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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with DP because he didn't order me a pizza?

408 replies

PinkStarAtNight · 21/08/2022 03:26

DP and I weren't planning to see each other this weekend as we just spent a week together and he left to go home earlier this week, so we were going to see each other next weekend.

However, DP arranged a night out with his friends to watch the boxing match (his friends live close to where I live so they often go out in a town that's a lot closer to my house than his own) and subsequently realised that the trains were striking. He said he could get out to the town he was meeting his mates in by bus, but asked me if he could crash at mine tonight after the night out, as my house is in walking distance from the town whereas to get back to his own house without a train would take ages.

I agreed to him staying here. We talked on the phone before he went out and he said he was planning on getting a takeaway pizza on way home. I said I really fancied a pizza and he said he would get me one too. I told him what I wanted and asked him to get potato wedges, garlic dip etc...I was really looking forward to it. I thought it would be really nice when he arrived for us to have pizza together and chill out. I didn't eat much all evening, in expectation of the pizza.

Anyway, at about 11:30 I felt quite tired so laid down, and actually ended up falling asleep. I was woken up at 3am when DP arrived back from night out. He came in and didn't have any pizza with him so I said 'where's the pizza?' He said 'oh, well I've ordered myself one, its on its way.' I said 'what about mine?' He said 'well I called you to see if you were awake and you didn't answer so I assumed you were asleep and didn't get you one.'

I'm actually really pissed off. It was a firm agreement that he was bringing back pizza for both of us, he knew I was excited about it, I had given him my order of what I wanted...even though I was asleep and didn't answer, AIBU to expect him get me a pizza anyway, thinking I probably would wake up, be hungry and want the pizza I was promised, like I have done!? Or am I being pathetic to be so pissed off with him?

He's now downstairs enjoying his pizza that arrived two mins ago while I lay on my bed hungry and annoyed!

OP posts:
cushioncovers · 21/08/2022 10:32

He called to see if you still wanted food because it was late. You didn't answer so he made a decision. Stop being childish op.

Glitteratitar · 21/08/2022 10:36

I think we’re missing some key information OP.

How old are you?

Are you capable of sorting out dinner on your own?

There must be some other background information to justify how unreasonable and childish you’re being.

CecilyP · 21/08/2022 10:41

The poster who A/S OP pointed out she was overweight. Someone else used the term 'overeater'. Posters who get their knickers in a twist with regimented rules about what they can eat and when, and apply those rules to strangers on the internet are the ones with issues around eating.

Surely that’s the whole point of AIBU; we use our own perspectives to comment on complete strangers’ dilemmas.

glamourousindierockandroll · 21/08/2022 10:44

I'd have been more annoyed at him coming in at 3am when we had made plans to have a takeaway together. He should have come home earlier or, at the very least, let you know he was going to be late and given you the opportunity to order a pizza for yourself.

I wouldn't have wanted woken at 3am for pizza, but I'd have had it cold the next day, I guess.

ThinWomansBrain · 21/08/2022 10:45

I'd be annoyed if someone woke me getting in at 3am
I'd be furious if they greeted me with a greasy pizza at that time of the morning.

Maybe in BFs position I'd have ordered something without meat so it was shareable in case you did weirdly wake up and want some..
Don't often eat pizza, have a sudden yearning for a prawn pizza though.

Mangogogogo · 21/08/2022 10:45

I think both of you were a bit silly to expect him to be bringing a full pizza plus sides sitch home after the boxing.

but I’d still be annoyed cos I’m fat and I want fucking pizza

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/08/2022 10:46

I can’t see why he didn’t just order you one once he got there?

Tbh I wouldn’t want a boyfriend “crashing” at mine after a night out that didn’t involve me. Kills the romance a bit! Certainly not if there wasn’t a firm time for him to arrive, reasonably sober, which it sounds like there wasn’t.

oceanbleu · 21/08/2022 10:46

Now I really want a pizza...

shazzybazzy34 · 21/08/2022 10:47

It was a firm agreement that he was bringing back pizza for both of us, he knew I was excited about it

This sounds a little more than just being a bit hungry when you woke up because you didn't eat much before bed. To be that excited about a pizza that you are talking about firm agreements etc and to be horrendously disappointed because you were not woken at 3am to eat a pizza and a load of sides is way over the top. Sounds a little more like a food addiction and if that IS the case, the disappointment would have been very real .

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 21/08/2022 10:48

YABU,he thought you were asleep. Just order yourself a pizza,and grab a slice of his while you are waiting.

shazzybazzy34 · 21/08/2022 10:48

glamourousindierockandroll · 21/08/2022 10:44

I'd have been more annoyed at him coming in at 3am when we had made plans to have a takeaway together. He should have come home earlier or, at the very least, let you know he was going to be late and given you the opportunity to order a pizza for yourself.

I wouldn't have wanted woken at 3am for pizza, but I'd have had it cold the next day, I guess.

He was going out for the boxing, it didn't start till 11! OP knew this.

DinaofCloud9 · 21/08/2022 10:52

I'm a greedy cow but even I wouldn't want to be woken up at 3am to eat pizza and wedges.

I don't think he did anything wrong. He probably thought you'd be annoyed to be woken up.

Picklypickles · 21/08/2022 10:53

YANBU. I wouldn't have let him in without the pizza he promised. As for eating at 3am so fucking what? Not everybody keeps the same schedules, not everybody is a boring old fucker who has to be tucked up in bed wih a chamomile tea by 9pm every weekend. What's it to anyone else if the op wants to eat pizza at 3am!

mam0918 · 21/08/2022 10:54

Well my DH would phone back and order me one too if I was up.

