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AIBU?

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Original poster

Re children in restaurant

1000 replies

Arbesque · 22/08/2022 08:46

Four of us booked a table in an expensive restaurant last night for 7.30.
About 10 minutes after we'd sat down a couple came in pushing a buggy and with 2 other children in tow. They were seated at the table beside us.
One child kept bashing his spoon off the table, another kept crawling along the wide windowsill so that he was right behind my head, and the baby was kept amused by the father playing peek a boo while she screamed excitedly. This went on and on.

We asked to be moved to another table. There were none available.Then the baby started crying loudly and the toddler got tired and cranky and joined the wailing.

We left without dessert and complained on the way out. They knocked the price of a bottle of wine off our bill.

AIBU to think expensive restaurants, charging a fortune, should have a policy for dealing with situations like this?

We paid a lot of money for a meal we couldn't enjoy.

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 23/08/2022 20:08

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PinkSparklyPussyCat · 23/08/2022 20:12

So many entitled arrogant idiots.

of which you sound like you're one. So what if the kid wasn't crawling behind her the whole meal, the parents asked him to go back FFS! He should have been told to move, not asked!

Q2C4 · 23/08/2022 20:12

Catcatcat12 · 22/08/2022 10:03

to those who say that children need to learn how to behave in restaurants, and how else is that supposed to happen: why not start practising in other places and at other times? Start with a more relaxed restaurant earlier in the day, and once you feel confident that your children can enjoy and behave themselves during a meal in a more formal setting by all means go for it.

the comparison to Spain/Italy is not relevant, as a previous poster pointed out these children will most likely have had a siesta earlier in the day so will be far less tired at night

Most kids have a nap up to the age of 3 don't they? My 2 yr old has a nap in the afternoon & naturally falls asleep around 9:30pm. Even if we skip the nap, my DC is not tired til 9pm.

Q2C4 · 23/08/2022 20:13

Badger1970 · 22/08/2022 10:04

I don't think small children need to be in restaurants after 7pm. It's past their bedtime, they're almost guaranteed to be bored/tired and if I'm paying good money for good food, I don't want to hear it whining kids.

Next time you book somewhere OP, I'd ask when booking if young kids are allowed in for evening service.

7pm is not past bedtime here.... not all young kids go to bed at 6pm.

Augustmummy · 23/08/2022 20:15

I think it's rude to bring along two young children to a meal late in the evening. It was a posh restaurant where usually at that time of night, you don't expect to have to put up with that shit - you could have stayed home for that. It was rude of the family not to leave or at least remove the kids from the room to let them calm down. I wouldn't dream of taking my unruly 4 year old into a restaurant past 8pm knowing that the other adults in there would be expecting (an rightly so) some peace and quiet. Go to pizza hut or don't go out as bloody late. Rant over lol.

rainbowmilk · 23/08/2022 20:18

Yes, how entitled we are in objecting to a random child being allowed to climb about behind a stranger’s head. The parents are completely reasonable to allow it to happen, how dare people object to the lovely Arlo livening up a stranger’s experience with the possibility of a fall?!

Freedomfighters · 23/08/2022 20:20

Im not welcome in your establishment but you fail to give me the name?? Are you dense?

Not as dense as you it would seem. I'm hardly advertising my restaurant to people like you. If you accidentally rocked up and displayed the entitled attitude that you have done here, you would be out. Same as anyone that ruins the experience for other people because their self entitlement makes them think that only their feelings count. So I wouldn't need to give you the name to get you or anyone like you to stay away. If your kids are running riot, you would be shown the door.

NinjaGin · 23/08/2022 20:21

justaladyLOL · 22/08/2022 09:10

I would not inflict my young kids onto other people at a nice restaurant - it is not the right place they do not want to sit still for A couple of hours
As an adult when I go to a nice place I want adult time not screaming kids
It is the old thing that many have that everyone should think their kids are cute and wonderful

This I totally agree with. Sorry but those whining about "how to teach their kids" without taking them to high end restaurants...we managed that conundrum the same as many many people on this thread surely have - take them to McDonalds, then weatherspoons etc. One builds up. Don't start with the really nice, really expensive place people go for a treat.
Our son now goes with us to the really nice, really expensive treat place because he's learned how to behave in the other places. Don't f**k up other people's special (might be once a year) place because your toddler "should be allowed to express themselves".

Upwiththelark76 · 23/08/2022 20:22

YANBU - I’d have been the same as you . Nothing against families or children but sometimes you just dont want the noise of screaming kids.

rainbowmilk · 23/08/2022 20:22

@NinjaGin Thank you for being a welcome voice of sanity and a parent (verb, not just noun).

CockysGirl · 23/08/2022 20:22

I would have approached the parents and asked them to physically remove the child from behind me or ask whether they would prefer me to return the child to their seat!
I hate that parents allow this behaviour. There is a time and a place for running around and a restaurant certainly isn't it!

Abricot1993 · 23/08/2022 20:22

You are not unreasonable. All the quotes about Spain and Italy forget that people dine outside there which means noise isn`t jumping off indoor walls, the tables usually have more space between them and often there is a play area outside too. I took our daughter from very young to meals but always had a big selection of things to keep her occupied-none of them electronic games. Things like colouring books using water pens, tiny houses to unravel, building toys, little people to dress etc.. Some kids do not have the attention span that they can be occupied and parents need to recognise this and build on it and start by going out for lunches

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/08/2022 20:22

”How are kids expected to know how to behave in restaurants if they never get taken to one? The parents sound like they were doing their best to entertain the kids.”

