Page 2 | Please help. Separation, unmarried he owns house and we have kids

mosel · 2022-08-20T11:51:22+00:00

Posting here for traffic We have two kids, we need to split, he owns the house. Do I have any rights to stay at the property? I am main cater and we've lived here for the childrens whole lives

Unorthofox · 20/08/2022 13:13

No, if he owns the house and you're unmarried you have to legal right to stay in the house.

Unless he's abusive he certainly does have the right to see his children.

GuerlainHo · 20/08/2022 13:21

OP; I’m sorry this has happened to you but this Is a common rookie mistake a lot of women make and it’s so annoyingly sad.

Best thing you can do now is contact your local council/ Shelter to see if you can be placed on the housing register for social housing. Failing that; you can private rent and May be entitled to some help towards rental costs.

Going forward; don’t move in and play the wife role to any man that isn’t prepared to make you his actual wife. Certainly don’t put any man on your tenancy agreement either unless you are legally married in the eyes of UK law. Protect yourself!

prepared101 · 20/08/2022 13:25

Just reiterating other replies:

no, you don't have a legal right to stay
he is not legally obligated to support you in any way, just for CMA (if not 50:50 custody)
if he is the father and named on the BC he has as much parental rights/responsibility as you.

I don't understand why so many women leave themselves so unprotected.

cabbageking · 20/08/2022 13:39

Get some legal advice based on your situation.

You may be able to claim interest on the equity depending on any financial contribution. Get proper advice

Soontobe60 · 20/08/2022 13:41

mosel · 20/08/2022 12:53

He also has no legal right to the kids is that correct?

No it’s not correct. Even if he’s not on the birth certificates, he can easily go to court to have his name put on to give him parental responsibility. I assume he’s lived with them all their lives, so why wouldn’t he have responsibility?

HeartofTeFiti · 20/08/2022 13:45

@prepared101 because they fall in love, and make poor choices because they have no idea how those choices will bite them when things sour in the years ahead. When children come along that's often when things get difficult in a relationship (several years together with young kids is hard work and a financial strain; things are maybe getting a bit boring; the man misses his single life and doesnt pull his weight and becomes a misery to live with; the woman is desperate because financially she is at her most vulnerable with young kids).

OP you don't have a leg go stand on legally. If you are not being abused: patch things up with DH, persuade him to marry you fast, stick around for 5 years so it's not a short marriage, then split when the kids are older and you can afford to go back to work full time. Spend the 5 years making sure you are on top of the household finances; make him pay his share plus some and get yourself some savings. When you split make sure you get a good share in the divorce.

If you can't manage this then be careful when you split: tell him you'll gave the kids 100% so you get the max CMS and he can have occasional visitation eg every other weekend and one weeknight. Make him pay for everything you possibly can.

HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 20/08/2022 13:49

If you can't manage this then be careful when you split: tell him you'll gave the kids 100% so you get the max CMS and he can have occasional visitation eg every other weekend and one weeknight. Make him pay for everything you possibly can.

She can’t “tell” him what the custody split will be. They have equal rights and responsibilities to the DC.

This is why she needs legal advice.

Ana86 · 20/08/2022 13:50

OP - which country are you in?

Have you paid anything into the house? E.g. towards mortgage payments, cost of building work etc.

Johnnysgirl · 20/08/2022 13:52

HeartofTeFiti · 20/08/2022 13:45

@prepared101 because they fall in love, and make poor choices because they have no idea how those choices will bite them when things sour in the years ahead. When children come along that's often when things get difficult in a relationship (several years together with young kids is hard work and a financial strain; things are maybe getting a bit boring; the man misses his single life and doesnt pull his weight and becomes a misery to live with; the woman is desperate because financially she is at her most vulnerable with young kids).

OP you don't have a leg go stand on legally. If you are not being abused: patch things up with DH, persuade him to marry you fast, stick around for 5 years so it's not a short marriage, then split when the kids are older and you can afford to go back to work full time. Spend the 5 years making sure you are on top of the household finances; make him pay his share plus some and get yourself some savings. When you split make sure you get a good share in the divorce.

If you can't manage this then be careful when you split: tell him you'll gave the kids 100% so you get the max CMS and he can have occasional visitation eg every other weekend and one weeknight. Make him pay for everything you possibly can.

What a load of hooey
Their relationship is in tatters, why would he want to marry her? And she can't "tell" him where the kids will spend the majority of their time, he'll have a say in that too.

Hankunamatata · 20/08/2022 13:57

If he is on birth certificates he has legal rights to the children.

Bellyups · 20/08/2022 14:01

You have as much legal right to his house as you do over mine op.

You will get CMs, that’s it.

