Page 6 | Please help. Separation, unmarried he owns house and we have kids

mosel · 2022-08-20T11:51:22+00:00

Posting here for traffic We have two kids, we need to split, he owns the house. Do I have any rights to stay at the property? I am main cater and we've lived here for the childrens whole lives

Scepticalwotsits · 20/08/2022 17:05

RunningSME · 20/08/2022 15:35

I am so glad that this message is starting to filter through to women. If it’s an option for them to take paternity leave, if it’s an option for them to do equal parenting then it’s an option for them to pull their weight on a permanent basis too. He’s in the stronger financial position let him crack on.

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Completely agree. Also thing they shoul do what Finland or Norway did where they gave I think 2 years of parental leave to be spli between the partners with the men having to take 6 months of it. They also advise doing it 1 year each,

turns out by doing this the gender pay gap shrank to almost zero and the impact of being off work with a child fell equally on both so the wage gap became between parents and those without which is a far better place.

however on mn and in uk it’s seen that we live in a patriarchy so we cannot possibly give men more rights even if it would help women.

along with the rights comes responsibility, more men did childcare as they had to for a long period rather than a 2 week stint, in the UK and divorce rate actually lowered in part because both partners took more responsibility

averageavocado · 20/08/2022 17:11

mosel · 20/08/2022 12:53

He also has no legal right to the kids is that correct?

Are you in the UK?
Are they his children?
Is he on the birth certificate?
Is he a danger to them?

If you are not married he can kick you out. If you are unable to provide somewhere safe for the children to live, then he may be able to keep them with him.

Be very careful

bellac11 · 20/08/2022 17:14

I dont know why people have suddenly jumped on the idea posed above by the supposed lawyer above

OP hasnt indicated that her partners income is high enough to make this applicable.

No one has stated here that the father is not financially responsible for the children but that does not equate to the OP being permitted under law to stay in the property!

The children must be adequately provided for and housed but that doesnt equate to the OP forcing herself to remain in the property.

averageavocado · 20/08/2022 17:15

LemonTT · 20/08/2022 14:20

He does have responsibilities to house his children. This is set out in the children’s act. The OP can apply to the courts for a right to stay in the house if she can’t afford alternative suitable housing.

It is a different legal process than when you divorce that is all

OP seek advice on the Legal board where you will lawyers who can give you advice that is correct.

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The OP can apply to the courts for a right to stay in the house if she can’t afford alternative suitable housing.

Surely he can go for full custody instead of allowing her to stay

ZELLIEMCNELLIE · 20/08/2022 17:20

@bellac11 there are multiple reasons why a woman may stay in the house - including court ordered.

I am sorry the truth does your blood pressure in, you must have a very hard time getting through life on a day to day basis.

averageavocado · 20/08/2022 17:20

@TooTrusting

Could he say that he doesn't want her to live in the house any longer and he will be the primary carer?

Johnnysgirl · 20/08/2022 17:23

The OP can apply to the courts for a right to stay in the house if she can’t afford alternative suitable housing.

Surely he can go for full custody instead of allowing her to stay

Of course.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 20/08/2022 17:23

Lawyers make me laugh, I mean do you seriously think there is enough money here to bring a full court case/s with all attendant barristers and solicitors? If there was, Op would know about it. Ridiculous, the only outcome of that is all the equity in the house gone, and neither parent has a place to live. But just so long as legal fees get paid right. Never going to happen anyway, no lawyer in their right mind will take her on without the means to pay for the first case to compel him to pay for the rest. Justice is for the wealthy.

RunningSME · 20/08/2022 17:27

@ZELLIEMCNELLIE my personal experience even when married is the courts will not frankly give a shit where she or the children live as long as he gets a clean break. Which he doesn’t even have to adhere to because nobody is going to enforce it.

LittleBearPad · 20/08/2022 17:28

You could see the fees racking up point by point!

ReneBumsWombats · 20/08/2022 17:37

mosel · 20/08/2022 12:53

He also has no legal right to the kids is that correct?

Are you concerned because they aren't safe around him or are you thinking of weaponising them?

Agree with others, you need urgent legal advice. Is there a reason you aren't married?

I know people hate us saying it, but this is why we bang on so much about protecting yourself when you're a SAHM.

Kennykenkencat · 20/08/2022 17:40

tenbob · 20/08/2022 14:57

@RunningSME

The situation is ridiculous

He claims he will have them for his days during the holidays but then swans up at 10 or 11am to collect them, and sees nothing wrong with it, because that he said he would collect them in the morning and it is ‘still morning’

so BF has to either pay for holiday clubs starting at 9, so she can work (and he then refuses to contribute, because he was going to have them anyway) or she has to hope and pray he turns up early enough that she doesn’t get a bollocking for work

He knows what he is doing… she got sacked from a job during lockdown because she couldn’t physically do her job while trying to stop the DCs from killing themselves while unsupervised and he was gloating about it, but still wouldn’t help out any more

Sorry, this has derailed the thread but it’s beyond shit and she is over a barrel

i would say your friend needs to go back to court to get a time set in stone that he has them. Not just in the morning.
In the morning is not good enough. Any reason your friend can’t drop them at his house at 7am so she then has time to go to work.
If he doesn’t answer the door then they go to a holiday club and after a while as he isn’t going 50/50 it is back to court to claim CM.

