Re children in restaurant

[Arbesque]

Four of us booked a table in an expensive restaurant last night for 7.30.
About 10 minutes after we'd sat down a couple came in pushing a buggy and with 2 other children in tow. They were seated at the table beside us.
One child kept bashing his spoon off the table, another kept crawling along the wide windowsill so that he was right behind my head, and the baby was kept amused by the father playing peek a boo while she screamed excitedly. This went on and on.

We asked to be moved to another table. There were none available.Then the baby started crying loudly and the toddler got tired and cranky and joined the wailing.

We left without dessert and complained on the way out. They knocked the price of a bottle of wine off our bill.

AIBU to think expensive restaurants, charging a fortune, should have a policy for dealing with situations like this?

We paid a lot of money for a meal we couldn't enjoy.

I actually agree that babies and toddlers should preferably not be at evening meals at fancy restaurants. Not the best thing either for them or for other customers. I just think that if a baby cries, it's not necessarily the fault of how they are parented.

Not the babies fault for sure, but any decent DP will realise that crying babies should be removed by them from posh restaurants as not fair to other diners.

Not the babies fault for sure, but any decent DP will realise that crying babies should be removed by them from posh restaurants as not fair to other diners.

Exactly - take them if you are so inclined, but it’s simple - if they cry, someone takes them out immediately.

jesus wept I think now your being dense purposefully. I said I’m well aware of the difference between a wedding and a restaurant. My example of a wedding was my personal experience I’ve observed of appropriate child behaviour in two different cultures at two comparable events. This acts as a barometer to how different cultures are more/ less understanding in terms of behavioural expectations of children.

that’s not the same as a wedding is the same as a restaurant.

the UK is funny about many child related things, breastfeeding in public/ in front of people is another one and extended breastfeeding being another.

my kids are fine at age appropriate venues thanks girl

Obviously babies cry and no one is blaming parents for that. But any considerate parent would bring their crying baby outside to calm down or, if necessary, ask for their food to be boxed up and leave.
Parents who sit there oblivious to the noise and uncaring of the fact that they're disturbing other diners are really annoying.

If they don’t do a childrens menu and cheapest main is 30 then the restaurant is not for kids and shouldn’t be there at 730

dh dd5 and I eat out a lot but we do 530/6 latest if dd with us and she is ready for bed /tired by end of the meal and we have left by 7 latest as she likes to be in bed 630 ish

we chose places with a children menu for £7

but we take colouring or worst watches something quietly on iphone when starts to get tired and if we are still eating

any child crawling near my head and I would be talking to parents and mentioning to staff is happens twice

I’m British, but live abroad…kids everywhere, often until midnight, ours isn’t but yes she’s in restaurants at night 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣I don’t understand this post at all…

That's another dimension completely. I'm not British, but really do believe that having kids around, particularly on an evening totally changes the dynamic of a place. I don't believe that many people like or appreciate that change, most tolerate it through gritted teeth in my experience.

Another part of these Mediterranean cultures outside of tourists areas that is being overlooked is that a stranger won’t think twice about scolding your child if you won’t

I was going to say this. Have distinct memories of being bollocked by Spanish waiting staff on more than one occasion as a child.

Applause for the use of 'wanging' I was starting to think I was the only person who said it 😂

Completely disagree with this. Been abroad to med countries sometimes 2-3 times a year and far more tolerant than here, more accepting and children are being children there too. Just accept the truth.

Restaurants should have childless nights a few days a week. And im saying that as a mum 😅

So many people in this country have this stupid attitudes towards children.

Yes there are many people who don't think that children are the centre of anyone else's universe than their own family's. It isn't stupid to expect parents to do the job they signed up for, if you're too lazy to stop your off-spring being a nuisance in a public place then I have no problem bollocking them my self and you can just suck it up.

I think that a restaurant advertising that would be very successful, the whiners on SM will obviously be 'twarmatised' which will only add to the enjoyment of the civilised customers.

There are some restaurants that don't allow kids, maybe you should book one of those next time rather than ban kids from all restaurants you might be in?

Or maybe posh restaurants that do accept DCs need to make DPs aware that they are subject to acceptable behaviour so they will ask patrons to remove DCs if causing too much noise or disturbing other clients. Actually they should do that for all customers really.