HangOnToYourself · 20/08/2022 14:04

HeartofTeFiti · 20/08/2022 13:45

@prepared101 because they fall in love, and make poor choices because they have no idea how those choices will bite them when things sour in the years ahead. When children come along that's often when things get difficult in a relationship (several years together with young kids is hard work and a financial strain; things are maybe getting a bit boring; the man misses his single life and doesnt pull his weight and becomes a misery to live with; the woman is desperate because financially she is at her most vulnerable with young kids).

OP you don't have a leg go stand on legally. If you are not being abused: patch things up with DH, persuade him to marry you fast, stick around for 5 years so it's not a short marriage, then split when the kids are older and you can afford to go back to work full time. Spend the 5 years making sure you are on top of the household finances; make him pay his share plus some and get yourself some savings. When you split make sure you get a good share in the divorce.

If you can't manage this then be careful when you split: tell him you'll gave the kids 100% so you get the max CMS and he can have occasional visitation eg every other weekend and one weeknight. Make him pay for everything you possibly can.

All of this is horrible advice. Also very underhand and unpleasant, you are assuming her DH has done something to deserve being taken for a ride like this?

OP have you made a financial contribution to the property? If so I would advise speaking to a solicitor.

Beansí · 20/08/2022 14:05

HeartofTeFiti · 20/08/2022 13:45

@prepared101 because they fall in love, and make poor choices because they have no idea how those choices will bite them when things sour in the years ahead. When children come along that's often when things get difficult in a relationship (several years together with young kids is hard work and a financial strain; things are maybe getting a bit boring; the man misses his single life and doesnt pull his weight and becomes a misery to live with; the woman is desperate because financially she is at her most vulnerable with young kids).

OP you don't have a leg go stand on legally. If you are not being abused: patch things up with DH, persuade him to marry you fast, stick around for 5 years so it's not a short marriage, then split when the kids are older and you can afford to go back to work full time. Spend the 5 years making sure you are on top of the household finances; make him pay his share plus some and get yourself some savings. When you split make sure you get a good share in the divorce.

If you can't manage this then be careful when you split: tell him you'll gave the kids 100% so you get the max CMS and he can have occasional visitation eg every other weekend and one weeknight. Make him pay for everything you possibly can.

I think this would be quite immoral - marrying someone under false pretences.

Sparklypant · 20/08/2022 14:05

Why would he have no legal right to the children is he not the father and not on the birth certificate?

if he is the father and in the birth certificate he has equal rights to you. No I’m sorry you’re not entitled to his house or to live in it. As an adult you are expected to house yourself and if you cannot then the council and Can help and you can also claim benefits.

Sparklypant · 20/08/2022 14:06

HeartofTeFiti · 20/08/2022 13:45

@prepared101 because they fall in love, and make poor choices because they have no idea how those choices will bite them when things sour in the years ahead. When children come along that's often when things get difficult in a relationship (several years together with young kids is hard work and a financial strain; things are maybe getting a bit boring; the man misses his single life and doesnt pull his weight and becomes a misery to live with; the woman is desperate because financially she is at her most vulnerable with young kids).

OP you don't have a leg go stand on legally. If you are not being abused: patch things up with DH, persuade him to marry you fast, stick around for 5 years so it's not a short marriage, then split when the kids are older and you can afford to go back to work full time. Spend the 5 years making sure you are on top of the household finances; make him pay his share plus some and get yourself some savings. When you split make sure you get a good share in the divorce.

If you can't manage this then be careful when you split: tell him you'll gave the kids 100% so you get the max CMS and he can have occasional visitation eg every other weekend and one weeknight. Make him pay for everything you possibly can.

What’s actually wrong with sone people?

GuerlainHo · 20/08/2022 14:07

HeartofTeFiti · 20/08/2022 13:45

@prepared101 because they fall in love, and make poor choices because they have no idea how those choices will bite them when things sour in the years ahead. When children come along that's often when things get difficult in a relationship (several years together with young kids is hard work and a financial strain; things are maybe getting a bit boring; the man misses his single life and doesnt pull his weight and becomes a misery to live with; the woman is desperate because financially she is at her most vulnerable with young kids).

OP you don't have a leg go stand on legally. If you are not being abused: patch things up with DH, persuade him to marry you fast, stick around for 5 years so it's not a short marriage, then split when the kids are older and you can afford to go back to work full time. Spend the 5 years making sure you are on top of the household finances; make him pay his share plus some and get yourself some savings. When you split make sure you get a good share in the divorce.

If you can't manage this then be careful when you split: tell him you'll gave the kids 100% so you get the max CMS and he can have occasional visitation eg every other weekend and one weeknight. Make him pay for everything you possibly can.

Worst comment I’ve read on here in a while.

