Re children in restaurant

[Arbesque]

Four of us booked a table in an expensive restaurant last night for 7.30.
About 10 minutes after we'd sat down a couple came in pushing a buggy and with 2 other children in tow. They were seated at the table beside us.
One child kept bashing his spoon off the table, another kept crawling along the wide windowsill so that he was right behind my head, and the baby was kept amused by the father playing peek a boo while she screamed excitedly. This went on and on.

We asked to be moved to another table. There were none available.Then the baby started crying loudly and the toddler got tired and cranky and joined the wailing.

We left without dessert and complained on the way out. They knocked the price of a bottle of wine off our bill.

AIBU to think expensive restaurants, charging a fortune, should have a policy for dealing with situations like this?

We paid a lot of money for a meal we couldn't enjoy.

Personally, I prefer to assume that my fellow MNers are intelligent people, capable of understanding more complex language.

I'm capable of understanding and using language such as that, but I wouldn't generally, because it sounds like someone trying to be posh.

But nobody thinks that. Why are you inventing stuff?

YANBU. What a rude and bad mannered family. The restaurant should have moved them away from others. People need to take responsibility for their children's and their behaviour.

He should have been told to move, not asked!

Told and then forcefully moved if they wouldn't.

*forcibly

Once went to a chinese restaurant in central London, about 6pm so not peak dining time, and it wasn't very full.

I allowed dd to toddle around while we waited for our meal - she wasn't getting in the way as it was spacious and not busy yet the woman at the table beside us was heard grumbling that people should learn to have their kids under control.

What a miserable git.

Specifically about the child behind you, YANBU. I didn't enjoy eating with my own children crawling around me, and an unknown child right behind my head would completely distract and unsettle me. I'm not as bothered about noise, but I just do not like unexpected people in my space, and I would have asked more than once for the child to be moved, or asked staff to intervene. There should be an expectation that children don't get in the space of other diners, with their bodies or excessive noise.

On the other hand, when out with my kids over the years, I've worried a lot about whether I'm causing more discomfort by reprimanding them than they did by being noisy or distracting. I would have tried pretty hard to avoid being in a posh restaurant after 7.30 with my beloved small children, and it would have been a last resort, probably in some stage of exhausted frustration. So I'm pretty sympathetic to those parents.

I've lived in Spain for many years and have visited quite a few different regions and I can honestly say I've never seen a "posh" restaurant with a play area. Normal family restaurants, yes, but there are restaurants with a certain ambience where it would be frowned upon here to have kids running wild. It is much more normal to take your kids out though and you'll often see kids out at the weekend until 12/1, just not at fancy restaurants generally. Spanish parents (like DP and our friends) also enjoy going out for adult time. There are definitely restaurants aimed at families and at couples/adult friends.

I have two children and we go to expensive restaurants, they are well behaved and have nice manners or I wouldn’t take them. I find it annoying if kids aren’t well behaved, it’s common courtesy to others to make your children quiet and respectful in restaurants like that.

You’ve made the Press OP. The Daily Record have picked this thread up.

At that time in an evening it’s not appropriate when they are so young. It if was cheap and cheerful with a noisy and relaxed feel then just about maybe.

As a parent you have to prepare to sacrifice things for a good while if the children can’t be babysat. Fancy restaurants in the evening are one of them.

I’m on the fence here… I have young boys 3 and 4 yes old… we’ve been taking them to nice restaurants since they were born. We’ve decided not to give them phones or tablets to entertain them and they have learnt to sit nicely in a restaurant. We take a few quiet toys for them to play with or some drawing stuff. Occasionally they get noisy and we make sure to quieten then down but we allow them to express themselves too. I wouldn’t allow them to climb all over the place however. I think everyone deserves to enjoy a nice meal out and I believe taking children out when they are young they learn what’s acceptable.

Not the restaurant's fault. The parents should have been less entitled and quieter. I would also have tried to keep DC quiet and, if they did cry, take them out.

I'm on your side OP but we have gone to expensive restaurants since my daughter was a year old. I can guarantee you that you would not have known she was in the restaurant. I also never allowed her to wander around the restaurant. All of what happened on your evening out would have really irritated me.

Totally agree
It's a massive cultural difference.
Living in Ireland for 20 years now.
I'll never understand why people are bothered by children at restaurants.
Families enjoy together. Kids make noise. It's all part of the enjoyment over there.

Children should not be toddling around restaurants away from their table/parents. Even if you think they're careful and quiet, other people don't know your kid. Little children are often unpredictable and it's unsettling to see one coming towards your table out of the corner of your eye. It would put me on edge and ruin the atmosphere for me, even if it was 6pm.

If you can’t manage your kids in a public place take them to McDonalds. Your right to letting your kids screech and run all over the place does not trump others rights to enjoy a peaceful meal. Nobody, and I mean nobody, enjoys the relentless earsplitting shrieking of a 2 year old anywhere, never mind and upmarket restaurant where you want to enjoy a relaxing meal. When mine were little we went to Bella Italia at 5.30pm. Places like that are set up for families with crayons and paper, children's menus that go beyond sausage and chips, and the service is reasonably quick, but you can still have a reasonably good meal and a glass of wine. For me, that’s a decent compromise until they learn to tolerate long hours and late meals.

I don't think many people would have a problem with this. There's no problem with well behaved children in restaurants. It's the ones who are allowed to run riot and make things unpleasant for other people that are a problem. People don't really have an issue with the parents who are working hard to make sure their children are behaving, and taking them out if they are not.

So why didn’t you have your kid under control? Anyone could have popped a couple of chillies in her mouth.

Yanbu. It's annoying having to endure other people's loud children. My brother was saying they are taking their 3 young children on a plane and said the 7 year old would love it, baby will hopefully sleep but said the 2 year old will likely cry the whole time and want to run around the plane. He thought I was unreasonable for saying he can't put other people through 4 hours of screaming and said they'd have to deal with it.

Noise in restaurants is very annoying but it happens. Usually it isn’t children, the most annoying diners I’ve had near me have all been terribly posh terribly drunk men bellowing at each other in their terribly loud voices and assuming that we’re all thrilled to listen.

Re the toddler behind your head, that is cheeky but I’d have found that adorable, if you didn’t you should have spoken to the parents about it at the time.

I think this is a difficult one because, as a mum myself I would want for my daughter to be accepted into any restaurant I choose to go to. I wouldn't want a no child policy etc. However, I can see how people without children or who have come for a quiet meal would be annoyed to be sat next to a family with the noise and mess kids make.

The restaurant should perhaps have a bit more strategic seating to ensure families are catered for (i.e. enough space for children to move about and prams etc) and also ensure those without children won't be disturbed.

It’s not just a cliche, it’s bollocks.

The idea that Italian restaurants are chock-full of bambini racing around squealing while everyone beams at them adoringly is pure fantasy.

Yes, and there are plenty of restaurants in Ireland where children chatting, laughing and having a good time us welcome.
The line is drawn at children screaming, wailing, tantrumming and running under waiting staff's feet. At this point parents are expected to deal with the situation.

There are also expensive restaurants that most people go to for a treat or an exceptional occasion. In those restaurants diners are expected to behave with courtesy to other diners, and not be loud or intrusive.

Just like in Spain really.

If you feel the need to complain about children being children, perhaps ask the restaurant in advance if children are allowed to be there. or order a takeaway where none will bother you.