Johnnysgirl · 20/08/2022 17:46

Kennykenkencat · 20/08/2022 17:40

i would say your friend needs to go back to court to get a time set in stone that he has them. Not just in the morning.
In the morning is not good enough. Any reason your friend can’t drop them at his house at 7am so she then has time to go to work.
If he doesn’t answer the door then they go to a holiday club and after a while as he isn’t going 50/50 it is back to court to claim CM.

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Yes, it's a bit wet just sitting there until 10 or 11am . No reason at all not to drop them over.

RunningSME · 20/08/2022 17:57

I drop them at his mothers at 7 o’clock in the morning or whoever is that he’s using for childcare if they gonna facilitate it they can bloody well deal with the consequences.

GettingItOutThere · 20/08/2022 18:35

apply to the council asap as homeless and they will house you but it takes time, apply for UC as a split up/single person (you can do this under the same roof as long as you are not together/separate rooms etc)

GuerlainHo · 20/08/2022 18:36

DogsAndGin · 20/08/2022 16:09

Why is it the man’s fault? It takes two to tango - women know full well how babies are made and have free access to contraceptives in the UK.

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How is what the poster said in ANY relation to what you have written?

Poster is talking marriage and your talking about contraception? 🤔

Hopeandlove · 20/08/2022 18:47

He has the right to stay in his house and make you leave. He can argue that the children can stay with him in the house for minimal disruption to their lives and offer you access.

You are unlikely to have any rights or part of the house and no claim on his pension and assets if unmarried.

prh47bridge · 20/08/2022 18:47

mosel · 20/08/2022 12:53

He also has no legal right to the kids is that correct?

No, that is not correct. They are his children too (at least, I presume that is the case since you say "we have two kids"). He doesn't have parental responsibility unless he was named on the birth certificate or you have entered into a parental responsibility agreement with him, but he will have no problem getting PR if he goes to court.

TooTrusting · 20/08/2022 18:47

averageavocado · 20/08/2022 17:20

@TooTrusting

Could he say that he doesn't want her to live in the house any longer and he will be the primary carer?

Residence and contact would be dealt with in separate proceedings (albeit also under the Children Act, S.8). In theory even a mother without primary residence still has a capital claim under Schedule 1 because she still has to house the DCs in "her" time. She wouldn't have a maintenance claim though without that CMS assessment.

She'd also still have any claims against the house (if any exist).

To whoever called me "the supposed lawyer" 😂(can't work out how to add a biscuit)

CactusBlossom · 20/08/2022 18:48

You need professional legal advice

toomuchlaundry · 20/08/2022 18:57

If there is a mortgage on the house and it is deemed that the OP can stay in the house, who would pay the mortgage, the DC's father? Does OP have to contribute anything? If the court says she can stay in the house can the father sell it, or does he have to wait until DC reach a certain age? If the mum then meets someone can they then move into the house?

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 20/08/2022 18:57

TooTrusting · 20/08/2022 18:47

Residence and contact would be dealt with in separate proceedings (albeit also under the Children Act, S.8). In theory even a mother without primary residence still has a capital claim under Schedule 1 because she still has to house the DCs in "her" time. She wouldn't have a maintenance claim though without that CMS assessment.

She'd also still have any claims against the house (if any exist).

To whoever called me "the supposed lawyer" 😂(can't work out how to add a biscuit)

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No she wouldn't ffs.

prh47bridge · 20/08/2022 19:04

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 20/08/2022 18:57

No she wouldn't ffs.

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OP clearly has a potential claim under Schedule 1 of the Children Act and/or TOLATA. She is in a worse position than she would be if they married, but those saying she has no rights at all are wrong.

Beautiful3 · 20/08/2022 19:10

No I don't believe you have any rights to the home. But he does have to pay you maintenence. If he is named on the children's birth certificates then, he does absolutely have rights to access.

prh47bridge · 20/08/2022 19:11

toomuchlaundry · 20/08/2022 18:57

If there is a mortgage on the house and it is deemed that the OP can stay in the house, who would pay the mortgage, the DC's father? Does OP have to contribute anything? If the court says she can stay in the house can the father sell it, or does he have to wait until DC reach a certain age? If the mum then meets someone can they then move into the house?

The father would continue to pay the mortgage. OP would not have to contribute anything. An order under Schedule 1 is for the benefit of the children so the father would not be able to sell the house until the children reached a certain age.