@876starlight - what we did, when the boys were little, was to take them out to eat at family friendly restaurants, where there was going to be more noise, and where people would be more forgiving of any lapses in behaviour. We taught them table manners at home (age appropriately, of course) and when we were eating out, we expected them to behave themselves as well as they could.

We knew they weren’t going to be perfect mini-adults - but we did expect them to do their best, and we did our best to make sure that their behaviour didn’t upset anyone else in the cafe/restaurant. And we modelled the sort of behaviour we wanted to see from them, so they learned how to talk to the staff, how to sit nicely and eat as tidily as they could - and how to deal with accidents when they happened.

As they got older, we took them to less child friendly places - not that they weren’t friendly to children, but they weren’t set up to appeal to the family market - so they had high chairs, but didn’t always have a children’s menu or colouring for them to do - there was a Chinese restaurant in Southend that we all loved, - the boys enjoyed eating there and we were welcomed back so I assume their behaviour was good enough. And we sometimes went to a Polish restaurant in South Kensington - Daquise - which was definitely not ‘child friendly’ but which was welcoming and made a fuss of the boys. The waitresses used to take them off to look at the dumb waiter lift that brought the food up from the kitchen.

Basically, we built up to ‘fine dining’, and now they are adults, we can take them anywhere, and be sure they will be a pleasure to be with.

If you are going to take small children to an expensive or fine dining restaurant, you have to be aware that other people are also paying a lot to be there, and make sure your children’s behaviour doesn’t spoil what might be an occasional treat or special occasion.

amoobaa · 23/08/2022 20:24

Sunflowerkeep · 22/08/2022 08:52

Holiday I'm italy onçe with small children, dinner at 9 and loads of children in restaurants behaving much the same and the italians love it, so accommodating to kids. Nothing bothered bothered a everyone was chatting, eating great good and generally a lovely med feel. What is wrong with this country?

This made me smile… I agree, I wish we had more of that here. If the restaurant allows kids… then the restaurant allows kids. I haven’t been to a restaurant after 5pm with my toddler because we’re at home getting ready for a bath… but after experiencing some real lows, I think I’d take my hat off and offer my biggest smile to the parents in this situation. Who knows what their situation was… anything could have been going on.

Cupofcoffeewithchocolate · 23/08/2022 20:24

Well, I feel sorry that your dinner was ruined. Perhaps you have ruined their family night out by rolling eyes on them too! At least the parents were trying to entertain their kids, unfortunately there are some people in this world who think babies' giggles are disturbing.

I don't think the restaurant should do anything in this situation, and I don't think you deserve that bottle of wine neither. If you want to enjoy a quite dinner, there are restaurants which do not allow young kids and pushchairs.

User46472874637 · 23/08/2022 20:28

I have kids, I would not take them to an expensive restaurant, they can be buggers, but at the same time I would not be offended if I was visiting a restaurant without my children but there was other kids there, I'm very much in the mindset, not my circus, not my monkeys!

i am sure there are restaurants that don't allow children at all or don't allow them after a certain time, maybe you should do some more research next time!

whumpthereitis · 23/08/2022 20:29

Perhaps you have ruined their family night out by rolling eyes on them too!

one can hope.

butterflied · 23/08/2022 20:32

At least the parents were trying to entertain their kids

By letting them climb and crawl around? It's not a soft play centre!

1000N · 23/08/2022 20:34

🙄

Freedomfighters · 23/08/2022 20:35

At least the parents were trying to entertain their kids

They weren't though. Were they.

Original poster
Arbesque · 23/08/2022 20:39

rainbowmilk · 23/08/2022 19:06

Why are half the posters on this thread so hard of thinking that they can’t tell the difference between “peaceful” and “silent”, and “children talking and laughing” and “children screaming and crawling on people’s heads”?

It’s like every thread on shrieking kids - half the posters seem compelled to suggest that kids only have two modes, asleep or feral.

They’re always the ones who insist their kids are perfectly behaved, which seems highly dubious as they themselves seem to have no understanding of what that might look like.

So true.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/08/2022 20:41

Dontcareforthehaters · 22/08/2022 10:53

"If your kids can't marry their behaviour to the prevailing ambience of the venue then perhaps it is wise not to take them there??"

This is actually laughable"

"Oh Tarquin darling, please marry your behavior to the prevailing ambiance of this venue"

Ridiculous.

Show quote history

@Dontcareforthehaters - do you not realise that this is a website for adults, so this thread is being written by adults, for adults. Do you expect us all to use childish, dumbed down language to each other? Personally, I prefer to assume that my fellow MNers are intelligent people, capable of understanding more complex language.

RhubarbMoon · 23/08/2022 20:41

Personally I wouldn't take my child to a "nice expensive" restaurant if I knew they wouldn't be able to behave well during the time.

Original poster
Arbesque · 23/08/2022 20:41

FlissyPaps · 23/08/2022 19:12

I just find it really strange how people can be so wound up over the existence of children. This is Mumsnet. For mums. Why do so many mums hate children😂

A child crawling behind them and another one playing with cutlery & doing peekaboo. Jesus. I’d dread to think what these high-end expensive meal goers think of McDonald’s or a Wacky Warehouse.

Show quote history

Where did anyone say they hate children?

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 23/08/2022 20:42

children will always be a contentious issue in a restaurant, especially in the evening.

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