What policy would you expect the restaurant to have on this? Kick them out?

@Penguin92 well I'd expect the restaurant manager to have a quiet word with the table first of all, see if there is anything they can do that would help the situation.

But ultimately yes if other people are having an expensive meal significantly impacted then I'd expect the restaurant to ask them to leave - maybe by boxing up their meals and giving them for free.

People have less disposable income these days, so eating in a posh restaurant can be a rare and looked forward to treat. If I'm spending upwards of £100 per person I expect the restaurant to control the environment to some extent.

Is this actually a joke? Or sarcastic? Im completely baffled.

Children are not mini adults. They are undergoing a development stage, growing towards adulthood. Some of their behaviours may be unpalatable to you (loud raucous behaviour in their garden while you are sipping your pimms next door), but that is more your problem than theirs.

What privileges are you referring to? What do children have to 'earn' in order to be acceptable to you? Do they, in fact, just have to act like adults?

In fact, children have rights that you don't. For example, under the convention for the rights of the child -

"States Parties recognize the right of the child to rest and leisure, to engage in play and recreational activities appropriate to the age of the child and to participate freely in cultural life and the arts"

Now - we can argue whether children have the right act in a way appropriate to their age in the context of a 'posh' restaurant. Although I wouldnt care less if a kid was being a kid while I was eating a meal, you could argue that that environment isn't very child friendly (especially with the likes of you there), so it would be better for the child to be somewhere more accepting. But the whole tone of this 'children have to behave in order to be acceptable to society' is revolting.

I say it often in threads like this.... It is deeply unsurprising that generations of children grow up to resent the adults that surrounded them in childhood. It is also deeply unsurprising that generations of children grow up emotionally stunted. Of course they do - this idea that children have to assimilate in order to be accepted is deeply child unfriendly and hostile to appropriate child development.

Why do some posters on threads like this always have stupidly extreme and defensive reactions?
No-one wants to eat a meal in dead silence, nor do they want to eat a meal wth children (and adults) making raucous noises or children running and crawling around.

For DD's birthday/graduation meal we went to a michelin starred restaurant. On the FAQ page this is what they have written with regard to allowing children:

We are sorry, but given the time it takes and style of food we don’t feel that our restaurant is suitable for young children. We therefore don’t allow babies, infants or children under 10 in the restaurant.

Quite frankly, I don't care who else in in the same restaurant as me as long as they behave and don't screech.

@Penguin92
I would expect the manager to have a quiet but very firm word, explaining that other diners are being impacted by their kids behaviour, and that they need to get control of it or have their food boxed to go.

YANBU and I have a 1 year old and a 4 year old. There's a time and place for everything. I take my kids to places like Pizza Express to learn to eat nicely and hopefully in a few years we will be able to take them to places which 'welcome well behaved children'. But for now, those words are a big fat warning to steer clear because it's sets an expectation.

And if I were dining in such a place, I WOULD expect the restaurant to reinforce it.

But equally, if they don't specify anything, they can't do anything. Just because somewhere is expensive, that alone doesn't mean children might be frowned upon for misbehaving.

But they don't 'Need' to do anything. It's their restaurant and if they want to accept children, they don't need to make anyone aware of anything. If they dont find their business is doing well, then they can change their rules at their own leisure. Customers don't get to demand a restaurant works the way that customer wants it to.

Perhaps the reason this family chose this restaurant is because they are far more accommodating to children than others.

I would expect them to not allow children to crawl around the window sills. I would also expect them to discreetly indicate to the parents that the level of noise was becoming an issue. And I would certainly expect them to ask customers who are causing disruption to modify their behaviour or leave.
Customers are paying for the ambience as well as the food.

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea I wonder how much of the restaurants custom consists of families with small noisy DCs - at £30 for some prawns, not many I expect.
Fair enough if the restaurant prefers to be welcoming to the minority rather than their core customers. They've already lost the OP's tables dessert and wine income and probably a whole bunch of repeat custom.
I expect mid range Italian restaurants for example to have a bit of noise early evening. Why would a family even want to take small DCs to a posh expensive restaurant at that age ?