Honestly 🤨

LIZS · 20/08/2022 14:07

So you mean legal responsibility rather than rights?

titchy · 20/08/2022 14:10

OP post in legal matters. There are family law solicitors who will be able to give you some basic legal information. There are circumstances where an unmarried partner can remain in the house where there are children, at least for a period of time (obvs as unmarried OP has no claim over ownership, but that's not what is being asked).

Scepticalwotsits · 20/08/2022 14:12

HeartofTeFiti · 20/08/2022 13:45

@prepared101 because they fall in love, and make poor choices because they have no idea how those choices will bite them when things sour in the years ahead. When children come along that's often when things get difficult in a relationship (several years together with young kids is hard work and a financial strain; things are maybe getting a bit boring; the man misses his single life and doesnt pull his weight and becomes a misery to live with; the woman is desperate because financially she is at her most vulnerable with young kids).

OP you don't have a leg go stand on legally. If you are not being abused: patch things up with DH, persuade him to marry you fast, stick around for 5 years so it's not a short marriage, then split when the kids are older and you can afford to go back to work full time. Spend the 5 years making sure you are on top of the household finances; make him pay his share plus some and get yourself some savings. When you split make sure you get a good share in the divorce.

If you can't manage this then be careful when you split: tell him you'll gave the kids 100% so you get the max CMS and he can have occasional visitation eg every other weekend and one weeknight. Make him pay for everything you possibly can.

That is the quickest way to lose PR to the kids. The father applies that his house is their residence, that they don’t need the stress and upheaval, that he owns the house and is financially secure, whereas the mother is what, couch serfing while looking for a place?

Thefruitbatdancer · 20/08/2022 14:14

married. legal differences between cohabitation & marriage

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/

Scepticalwotsits · 20/08/2022 14:14

HeartofTeFiti · 20/08/2022 13:45

@prepared101 because they fall in love, and make poor choices because they have no idea how those choices will bite them when things sour in the years ahead. When children come along that's often when things get difficult in a relationship (several years together with young kids is hard work and a financial strain; things are maybe getting a bit boring; the man misses his single life and doesnt pull his weight and becomes a misery to live with; the woman is desperate because financially she is at her most vulnerable with young kids).

OP you don't have a leg go stand on legally. If you are not being abused: patch things up with DH, persuade him to marry you fast, stick around for 5 years so it's not a short marriage, then split when the kids are older and you can afford to go back to work full time. Spend the 5 years making sure you are on top of the household finances; make him pay his share plus some and get yourself some savings. When you split make sure you get a good share in the divorce.

If you can't manage this then be careful when you split: tell him you'll gave the kids 100% so you get the max CMS and he can have occasional visitation eg every other weekend and one weeknight. Make him pay for everything you possibly can.

I’m guessing poster is a member of female dating strategy with advice like that

LemonTT · 20/08/2022 14:20

MayThe4th · 20/08/2022 13:07

No this isn’t true. He is responsible for paying maintenance but he’s not responsible for them being housed and the OP certainly wouldn’t have rights to stay in the house which he owns outright.

If he wanted to be able to guarantee the children were housed he could go to court for residency based on the fact that he has a house and the OP doesn’t. So be careful going down that route.

Show quote history

He does have responsibilities to house his children. This is set out in the children’s act. The OP can apply to the courts for a right to stay in the house if she can’t afford alternative suitable housing.

It is a different legal process than when you divorce that is all

OP seek advice on the Legal board where you will lawyers who can give you advice that is correct.

Rainbowqueeen · 20/08/2022 14:21

You’re wrong @Scepticalwotsits female dating strategy members would never have kids without being married. Or give up financial independence.

Sorry OP I’m not trying to derail the thread. This must be incredibly stressful for you. Womens aid may be able to help

newbiename · 20/08/2022 14:21

mosel · 20/08/2022 12:53

He also has no legal right to the kids is that correct?

Of course he does if they're his kids. Why would you think that?

tenbob · 20/08/2022 14:22

Sadly my best friend was in this exact situation…
He let her stay in the house for a bit but it was then sold and he kept all the equity, other than £1500 for her to use as a deposit for her rental flat
She had contributed to bills and the mortgage before their kids were born, and had then been a SAHM

she went to see a solicitor who said she might have a claim under Article something or other, but after spending a few grand on legal fees, she was ultimately told she had little chance of winning and it would be a waste of money to pursue it.

he also insists on having the kids 50:50, so that he doesn’t need to pay her any maintenance, but contributes towards their nursery fees (but it’s a term time only one, and he won’t pay childcare during the holidays which has made it really really hard for her to work)

Sorry, it’s so shit. I hope you can come to an amicable agreement