Re children in restaurant

[Arbesque]

Four of us booked a table in an expensive restaurant last night for 7.30.
About 10 minutes after we'd sat down a couple came in pushing a buggy and with 2 other children in tow. They were seated at the table beside us.
One child kept bashing his spoon off the table, another kept crawling along the wide windowsill so that he was right behind my head, and the baby was kept amused by the father playing peek a boo while she screamed excitedly. This went on and on.

We asked to be moved to another table. There were none available.Then the baby started crying loudly and the toddler got tired and cranky and joined the wailing.

We left without dessert and complained on the way out. They knocked the price of a bottle of wine off our bill.

AIBU to think expensive restaurants, charging a fortune, should have a policy for dealing with situations like this?

We paid a lot of money for a meal we couldn't enjoy.

For instance if I was shouting and yelling into my phone the manager would be perfectly in order asking me to lower my voice or take my call outside. If I refused to do either he would be right to box up my food and ask me to leave.

Very well explained .
The Voice of Experience .

I am slightly tired of the Brit Bashing . The fact so many of you are also Brits who Bash is disturbing .!

I think restaurants are generally really bad at asking anyone who is behaving badly to modify their behaviour, children and adults alike. But agree that it would be better if rowdy tables were first asked to calm down and if they continued to cause a nuisance, to leave. I wouldn’t expect a child to be crawling near my table even in a family friendly restaurant.

PS @Thatswhyimacat

I love Spain .

Out of all the Holiday Destinations I have been in Europe Spain is my favourite
We used to holiday in North East Spain (Roses and Empuriabrava) but I have also been to Benidorm and to Majorca. All a very long time ago now .

Why would a family even want to take small DCs to a posh expensive restaurant at that age ?

Perhaps because they like it? I took mine to a Michelin starred restaurant when they were four, two and a baby (at lunchtime) and they loved it. The older two asked to go back and even now they are older it’s a favourite. Some children enjoy food too.

I once went to a nice restaurant only to have a children's party of 10 boys (9 or 10) sit on the next table. The were noisy and kept making comments about me and giggling. Annoying but just one of those things (although makes an amusing story years later). Sometimes annoying things happen in life and there isn't anything to do about it.

Was there no adult with them?

But isn't that exactly the thing here, a restaurant aimed at families at 4/5pm is not really the best place for hen or stag does. The behaviour is unlikely to be appropriate. Likewise an expensive restaurant at 7.30 pm is unlikely to be the best place for a young family. It's about being considerate for everyone not just about what suits you personally.

One thing that I find happens in this country is that things that are "family friendly" are seen as "for children", rather than "for everyone including children". Other countries may not see it like that - so you get a society in which all can participate but there are behavioural standards which are expected to be practised. Here, because everything things that are "family friendly" are seen as for children and so anything they want to do goes, you end up with places pitching to the lowest common denominator, behaviour-wise. That breeds resentment and people wanting adult spaces where they can guarantee that they won't have to put up with children full stop. Whereas, if "family friendly" were seen as for everyone and certain standards need to be met to make it enjoyable for us all, you wouldn't have that push for separation of adults and kids.

I say this having just returned from walking to my local coffee shop. It's family friendly insofar as it does child versions of drinks, so what happens is that it's overrun by parents who want coffee and don't want to parent. It was like a soft play in there. It isn't for children - it's a space for all to come together, to read, to work, to relax, to have coffee, and yes, for children too, but not for children to run around, climb on the furniture, and scream. There were adults arriving who took one look at it and took their orders to go, and that's the problem. A family friendly space becomes a "for children" space, and that makes anyone but the children and their parents very unwelcome.

You’re not a baby or a toddler though are you?

YABU. Children are people too. They are obviously allowed in restaurants and they are noisy. This sort of attitude is incredibly entitled.

Well said @rainbowmilk

I agree with you 😆.

My DD is 5 now and we can actually go for a civilised meal out, but as a toddler I would rather stick hot pins in my eyes.

We did take her to Frankie and Bennies and the like that didn't feel as pressured and show her the ropes of eating out, but taking toddlers to a grown up kind of place is so stressful.
They just get so bored, can't sit still, mine had the attention span of a goldfish at 3 and would get pissed off with a colouring book within 30 seconds and wanted to be up and off.

I just didn't enjoy it, so we stuck with the more child friendly places until she could understand better what the "eating out" rules were.

Fine with a newborn because she would just sleep, but there's that weird period between 8 months and 4-5 where they can be feral at times and no amount of iPad/cajoling will fix, and you can just end up doing laps of the place trying to entertain them.

So I played it safe because I just couldn't deal.

Fair play to parents who have the patience for entertaining a 3 year old through a formal 3 course dinner. Not for me.

YABU.

If you wanted “peace” you should eat at home. You can’t expect peace and quiet in a restaurant. Even if it’s “expensive” that doesn’t mean shit.

Don’t expect peace in a restaurant where there’s people out enjoying themselves, celebrating various occasions. People talk, some are loud. Babies and kids make noise. Go to a restaurant that has a strictly “No under 18’s” policy in future.

I’d love to be sat next to you!……

...not.

Why can't you expect peace and an acceptable level of noise in an expensive restaurant in the evening?

If you wanted “peace” you should eat at home. You can’t expect peace and quiet in a restaurant. Even if it’s “expensive” that doesn’t mean shit.

Don’t expect peace in a restaurant where there’s people out enjoying themselves, celebrating various occasions. People talk, some are loud. Babies and kids make noise. Go to a restaurant that has a strictly “No under 18’s” policy in future.

Different restaurants gear themselves towards different vibes/atmospheres and it is up to the couple/group/family to show a bit of common sense as to whether the venue is a suitable place that can accommodate their needs and expectations without impacting on others, a point has been laboured on this thread. Going to Pizza Express with a hot date on a Saturday lunchtime where there is a good chance they are hosting a kids birthday party is probably not a very good idea. Taking half a dozen kids to a high end romantic restaurant that promotes a more refined chilled atmosphere is probably not a very good idea either. It is really not hard to figure this out yet some on here persist on be deliberately thick.

How are kids expected to know how to behave in restaurants if they never get taken to one?

You teach them at home first, then you see how the cope in a restaurant.

I 100 per cent agree with this.

Child friendly means that there are changing facilities, a children's menu, high chairs, maybe crayons and colouring sheets on offer.

It does not mean that children rule and everyone has to work around them while their heedless parents let them run around, shout, scream, bang stuff off the table and wander where they like regardless of disturbance to other customers.

Nor does it mean the staff will act as babysitters, making sure toddlers don't wander out the door or into the kitchen or end up with hot dishes being spilled all over them.

But a certain breed of very entitled parent seems to think it means all those things, and is then offended and bewildered when people complain about badly behaved children in restaurants.

Aren't you charming?

There's a difference between allowing children to be children and allowing them to crawl around other diners and slam cutlery on the table. Would you really be happy with some kid crawling round behind your head while you were trying to eat?

YABU. Children are people too. They are obviously allowed in restaurants and they are noisy. This sort of attitude is incredibly entitled.

Children are people that are learning how to behave in the world. The only entitled ones here are the parents who think everyone should be enthralled by their little darlings and put up with bad behaviour.

Aww. I bet your children are just as adorable as you 😍 Your screaming noisy entitled family would be an absolute joy to sit next to in a restaurant.

ODFOD