I dont think either of you are in the wrong the way its happened its what happens now that would indicate whose wrong.

mam0918 · 21/08/2022 10:58

shazzybazzy34 · 21/08/2022 10:47

It was a firm agreement that he was bringing back pizza for both of us, he knew I was excited about it

This sounds a little more than just being a bit hungry when you woke up because you didn't eat much before bed. To be that excited about a pizza that you are talking about firm agreements etc and to be horrendously disappointed because you were not woken at 3am to eat a pizza and a load of sides is way over the top. Sounds a little more like a food addiction and if that IS the case, the disappointment would have been very real .

maybe OP didnt eat tea/supper in expectation?

maybe she has been dieting and this was her weekly treat?

maybe she has trauma surrounding food neglect as a child? (I do)

maybe she just really like pizza from there and its a treat she doesnt normally get?

Theres so many more plausible issues than food 'addiction'.

alwaysmovingforwards · 21/08/2022 11:01

Picklypickles · 21/08/2022 10:53

YANBU. I wouldn't have let him in without the pizza he promised. As for eating at 3am so fucking what? Not everybody keeps the same schedules, not everybody is a boring old fucker who has to be tucked up in bed wih a chamomile tea by 9pm every weekend. What's it to anyone else if the op wants to eat pizza at 3am!

I don't think anyone personally cares what the OP, you or anyone else actually does - as far as I'm concerned you can eat pizza 24hrs a day for all I care.

People are giving their personal opinions about the situation as requested. It's called a discussion. I think that's how these modern online forums work.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 21/08/2022 11:05

CecilyP · 21/08/2022 09:35

Because unless you are on night shift or a very late night out, you are likely to be asleep at 3 am, as OP indeed was. A whole pizza with extra sides is a rather large meal to have for breakfast. Whereas 12 noon and 5 pm are early lunchtime and early teatime respectively.

Show quote history

But why is it too big for breakfast, why does breakfast have to be light? Who makes the rules that large meals are only suitable after mid day?
Why can't the light meal be at evening time?

I just find these regimented ideas about food so weird.

SalmonEile · 21/08/2022 11:05

Longdistance · 21/08/2022 09:37

YABU. 3am us a ridiculous time to have dinner at. He did check to see if you still wanted it, so I get his point. You’re now hangry.

Ok but if 3am is a ridiculous time then the DP shouldn’t have bought himself a pizza either surely?

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 21/08/2022 11:07

This is very odd. He phoned you to ask if you wanted pizza and you didn't answer because you were asleep, which he correctly presumed. In his situation I too would have decided not to bring pizza back at 3am for someone who has been home all night and was most likely asleep as far as i knew. Seriously though, waking up at 3am to eat pizza isn't healthy at all. Maybe next time don't let him stay at yours or just don't agree on him bringing food back for you after his night out.

CecilyP · 21/08/2022 11:08

glamourousindierockandroll · 21/08/2022 10:44

I'd have been more annoyed at him coming in at 3am when we had made plans to have a takeaway together. He should have come home earlier or, at the very least, let you know he was going to be late and given you the opportunity to order a pizza for yourself.

I wouldn't have wanted woken at 3am for pizza, but I'd have had it cold the next day, I guess.

No, if you are watching the boxing you watch till the match is over. Otherwise what’s the point? If there’d been a KO in the first round OP would have hot her pizza at a reasonable. If the match was won on points, it was always going to be a late night.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 21/08/2022 11:08

People are giving their personal opinions about the situation as requested. It's called a discussion. I think that's how these modern online forums work.

It's not a discussion, there is a contingent on here that gets their kicks from shaming posters, there is a difference between 'I wouldn't eat a pizza at that time' and 'you greedy over eater, scoffing and slurping greasy lumps of food, look I've calorie counted it all for you you lazy fat pig'

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 21/08/2022 11:10

Seriously though, waking up at 3am to eat pizza isn't healthy at all.

Why, why is it OK at 8pm/11pm but not at 3am?

shazzybazzy34 · 21/08/2022 11:10

mam0918 · 21/08/2022 10:58

maybe OP didnt eat tea/supper in expectation?

maybe she has been dieting and this was her weekly treat?

maybe she has trauma surrounding food neglect as a child? (I do)

maybe she just really like pizza from there and its a treat she doesnt normally get?

Theres so many more plausible issues than food 'addiction'.

Show quote history

Lots of plausible issues that all boil down to be absolutely bitterly disappointed that they were not woken up at 3am to eat the "firm agreement" Pizza.

Plus it wasn't just pizza, it was sides, dips etc.

If you had a food addiction and you were looking forward to that all night you would be gutted when it did not materlialise. Most people would not want to be woken up to eat a huge feast like that at 3am. So the point I'm trying to make is that her disappointment would be huge if that were the case.

PeloAddict · 21/08/2022 11:13

I probably would have checked what time he was planning to be home
And if he said 3am then agreed he got me the pizza and woke me/left it on the side then yes I would have been annoyed he didn't bring it
If he was meant to be home earlier then I wouldn't have been fussed

But then on a weekend if someone woke me at 3am with pizza I would be fine fucking love pizza

Picklypickles · 21/08/2022 11:13

If my partner asked me for pizza and I had said that I would get him pizza - I would get him the pizza he asked for! I would not take it upon myself to decide for him that he must have changed his mind because he didn't answer the phone! Or that he couldn't possibly want pizza at 3am or when he woke up in the morning.

Why was the ops dp even phoning her if they'd already had the discussion and she'd told him exactly what she wanted?

They had already made an arrangement and he went back on it, I'd have gone back on my agreement to him staying over at that point too the selfish bastard!