drink and perhaps not being able to see beneath their feet.

I completely agree.

You could have enjoyed the baby playing peek a boo and squealing in excitement

I’m fine with the peek a boo, but not with the squealing.

OP I am not really sure why you are posting this on Mumsnet. We are Mums. We have kids. Every parent does their uttmost to keep their DCs entertained and behaving appropriately but your version of appropriate might be different to others. I have one DC who always behaved like a little angel eating out. The other is still a challenge... We brought them up exactly the same. the window crawling thing is a bit odd but maybe the parents thought the DC was being quiet , safe near them and not being vocal so let them be. I don't know.

Speak for yourself! For a start there are plenty of non parents on here and not all of us who are parents want to tolerate other peoples kids poor behaviour, how could they not notice!

Plenty of us on here don't have children. Even if I did, I would have agreed with the OP.

Petition number #257445545 to rename MN or at least AIBU to something else to stop this type of comment. MN has infertility boards, it’s not literally just for mummies.

I used to take my 3 children out for a meal, but to a family friendly restaurant. They were always well behaved. If myself and hubbie wanted a night out with grownups /friends, then I would try to find a quiet "grownups " restaurant. I quite understand what you are saying . You may have children of your own, and you want a night out with grownups. Sometimes as much as we love children, we also want adult time ! It's completely different in Spain and Italy, as usually you are eating outside and some how the noise doesn't bother you quite the same.
If children are with you you need to be watching them, as otherwise, it's left to the other adults that are trying to enjoy their meal and conversations.
In my opinion, yanbu!
I quite hear what you are saying
👍

The worst kind of person🤢

YANBU. Not at all. The restaurant was not appropriate fir children. The parents were very selfish - get a babysitter for goodness sake! I am sorry that your evening was spoiled.

I normally stay out of restaurants with the family just because I don’t see the point of paying so much (well, as much because there’s 6 of us so we can’t afford it anyhoo!) and some not eating or us not getting to just sit and chat with a cup of tea at the end because the kids are (rightly so imo-I remember the restaurant thing as a child!!)beginning to get a bit impatient. But last night we ended up in a posh restaurant (for us!) as we were on our way home later than we thought from a day away, had been told at 2 family restaurants there was a long wait, ignored 1 dodgy one, and couldn’t afford another. So sometimes it happens that families end up out late. Sorry it wasn’t great for you though, restaurants are such a treat I think everyone should get a nice night

I would probably not bother taking my kids to a high end restaurant, mostly as I don't really think they are kid friendly places so I would just get stressed and not enjoy it. When we just had my DD we went out to eat a lot as she was pretty easy out and about, now with my DS age 4, I daren't even go in a cafe as he just cannot sit still, gets very bored and consequently goes a bit wild! We just don't bother. The main reason though would be that we could not enjoy it so it becomes a complete waste of money!