How to ensure my son won't won't bullied in secondary school?

[thelongconmom]

I was badly bullied at secondary and hated it with a passion. it was similar to will from the inbetweeners where everyone called him "briefcase wanker" and even his mates didn't seem to like him that much but he was stuck with them. Well that was me and it was terrible.

I don't really know what started it, but once you are othered it sticks. Even people i didn't know or have classes with or recognise would 'know' me.
And trip me up, call me names, pull my clothes, rip my tights, pour drinks on me, lock me in the toilet stalls. there was no respite for the whole 5 years.

I really don't want my son to have to go through tthat.But how do I prevent it?
Is it a simple case of following trends and buying Nike shoes?
Im not really one for following trends but I'm willing to jump on any band wagon to ensure he fits in.

When should he invite friends round? do you still have birthday parties? What about sleepovers? I just don't know what's expected as my experience was wildly different from the norm.

Any advice appreciated.

@Bejeweled

This thread isn't about bullies

It's about how to prevent being bullied

Fitting in and not being weird is the way to do that

Pretty simple concept

If he is moving there with his friends from primary then he will be fine. Most kids are ok once they have found their tribe.

The best way to avoid bullies is to not give them the opportunity to do it. He needs to to stay out of place where it is easier for them to get away with it. So, for example - at break and lunch time be where other people are, not on the edges of the school field. Stay out of their territory. If he feels like he needs suppot tell him to join in school clubs at lunchtime, hang out in the library, stay close to where the staff are.

I worried about my own children in secondary but they were fine. As long as he has his friends with him and his wits about him he will be fine. Try not to worry. Make sure he knows he can always talk to you. He will soon get a feel for the school and know which teachers he can confide in if he needs to.

Yeah sorry but what's wrong with you? Everyone who is bullied invites it

Excuse me?

@Bejeweled

Nope

Maybe you could go back to school and work on your reading comprehension though.

I said in my experience those who were prolifically bullied were weird children who didn't help themselves

Not all children who are bullied bring it on themselves.

My best friend was bullied for merely starting her period a bit late. But that was seasonal bullying and they moved onto the next victim a week later.

Not about bullies? Keep your anecdotes and judgements to yourself then.

Op came asking for advice. How does calling children weird help anyone?

@Johnnysgirl was missing a question mark! Agreeing with you there.

Sorry!

@Bejeweled

And that was my advice

Teach her child to fit in and not stand out

Those that do risk being picked on

Very few can stand out and pull it off with confidence unfortunately

I never knew of one child in secondary who was seriously bullied that didn't somewhat bring it on themselves.

Thinking back to my school years - many decades ago - this is correct. The boy who was most bullied in my class would egg on the other boys, then when they snapped he would run home crying to his mother. He never learned.

Most people were the target of some sort of bullying in those days, but I don't recall anything really serious. We just sucked it up, didn't show it affected us, and it usually stopped.

At the risk of deletion for personal attacks... You sound remarkably weird yourself, TypeMite
You really have no idea how badly you're coming across.

Yes. But most of us bar you get that it's sad and shouldn't be the case.

I remember a boy being bullied daily. Even by my friends. His crime was rubbing his hands together too much when he was laughing! One girl had short hair so you can guess what she was called!

I'm not saying I was innocent but at 40 I can see how unkind I was! You don't seem to see that.

AHH! My DS has ASD and is exactly that, the loner who doesn't fit in. Had been fine at primary as he has a lovely peer group but I am absolutely terrified that he is going to get ripped apart at secondary! I feel like I'm pushing him off a cliff!

@Sometimeswinning

Please point out where I said bullying is fine and should be accepted?

Bullying is awful, obviously

However there are usually ways to prevent being victimized by trying to fit in. The OPs entire thread is about how to prevent bullying. It's definitely possible.

Unfortunately for some children they don't 'get' it

Fucking hell - please read back what you have written. And seriously think about this.

"I never knew of one child in secondary who was seriously bullied that didn't somewhat bring it on themselves." Under this reasoning you must believe you brought on the "miscarriage" wish upon yourself too?

Do you really have no empathy/consideration/humanity/kindness for the "weird" kids? Who maybe had a troubled home life? An illness? Disabilty/SEN/MH issue? Or were just amazingly unique and quirky? Can you not see that being weird/quirky/nerdy - what ever one-dimensional word is used to label a unique and worthy human being - does not in any way mean that person "deserves" to be bullied.

MN can be viscious and mean sometimes - but I really think you attitude and what you have written is actually the worst thing I have ever seen on here. Fucking hell.

He needs to be confident and have boundaries, know what he is and isn't willing to accept. As harsh as it sounds people are less likely to pick on someone they think will stand up for themselves than someone that they feel is weak and can easily make a mockery out of.

It’s strange there are grown adults on here claim weird children don't exist.

No-one is claiming anything like that.

You otoh are justifying odd DC most likely ND DC being bullied because they're different.

They gave the bullies a reason according to your post.

Do you really have no empathy/consideration/humanity/kindness for the "weird" kids? Who maybe had a troubled home life? An illness? Disabilty/SEN/MH issue? Or were just amazingly unique and quirky?

This. Plus people get mocked for things they have no control over/can't change/shouldn't have to

Race, acne, weight, height, poverty, illness, disability, sexuality, having few friends, body type, if you've been pressured into something and not you're a 'slut', speech...

So how is 'don't be weird' helpful? It's not just 'a little bit of bullying'. Bullies might stop. Or they might not if they have lots of friends and no consequences.

You sneered at the girl making wolf noises as a response to being bullied, implying that it showed the bullying was deserved
And I am not a victim of bullying either. Your bizarre "ooh, sensitive! You must have been bullied yourself" barb is just pathetic.

@PantyMcPantFace

How is a one off nasty comment bullying?

I did nothing but help that girl, took punches for her, was picked on for trying to help. Then a few years down the line I start dating someone she never spoke to and was told she hoped I miscarried an imaginary baby?

Nah, anyone defending that needs to sort themselves out

And yes children can be wonderfully quirky, but unfortunately some veer into being odd instead. Those two are still very odd to this day.

The fact there are adults on here who genuinely believe weird children don't exist baffles me.

@Johnnysgirl

Didn't sneer

Eye rolled and thought 'Grace is at it again'

Then moved on to lunch

Some children never learn.

My son isn't being bullied but there is a lot of name calling.

he gets called short.. I tell him to respond 'yeah I am short, big deal' or similar and walk off

id also pull my kids out straight away if they were being bullied

They quite clearly are

Some are saying they're not weird just quirky

Nah

I meant in your post I certainly wasn't telling you what you did at the time, I wasn't there...