Feel a bit shakey after ds 10s behaviour

[BearGryllsDad]

For reasons I won't go into I had to take the DCs into town with me to do some exercise. Afterward I took them into M and S as I wanted to check out the sale and get the kids a meal in the cafe (kids eat free, or one does anyway). I have never heard so much moaning and playing up as this from ds who is 10 nearly 11. At one point he was crying because he finished his food and leave even though I still had food on my plate and my drink. His little brother was happily entertaining himself, but ds was making a scene to the extent some people were noticing.

Then whilst I had a quick look arousnd the sale items, mum, mum, mum I want to go. Mum, mum, mum. You said one shop. And on and on he went. I told him to give me five minutes, but he couldn't. At one point he lay on the floor feigning something. He started winding up his younger brother calling him a weirdo and sniggering at him. Pointing out pink t shirts and saying they were for him. In the end I told him to stop as he was being infuriating. I didn't loose my temper and kept it together. But I am sitting at home feeling an angry, shakey mess. I've even had a few tears. I often feels like he tries to control things and play up if we have to run errands or so something that is not centered around him. As soon as he gets home he plugs into YouTube and that may be part of the problem. I know m and s is boring but should he be able to tolerate 30 minutes of boredom at his age without making such an embarrassing scene?

For goodness sake @Pumperthepumper

When I was 10 we used to drive 50 minutes each way to the nearest shopping centre. Walk up and down and spend several hours shopping - which being ND and hating busy places I hated - but neither myself nor my siblings ever threw ourselves on the floor! We knew how to behave and that there would be consequences if we didn't. I was bored stiff half the time as I have no interest in shopping but it had to be done.

And no we didn't expect a reward for doing so either. Most of the time we didn't even go anywhere like m&s cafe either. Mum would bring us a bottle of water to share and we ate when we got home.
Kids absolutely have to learn how to behave when bored and that the world does not revolve around them!

This.

Maybe I don’t get it because I’m dealing with daily major meltdowns from a 3 year old mini psycho but his behaviour doesn’t sound THAT bad?

Mystery exercise was an aerobics class. Son was playing games during that time on my phone.

So day went

Aerobics
Lunch
Looked around 1 shop (m and s) with promise of trip to a football field on way home.

Gosh I'm such a cruel mum I didn't immediately feed him McDonald's to compensate the emotional turmoil 🤣🙄

I'm just saying that I would have broken up the day halfway through rather than expecting two primary-aged kids to follow mum around for almost four hours before getting the "benefit" of football afterwards.

The day just sounds incredibly boring and it clearly didn't work for OP to drag her kids along, otherwise she wouldn't have ended up in tears.

So, I guess I just don't see what's so outrageous about suggesting that she does things differently next time to prevent everyone ending up stressed and miserable.

So an hour of screen time before the café and shops?

Who was watching the 6yo?

I don’t think you’re a bad mum but I also don’t think he’s a bad kid, and you seem to want people to think there’s nothing you could have done differently, and he’s just out of control.

Who was watching the 6yo?

He was with me but good as gold the whole time.

In the aerobics class you mean?

OP ignore the idiots saying it want a child centred day. What parent can plan every single day as a child-centred one?! Don’t they have jobs to get done, errands to run? Also that kind of lifestyle would just breed entitled brats.

YADNBU thinking that a 10 year old should be able to behave in a cafe and a shop trip. I know you’re knackered but coming down hard on each little thing (or not so little thing) will reap dividends in future when you can trust him to behave.

tomorrow, sit him down and say you’ve been thinking about how terribly he behaved today and you’ve put it down to his YouTube watching, so from now on the default is that he is banned. But he can earn back 30 mins slots based on good behaviour. One whole good day equals 30 mins the following day. Then follow through. He will throw a tantrum as he obviously won’t like it but every tantrum he thrones just means another day of YouTube lost. He’ll soon buckle up his ideas.

good luck OP and make sure you get a hold of this before the teenage years hit and it gets much worse. Are you with the boy’s father? If so, make sure he’s on board too.

Sorry for typos!

I’d have a strop if I was dragged around an M and S sale on my holiday and I’m 45

Honestly don't underestimate the impact of YT. My previously darling, sweet, kind, well behaved DN is now frankly the opposite. She demands, lies (tries to frame younger friends and relatives for things she has done), isn't kind to her friends, is obsessed with being liked/popular , having the right toys, bag, clothes, she also has the faux transatlantic drawl. She's seven and basically mainlines YT every minute she can. TV in her bedroom, iPad, even at the dinner table/restaurants. Things like Ryan's world and children unboxing and then rudely dismissing mounds of plastic tat. My brother thinks I'm harsh for refusing to let DS watch it. He has said to me he doesn't know why she's turning into "a brat" his words. It's not my place to say, but he knows my reasoning for not allowing it in my house.

More to the point, why's he getting away with being a dick to your youngest?

I found going about clothes shops with my mum INSANELY boring, but my older brother was also dragged along and was occasionally fun to piss about with. Making faces in the mirrors, hiding from each other in the clothes rails, or racing to find The Chair.

I can't imagine my mum letting him be a turd to me the entire time... obviously he was sometimes, but mostly I remember we kept each other entertained.

Do they have much quality time together? Away from screens, where they can really learn to play properly together and keep each other entertained? Parks, camping, beaches...?

The problem with screens is that it's a one player game, IYKWIM.

Kids have to suck up doing stuff they don’t want to sometimes - just like adults have to. It doesn’t mean they (or indeed, we), have to enjoy it. The difference is that as adults, we understand sometimes you have to just get on with it. Kids are still learning that the world doesn’t revolve around them all the time, and how to regulate their behaviour.

Mine are 10 & 12, and any dickhead behaviour, results in a screen ban, for between a day to a month, depending on the severity of the offence. The first few times I used it, they didn’t believe I’d see it through. They’ve realised now I absolutely will and do, screen ban means no phone, no gaming, no iPad. They can watch TV, but no YouTube etc on streaming. I’m not especially strict about screens generally, but they know now if I threaten and they persist, screens will go. It works OP, you’ll get some horrific tantrums the first few times, but it’s worth it!

Exactly.

Are you a single mum? If not, I think while his behaviour was awful you're completely bonkers to try and have that day with two primary age kids in tow. I mean how is any of that going to be in any way pleasant even for you? Exercise class spending the whole time hoping they'll behave themselves (where actually were they while you were in the class? Actually in the room? Left in the car? Cafe? Sounds very weird to me, I've never known anyone try and attend an exercise class with their kids - if I were in that class I'd be bloody peeved having to jump around with someone's sniggering sons watching me!). Lunch having to find stuff they'll eat and paying over the odds. Browsing the sale - who wants to do that with spectators? And yeah super boring for kids of any age. And what if you want to try something on? Are you going to drag them into the ladies changing room too??

Seriously, why not just wait until their dad has got them to have what basically sounds like a pampering day for yourself - nothing wrong with that but it won't be enjoyable for anyone else to be watching, and it won't be enjoyable for you if you can't actually focus on enjoying yourself!

Seriously, why not just wait until their dad has got them to have what basically sounds like a pampering day for yourself - nothing wrong with that but it won't be enjoyable for anyone else to be watching, and it won't be enjoyable for you if you can't actually focus on enjoying yourself!

Hardly a pampering day 🤣. They're dad was not available which I only found out en route to the class. It worked out fine. They sat in the corner as good as gold. It was after that things got difficult!

Their even

He sounds like a normal 10 yr old to me. I have a great 10 yr old and a great 8 yr old. But sometimes either one of them can act up a bit if they are tired, over-sugared and bored. Move on. It's fine.

It is - so small steps with lots of praise and rewards. Like, ‘today we have to go to the post office and Asda. After that we’ll do X’.

That's perfect for a 3 year old. He's 10!!

He shod be able to cope with a 40 minute class, a nice lunch and as OP says herself 30 minutes sale browsing. Without a tantrum. It's hardly an entire day of errands as some are trying to stretch it to. He was being a pain to get back to his screen fix.

Ps. I've never made my kids sit and watch me do an exercise class. If I absolutely had to, I'd make sure that afterwards we did stuff to treat them (eg. I'd have to watch them or at least be present while they did a climbing wall or played computers for 30 minutes, or I'd treat them to an ice cream as a thank you for waiting for me for so long and being good the whole time)

I hope you’ve got something useful from this thread OP, but frankly, it just reinforces why I would never, in a million years come on here for advice about anything.

Too many people haven’t got the first clue what they’re talking about, and the sensible, common sense voices get completely drowned out by the absolute tut.

And you’re left feeling shit about your own parenting. Lose-lose.

for you OP.

But he can’t. And I’d rather do it my way than have a 10 year old on the floor like the OP did.

It's school holidays. He's 10. He's probably knackered and hot and doesn't want to spend all day tagging along for his mum to do her stuff. Couldn't you leave him at home for the exercise class and collect him for lunch? Or vice versa?

I know you said he was fine at the class and naughty after - but it's a cumulative effect OP. I'd be bored silly watching someone else doing an exercise class, trailing round after them for lunch I didn't want, then tagging along while they pick clothes.